AverageCat Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 So long story short I've found my 1 week "new" gf, creep on 2 of her last exes profiles on facebook. When she left her facebook open one day I found on her activity log, that she was creeping on them almost every day. (a lot more than she was creeping on mine). They both cheated on her and hurt her and what not, but I honestly thought she was over them... Other than that everything else seems to be going well... Reason for concern?
Keenly Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 I'm going to go ahead and say yeah you should be concerned.... but as to the level of concern you should have varies on what kind of girl she is.
KraftDinner Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 I think she should be concerned that you look at her activity log. No, creeping on exes is not unusual. 3
Author AverageCat Posted February 20, 2013 Author Posted February 20, 2013 I think she should be concerned that you look at her activity log. No, creeping on exes is not unusual. Wouldnt that mean that she is more interested/curious in their lives than mine?
veggirl Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 I would have a problem with that. If she is over her exes she wouldn't be checking their Facebooks daily. Seriously, I don't give one hoot about my exes, so it'd never even cross my mind to check their FBs. If she did it ONCE, that is idle curiosity, but over and over again? No. 3
ChessPieceFace Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 It doesn't necessarily mean anything. Could be mostly curiosity. If she hasn't messaged them it's almost an invasion of privacy into her MIND. What if everyone knew what everyone else was THINKING? It would be hard to trust anyone, ever.
Author AverageCat Posted February 20, 2013 Author Posted February 20, 2013 Ok let's not talk about me invading her privacy. I know what I did is wrong (and am not doing it again), but that is not the point of this thread. 2
Untouchable_Fire Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 Ok let's not talk about me invading her privacy. I know what I did is wrong (and am not doing it again), but that is not the point of this thread. I wouldn't check her facebook again... more for your piece of mind than anything else. If her last 2 BF's cheated... then there is a good chance she will cheat. Victims tend to repeat cycles like that. 2
ChessPieceFace Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 If her last 2 BF's cheated... then there is a good chance she will cheat. Victims tend to repeat cycles like that. Uhh where is your scientific evidence for THAT? You date someone who cheats and then you are a cheater? Last I checked, cheating wasn't an STD. 1
Author AverageCat Posted February 20, 2013 Author Posted February 20, 2013 If her last 2 BF's cheated... then there is a good chance she will cheat. Victims tend to repeat cycles like that. I honestly think this is pure BS... Then honestly I am really confused as to her level of commitment to me if she keeps checking these other guys on facebook .... 1
miss_jaclynrae Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 I creep. Not often, but I totally do. Curiosity. Trust me when I say I have no urge to get back with ANY of my exes. It is more interesting than anything to see where life has taken them. 4
Author AverageCat Posted February 20, 2013 Author Posted February 20, 2013 (edited) I creep. Not often, but I totally do. Curiosity. Trust me when I say I have no urge to get back with ANY of my exes. It is more interesting than anything to see where life has taken them. Do you creep on your current bfs profile as much? I mean curiosity in my mind is part of attraction. If you're curious about something, you wanna know more about it and therefore are attracted to know more about it. If an ex of yours met you on the subway and offered you to catch up with a friendly smile , would you? And if yes, what is to say that spark wont come back up. Cheers, AC EDIT: And lastly, these are all guys who were begging her to get back with them up to a point. Meaning that if she wanted, they would probably get her back in a heartbeat. Edited February 20, 2013 by AverageCat
Brunettie Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 There is an activity log on facebook? Where? And, to answer your question, I don't really think it's weird enough to worry about. I mean, it's weird, but don't wrack your brains out over it.
Author AverageCat Posted February 22, 2013 Author Posted February 22, 2013 There is an activity log on facebook? Where? And, to answer your question, I don't really think it's weird enough to worry about. I mean, it's weird, but don't wrack your brains out over it. Yes there is. on your profile screen. And I am really confused. She constantly searches for these 4 guys. almost every day.... And my problem is... she never searches for me really. I've fallen for people before and you usually keep looking at their facebook... almost subconsciously... and if she doesn't do it.... wouldn't that mean she is not into me that much?
Archgirl Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 Is this your FWB? I almost want to say congrats. Then I felt bad. I think you need to maybe stop looking for things that are wrong before you make them materialise. That is four guys, not 'someone' special, for all you know, now that she is happy she is checking to see that they are more miserable. You just can't know and you getting stuck on it mentally will make it into a problem regardless. 1
tman666 Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 If she's searching these guys every day, I'd be a little worried. I think it's pretty normal to "creep" on exes on fb (that's why it was invented, right?), but if these guys are on her mind every single day, it could indicate that she has residual baggage. It might also just be morbid curiosity. I think that FB can act like an addictive drug. I rarely post on FB or use it to really interact with anyone, yet I still find myself on it every day, perusing through peoples' details and status updates. Despite not really getting much out of FB anymore, I've been on the damn thing for so long now that it's basically part of my daily routine (at least when I'm near my computer) to check it. Often, I'll find myself logging on mindlessly, and even worse, repeatedly (as in, I'll log on, stay on for a couple of minutes, close the page, and then be opening it up again 5 minutes later for no apparent reason). I don't mean to threadjack here, and I'm sure we could start an entire offshoot discussion about the potential pitfalls of online social networks, but what I'm saying is that your gf might be doing this completely mindlessly out of habit rather than consciously thinking about these guys. I wouldn't confront her about it. A person's online activities don't necessarily reflect reflect "real life". That said, you might want to proceed with some caution. It's one thing to look at an exes profile, but it's a whole different ball game if she starts interacting with them (wall posts, private messages, pokes, etc.).
SadSouls Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 That would worry me, maybe checking your ex's profile once a month or less just to see how they're getting on - or to have a laugh at their expense. But daily? Definitely not. 1
Author AverageCat Posted February 22, 2013 Author Posted February 22, 2013 Is this your FWB? I almost want to say congrats. Then I felt bad. I think you need to maybe stop looking for things that are wrong before you make them materialise. That is four guys, not 'someone' special, for all you know, now that she is happy she is checking to see that they are more miserable. You just can't know and you getting stuck on it mentally will make it into a problem regardless. Thanks ArchGirl.... The problem is... it hurts.... I am not the confrontational kind of guy. More chill, laid back. @TMan. No - no contact. Some of these guys have tried to make contact with her and she hasn't responded. If she does have contact with them I will call it over in heartbeat. And I do understand "habit", but that means they're still in her subconscious AND on top of that at the moment that she searches for them more than me, I feel devalued. If I look at it from my perspective - I am just searching her and occasionally other people. And I know what I feel for her. So if she felt the same wouldn't she act the same?
Archgirl Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 Thanks ArchGirl.... The problem is... it hurts.... I am not the confrontational kind of guy. More chill, laid back. @TMan. No - no contact. Some of these guys have tried to make contact with her and she hasn't responded. If she does have contact with them I will call it over in heartbeat. And I do understand "habit", but that means they're still in her subconscious AND on top of that at the moment that she searches for them more than me, I feel devalued. If I look at it from my perspective - I am just searching her and occasionally other people. And I know what I feel for her. So if she felt the same wouldn't she act the same? Look at it this way, I am seeing a guy I really like (not committed) but when I'm on here I flirt like crazy. With guys I am never going to meet. Because its fun and harmless but he is the one who cuddles me and makes me dinner and smacks me on the ass when I am cheeky. She has committed to you, she kisses you, she sleeps with you. You are the only one who is in her life in any important sense. Harden up dude 1
Author AverageCat Posted February 22, 2013 Author Posted February 22, 2013 Look at it this way, I am seeing a guy I really like (not committed) but when I'm on here I flirt like crazy. With guys I am never going to meet. Because its fun and harmless but he is the one who cuddles me and makes me dinner and smacks me on the ass when I am cheeky. She has committed to you, she kisses you, she sleeps with you. You are the only one who is in her life in any important sense. Harden up dude Do you make any effort for your man though? Suppose he would leave tomorrow would you start crying hysterically? Sometimes the only way to see how much someone cares about something is to take that something away and see how they react. If they don't make a big deal out of it then they probably never wanted it that badly in the first place. Long story short I feel like I'll be taken for granted really soon (or I am already). I make her feel good, but she is not obsessed over me and my life like other girls have been before. Ye I am usually very hardened up . When I come to this forum I can be a little pussy and compensate. 1
Archgirl Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 But I am sorry you're hurting Mr Charming-Cat:love: You can't give her your worth though. She can't 'de-value' you no matter if she did cheat because no one can do that, you are you. Funny, flirty, smart etc So no more. Because this is the last time I'm being nice and reassuring: I swear! You have to start doing it more for yourself
Archgirl Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 Do you make any effort for your man though? Suppose he would leave tomorrow would you start crying hysterically? Sometimes the only way to see how much someone cares about something is to take that something away and see how they react. If they don't make a big deal out of it then they probably never wanted it that badly in the first place. Long story short I feel like I'll be taken for granted really soon (or I am already). I make her feel good, but she is not obsessed over me and my life like other girls have been before. Ye I am usually very hardened up . When I come to this forum I can be a little pussy and compensate. Yes I would. But I'd be damned if I'd ever let him know that. I'm stubborn as f***. And i dont really work for him exactly, i mostly give him hell and never budge an inch. He just thinks it's funny and is so self assured that it just rolls right off. You are just used to being the one with all the power and this time you've caught yourself a cool chick.
Archgirl Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 Actually I lied, honestly I wouldn't cry hysterically, I can't remember the last time I did any such thing. But I would be horribly sad and hurt and miss him. And be damned sure he never knew.
Author AverageCat Posted February 22, 2013 Author Posted February 22, 2013 Ok roger that. I just need to stop procrastinating on my school studies. That leads to me doing the simplest most annoying things, like going over facebook, thinking about random ****, etc. However, honestly, you give your guy HELL - do not work for him... (which means I am assuming he does work a bit for you).... and that's stable?? And finally yes, I just hate having feelings. I wanna go break up with her. Suffer for a good week and be stubborn and go back to not caring and girls doing **** for me : D 1
RogerWallace111 Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 I wouldn't be down with my girl checking her ex's facebook page more than very occasionally. If she's doing that **** daily, that means they're on her mind constantly, which would trip me out if I were really putting myself into the relationship emotionally. Maybe I'm the proud type but I just don't take treatment that makes me feel like anything less than the only man she wants. Of course everyone is going to find other people attractive, etc, but I don't want a girlfriend who's got other guys on her mind in more than a fleeting, surface-level way.
Recommended Posts