citrusgreen Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 A guy contacted me via an online dating site a few months back. We had a few casual exchanges, but I was very busy at that the time, and then leaving town for almost 3 weeks. I didn't think much of it, but he must have marked my return on his calendar bc he contacted me again exactly the after I got back. A little more back and forth (he was then leaving town for a week), but finally we plan a first date. FIRST DATE / MONDAY NIGHT - Goes really well. He picks a nice spot, we have drinks and snacks. We hang out for awhile. Says he would like to hang out again. Walks me partway home, asks if I'm free that weekend, says goodnight, no kiss. I realize at this point that I *REALLY* like the guy. And I get the definite feeling he likes me. I thank him via text when I get home and we text each other goodnight. He texts me 2 days later and officially asks me out for a second date, Saturday night. SECOND DATE / SATURDAY NIGHT - He sets up a REALLY nice date for Saturday night. I'm totally impressed by his planning. We meet for dinner. Then he's gotten tickets for a jazz show. After that we go to a nice wine bar. Once we get to the jazz show, we've already each had a few glasses of wine. Even though it's only our second date, and we haven't even kissed yet, he starts becoming REALLY affectionate. And soon kisses me. The kissing and the affection continue throughout the night -- at the jazz show, then at the bar afterwards. He's not gropey--or pushy, just super nice and, frankly, pretty romantic. He comes back to my house. It's very late. We're definitely kinda drunk (well I am--him maybe not so much). We have a great night. We start making out pretty much right away -- and basically do everything but actual sex. I tend to be pretty cautious in my judgements, but I'm absolutely sure throughout this that he's really into me. So for me everything about the night was perfect. During our fooling around, however, he came pretty fast (OK, *really* fast) -- twice. From my perspective, this was no big deal -- at all. But for a seemingly calm, confident, guy he is really hard on himself about it--he actually seems very embarrassed (which makes no sense to me since we weren't even having sex). Aside from that, though, everything is really, really good. He tells me that he's leaving the following Thursday for a week for a trip with his family and wants to see me before then, if I'm available. It seems like he wants to see me as soon as the next night, but instead I suggest Tuesday (bc i'm busy Wed). THIRD DATE / TUESDAY NIGHT - Tuesday comes and we go to a movie. Then he suggests a nice restaurant, which I later realize is right below his apartment. I'm an awkward person in general, and I feel a little bit awkward at both the movie and the dinner. The last time was so intense and nice -- but suddenly, seeing him again, I'm not sure how to act -- not sure whether to be affectionate or not. He's not as forward either. Also, neither of us drink much (so we're sober compared to previous dates). I insist on paying for the dinner (since everything else so far has been his treat. He invites me to his place afterwards. It's still kind of awkward (though he's very nice). We watch TV for a little while, and finally we make out, which leads to sex (first time). Honestly -- it's not great. Throughout the night, I haven't felt quite so open and connected to him (this totally might be my fault--my guard was up more bc I realized how much I liked him). Then, like last time, he comes ptretty quickly. He's not openly apologetic about it this time. He does make sure I came afterwards. There were no real further attempts at anything after that (granted it's very late). That was last night. I left early this morning. He said, before I left, "next time we need to make sure you can sleep through the night" (I had really bad insomnia both times we've slept in the same bed). He reminded me that he'd be gone all of next week and referenced seeing me when he got back -- but not in a very specific way. He also made reference to a movie I'd talked about wanting to see (it had been in the running for movies to watch the night before, but he ruled it out, because it's an intense/hard-to-watch movie and he wasn't ready to see it "yet"). He *may* have been trying to say he'd see it with me when he returned, but I kind of misinterpreted and joked that I'd let him know how it was. Anyway, I basically got a weird vibe. I'm not sure if it was (a) him reacting to my awkwardness (b) that he'd changed his mind about me, © that he felt weird/bad about the (not-so-great) sex, or (d) something else. I really don't know. I only know I haven't liked anyone this much in a very long time. Does anybody have any insight? Suggestions? I only left his place a few hours ago...haven't heard from him....I'm just not sure.....
pbjbear Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 I generally dont think its a good idea to sleep with someone until you fully trust them and are ready. It sounds like you werent ready and you didnt trust him so I can understand why it was so awkward. I had this happen to me once when I was younger and I didnt enjoy the sex either and thats when I realized what I wrote in the first sentence. Honestly, now its a waiting game....just see how things go. Hopefully youll get more comfortable with him over time and this wont affect things. You slept with him too soon it sounds like but it can be repaired depending on how things go and how you both react
mitchell Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 Sounds like you slept with him too soon. He's likely embarrassed by his poor performance. His quickness during date #2 could be related to your awesome oral skills, but he was a bit too fast during sex. At least he got you off. Was there no attempt at morning sex? Only time will tell if he contacts you when he returns or if this was just a pump and dump. 1
clia Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 Honestly, you won't know anything for sure until he gets back into town. If he makes plans to see you again, all is good. If not...
laaddict Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 Would it be a bad idea to just ask him why he has been distant? "everything was really nice on the first date, so nice that I have feeling for you. Now you seem distant. Am I crazy?" Or something along those lines.
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