update

[H3Drvr]

Thanks Tara, you just made me spit out all the fish & chips I was eating because I was LMAO'ing so damn hard! Lol

 

 

Fred: I'm all for updates...if there was a valid one...hence why I said "redundant" post. You sound like you love to hear yourself talk/type. Maybe it would be a BRILLIANT idea to create a single post "diary" and pour your heart & soul out into it. That way your thoughts can be organized and you might actually be able to see patterns and progressions in your life.

 

As for trolling...with as many "new" posts as you've made on the same topic, with the same results (none), doing the same things, making the same mistakes (btw this is called insanity) you are bound to get trolled.

 

But I digress...your posts have been an inspiration on what NOT to do after a BU.

[Jingle14]

It's. Not. A. Relationship.

 

It's Over.

There Is No More.

 

The only place the dregs of any kind of connection still exists is entirely in your mind.

 

Please - Fred - Quit now.

 

 

 

Look, You and Zammo both live in the UK.

Why don't you guys PM, meet up and cry on each others' shoulders?

maybe you're the kind of mutual support you need.

But here?

You're neither of you getting anywhere..... are you?

 

I'm sorry Tara but I think that is out of order and I find it an incredibly flippant and patronising comment to make about 2 people we don't know very much about - their home circumstances, their backgrounds, what they are coping with and having to deal with in their day to day lives - who have come onto a forum specifically for advice/support in dealing with heartbreak.

 

I know Frederikk has evidently ignored a lot of advice and maybe you think 'tough love' or being 'cruel to be kind' is what he needs to hear. And perhaps it is, but from a close friend who knows his circumstances. Coming 'blind' so to speak may be the thing to push a person in that position right over the edge, and we'd never know about it. Life is not black and white, and not everyone has the coping mechanisms that you are fortunate enough to have developed. I'm lucky in that I'm a strong, resillient person who has been able to drag myself from the very depths and suicidal thoughts - brought about by varying circumstances which came from all directions, all at once and landed like a ton of bricks - to a fairly stable and tough minded position. But I still crack. Someone less able would not be able to do that quite so easily and may need a somewhat gentler approach.

 

I know others have valued your advice and opinion, and you have often had very valid points, but I do feel a more tempered and compassionate approach, and an understanding that we are not all the same, would not go amiss. I have ofted read comments you've made to others - including Zammo actually, who sounds like he's going through an incredibly tough time with dealing with it, in the main, fairly stoically (from the little we know of his circumstances) - and found them to be rather patronising, although I haven't commented at the time.

 

Personally, I think Frederikk seems deeply disturbed and is clearly not dealing with his situation at all well and he may well need professional help. That is his call, if he is able to see that or want it. I wish him well and hope, for his sake, he can come through this.

[Zammo25]

Zammo, people here are giving Fred advice and there you go shooting off a post about how we are abusing him.

 

You and Fred are of similar thinking. Victim Mode.

 

I don't blame Tara for saying that because you are perpetuating Fred's behavior by your post and your own unresolved emotions. This is a true case of misery loves company.

 

Wrong. I have accepted my errors and am moving on. Fred needs support not slagging of. Funny how everyone on here is a super, improved person. Some take time. I thought this was a site of mutual respect and support but I know that is not the case now. Just people out to score points about how stronger they are, like you. Moved on, gone NC , no worries, well good for you. Still after tonight you won't have to patonise me anymore and you can all worship TM.

[Njeanne]

Fred, move on seriously... The break up was 7 months ago... You are just making it worse for you, you are obsessing over something that isn't there anymore. I am sorry to say this but the way you are sounding it's like there isn't a life without her, well there is. If it's meant to be it is, but you are putting a dark shadow over your face that makes you unattractive and desperate.

 

I'll be honest, I find people that way disgusting and your gf prob feels same way. There is NO MORE RELATIONSHIP, it ended 7 months ago! She saw you as a "friend with benefit" without even the friend part in it!

 

Really...take advice from people...it's time to move on......... She is in the past, and will remain in the past. Yes, people reconcilliate years in the future again, but you are only pushing her further away to a point she won't want to remember you (and I believe she is already there)

 

Go No Contact, better yourselves, forget her!

 

And believe me...listen to Taramaiden, she is the relationshipshrink (don't know better word for it) for this forum.

[geegirl]

Wrong. I have accepted my errors and am moving on. Fred needs support not slagging of. Funny how everyone on here is a super, improved person. Some take time. I thought this was a site of mutual respect and support but I know that is not the case now. Just people out to score points about how stronger they are, like you. Moved on, gone NC , no worries, well good for you. Still after tonight you won't have to patonise me anymore and you can all worship TM.

 

You're moving on but at the same time bitterly accusing the advice given on a forum as the reason why you lost a chance with your ex. You're still blaming outside forces for what you need to solely take accountability for.

 

There is no slagging off on Fred. I have been on his posts since day one, seven months ago. His mindset has never improved. There is only so much sugar coating and coddling one can do. The next best thing is to slap the reality in your face because nothing else is working with the utter delsuion that he's floating in. People are here to help. You take what you need and you throw out what you don't.

 

No one is scoring points here. This is your defeatist attitude. Everyone is out to get you. Quit that. If anything, we've all been where you have been and have learned some pretty harsh lessons. It's only to help you and while sometimes it may feel like a swift boot up the a**, it's coming from a place that is wanting nothing more but for you to wake up and be well.

 

Even when you first came here, you slammed everyone with vicious attacks and only until I told you to go do your homework before you open your mouth, you calmed down. That in itself speaks of how bitter and angry you are.

 

No one is patronizing you. You're just always on the defence.

[Sav]

Always a pleasure to be here. Only Fred's thread could garner so many replies in such a short time.

 

In a nutshell, I agree with geegirl and Tara. And no, I'm not worshipping. I do agree with the fact that Zammo and Fred are in "victim mode" as she calls it. Firstly, Zammo, if you have "accepted your errors", then stop comparing yourself to the guy she left you for. Degrading yourself and calling him Mr.Wonderful this Mr.Wonderful that. It's a sight honestly and so lacking in self worth.

 

Idk what's it that got you so bitter in this forum but no one can help you if you don't want it. People move on because they want to and Fred hasn't because he doesn't want to. Go read it up. His own words.

 

Now for Fred. Hey bud. Frankly, idk what method to use anymore. Soft approach. Checked. Tough love. Checked. Trolling ways. Checked. But you just don't seem to get any approach. You just need some time out. Stop interpreting every single action of her's as a signal for you, because chances are, they are not. I could easily interprete things if I want to but no, that's just for my convenience. Learn to see things. You are 25. Act your age.

[Zammo25]

Good luck Fred.

 

Consider this my resignation speech on here as I cannot be doing with the patronising of TM. You people are all good people, going through things you do not deserve to but I truely and sincerely hope you move onto better times.

 

For me, sure, I made mistakes but I am a decent bloke who has gone through horrendous times, off the scale for 5 years now. Truely I believe I am strong as 9 in 10 men would not still be standing now. So for that I am proud despite the things TM says about me. People here just get a snapshot of someones life, take note TM, you know 5% tops about people so do not judge or comment, slag off or patronise as you really know just the tip of the Titanic iceberg, so much is hidden and without knowing the full facts , as you don't about me, TM your assured comments about me , who I am, what I have done hold no value. None whatsoever.

 

I am still in pain but have accepted it, sure pissed off, feeling let down but it is what it is.

 

So for people moving forward and in particular TM, think first before you state your " I know everything and have never made a mistake in my life " comments as you do not know as much as you think you do. Not by a long , long way.

 

I could go on, I have done things for other people you would not believe but I do not bring them up here and never would.

 

Good luck on your battles and bye. Zammo x

[geegirl]

Good luck Fred.

 

Consider this my resignation speech on here as I cannot be doing with the patronising of TM. You people are all good people, going through things you do not deserve to but I truely and sincerely hope you move onto better times.

 

For me, sure, I made mistakes but I am a decent bloke who has gone through horrendous times, off the scale for 5 years now. Truely I believe I am strong as 9 in 10 men would not still be standing now. So for that I am proud despite the things TM says about me. People here just get a snapshot of someones life, take note TM, you know 5% tops about people so do not judge or comment, slag off or patronise as you really know just the tip of the Titanic iceberg, so much is hidden and without knowing the full facts , as you don't about me, TM your assured comments about me , who I am, what I have done hold no value. None whatsoever.

 

I am still in pain but have accepted it, sure pissed off, feeling let down but it is what it is.

 

So for people moving forward and in particular TM, think first before you state your " I know everything and have never made a mistake in my life " comments as you do not know as much as you think you do. Not by a long , long way.

 

I could go on, I have done things for other people you would not believe but I do not bring them up here and never would.

 

Good luck on your battles and bye. Zammo x

 

Good luck to you. Be well.

[TaraMaiden]

Originally Posted by Jingle14

I'm sorry Tara but I think that is out of order and I find it an incredibly flippant and patronising comment to make about 2 people we don't know very much about - their home circumstances, their backgrounds, what they are coping with and having to deal with in their day to day lives - who have come onto a forum specifically for advice/support in dealing with heartbreak.

 

Actually - I meant it.

It wasn't designed or meant to be flippant, rude patronising or anything.

here we have 2 guys, both of whom are in a place of pain.

Why they're there is entirely their business.

 

They will keep telling us that they find it impossible to move on, or that our advice sucks, is wrong, is condescending and that we don't either sympathise or understand.

And these guys are in the same country.

And they feel the same way.

They're going through the same motions.

So -

 

I'm quite serious - Why SHOULDN'T they actually arrange to meet, compare notes and lean on one another?

 

It's abundantly clear that nothing anyone says to them here is of any use to them whatsoever.

They have both steadfastly refused to listen, or to implement any sound advice given.

Meeting up may actually do them both a power of good and may help each one motivate the other.

Where we have failed - they might succeed.

[Jingle14]

Actually - I meant it.

It wasn't designed or meant to be flippant, rude patronising or anything.

here we have 2 guys, both of whom are in a place of pain.

Why they're there is entirely their business.

 

They will keep telling us that they find it impossible to move on, or that our advice sucks, is wrong, is condescending and that we don't either sympathise or understand.

And these guys are in the same country.

And they feel the same way.

They're going through the same motions.

So -

 

I'm quite serious - Why SHOULDN'T they actually arrange to meet, compare notes and lean on one another?

 

It's abundantly clear that nothing anyone says to them here is of any use to them whatsoever.

They have both steadfastly refused to listen, or to implement any sound advice given.

Meeting up may actually do them both a power of good and may help each one motivate the other.

Where we have failed - they might succeed.

 

And it would appear they are not the only ones who 'refuse to listen'. No-one is perfect and we should be prepared to take on board constructive criticism. Your comments did not seem in the slightest bit sincere or helpful.

[TaraMaiden]

Well, with respect, they weren't aimed at you, so unfortunately, it doesn't really matter to me what you think.

I'm sorry they didn't 'seem'. But my intention was.

[CautionaryTale]

And it would appear they are not the only ones who 'refuse to listen'. No-one is perfect and we should be prepared to take on board constructive criticism. Your comments did not seem in the slightest bit sincere or helpful.

 

 

I don't believe I have posted once on any of Fred's threads, however, if you decide to look backwards, TaraMaiden has been posting for 7 months now, along with others, giving basically the same advice. None of it has been taken. Seven months though of continuously offering it... Gotta say something for a person willing to keep speaking to deaf ears though, no?

 

This is a community forum for normal, every day, unpaid people to help others, to seek advice, to vent - whatever. None of us (That I'm aware of) are psychologists with degrees.

 

Perhaps, if you don't want advice, you shouldn't ask for it. Or if you want professional attitudes and kid gloves, pay someone 140$ an hour. Anyway, if you think that incredibly mild post was abusive, maybe you should check out some other threads.

[Jingle14]

I don't believe I have posted once on any of Fred's threads, however, if you decide to look backwards, TaraMaiden has been posting for 7 months now, along with others, giving basically the same advice. None of it has been taken. Seven months though of continuously offering it... Gotta say something for a person willing to keep speaking to deaf ears though, no?

 

This is a community forum for normal, every day, unpaid people to help others, to seek advice, to vent - whatever. None of us (That I'm aware of) are psychologists with degrees.

 

Perhaps, if you don't want advice, you shouldn't ask for it. Or if you want professional attitudes and kid gloves, pay someone 140$ an hour. Anyway, if you think that incredibly mild post was abusive, maybe you should check out some other threads.

 

My observation was on Tara's comments not on just this thread but on others, but i didnt say it was abusive either. And I haven't actually asked for any advice tonight. We are all entitled to our own opinion and mine is that Tara sees things in a very black and white fashion. Life is very rarely so clear cut, experience has taught me that and I am a more rounded, more understanding although more guarded, harder, cynical and tougher person as a result.

 

Neither do I think it is always appropriate to treat every situation with kid gloves but there are certainly times when a kinder approach is necessary. We are all reading about and commenting on strangers reaching out on a forum and I personally don't think that puts us in a position to give them strong words and dictatorial advice. We don't know if someone is posting while at the end of their tether and sitting with a pills and a bottle of vodka, all ready to do themselves in.

[frederickkk]

 

But I digress...your posts have been an inspiration on what NOT to do after a BU.

 

i have two ex girlfriends i broke it off with. phone call and they are back. easy as that.

[frederickkk]

I'm sorry Tara but I think that is out of order and I find it an incredibly flippant and patronising comment to make about 2 people we don't know very much about - their home circumstances, their backgrounds, what they are coping with and having to deal with in their day to day lives - who have come onto a forum specifically for advice/support in dealing with heartbreak.

 

I know Frederikk has evidently ignored a lot of advice and maybe you think 'tough love' or being 'cruel to be kind' is what he needs to hear. And perhaps it is, but from a close friend who knows his circumstances. Coming 'blind' so to speak may be the thing to push a person in that position right over the edge, and we'd never know about it. Life is not black and white, and not everyone has the coping mechanisms that you are fortunate enough to have developed. I'm lucky in that I'm a strong, resillient person who has been able to drag myself from the very depths and suicidal thoughts - brought about by varying circumstances which came from all directions, all at once and landed like a ton of bricks - to a fairly stable and tough minded position. But I still crack. Someone less able would not be able to do that quite so easily and may need a somewhat gentler approach.

 

I know others have valued your advice and opinion, and you have often had very valid points, but I do feel a more tempered and compassionate approach, and an understanding that we are not all the same, would not go amiss. I have ofted read comments you've made to others - including Zammo actually, who sounds like he's going through an incredibly tough time with dealing with it, in the main, fairly stoically (from the little we know of his circumstances) - and found them to be rather patronising, although I haven't commented at the time.

 

Personally, I think Frederikk seems deeply disturbed and is clearly not dealing with his situation at all well and he may well need professional help. That is his call, if he is able to see that or want it. I wish him well and hope, for his sake, he can come through this.

 

i am not deeply disturbed.

 

im a fking winner.

 

straight A at a level.

 

science prize.

 

im a fking fighter.

 

if i wanted to enrol in the army, id work it to the top.

 

im an achiever.

 

im not a quitter.

 

im not losing this girl to anyone else. do you understand?

[frederickkk]

Always a pleasure to be here. Only Fred's thread could garner so many replies in such a short time.

 

In a nutshell, I agree with geegirl and Tara. And no, I'm not worshipping. I do agree with the fact that Zammo and Fred are in "victim mode" as she calls it. Firstly, Zammo, if you have "accepted your errors", then stop comparing yourself to the guy she left you for. Degrading yourself and calling him Mr.Wonderful this Mr.Wonderful that. It's a sight honestly and so lacking in self worth.

 

Idk what's it that got you so bitter in this forum but no one can help you if you don't want it. People move on because they want to and Fred hasn't because he doesn't want to. Go read it up. His own words.

 

Now for Fred. Hey bud. Frankly, idk what method to use anymore. Soft approach. Checked. Tough love. Checked. Trolling ways. Checked. But you just don't seem to get any approach. You just need some time out. Stop interpreting every single action of her's as a signal for you, because chances are, they are not. I could easily interprete things if I want to but no, that's just for my convenience. Learn to see things. You are 25. Act your age.

 

im 26 mate. 27 this year. you american by any chance?

[frederickkk]

actually - i meant it.

It wasn't designed or meant to be flippant, rude patronising or anything.

Here we have 2 guys, both of whom are in a place of pain.

Why they're there is entirely their business.

 

They will keep telling us that they find it impossible to move on, or that our advice sucks, is wrong, is condescending and that we don't either sympathise or understand.

And these guys are in the same country.

And they feel the same way.

They're going through the same motions.

So -

 

i'm quite serious - why shouldn't they actually arrange to meet, compare notes and lean on one another?

 

It's abundantly clear that nothing anyone says to them here is of any use to them whatsoever.

They have both steadfastly refused to listen, or to implement any sound advice given.

Meeting up may actually do them both a power of good and may help each one motivate the other.

Where we have failed - they might succeed.

 

i would love to meet with zammo. Show me the fking light!

[frederickkk]

And it would appear they are not the only ones who 'refuse to listen'. No-one is perfect and we should be prepared to take on board constructive criticism. Your comments did not seem in the slightest bit sincere or helpful.

 

 

its not about refusing to listen.

 

 

I LISTEN. but i dont ACT.

 

vital difference.

 

get with the times love.

[frederickkk]

you know, i start a thread. it gets s h a t upon.

 

 

and i still win.

 

im still strong.

 

and im still going to get back with her in the future.

 

mark my fking words.

 

taramaiden...clearly a k.i.a , but at the same time, you feel it, and i know she feels it.

 

geegirl, you're miserable. go and get some sun. sorry, but you have degraded since the beginning.

 

zammo25. pm me. we can skype. no problem.

[geegirl]

 

geegirl, you're miserable. go and get some sun. sorry, but you have degraded since the beginning.

 

I'm sorry you feel that way. I have never degraded you but only pointed out your delusion. The only one that is degrading you is YOU. Seven months and you've not achieved any sort of self development or growth. You talk the talk but fail to produce any results. Words are cheap, infact free. The only miserable person is you. Go back and read your threads from August of last year. Sun is what you need. Book that trip to Thailand. Take a real step to actually being a winner. Talking about it is just that, talk.

[H3Drvr]

i have two ex girlfriends i broke it off with. phone call and they are back. easy as that.

 

OMG your such a studdddd! Lol Do you even date son? Oops what was I thinking.

 

Ya know at first, I felt a little bad for trolling this post. It was the longest second of my life. However, if you really are at your wits end, I shall cease and desist with the trololol'ing. Hahaha

[Mack05]

 

im a fking winner. straight A at a level. science prize. im a fking fighter.

 

if i wanted to enrol in the army, id work it to the top.

 

im an achiever. im not a quitter. im not losing this girl to anyone else. do you understand?and im still going to get back with her in the future.

 

mark my fking words.

 

 

I have just read some of your threads. You are a riot!

 

Dude you are either..

 

1) clinically insane and flat out of your mind.

2) a pathetic troll.

 

No normal person could be that stupid or delusional. There is more chance of pigs flying then you ever getting this girl back. This egotistical self promoting you are doing on this thread is pathetic. No 'winner' would ever behave in the way that you have behaved over the past 7 months.

 

It seems you believe that this is Fred's world and we are all guests in it. You are in for theeeee rudest wake up call. Mark my fking words. Maybe then you might get the attitude adjustment that you so desperately need (reality rehab)..

 

People responding to you are wasting valuable time that should be spent on genuine people, who truly want and appreciate advice.

 

You're an idiot. End of

Edited February 21, 2013 by Mack05

[Njeanne]

I don't know why you are still posting here guy's/girls. He is just looking for attention because he believes he is the victim and therefore thinks he is right, when he isn't.

 

Relationship has ended 7 months ago, and your attitude on this forum just proofs why she left you in the first place.

 

And I don't care how smart you are and how a winner you are, because clearly you are a bad loser with a selfish attitude.

[Frank13]

 

im a fking winner.

 

im not a quitter.

 

 

Part of being a winner means knowing when it's time to quit.

[spaniard]

Sometimes it comes to my mind to check upon this site to see if I can find someone here who had been already on this forum when I registered in September last year. I have been long over my ex, thank God, but I still remember the hard days.

 

After spending a few months here, I realized that this forum is fundamentally different than others. I think this is one of those forums where people register for the sole reason of getting able to leave it forever. Funny. I remember people here, I remember their stories and their struggling. Just when you get familiar with someone, he or she disappears forever, and you are, funny enough, happy for them. It's like a hospital: you get in wounded, you leave healed and you hope you never have to get back again.

 

I'm sorry for you, fred, because our BU happened at the same time (almost). The very simple difference between us is that I came here to seek help (which I got plenty! Thank you guys, especially Tara, geegirl, lakerman, CaliGuy with his NC guide and others), you came here to use this site for ... I don't really know, why. I think your friends have had enough of you and they don't want to talk about you and your ex at all... so this is the only place where you can live in your dreamworld where your ex is still in love in you, she is just not with your for some mysterious reasons.

 

I think you should see some professional help.