LoverOfDance Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 So I met this guy on OkCupid. We talked 4 a few days and I eventually got his number. We texted back and forth and even talked about meeting. He said he was gonna teach me how to speak his native language and a few other things when we met. I was happy that he was actually looking forward to us meeting and saw it as a good sign. The problem however, is that he never initiated. I took that to be because I was the one who started talking to him first so he just left it to me to do all the work. It's been a few days now and I haven't heard from him nor have I texted him. Do I text him to see how he's doing or do I just move on since he doesn't seem to want to make any effort to initiate at all?
Drseussgrrl Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 If you're ok with picking up the slack when a dude gets lazy then text him. But just so you know you'll be setting yourself up to do that in the future with him also. Call me old school but he should be asking you out directly. 1
Author LoverOfDance Posted February 20, 2013 Author Posted February 20, 2013 Who initiated contact on okCupid? You or him? Me. He has never initiated
Author LoverOfDance Posted February 20, 2013 Author Posted February 20, 2013 How long is a few days? It's been 3 days now since our last convo.
Author LoverOfDance Posted February 20, 2013 Author Posted February 20, 2013 If you're ok with picking up the slack when a dude gets lazy then text him. But just so you know you'll be setting yourself up to do that in the future with him also. Call me old school but he should be asking you out directly. That is the exact reason why I haven't texted him. I feel like if he's not making much effort to initiate now, he'll probably be doing the same thing if we were to eventually end up in a relationship.
Lonely Ronin Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 It's been 3 days now since our last convo. Ok, that's not a long of time, for someone you have never meet. Maybe he was busy, maybe he isn't that into you, who knows why. Sit on your hands for a little while and wait for him to text/call. If he doesn't call in a few more days, text him if you really want to know, or else move on.
xpaperxcutx Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 That is the exact reason why I haven't texted him. I feel like if he's not making much effort to initiate now, he'll probably be doing the same thing if we were to eventually end up in a relationship. Why are you even contemplating a relationship when he hasn't even picked up the slack to ask you on a date? A man who doesn't initiate or show he is interested is only using you to pass the time. 3
Drseussgrrl Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 Now you know how us guys feel most of the time. Oh jesus here we go. 2
nessaaa Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 Hes probably interested in someone else and all his attention is going to her! You better step your game up! Dont give up yet.
Drseussgrrl Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 Hes probably interested in someone else and all his attention is going to her! You better step your game up! Dont give up yet. Yeah! Go compete for a dude who is clearly interested in someone else and hope you come out on top! Don't forget to check your self-esteem at the door!
Author LoverOfDance Posted February 20, 2013 Author Posted February 20, 2013 Hes probably interested in someone else and all his attention is going to her! You better step your game up! Dont give up yet. So you're saying I should chase him?
RebelWithoutACause Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 I vote "no". He hasn't shown any interest in you. Why would you even consider contacting him? 2
Author LoverOfDance Posted February 20, 2013 Author Posted February 20, 2013 Don't forget to check your self-esteem at the door! I was thinking that too.
MissLY Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 So I met this guy on OkCupid. We talked 4 a few days and I eventually got his number. We texted back and forth and even talked about meeting. He said he was gonna teach me how to speak his native language and a few other things when we met. I was happy that he was actually looking forward to us meeting and saw it as a good sign. The problem however, is that he never initiated. I took that to be because I was the one who started talking to him first so he just left it to me to do all the work. It's been a few days now and I haven't heard from him nor have I texted him. Do I text him to see how he's doing or do I just move on since he doesn't seem to want to make any effort to initiate at all? Girl, I was in the SAME position as you just 2 weeks ago! I initiated contact with a guy that I met at a party and we planned to meet up that week, but he never followed through on what time/where to meet. So I thought to myself, should I text HIM? But nope, I decided that HE should show some effort and contact ME. Never heard from him. So yeah, that's my answer. Don't text him. 1
Lonely Ronin Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 Yeah! Go compete for a dude who is clearly interested in someone else and hope you come out on top! That's kind of presumptuous on your part don't you think? How do you know he is interested in someone else? Maybe he was in an accident, maybe his mother was in the hospital, maybe he broke his phone.... What is it with the people on LS, and assuming the absolute worse case scenario?
Drseussgrrl Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 That's kind of presumptuous on your part don't you think? How do you know he is interested in someone else? Maybe he was in an accident, maybe his mother was in the hospital, maybe he broke his phone.... What is it with the people on LS, and assuming the absolute worse case scenario? I don't know this. I was commenting on another's post who said someone else was competing for him so she should step up her game. Whatever the case - he's not contacting her and that's all she needs to know.
Lonely Ronin Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 Whatever the case - he's not contacting her and that's all she needs to know. They haven't had a single date, and it's only been 3 days, I think that's pretty early to slap the "not interested" sticker on him.
Drseussgrrl Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 They haven't had a single date, and it's only been 3 days, I think that's pretty early to slap the "not interested" sticker on him. They haven't had a single date because dude hasn't asked her out. He's got her number. 'Nuff said. 2
Author LoverOfDance Posted February 20, 2013 Author Posted February 20, 2013 They haven't had a single date because dude hasn't asked her out. He's got her number. 'Nuff said. I feel like his pride is not letting him initiate. It seemed like he liked me when we were texting back and forth. He was the one who even started talking about us meeting like he was eager to meet me. I just don't understand why he just won't pick up the phone and initiate. I feel like if I do nothing, he'll just leave it at that and do nothing as well. Like he won't make an effort to try to keep things going. Sigh, not sure what to do.
clia Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 I feel like his pride is not letting him initiate. Why would his pride not let him initiate? It seemed like he liked me when we were texting back and forth. He was the one who even started talking about us meeting like he was eager to meet me. And he could have set up a date right then, while he was eager, while you were texting. "Hey, we should meet!" "We should. How about drinks on Friday?" See how easy that is? I think you shouldn't text him. You've done all the pursuing to this point. Sit back and see if he is actually interested in you.
Shardish Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 A man who doesn't initiate or show he is interested is only using you to pass the time. Or he is shy, reserved or has a lack of confidence. 1
SJC2008 Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 Unless you want to court him I'd say drop it. IME when a woman initiated first online she bailed first too. They're more proactive so you're already on thin ice so to speak.
outsidethebox Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 It isn't pride, guaranteed. Nothing to have been defensive about. When "exchanging texts" for a few days, how did that work? Was it IM on OKC? Did you initiate all the IM sessions? Was it concentrated texting sessions until done? Or are you talking about more scattered texts back and forth over a longer period? If IM on OKC, it is possible he doesn't know how to initiate an IM session and thinks that you will continue communicating as you have been doing. However he should have sent a message to you by now asking about you. He may not want to feel pushy or intruding. You spoke of a "native language" and culture may be more reserved. And what Shardish suggests.
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