What should I reply to this message?

February 20, 2013

Hello all,

I'm not sure what to reply to my ex's recent email.

Brief summary- my ex and I dated for 2 and a half years. He broke up with me when he going away for a master's program. He seemed very excited about going for his program and keot saying to me "if we are are meant to be, despite this break we will find our way back to each other". I was devastated not only because I didn't expect him to give up on our relationship but also because I was more dedicated to the relationship and I felt betrayed by several incidents that happened shortly before our break up and after our break up. It was a stormy split. This occurred in December 2011.

We didn't speak for two months immediately after the breakup. We eventually resumed contact, we were cordial with each other but he didn't show emotions. We used to chat on-and-off for a while, just casual banter via what's app which fizzled out again for several months ie no communication for several months. I know that during this period, he's really messed around.

Fast forward to 3 months ago... We started chatting again via what's App. The frequency of conversation started to increase but still nothing more than casual albeit meaningful banter (we spoke a but about my new job etc).

My birthday was 2 days ago and I received this email from him. I don't know what to make if it. He also attached a song to the email. I was a bit surprised because we've been apart for more than. Ahead now and despite my earlier attempts to steer the conversation to an emotional place, he never budged. We only chatted casually and although I still have love for him, I moved on with my life.

What is he saying in this email and what do I make out from this emotionally charged song he sent me? Thanks so much.

The email:

Happy birthday Wishing you the best on this special day, you deserve it!

I guess with time and experience, things become more apparent. Not sure why

I'd think now would be the best time to write this but I would like to apologise

for the way I treated you while we dated. Whatever my misgivings about your

behaviour a-times, we're all human and make mistakes. You were my girl and I should have put you up on a pedestal, made you feel worthy and held you as

my paragon of virtue - warts and all. I realize I fell into a self-inflicted, self-defeating trap where I discounted you (to myself and others) and therefore

had to maintain this negative impression, even when you were doing what

anyone else would do - and worse still, even when you were being so amazing

(which you actually were most of the time). I don't know what sort of/if any emotional damage my antics might have inflicted but if they did, I'm so sorry...I'm generally trying to be a better guy and I'm pretty sure I'm not

there yet lol (which is part of the reason why I just can't start dating seriously just yet) but I'm at least on that road...

Lyrics to the song he sent me by Smokey Robinson, it's a slow ballad titled "Oh baby baby baby"

I did you wrong my heart went out to play

But in the game I lost you

What a price to pay, hey I'm crying

Ooh, baby baby

Mistakes, I know I've made a few

But I'm only human

You've made mistakes too, I'm crying

Ooh, baby baby

I'm just about at the end of my rope

But I can't stop trying I can't give up hope

'Cause I feel that one day, I'll hold you near

Whisper, I still love you

Until that day is here, I'm crying

Ooh, baby baby

Ooh, baby baby, ooh

February 20, 2013

Well, wow. Just take it as an apology. Say thank you and that's it. If he wants more then he can come out and say it. And I am calling BullsH$T on the not able to date part. That's a lie. I'm a guy. That's a flat out lie.

February 20, 2013

Say thank you and that's it.

^^^^ This ^^^^^

He is playing with your head and trying to reel you back in. We call it breadcrumbs.

Acknowledge it, go No Contact, and move on - you will be much happier in the long run.

February 20, 2013

WOW, what an email. It has GUILT written all over it. Its a GUILT breadcrumb. He wants to appease what he did to you and how he treated you so he can feel better about himself and move on with a clean slate. This email is selfish, its ALL about him NOT you. As a matter of fact it has NOTHING to do with you. He sounds like a real douche and yeah I agree with cdt76, BULL****!!

What is the "warts" thing about?? Is it about you? If it is, he just made fun of you again and put you down.

Further, he wants you to know that he is improving and will become a better man so that you don't look down on what he did. He wants you to remember the good things about him, not the bad, bc the bad stuff, he will improve on and become a better person. He wants you to know what an all-round great person he is by apologizing and telling you that he is bound to become this great human being soon enough. ewwwww.....

Do not answer back...if you do, he will take that as an acceptance of his apology, wipe guilt off his plate and move on feeling good about himself. Is this what you want? If it is, by all means write him back.

February 20, 2013

Oh, and the lyrics, nice touch....especially the last part:

I'm just about at the end of my rope

But I can't stop trying I can't give up hope

'Cause I feel that one day, I'll hold you near

Whisper, I still love you

Until that day is here, I'm crying

Just another tactic to reel you in so you can forgive him.

NO, it doesn't mean he will want you back at an undisclosed date in the future...

The song was purposely crafted into the email so he can get the

"aww its okay, I forgive you. We had a good time together. It wasn't a waste of my time. Things happen in life and I will always remember you fondly.I miss you.."