areejjaved Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 Okay so consider a couple who are sooo in love with eachother but then the boy asked his girlfriend to get physical with him. First, the girl said no to him by saying that she aint ready to do that but then the boy put all this crappy drama on.. And she felt the pressure and the said yes to him. Then one day, they got a chance to get laid and the boy makes a move but the girl got shy and all and stopped him... And after three months the boy brokeup with her and blamed the girl for ruining their love. So i want to ask all of you guys that did the boy do the right thing? Was it the girl's fault that she said yes under pressure and when it was time she stopped him? If u were that guy what would u have done with your girlfriend?
Submisfit Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 Compatibility doesn't just mean personality. If the sexual goals of the two are at ends, and cannot be reconciled, they shouldn't be together. Pressuring a partner into something they really don't want to do (sex or otherwise) is bull****, and the guy would be in the wrong there. Either partner can say "no" or "stop" at any time, and their wishes should be respected. It doesn't matter if I'm 10 seconds from finishing; if my partner says stop, I stop. Revoking consent is acceptable and really very normal, and in your scenario, the girl did nothing wrong. 2
MrCastle Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 I would never be exclusive with a girl who I hadn't slept with yet. What even is that? Wake up people. 3
hppr Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 How old are you? If you're under 18, a virgin, never done this before then I'd say it's okay - neither you nor he were in the wrong. However if you are an adult, you've had sex before, well...I would say that you scared him off. That doesn't mean it's "your fault" per se but that if you wanted to keep him you should have gotten physical with him. 1
Robman9911 Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 Agreed its not the girls fault, and the boy was a bit of a jerk but wanting to wait for sex will narrow her dating pool for sure no matter her age. Especially if she over 25. 1
Disenchantedly Yours Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 Okay so consider a couple who are sooo in love with eachother but then the boy asked his girlfriend to get physical with him. First, the girl said no to him by saying that she aint ready to do that but then the boy put all this crappy drama on.. And she felt the pressure and the said yes to him. Then one day, they got a chance to get laid and the boy makes a move but the girl got shy and all and stopped him... And after three months the boy brokeup with her and blamed the girl for ruining their love. So i want to ask all of you guys that did the boy do the right thing? Was it the girl's fault that she said yes under pressure and when it was time she stopped him? If u were that guy what would u have done with your girlfriend? I think they both where at fault. Him for putting pressure on her to do something she wasn't ready to do and causing drama about it. Her for not being hoenst about what she truly wanted and instead of being honest about her feelings, pretending she was okay with moving to that next level. They both have responsibility here. I don't think the boy should be blaming her. I think the boy needs a little time to learn about what relationships are really about. Real love takes time to cultivate and grow. Relationships come in stages. They aren't just "bam", magic and love. I think the boy needs to learn how to let a girl feel free to express who she really is and see if it can work with what he wants or not. Just because the girl wasn't currently ready for sex, doesn't mean she will always feel that way. But the boy has to ask himself why he in that relationship with that girl to begin with. For sex, or because of her. It's understandable that the boy wants to have sex with her, but it's not cool to pressure or guilt her for not performing when *he* is ready. Sometimes, relationships require compromise. 2
laaddict Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 Okay so consider a couple who are sooo in love with eachother but then the boy asked his girlfriend to get physical with him. First, the girl said no to him by saying that she aint ready to do that but then the boy put all this crappy drama on.. And she felt the pressure and the said yes to him. Then one day, they got a chance to get laid and the boy makes a move but the girl got shy and all and stopped him... And after three months the boy brokeup with her and blamed the girl for ruining their love. So i want to ask all of you guys that did the boy do the right thing? Was it the girl's fault that she said yes under pressure and when it was time she stopped him? If u were that guy what would u have done with your girlfriend? I guess it is different for different cultures after reading some replies. For me though, if I had a girl, and I LOVED her and thought we were compatible and wanted to spend the rest of my life with her, a little thing like sex would not get in the way for me. We literally have the rest of our lives to have sex. But I am a virgin and would want to get married to one, or at least lose our virginity to each other (ideally not a hard rule). You should maybe tell him the following: I like you, I want to be with you, I wont get mad when you try to pressure me into sex, but that means you will have to not get mad if I reject your advances. 1
ChessPieceFace Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 I would never be exclusive with a girl who I hadn't slept with yet. What even is that? ... Morality?
ls32ssibm Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 I would never be exclusive with a girl who I hadn't slept with yet. What even is that? Wake up people. I disagree, Castle. Any serious relationship, I believe, is best exclusive than wait a reasonable amount of time before sex. I wouldn't sleep with a girl, then leave the window open for her to bang other dudes before I asked her to be exclusive. But that's just me. Also, I'm not saying don't bang chicks when you get the chance. I'm saying the ones you want to be serious with - are worth the wait.
MrCastle Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 I disagree, Castle. Any serious relationship, I believe, is best exclusive than wait a reasonable amount of time before sex. I wouldn't sleep with a girl, then leave the window open for her to bang other dudes before I asked her to be exclusive. But that's just me. Also, I'm not saying don't bang chicks when you get the chance. I'm saying the ones you want to be serious with - are worth the wait. Disagree completely. Sex is a part of life. It's healthy, and it's very important to have in a relationship. How can you commit to someone before knowing if you are physically compatible? That's not a relationship. That's a friendship. They can make you wait without having you commit to them exclusively.
candie13 Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 Okay so consider a couple who are sooo in love with eachother but then the boy asked his girlfriend to get physical with him. First, the girl said no to him by saying that she aint ready to do that but then the boy put all this crappy drama on.. And she felt the pressure and the said yes to him. Then one day, they got a chance to get laid and the boy makes a move but the girl got shy and all and stopped him... And after three months the boy brokeup with her and blamed the girl for ruining their love. So i want to ask all of you guys that did the boy do the right thing? Was it the girl's fault that she said yes under pressure and when it was time she stopped him? If u were that guy what would u have done with your girlfriend? I'd put the bloody cops on him, because you seem so under 18 ! Listen, you will have the rest of your life to sleep with all sort of guys, sometimes after a short while, other times after a longer period of time. Sometimes because you wanted it really bad, other times because he wanted it really bad. I think the first time should be special, with a guy who loves you and treats you with kindness, and whom you love right back. And that means NO PRESSURE. Don't give in to feelings of guilt, you've done nothing wrong. Even if it's not your first time, if you don't feel right, you should absolutely not go ahead with it. While I agree with testing the waters with other people, until I become intimate and thus exclusive, sometimes - quite rarely - you meet a person who is just so right that playing the field seems wrong. And the other person might feel the same. If this is what you want for your first time, I think you should not settle. 1
candie13 Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 Disagree completely. Sex is a part of life. It's healthy, and it's very important to have in a relationship. How can you commit to someone before knowing if you are physically compatible? That's not a relationship. That's a friendship. They can make you wait without having you commit to them exclusively. I agree to that, when you're in the 20's or 30's. Teenagers function a bit differently, remember ? 1
Author areejjaved Posted February 21, 2013 Author Posted February 21, 2013 Hmm.. Well we both are under 18.. And i also dont think that we should hurry in getting physical.. Kissing and hugging are different.. I had no problem with it but sleeping together that made me nervous because i've never done it and we were together for only 3months at that time.. And since the night i stopped him, he kept blaming me for breaking his heart, for ruining our love and all.. I spent 2012 with this guilt inside of me that the guy that i loved sooo much and the guy that i wanted to spend my life with, i broke his heart.. On the other hand my ex kept blaming without realizing how hard i was taking his words.. It used to kill me second by second. I started trying harder than ever but he just never used to appreciate it since the day i stopped him.. So at the start of 2013 i was all tired of trying hard and him keep dumping me every month of 2012.. I brokeup with him.. And now its just the end of us.. And i dont care now who's fault it was.. I just dont care :/
ls32ssibm Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 Disagree completely. Sex is a part of life. It's healthy, and it's very important to have in a relationship. How can you commit to someone before knowing if you are physically compatible? That's not a relationship. That's a friendship. They can make you wait without having you commit to them exclusively. Well, because, the ones actually worth dating won't put out until your exclusive anyway. Again, this is from experience. The ones that put out beforehand are typically trashy and can't be trusted in a relationship anyway. I'm sure there are exceptions, but I haven't met them.
Disenchantedly Yours Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 Hmm.. Well we both are under 18.. And i also dont think that we should hurry in getting physical.. Kissing and hugging are different.. I had no problem with it but sleeping together that made me nervous because i've never done it and we were together for only 3months at that time.. And since the night i stopped him, he kept blaming me for breaking his heart, for ruining our love and all.. I spent 2012 with this guilt inside of me that the guy that i loved sooo much and the guy that i wanted to spend my life with, i broke his heart.. On the other hand my ex kept blaming without realizing how hard i was taking his words.. It used to kill me second by second. I started trying harder than ever but he just never used to appreciate it since the day i stopped him.. So at the start of 2013 i was all tired of trying hard and him keep dumping me every month of 2012.. I brokeup with him.. And now its just the end of us.. And i dont care now who's fault it was.. I just dont care :/ Areejjaved, the right guy won't have his heart broken just because you are not ready to sleep with him yet. This guy is totally pouting and throwing a tantrum just because he didn't get his way on demand. He is selfish and immature. That part of this situation is totally his fault. You did not kill "the love" just because you didn't spread your legs. It wasn't real love to begin with if he could leave you over that. You need to stand up for what is good for *you*. Sometimes that might mean that men will turn away from you and other times, when you have the right guy, he will be willing to compromise with you. You have to be prepared that some of the men you date won't match what is right for yourself and that they might leave. But you have to always remain true to yourself. If you are not ready to sleep with a man, don't. If he pressures you unreasonably, he is not a cool guy. If he throws a fit and blames you for killing the relationship because you didn't sleep with him, he is not a good guy at all. You're young so you will learn. But I hope I can spare you a little heart ache and I hope you really pay attention to my advice. 1
hppr Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 (edited) Lots of young guys try to guilt trip girls into the sack with them, don't worry about it. 3month long relationship when under 18 is pretty meaningless and just "kid stuff" anyways. Edited February 21, 2013 by hppr
Author areejjaved Posted February 21, 2013 Author Posted February 21, 2013 You all are right.. Thats why i broke up with him.. I might have taken a long time to realize it because i guess i wasnt ready to let go of him.. But i get it now.. And there's no way im getting back together with him.. I just have to let it all go away.. And i know its for my own good Thx ya'll 1
Keenly Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 ... Morality? Morality is in the eye of the beholder. Personally there is no way I could consider myself in love with some one of we haven't even experienced the physical part of our relationship yet. 1
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