tbf Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 Anyone had an experience like this? You met your sig other and within days, you just "knew"?I "knew" he was trustworthy, upon first meet. It didn't take long before I "knew" he was the one! 1
happykat Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 what you "know" is that there's a lot of sexual attraction. not necessarily that he is the one or that you are compatible. Keep your eyes extra open, it's when you think "you know", that you tend to feel safe (without necessarily having sound basis to) and trust. careful, girl, slippery road ahead! Totally agree .. learned this lesson a few months ago myself.. Thought I "knew" and you know what they say -- if it seems to good to be true??
candie13 Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 I think attractive males get a lot of girls to feel special and think they're "the one". Strong charm can do that to a person. So not only does that feeling mean nothing but sexual attraction, but it's also possible to be one-sided. To me, that special feeling would make me believe it's for real only if my partner wouldn't be directly heading for the panties, but trying to get to know me, giving me space and time to marvel at the wonder of having met him and allowing me to fully experience the pleasure of this chemistry. Reassurance is extremely important to me, because man, if you believe this sh*t and take a fall... it stings like a f*cking bitch for a long time, afterwards ! 1
animalover Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 I think I am kind of having the same thing right now... I have never move so fast in a relationship with a woman but it just feel natural to be with her... I feel comfortable and I see our relationship is already special after one moth... while I have been even a year with a woman without getting this intense! Can I say she is the one? I can't but I can say she is special! 1
Woggle Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 I sort of knew from the start but I still took my time to know what I was getting into. My heart has lied to me before so I wanted to run it all through my brain and get it's final approval. When head and heart matched I agreed to marry her. Marriage is never something that should be done without careful thought. 3
Eternal Sunshine Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 I think you feel "it" for lots of people at first sight, but you only remember it with the one it worked out in the end. Selective memory. Overall, I don't think it's something you should rely on. 4
Revolver Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 And when you know you don't wait to have sex with that person. You just do
animalover Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 And when you know you don't wait to have sex with that person. You just do I don't think it has anything to do with sex... at all!
Emilia Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 I sort of knew from the start but I still took my time to know what I was getting into. My heart has lied to me before so I wanted to run it all through my brain and get it's final approval. When head and heart matched I agreed to marry her. Marriage is never something that should be done without careful thought. I think you feel "it" for lots of people at first sight, but you only remember it with the one it worked out in the end. Selective memory. Overall, I don't think it's something you should rely on. This. I see threads like this at least once a month, followed by 'we broke up' anywhere between 2 weeks and 6 months later. I think you know when you strongly connect with someone. Whether that person is good for you long term or whether you can trust someone instinctively without knowing the person well are completely different issues. 3
Els Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 As in, getting engaged after knowing each other for 6 months?? Whoa... I mean, maybe that's worked out fine for some, but I don't see how one can possibly know a person well enough after 6 months to be even reasonably sure that they want to spend the rest of their life with them. I think some people these days forget that whole "til death do us part" aspect of marriage... It's like some do it because it's "trendy". Pretty much this. It's one thing to know that the person is special, that you both connect in ways you never thought you'd connect with another... it's a whole different kettle of fish to know that you'll be compatible enough in all the important aspects to make 'til death do us part' work. So many stories of people marrying after 'whirlwind romances', only to divorce a couple of years later... and the common excuse is, "Well, how'd I know he/she'd be like this after a couple of years?" Yeah... you'd have a higher chance of knowing if you'd stuck around for a couple years before marrying, maybe. I frankly don't see why the rush to ascertain a partner's eligibility for marriage (and, more broadly, the rush for marriage in general). People asking, "Is he marriage material?" after two weeks... c'mon. There's no possible way you can get a reasonably good answer to that in two weeks, not even two months. It's like some people have the altar as the light at the end of the tunnel in their minds and are in a perpetual rush to chug towards it ASAP... why? Stages in life and relationships are there for a reason. If two people genuinely believe they have a good chance at 'forever', how does it hurt to wait a little? A few years isn't much in comparison to 'forever'. IMO people tend to see marriage as a 'right now' kind of thing rather than a genuine commitment for the rest of their lives. If they love the person and are committed to them, they feel they should marry. Don't think that's the greatest idea, as the high divorce rate has indicated. 'Right-now' commitment is fairly easy to make, and that's what de facto relationships are for. 'Forever' commitment takes years for most people to know their relationship is capable of. 1
Mr_Flay Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 Do situations when you know, but the other person doesn't share the same opinion also count, or does it have to be mutual? 'Cause I've had a similar feeling in the past, only those girls didn't want to have anything with me.
animalover Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 Pretty much this. It's one thing to know that the person is special, that you both connect in ways you never thought you'd connect with another... it's a whole different kettle of fish to know that you'll be compatible enough in all the important aspects to make 'til death do us part' work. So many stories of people marrying after 'whirlwind romances', only to divorce a couple of years later... and the common excuse is, "Well, how'd I know he/she'd be like this after a couple of years?" Yeah... you'd have a higher chance of knowing if you'd stuck around for a couple years before marrying, maybe. I frankly don't see why the rush to ascertain a partner's eligibility for marriage (and, more broadly, the rush for marriage in general). People asking, "Is he marriage material?" after two weeks... c'mon. There's no possible way you can get a reasonably good answer to that in two weeks, not even two months. It's like some people have the altar as the light at the end of the tunnel in their minds and are in a perpetual rush to chug towards it ASAP... why? Stages in life and relationships are there for a reason. If two people genuinely believe they have a good chance at 'forever', how does it hurt to wait a little? A few years isn't much in comparison to 'forever'. IMO people tend to see marriage as a 'right now' kind of thing rather than a genuine commitment for the rest of their lives. If they love the person and are committed to them, they feel they should marry. Don't think that's the greatest idea, as the high divorce rate has indicated. 'Right-now' commitment is fairly easy to make, and that's what de facto relationships are for. 'Forever' commitment takes years for most people to know their relationship is capable of. Actually there are two different things discussed here... I totally agree that people should not rush into conclusions and before you speak about marriage you need to know not only that you have a great click with someone and that you have a very special feeling with that person but to know that you both are compatibles... and that only comes with time... I do believe in the feeling of "this is the one".. .because I have felt it... what do I say... I am feeling it right now! I feel comfortable and she has made me feel with an intensity I have never had at this stage of the relationship... But I don't intend to marry her.. not at this moment of time... (who knows what the future will bring us). For now I just enjoy the feelings that she generates in me! 1
Author Drseussgrrl Posted February 21, 2013 Author Posted February 21, 2013 I don't think there's really any correlation between how long someone dated to how successful their marriages/relationships are. I quoted quite a few examples of cases where they DID know, got engaged/married quickly and they DID work out. I have more, too. I think mostly it boils down to timing, knowing what you want, and the maturity of the individuals involved. Chemistry and fireworks are all grand but it's not going to cut it if you're dating someone who's simply addicted to that initial high. 1
candie13 Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 or afraid to commit - don't know which one's worse.
Els Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 I don't think there's really any correlation between how long someone dated to how successful their marriages/relationships are. I quoted quite a few examples of cases where they DID know, got engaged/married quickly and they DID work out. I have more, too. I think mostly it boils down to timing, knowing what you want, and the maturity of the individuals involved. Chemistry and fireworks are all grand but it's not going to cut it if you're dating someone who's simply addicted to that initial high. I don't think anyone's trying to make claims of general correlation in the population. I definitely don't think there's a correlation, especially as any data gathered would be skewed by different reasons for choosing to marry or remain married, all of which might not be genuine. Neither are we denying that it can work out. All we, or at least I, am saying, is that there seems to be a trend of rushing into marriage only to encounter huge problems and dissolve a few years later, problems that would have been found out prior to marriage if the people involved had bade their time. Those people certainly thought they 'knew' before they got married... but clearly they were wrong. Which goes to answer your question. As Emilia says, 'I think you know when you strongly connect with someone. Whether that person is good for you long term (is a) completely different issue.'
Imported Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 LOL thanks. I'm not necessarily talking about myself. But I have had a lot of friends recently get engaged in about 6 months and it just seems to be the way it happens when you "know". Also, these are all folks who had either been engaged/married before, too, so they're not exactly naive or young. Interesting stuff. I am not sure that qualifies them as knowing what they are doing. Obviously it didn't work the first time and here they are full speed ahead, meeting and marring in 6 months. If that doesn't work out and they repeat again with even less time, does that mean they know even better now? I'd stand aside and hope for the best for them, but be prepared for a train wreck. You "just know" when you feel attraction. Love is something else. I have met too many women that I thought stuff.....lovey dovey stuff and I was wrong. Way off. I wouldn't think marriage till at the very least 2+ years of being with each other. I know too many guys paying $$$ for another adult that they are no longer married to or whom are in loveless marriages. I don't want to be one of those guys and actively make sure I don't make their mistakes. 2
candie13 Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 hum, I am 100% for the wait and get to know people. But... if you're both in your 30's, connect great and both believe in marriage... I would understand why they'd feel tempted to jump and... I don't know, start a family, maybe. Of course you need to find out how the other person is and if they don't have any major hidden flaws... but at some point, you need to take that leap of faith. Cannot wait around forever. Or search for warranties forever. sometimes, if you want to have children... you can't really afford to wait. What do you do then? 2
Author Drseussgrrl Posted February 21, 2013 Author Posted February 21, 2013 Ha. At this point in the game I'd never wait two years. I waited three in my last relationship and that crashed and burned, only to have him meet "the one" and pop the question to her in less than a year. Different strokes for different folks.
Els Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 My observation has been that a lot of people who are single in their late 30s and beyond, are single because they rushed into marriage in their 20s and it crashed and burned. Not that there's anything wrong with being single and divorced per se, if you're happy. But it seems slightly counterproductive to rush into marriage and a family because you're in a rush for time - sometimes it seems like it just backfires and makes things worse. At any rate, everyone's certainly free to do what they want to do. And sometimes quick marriages really do work out - most of the people I know in stable marriages lasting 30+ years actually spent at least a couple years together before it, by their accounts - my parents had 7 years under their belt before they tied the knot. But I do know one who got married after less than a year. But then why ask for opinions when you have already decided for yourself?
candie13 Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 it's bad to generalize. you don't know what there are people in their 30's single - late or early. Only asking that question is a bit insulting - like there's anything wrong with them. It's not. Personally, I am using this forum to ask questions and mentally explore options. I am under no pressure to have kids now, but irrespective if I would be in a committed relationship or not, I bet that by 36, I'll start feeling that pressure very strongly, as I will be running out of time. Biological clock is nature's dirty trick on women, if you ask me!
Els Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 I specifically said there was nothing wrong with it as long as they're happy. I most certainly don't ask people about their previous history, it's something they divulge off their own bat. I'm not exactly irc33.
Author Drseussgrrl Posted February 21, 2013 Author Posted February 21, 2013 My observation has been that a lot of people who are single in their late 30s and beyond, are single because they rushed into marriage in their 20s and it crashed and burned. Not that there's anything wrong with being single and divorced per se, if you're happy. But it seems slightly counterproductive to rush into marriage and a family because you're in a rush for time - sometimes it seems like it just backfires and makes things worse. At any rate, everyone's certainly free to do what they want to do. And sometimes quick marriages really do work out - most of the people I know in stable marriages lasting 30+ years actually spent at least a couple years together before it, by their accounts - my parents had 7 years under their belt before they tied the knot. But I do know one who got married after less than a year. But then why ask for opinions when you have already decided for yourself? Well, my OP was asking if anyone else had ever had it happen to them. Not necessarily asking for opinions. But natural discussion tends to lead that way. A lot of my girlfriends were completely single up til their 30's. Lots of career minded women in DC. When they decided they were ready for the family, they met nice dudes and got married rather quickly, and babies were not far behind. At 33, I just don't see why I'd date someone longer than a year before "knowing". I've already grown into the woman I'm meant to be and I am happy with myself. I've achieved lots of cool things professionally and personally. I dunno - I just feel "ready". And after dating lots of different types I know what I'm looking for.
Imported Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 I have known people that were married for longer than 10 years, seemed very happy with each other, living a fairy tale life. And then they get divorced and the truth comes out. 10 years wasted because they rushed into it and kept trying to make it work because they are too afraid. That is worse than people that get divorced within a year of marrying each other. At least they didn't waste as much time. My parents have been married for over 40 years. My grandparents have been married for nearly 100 years. I don't look at people that are in a seemingly happy marriage for 10 years as anything special. For all I know, they should have given up 9 years ago and stopped wasting their time. If that is the case, it will eventually end. Me, I have time. 2 years getting to know a girl is acceptable. If she pushes for marriage in 6 months, I'd have to reconsider even being with her. Seems desperate. There has to be a reason. Not that women are cars, but when I go buy a car, I don't just all of a sudden walk onto a car lot and pick a car that seems cool. I research the hell out of it and think, rethink, think again. Every time I rush...and I didn't have to rush, results reflect my rushing. Every time I take my time, consider everything, read the ****ing manual, know what I am doing before doing it....perfection. I am so ****ing good sometimes it is like art masterpiece. Too many women out there to rush with one. I am concerned about having children if she is too old. My solution, younger women.
Author Drseussgrrl Posted February 21, 2013 Author Posted February 21, 2013 I have known people that were married for longer than 10 years, seemed very happy with each other, living a fairy tale life. And then they get divorced and the truth comes out. 10 years wasted because they rushed into it and kept trying to make it work because they are too afraid. That is worse than people that get divorced within a year of marrying each other. At least they didn't waste as much time. My parents have been married for over 40 years. My grandparents have been married for nearly 100 years. I don't look at people that are in a seemingly happy marriage for 10 years as anything special. For all I know, they should have given up 9 years ago and stopped wasting their time. If that is the case, it will eventually end. Me, I have time. 2 years getting to know a girl is acceptable. If she pushes for marriage in 6 months, I'd have to reconsider even being with her. Seems desperate. There has to be a reason. Not that women are cars, but when I go buy a car, I don't just all of a sudden walk onto a car lot and pick a car that seems cool. I research the hell out of it and think, rethink, think again. Every time I rush...and I didn't have to rush, results reflect my rushing. Every time I take my time, consider everything, read the ****ing manual, know what I am doing before doing it....perfection. I am so ****ing good sometimes it is like art masterpiece. Too many women out there to rush with one. I am concerned about having children if she is too old. My solution, younger women. As in life and love (and cars and women) there are simply no guarantees.
Els Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 Well, my OP was asking if anyone else had ever had it happen to them. Not necessarily asking for opinions. But natural discussion tends to lead that way. A lot of my girlfriends were completely single up til their 30's. Lots of career minded women in DC. When they decided they were ready for the family, they met nice dudes and got married rather quickly, and babies were not far behind. At 33, I just don't see why I'd date someone longer than a year before "knowing". I've already grown into the woman I'm meant to be and I am happy with myself. I've achieved lots of cool things professionally and personally. I dunno - I just feel "ready". And after dating lots of different types I know what I'm looking for. Ah, okay, I gotcha. Again, I don't think there is anything wrong with their choices. Simply reiterating the risks. I've seen way too many marriages fail because the people involved rushed into it, because they felt they had 'no time left'. They end up either living a life of misery, or cutting their losses and then having 'even less time left'. The biological clock sucks for women, but men are not exempt even if they think they are, because the age of the father does impact the likelihood of genetic disorders in the offspring as well. Is there an easy solution? I don't know.
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