What are we and where are we heading?

[beyondwtf]

I'm living in Japan, and I'm working in this program where people from all over the world come and stay for 2 months. I met this girl that comes from the same country, Colombia.

 

In the first weeks, I found her very attractive, but didn't had the chance to talk to her because I had some business to attend for those first 2 weeks. But after I came back, I tried everything to talk to her as spontaneous and natural as possible, avoiding coming off too strong. I talked to her friends and also tried to talk to her, but she was very cold towards me.

 

So, eventually I kinda gave up, but suddenly, the last 2 weeks of the program, we hit it up and clicked completely. And for the last week, we even went out on dates, kissed, hold hands. Her friends even started to joke about us. It was the perfect week.

 

During those last weeks, we slowly started to really know each other, and I found out, she liked me from day 1. She acted cold towards when i cam back was because she thought I wouldn't be interested in her, so she said she kinda moved on.

 

Now she already left to Colombia. And I'm still stuck here in Japan for the next 2 years, but I always go back home every 6 months, so I should be seeing her in 4 months approximately. She is also planning to come back to Japan in 1 year to do the program again.

 

So... this has being bothering me the past days.

 

When we were intimate, she told me to not have anything with any girls, and I asked what about her... it wouldn't be fair and whatnot. And she said she wouldn't either, but she said 5 months is a long time and long distance is very hard. Nothing concrete.

 

We keep saying we will see each other soon. Etc.

 

Before leaving she gave me pictures of her saying I can't forget her and she will never forget what we had.

 

We have yet to have a really serious talk about what she wants, because I'm scared I might scare her off, because she comes from a 3 years relationship with someone very possessive and controlling.

 

What should I do?

Edited February 20, 2013 by beyondwtf

[beyondwtf]

It's very urgent!

[RebelWithoutACause]

It's very urgent!

 

What's the urgency?

I was in a LDR with my now husband for approximately a year, we lived in different countries. The distance was never a problem because we kept in touch all the time, plus we were both on the same page in regards to what we were looking for.

 

Give the two of you some time to process what happened in Japan before you bring up any heavy relationship talk. Just keep it light and fun, that way you're not putting any pressure on her or you. Once you've established a confortable LDR pace, you can have a more serious talk about future "relationship" plans.

 

It goes without saying but start making plans for your next real life date as soon as possible. It gives you something in common you can both look forward to.

 

Be consistent with your communication. If you say you'll call, call. Make sure she knows she's a priority. And look for signs that you're a priority for her too.

 

It can work if you both put some effort into it.

[beyondwtf]

When we were intimate, she said to me I couldn't have anything with any girl within the next 5 months. I'm going back in 5 months, for sure.. actually in 4 months.

 

It has been killing me, because she just came out from a 3 years relationship with someone who lives really near to her. So it's very scary and I don't want to come off too serious or heavy right now, because it might scare her off. But at the same time, I think that will either make her realize how much I want her, or either she will get scared and any chances of actually being together will be blown.

 

My plan is to just talk to her whenever I get the chance, texting or skyping. And send her gifts once a month to keep the "relationship" going.

 

Problem is, I still don't know what she's looking for....

[laaddict]

This girl seems kinda messed up in the head, but that might just be me, or the way you are talking about her.

 

Does she do anything to keep the relationship going as well?

I dont mean giving you pictures.

 

What makes you think she is the perfect match?

Dont mistake sexual attraction and your physical needs for love and compatibility.

 

You need someone who does certain things. People need to have a certain level of maturity to be able to have a successful relationship. She does not sound mature.

 

You also should not feel like you are being needy, although its good that you are being cautious and you do not want to hurt her by being possessive.

 

I think, based on this limited info, you are better than her and you deserve more.

You deserve someone who wouldnt have left, and someone who is emotionally developed enough to not have treated you disrespectfully or unkindly when you were chasing her.

 

I hope you find happiness in your life though.

[beyondwtf]

Another important detail and the one that's bothering me the most.

 

She is very pretty. When we were intimate we were very close to make love, but didn't because I stopped going further, but we were really really close to do it.

 

Now I regret I didn't...

 

What did she think about that?

 

I thought it would be too, too.. way too fast to have sex so fast.

[beyondwtf]

Now we are going to be like 4 months away, and I'm afraid she will look to satisfy that need somewhere else... or WITH someone else..

[beyondwtf]

Any opinions?