Derpderpleton Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 Since the break up, I've been acting a lot differently apparently. Everyone around me tells me this, and it's frustrating because I'm not noticing it. When I'm at work it's always "Hey (my name)! Do you hate us or something, because we haven't heard a peep out of you since you came in." Or it's always, "Damn (my name)! Why do you always have an angry look on your face?". I know they're kind of joking, but they're right. Lately I've been really quiet and almost avoiding conversation with people at work. I'm not the most outgoing person, but usually, when I'm at work, I'm cracking jokes, making people laugh, and talking to people. It doesn't help that I work with her, although we've only worked together a couple of times since the BU, the last time being almost 2 weeks ago. Last night hit me really hard though. My mom confronted me, she told me that she really didn't like the tone I've been taking with her and my dad. She was saying how I always seem angry and like I'm lashing out at them. That hit me hard, because they're both not in the best of health and I feel like I'm taking the time I have left with them before I leave for college in August for granted. My mom actually started crying, she said that I was letting my ex change the person that I am. That made me raise the question, "Who the hell was I?". How do I get back to being that guy? I'm so lost right now..
Author Derpderpleton Posted February 20, 2013 Author Posted February 20, 2013 Bump. Going to work now...hoping for some more replies.
Amelie1980 Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 The same thing happened to me. At work so many people have said that they've never seen me.like this and.that before they met me i was funny, talkative and friendly. I don't know where I've gone and can't find myself.
RogerWallace111 Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 derpdeedidilidurpdeedum........ So you're still a bit down on being freshly single and thus youre in an on-edge, irritable mood, and are less sociable. Sounds pretty normal. I can go both ways - either having an heightened appreciation for my friends/fam and being super loving, or slipping into spells of being a dick. I'd suggest a fake it til you make it strategy. Force yourself to be kind of nice & pleasant to people. You don't necessarily have to be cracking jokes, but just reach out enough to convey that you're the same you. Internalizing personal turmoil and getting irritated by, or acting cold toward the world never helps anyway. I can be having a sh*t day where it seems like everyone's against me, and the moment I have a friendly interaction with the checkout lady at the market, the weight is greatly reduced. Your situation is interesting as you hadn't even realized the shift in your personality. So your acting this way hasn't really been a "conscious" reaction to the circumstances... I say focus on being a bit more aware of the way you're acting toward others, and over-correct a little bit. Be genuine (tap into any love/goodwill you've got), but force it a little. It will almost definitely perpetuate your return to your former "self"...
BUBS Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 I think a lot of people deal with this during a break up, god knows this is one of the biggest issues I'm struggling with, not just in the respect that people are making it well known that they've seen a change, but more importantly that I don't know who I am without my ex, likes, dislikes, morals, values, what I want and so forth. Like you my family confronted me about my attitude towards them since the break up, and it was devastating because like you said many of them are not well, and I know that if something were to god forbid happen, and even if something weren't I am wasting precious time I could be focusing on them (since I didn't much in my relationship) before actually going back out into the real world on my own. You are struggling emotionally, and the best thing to do is be as honest as possible with people if you can and when its appropriate. When my family confronted me I allowed myself to be vulnerable and explain that my snapping and isolation was not directed towards them and that I was apologetic and just in a really bad place. Of course it doesn't ease the guilt of knowing that years from now or even months from now when I look back I will regret my actions and emotions during this time, in many ways its uncontrollable. Life is scary, and finding yourself or losing yourself is the worst part. From here on out its all trial and error on our parts to try to replace the comfort of our previous relationships with things that can bring us equal joy as individuals. Good luck.
Author Derpderpleton Posted February 21, 2013 Author Posted February 21, 2013 I hate faking my emotions. I'm terrible at it. Whenever I work with her, I don't hang my head or anything, I do my best to hide it (while trying to avoid her at the same time), but when I don't work with her, I feel as if I don't have to put up that front anymore because she's not there. All the while, she's there laughing with everyone else, I'm there just trying to hold myself together. That's really no excuse for me to be carrying this behavior over to when I'm with my family, though. I honestly don't know how I'm going to get back to how I used to be. When my ex was giving me the 'break up talk', one of the things she said to me was how she'll always love my personality. That's what made her attracted to me in the first place. Looking back, I don't even remember who I was. How am I supposed to return to being a person that I can't remember? Every time I try to crack jokes or do anything that resembles the person that I used to be, there's this voice in my head that says "You're trying too hard to be happy. You're just making yourself look fake and stupid. Just stop". It's like, my brain doesn't want me to be happy, even though I KNOW it's what I need to do. I can't control these thoughts. Anyone understand what I mean? The BU was about a month ago, and though it wasn't the longest relationship, we were falling pretty hard for each other, and she ended it suddenly. We're on 'good' terms now. We don't talk or anything anymore, but we have no feelings of hatred towards each other. I'm not too sad anymore, I'm more just confused and a little frustrated. I should be angry at her, because she's partially responsible for me becoming like this, but it's also my fault for being weak enough to allow it.
denxnis Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 This is normal. Don't obsess over the situation and over time you will go back to the normal you or maybe even better. 2
Kaza Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 I honestly don't know how I'm going to get back to how I used to be. When my ex was giving me the 'break up talk', one of the things she said to me was how she'll always love my personality. That's what made her attracted to me in the first place. Looking back, I don't even remember who I was. How am I supposed to return to being a person that I can't remember? Every time I try to crack jokes or do anything that resembles the person that I used to be, there's this voice in my head that says "You're trying too hard to be happy. You're just making yourself look fake and stupid. Just stop". It's like, my brain doesn't want me to be happy, even though I KNOW it's what I need to do. I can't control these thoughts. Anyone understand what I mean? The BU was about a month ago, and though it wasn't the longest relationship, we were falling pretty hard for each other, and she ended it suddenly. We're on 'good' terms now. We don't talk or anything anymore, but we have no feelings of hatred towards each other. I'm not too sad anymore, I'm more just confused and a little frustrated. I should be angry at her, because she's partially responsible for me becoming like this, but it's also my fault for being weak enough to allow it. I'm going to suggest fake it first. It might be real later. Keep doing things for yourself. Treat yourself good, see your friends, do some activity or other, spend money to make yourself happy. I'm in the same position, I also work in the same place as my ex. Hard to avoid and also all the memories. I feel like telling my coworkers that we broke up and talk about how i feel, but it just doesn't feel right because they know him too. So I just fake it and talk about all the inconsequential things. Doing that can be good too.
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