miss_jaclynrae Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 How do/would you feel about your significant other having close friends of the opposite sex? What circumstances would you be OK with and what ones would you not? Are there "boundaries" you would set for the friendship?
pteromom Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 I would have no issue, as long as they are truly only friends and she has no ulterior motive. I would try to become her friend as well. 1
ls32ssibm Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 Basically; Men = Not allowed to have female friends. Women = "I have a lot of guy friends, I hope that's okay". In my experience. 7
Author miss_jaclynrae Posted February 20, 2013 Author Posted February 20, 2013 Basically; Men = Not allowed to have female friends. Women = "I have a lot of guy friends, I hope that's okay". In my experience. Wasn't my question. And I have one male friend, and I rarely even see him. We don't even talk that often and when we do it is maybe lunch every few months. All of my girlfriends don't have any guy friends either... soooooo...
Casablanca Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 Doesn't bother me at all, one of my best friends is female, I have two other close female friends, one of whom is married, the other is not. Only one that would be an issue for me would be being close friends with an ex who they had slept with 1
Author miss_jaclynrae Posted February 20, 2013 Author Posted February 20, 2013 Doesn't bother me at all, one of my best friends is female, I have two other close female friends, one of whom is married, the other is not. Only one that would be an issue for me would be being close friends with an ex who they had slept with So it matters to you if they have had sex? What if they hadn't but were in a relationship? I don't see what the difference is. And when you say "best friends" what does that mean exactly?
gaius Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 It would annoy me to be honest. Which is pretty hypocritical since I have female friends. I don't think you can have a friendship between male/female where one isn't sexually attracted to the other. Which is why I don't meet up with my female friends in person when I'm dating someone. 2
Author miss_jaclynrae Posted February 20, 2013 Author Posted February 20, 2013 It would annoy me to be honest. Which is pretty hypocritical since I have female friends. I don't think you can have a friendship between male/female where one isn't sexually attracted to the other. Which is why I don't meet up with my female friends in person when I'm dating someone. It seems a lot of men are pretty hypocritical about this. 1
Quest Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 If you get to meet your SO's female friends that's a good sign. I once dated a guy who kept telling me about this and that female friend, one of whom he went for walks with and sometimes to the movies with. They'd been friends before I met him. When I asked if I could join them he was continually evasive ... enough said about how that relatonship ended. I have lots of male friends and sometimes that's an issue when I first start to date a guy so I just make sure he knows there's nothing more than friendship there by making sure he meets my male friends. Most people's instincts are usually good enough to know when there's something not quite right about a situation.
Author miss_jaclynrae Posted February 20, 2013 Author Posted February 20, 2013 If you get to meet your SO's female friends that's a good sign. I once dated a guy who kept telling me about this and that female friend, one of whom he went for walks with and sometimes to the movies with. They'd been friends before I met him. When I asked if I could join them he was continually evasive ... enough said about how that relatonship ended. I have lots of male friends and sometimes that's an issue when I first start to date a guy so I just make sure he knows there's nothing more than friendship there by making sure he meets my male friends. Most people's instincts are usually good enough to know when there's something not quite right about a situation. But how much time do you truly spend with these male friends? Are the men you date typically OK with it?
Casablanca Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 So it matters to you if they have had sex? What if they hadn't but were in a relationship? I don't see what the difference is. And when you say "best friends" what does that mean exactly? An ex doesnt bother me, sex though changes a lot IMO. It has always been more awkward around ex's whom I was intimate with than those who we didn't fool around And by best friend, I mean one of my two best friends...my friend Lindsey, if she was a man, she'd be my best man if I ever got married.
todreaminblue Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 How do/would you feel about your significant other having close friends of the opposite sex? What circumstances would you be OK with and what ones would you not? Are there "boundaries" you would set for the friendship? I wouldnt have a problem with a guy having close female friends or even exes as long as it wasnt lunch dates or nights out together.....alone.......i have male friends.....two of them exes...the guy i was with would hopefully trust me.....i would understand insecurity....so i would not go on alone dates and would respect his point of view......if ti came to the crunch.......i would always choose the guy i was with if it was upsetting him he is more important.......would make me a little unsure of whether he had trust in me though...if the male friend made a move i would be decisive in ending it before telling the boyfriend i had why......the friendship ended......deb
Author miss_jaclynrae Posted February 20, 2013 Author Posted February 20, 2013 An ex doesnt bother me, sex though changes a lot IMO. It has always been more awkward around ex's whom I was intimate with than those who we didn't fool around And by best friend, I mean one of my two best friends...my friend Lindsey, if she was a man, she'd be my best man if I ever got married. What I mean is time wise, how often are you alone with her? Would you be comfortable with your significant other having the same type of relationship only with a man?
strawberryshortstack Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 How do/would you feel about your significant other having close friends of the opposite sex? What circumstances would you be OK with and what ones would you not? Are there "boundaries" you would set for the friendship? I've never believed in the concept of letting go of friendships just because you're in a relationship. That's just silly, and I know from personal experience that men and women CAN be friends. I have many male friends who are just that. They're married, single, in relationships, completely unattached - it doesn't matter. I set boundaries, and so do they. I would never ask my boyfriend to stop being friends with any of his friends based solely on their gender. His best friend happens to be female. They even dated a few years ago, and decided they were better as friends. She is now my friend too, and I trust them both to not let it go beyond friendship. The way I see it, if you feel the need to forbid a friendship, that means you don't truly trust your partner, and have no reason being with him/her. 2
candie13 Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 I have a few male friends. Some I see on one to one basis, others I see in a group. I have kissed with one of them - when I was quite intoxicated. I guess I just wanted to be sure that that's all I'm ever going to feel. I was right. I wish I'd been smarter and had kept more male friends around me, if you ask me. I don't see them a whole lot, though. Those who are in my group of friends, I see regularly. The other who I see on one-to-one basis, I see more rarely - one every two weeks, maybe... or even less often - one of them has a gf, the other one is traveling a lot. I would never give any of them up for any bf. And to tell you the truth, the blokes I saw so far didn't get that much interest in me or my friends - too busy talking about themselves !
Author miss_jaclynrae Posted February 20, 2013 Author Posted February 20, 2013 I've never believed in the concept of letting go of friendships just because you're in a relationship. That's just silly, and I know from personal experience that men and women CAN be friends. I have many male friends who are just that. They're married, single, in relationships, completely unattached - it doesn't matter. I set boundaries, and so do they. I would never ask my boyfriend to stop being friends with any of his friends based solely on their gender. His best friend happens to be female. They even dated a few years ago, and decided they were better as friends. She is now my friend too, and I trust them both to not let it go beyond friendship. The way I see it, if you feel the need to forbid a friendship, that means you don't truly trust your partner, and have no reason being with him/her. Oh, I agree completely... what I am referring to though is the dynamics of those friendships. Would you be ok with your man spending alone time with a female friend? Would you request to meet her? How would you feel about him canceling plans with you to spend time with her? This really has nothing to do with me and my relationship. The boyfriend has a few female friends, but we also have our boundaries for them. I have met them, he tells me about what they did, stays in contact, one of which I am gradually becoming pretty close with. He also however has never felt the need to spend "alone time" with any of them and I greatly value that. I come first, always. I love that. He comes first for me as well.
StanMusial Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 I don't think it's a big deal. One red flag I look for is if a girl ONLY has male friends and no girl friends. I dated a girl like that once. It just seemed very odd to me. I have met other girls who said they don't get along with other women so they only have male friends. I think it says something about their personality.
candie13 Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 Oh, I agree completely... what I am referring to though is the dynamics of those friendships. Would you be ok with your man spending alone time with a female friend? Would you request to meet her? How would you feel about him canceling plans with you to spend time with her? I dated a guy who had tons of female friends. I mean tons. Some he'd see on one to one basis, others not. I found the whole thing ridiculous, I didn't have the time to meet all those girls. Figured he was happier with all that female attention that with a lot of attention from just one woman. I think he still doesn't know, he's still trying to figure stuff out. His problem, not mine, I refuse to clean up anyone's life. It's important to have friends of the opposite sex, it gives one perspective. I don't expect friends of the opposite sex to have more importance than same sex friends. Unless that person goes through an especially traumatic event, I'd be pissed if he canceled plans with me to see his friend, on constant basis, irrespective if same sex or opposite sex.
Soxfaninfl Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 Me personally I don't like it if my significant other has a male friend unless he's gay lol. I'm a jealous I would deal with it, but I wouldn't like it. I do have two female friends. One is married and the other is divorced with three kids. I only talked to the married one once a month. We don't talk as much as we used to. The divorced one, I talked to a couple of times a week via email. We do hang out occasionally with our kids. I met the divorced one in a divorce support group.
MrCastle Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 She can talk to them as long and as often as she wants via phone, texting, email, facebook, etc. If they are gonna meet in person, I have to be here. I am a straight man. I can spot their game from a mile away. No straight male "friend" is going to see my girlfriend without me. 3
Author miss_jaclynrae Posted February 20, 2013 Author Posted February 20, 2013 Me personally I don't like it if my significant other has a male friend unless he's gay lol. I'm a jealous I would deal with it, but I wouldn't like it. I do have two female friends. One is married and the other is divorced with three kids. I only talked to the married one once a month. We don't talk as much as we used to. The divorced one, I talked to a couple of times a week via email. We do hang out occasionally with our kids. I met the divorced one in a divorce support group. So you wouldn't like it if she had male friends but you are able to have female friends? She can talk to them as long and as often as she wants via phone, texting, email, facebook, etc. If they are gonna meet in person, I have to be here. I am a straight man. I can spot their game from a mile away. No straight male "friend" is going to see my girlfriend without me. So you would be ok with your girlfriend talking frequently with another man? What if it was flirty? How would meeting up change anything? Do you have female friends?
MrCastle Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 So you would be ok with your girlfriend talking frequently with another man? [/Quote] Not *okay*, but I'm not her father. I'm not gonna get all crazy insecure and tell her who she can and can't talk to. Unless it was really over the line. Other than that, she is an adult, and my girlfriend, and I'd trust her. How would meeting up change anything?[/Quote] Because you can't have sex over the phone. Do you have female friends? No. I don't believe in having female friends.
Soxfaninfl Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 So you wouldn't like it if she had male friends but you are able to have female friends? Like I said I'm a jealous guy. I'm insecure now since my wife if 11 years cheated on me. I have never cheated in my 37 years on this planet. So the women I would be with would never have to worry.
strawberryshortstack Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 Oh, I agree completely... what I am referring to though is the dynamics of those friendships. Would you be ok with your man spending alone time with a female friend? Yes, I am okay with him spending time alone with her. I'm not always able to be there with him, and I don't expect him to not spend time with her just because I'm not there too. If I happen to be there too, and I am on the weekends, then we all hang out together. (and I always get time alone with him as well, of course) Would you request to meet her? I would have, but I didn't need to. He introduced us 3 weeks into dating, and was completely honest with me about their history. How would you feel about him canceling plans with you to spend time with her? I can't answer this, since it's never happened and I don't honestly know how I'd react. I think that it won't be an issue, because we all get along so well, and unless it's a special occasion (such as V-day, or an anniversary), she's usually invited along when we go out for the day. I'm not threatened by her at all. I've had relationships in the past with men who had female friends and I was extremely uncomfortable with it. It really comes down to trust and setting and sticking to boundaries.
veggirl Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 I don't have male friends. Acquantances yeah but friends that I call a lot or get together one on one, no. I don't date guys who are really friends with girls. Again, acquaintence, fine, but close friendship nah, just would rather not go there. My first boyfriend (college) had tons of girl friends, but...this was college so it was more normal. It did turn me off to it though, most of the girl "friends" hated me because they had crushes on him. They would invite him to be their "date as a friend" to sorority s.hit and stuff. Not cool! My bf doesn't have any close girl friends. It works out 3
Recommended Posts