Is my girlfriend jealous and insecure?

February 20, 2013

I sent her this text: "We obviously need a talk Danni. Something changed between us and we've been distant since Sunday. I don't know if I've done something wrong or what it is, but I have different theories going on in my head and its not a nice feeling when your mind wanders like this. All I know is I still care about you a lot."

Talk to her, that's the best thing. I've read your other thread too where you are guessing what she is up to. Do try to encourage her to open up and work on trust issues but like I said, I've been here myself. With some people you can't win.

Do try though, I know you are new to this, don't let the difficulties discourage you. Communicating in a relationship is a good skill to learn. I think it's quite common for things like this to surface in the first 3 months. This is why people say dating someone is not a relationship until it reaches the 3-6 months mark. This when you are finding out whether you are compatible.

February 20, 2013

Are you serious? Do you have any concept of the thought processes of an insecure girlfriend? If anything this is going to make her more insecure.

"Hey! I can talk to other girls and it's totally easy, I wasn't nervous at all. Maybe I'll start doing it more from now on."

"I met this other girl and it was so easy to talk to her. So much easier than talking to you."

You're digging your own grave here. Maybe you were doing it innocently, but you've got to realize how she's going to interpret it if she's already skeptical.

I totally understand why the comment makes her insecure, I've never said otherwise. I sent that text when I woke up at 11am after a banging hangover. As always she was the first thing on my mind when I woke up do I text her about the night before. Ughhh

February 20, 2013

Well now you do, so don't act like an idiot again (although I think this might be pretty difficult for you). Personally, I hope she breaks up with you for her own sake. I know it's off topic, but I don't like you.

Of course they do. You are allowed to be disrespectful and attention seeking and oh no, dear lord, you cant do that AND have a girlfriend with brain cells who is insecure (she is smart by the way...based on your posts she is insecure for a VERY GOOD reason)

You are too intimdated by someone who is like you. You have an ego and youre insecure yourself.

I love it when selfish, attention seeking men want a pure-hearted good quiet girl. She deserves better than you. I wish I knew her email so I could email her your threads then she would think "oh my gosh, every thing I thought about him was right..."

You are a disrespectful *******

https://www.loveshack.org/forums/transitioning/friends-lovers/374881-relationship-turning-into-fwb#post4626431

You want to explain this?

You are a douche and everything I stated about you was right...

I hope she dumps your ass and never talks to you again

Normalperson- he doesnt have any concept of thoughts within his girlfriend because hes a selfish person who cannot fathom anything from another person's point of view.

I say it how it is. Get over yourself

Hello Princesses. A bit of respect, eh? I'm guessing you weren't raised in a barn and are able to behave in public with a complete stranger who is seeking advice? Maybe just try?

February 20, 2013

He just stated in his other thread

"I hope we become **** buddies for a few weeks and then Ill say goodbye to her"

"itll take the pressure off of me"

SCUMBAG SCUMBAG SCUMABG SCUMABG SCUMBAG SCUMBAG SCUMBAG
SCUMBAG
SCUMBAG
SCUMBAG

I have reported two of your posts for breaking civility and respect rules

February 20, 2013

You two just don't seem all that into each other, frankly.

February 20, 2013

You two just don't seem all that into each other, frankly.

How can you possibly know that from this thread?

Weve had a fantastic connection. Weve shared so much together, texting each other around the clock and the sex has been great.

February 20, 2013

I know a lot of guys like this are stubborn, you have to get a little real with them and make others' perception of them very apparent. We'll have to agree to disagree on that one. To each their own.

I usually like your posts which is why I'm debating this with you. Calling someone an idiot and telling them that you don't like them (you don't know this person?) while another poster is freaking out and 'screaming' with abusive posts is not helpful. You can dismiss it as bunker mentality but I think hurling abusive at some 22 year-old from different directions is poor behaviour. It also diminishes the value of your advice/opinion.

February 20, 2013

It's not like it was a premeditated tactical strike on an Afghan bunker. I'm not surprised I wasn't the only person it rubbed the wrong way. This guy's actions are far less cool, and their inflammatory in their own right. Advice is subjective, telling this guy to just "talk to his girlfriend about it" is fine if you think that's what will help. When someone shows blatant disrespect like this, I personally think that sometimes a taste of their own medicine, a reciprocal and functional disrespect is the most pragmatic means to and end. I know a lot of guys like this are stubborn, you have to get a little real with them and make others' perception of them very apparent. We'll have to agree to disagree on that one. To each their own.

I made one thread, that was uncool, because I was worried that the relationship was about to end and trying to justify to myself why it wouldnt be the end of the world if it did end. I also made one dodgy text after a hangover.

So looking at all that, I definitely must be a scumbag.

February 20, 2013

How can you possibly know that from this thread?

Weve had a fantastic connection. Weve shared so much together, texting each other around the clock and the sex has been great.

You have way too much drama going on for a new relationship (or any relationship, really).

And I don't know what you were trying to prove to her by telling her that you can talk to women easily at the club now. That would turn me off, too. Big time.

Not sure what you were hoping her response would be. "Um, congratulations?"

February 20, 2013

Deliberately planning to use your girlfriend as a **** buddy (without informing her first) and then discarding her...that is so freaking callous and that is what makes you scummy.

You're not reading my posts. I already explained the "discarding" part. It was because she was leaving me in a few months because she was going back to her hometown permanently. I was insecure that she was using ME as a sex buddy!

Not that youre insecure or asking for help...Ive made this abundantly clear but you just dont want to hear you have problems. If you had omitted that premeditated planning of deliberately hurting another person and saying "I think I like it" too I would have not have written what I wrote.

Sorry I dont like mean selfish people

Ive said many times I made a couple of mistakes here! Why do you keep saying these things!?

February 20, 2013

Because the internet is full of nutcases unfortunately. A lot of people are not interested in helping you or giving an honest opinion, they just want to vent their anger and disappointment. Half the time I read c**p on this forum and I just * facepalm *

February 20, 2013

Because the internet is full of nutcases unfortunately. A lot of people are not interested in helping you or giving an honest opinion, they just want to vent their anger and disappointment. Half the time I read c**p on this forum and I just * facepalm *

Im just repeating myself. Im done. Good bye.

Thank you Emilia. You helped me. She gets off work soon, so I expect a reply from her soon. I'll inbox you if you like to find out what happens.

February 20, 2013

Im just repeating myself. Im done. Good bye.

Thank you Emilia. You helped me. She gets off work soon, so I expect a reply from her soon. I'll inbox you if you like to find out what happens.

Good call, let me know and good luck. Sorry about this mess. Hope you sort stuff out.

February 20, 2013

I usually like your posts which is why I'm debating this with you. Calling someone an idiot and telling them that you don't like them (you don't know this person?) while another poster is freaking out and 'screaming' with abusive posts is not helpful. You can dismiss it as bunker mentality but I think hurling abusive at some 22 year-old from different directions is poor behaviour. It also diminishes the value of your advice/opinion.

To be fair, I advised him not to "act like an idiot." While I don't disagree that it's superficially poor in it's delivery, there's no saying that it's not more effective than the pleasantries and gentle hand holding that other people will suggest. To be honest, I don't see much sense in teaching the guy to talk his way out of it and reinforce his own behavior.

I'm not too much older than the OP and as a guy, a lot of times getting called out in such a fashion is the mechanism of change. Half the message is the method of delivery. I'm well aware how it looks. It's not my usual MO, but sometimes it's what's needed.

February 20, 2013

To be fair, I advised him not to "act like an idiot." While I don't disagree that it's superficially poor in it's delivery, there's no saying that it's not more effective than the pleasantries and gentle hand holding that other people will suggest. To be honest, I don't see much sense in teaching the guy to talk his way out of it and reinforce his own behavior.

I'm not too much older than the OP and as a guy, a lot of times getting called out in such a fashion is the mechanism of change. Half the message is the method of delivery. I'm well aware how it looks. It's not my usual MO, but sometimes it's what's needed.

I agree and true that you said 'acting like an idiot' rather than calling him one.

If you read my posts, I confront people - especially women - when I think they should take charge of their own destiny rather than handhold or allow them to enforce bad behaviour. I believe in tough love, very much so.

However, I believe the OP was misunderstood, and while he is clearly immature, he was not allowed to explain himself. I also believe the posts on the first 2 pages of this thread were deliberately misconstrued.

February 20, 2013

I agree and true that you said 'acting like an idiot' rather than calling him one.

If you read my posts, I confront people - especially women - when I think they should take charge of their own destiny rather than handhold or allow them to enforce bad behaviour. I believe in tough love, very much so.

However, I believe the OP was misunderstood, and while he is clearly immature, he was not allowed to explain himself. I also believe the posts on the first 2 pages of this thread were deliberately misconstrued.

Sorry I couldnt stay away from the thread haha.

I have been immature, but for good reason.

I lived a sheltered teenage life. Ive only being really experiencing life in the last 18 months. This is my first true relationship. I screwed up here and there, who hasnt in their first relationship?

February 20, 2013

I have been immature, but for good reason.

I lived a sheltered teenage life. Ive only being really experiencing life in the last 18 months. This is my first true relationship. I screwed up here and there, who hasnt in their first relationship?

I don't mean to write people off when I say this but very few manage anything vaguely stable and long term first time around and often not until their mid-20s. It's just part of natural development.

February 20, 2013

I don't mean to write people off when I say this but very few manage anything vaguely stable and long term first time around and often not until their mid-20s. It's just part of natural development.

Exactly. So imagine me trying to juggle this at 22, when I should have been doing this at 17. Ive made mistakes, but this is how you learn right? But it seems people want to crucify me for it.

February 20, 2013

I agree and true that you said 'acting like an idiot' rather than calling him one.

If you read my posts, I confront people - especially women - when I think they should take charge of their own destiny rather than handhold or allow them to enforce bad behaviour. I believe in tough love, very much so.

However, I believe the OP was misunderstood, and while he is clearly immature, he was not allowed to explain himself. I also believe the posts on the first 2 pages of this thread were deliberately misconstrued.

Well then perhaps my tough love is just slightly tougher(?). Who knows. Maybe the OP was misunderstood. You sound like a nice person and you know the score, but I'm going to stand by the time appropriate vitriol. It's always worked in the past. He'll live. For younger guys, this is often what we/they need.

With some guys (esp. selfish ones) stating things in a mature and reasonable way does not get the thoughts going in their head.
In an ideal world, I could calmly discuss things with people but I find that often does not work. I have dated a few guys where if I said something in a nice way it led to resolution...but I have dated several men where that tactic does not work and I have to act like a raging bitch to get anything resolved even the slightest. He is most def immature...

Agree.

Sorry I couldnt stay away from the thread haha.

I have been immature, but for good reason.

I lived a sheltered teenage life. Ive only being really experiencing life in the last 18 months. This is my first true relationship. I screwed up here and there, who hasnt in their first relationship?

You shouldn't have omitted that stuff. You came off sounding like you were pretty cognizant of the effect it'd have on her and that made you look pretty horrible. Sorry if I got out of hand but you sounded like you needed someone to tell you what's up. As I've said, getting taken down a few pegs is sometimes the best advice.

February 20, 2013

Exactly. So imagine me trying to juggle this at 22, when I should have been doing this at 17. Ive made mistakes, but this is how you learn right? But it seems people want to crucify me for it.

Well not letting you off that lightly. That text was silly and assuming that she only wants FWB just because she goes quieter is not smart but I have seen this sort of behaviour a lot in your age group, I know it's a natural insecurity on your part too since you care about your ego and not losing face. If you keep posturing and you keep falling out with girls because of it, you will learn not to do it. That's what 'live and learn' is. I don't think you are malicious though and that's the difference between me and the screamer here.

February 20, 2013

Well not letting you off that lightly. That text was silly and assuming that she only wants FWB just because she goes quieter is not smart but I have seen this sort of behaviour a lot in your age group, I know it's a natural insecurity on your part too since you care about your ego and not losing face. If you keep posturing and you keep falling out with girls because of it, you will learn not to do it. That's what 'live and learn' is. I don't think you are malicious though and that's the difference between me and the screamer here.

Well thanks for understanding.

Maybe I needed both sides of heaven and hell giving me a wake up call.

February 20, 2013

I responded to this same post in another section.

You very importantly left out the fact that she is leaving to go home and you feel insecure about that. If you hadnt done that you prob wouldnt have gotten so much hate

If you hadnt informed me of that I would think you are malicious and agree with pbjbear...because that is a malicious thing to do.

February 20, 2013

I responded to this same post in another section.

You very importantly left out the fact that she is leaving to go home and you feel insecure about that. If you hadnt done that you prob wouldnt have gotten so much hate

If you hadnt informed me of that I would think you are malicious and agree with pbjbear...because that is a malicious thing to do.

I made another thread about a week ago, concerning the fact that she was leaving and how it made me feel. I just forgot to add it this time.

Please understand everyone that im obviously insecure in myself, but im trying my best.

February 20, 2013

I made another thread about a week ago, concerning the fact that she was leaving and how it made me feel. I just forgot to add it this time.

Please understand everyone that im obviously insecure in myself, but im trying my best.

I understand. However, you will find many women will not appreciate you writing things that show such blatant lack of respect for other people's feelings (referring to the section where you described using her and ditching her)

If you feel this can be salvaged go for it, but if shes leaving whats the point? That could be a reason why shes distant now

February 20, 2013

If you feel this can be salvaged go for it, but if shes leaving whats the point? That could be a reason why shes distant now

on the other hand, 5 months is a long time, a lot can happen

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