Is my girlfriend jealous and insecure?

February 20, 2013

Let me just state that with some hard work, ive become quite attractive, not 10/10 by any means, but recently ive been getting some comments about my body or being a pretty boy, which ive never had in my life until now(22 years old).

Anyway, I think my GF of 3 months is becoming insecure about me finding someone else or not finding her attractive.

The last time we had sex almost a week ago, we changed positions and I lost my erection in the process and instead of getting me going again, she rolled over and stopped talking to me. After a couple of hours of sleep, I brung it up because it was really bothering me. Apparently she felt that because I lost my hard on I obviously dont find her attractive and she doesnt turn me on. Which is not the case at all, I find her very attractive and I told her this. This was the second time I couldnt get hard, it happened over a month ago too, but she was very understanding back then.

In the past when we first tried having sex, she backed out at the last second because apparently she was scared of me leaving her like every other guy after sex. Ive stuck with her all the way since weve had sex.

She tells me she wants to lose weight and she once told me about a month ago she had a dream that I was going to leave her because I found a girl that was prettier and nicer than her.

Now most recently I might have made her jealous and parnoid because I went on a long weekend about 100 miles from where I live and went out clubbing and got back really late. I got really drunk and slept in a hotel.

Anyway we were texting and I sent her this about being drunk and dancing:

"Yeah but all anxiety 100% gone. Not a single care. I remember just talking to one of the girls for ages. It's amazing how the conversation just flows. It's like my brain doesn't even need to think. I don't know why I'm describing the obvious effects of alcohol haha"

After this text I noticed the quality of her replies dropped off alot.

Its annoying me, because I have my own insecurities. I wonder to myself, am I boring her? Is she interested in somebody else? I wish I was more exciting etc etc.

Ive given her zero reason to feel insecure, other than what she might have conducted in her head.

February 20, 2013

Let me just state that with some hard work, ive become quite attractive, not 10/10 by any means, but recently ive been getting some comments about my body or being a pretty boy, which ive never had in my life until now(22 years old).

Anyway, I think my GF of 3 months is becoming insecure about me finding someone else or not finding her attractive.

The last time we had sex almost a week ago, we changed positions and I lost my erection in the process and instead of getting me going again, she rolled over and stopped talking to me. After a couple of hours of sleep, I brung it up because it was really bothering me. Apparently she felt that because I lost my hard on I obviously dont find her attractive and she doesnt turn me on. Which is not the case at all, I find her very attractive and I told her this. This was the second time I couldnt get hard, it happened over a month ago too, but she was very understanding back then.

In the past when we first tried having sex, she backed out at the last second because apparently she was scared of me leaving her like every other guy after sex. Ive stuck with her all the way since weve had sex.

She tells me she wants to lose weight and she once told me about a month ago she had a dream that I was going to leave her because I found a girl that was prettier and nicer than her.

Now most recently I might have made her jealous and parnoid because I went on a long weekend about 100 miles from where I live and went out clubbing and got back really late. I got really drunk and slept in a hotel.

Anyway we were texting and I sent her this about being drunk and dancing:

"Yeah but all anxiety 100% gone. Not a single care. I remember just talking to one of the girls for ages. It's amazing how the conversation just flows. It's like my brain doesn't even need to think. I don't know why I'm describing the obvious effects of alcohol haha"

After this text I noticed the quality of her replies dropped off alot.

Its annoying me, because I have my own insecurities. I wonder to myself, am I boring her? Is she interested in somebody else? I wish I was more exciting etc etc.

Ive given her zero reason to feel insecure, other than what she might have conducted in her head.

From what you said. Sounds like she feels as though you might bail. It's based on her previous experience. The drunk text didn't help at all. The loss of erection didn't help.

I think you sit down with her and tell her exactly how you feel. Tell her she shouldn't feel insecure. Open communication should help.

February 20, 2013

From what you said. Sounds like she feels as though you might bail. It's based on her previous experience. The drunk text didn't help at all. The loss of erection didn't help.

I think you sit down with her and tell her exactly how you feel. Tell her she shouldn't feel insecure. Open communication should help.

I've told her many times how much I like her. Weve barely spoke the last couple of days since the text, which has never happened before. She took about 8 hours to respond yesterday and the conversation was off.

It takes an hour to get to her by train and I cant see her tonight. I cant have conversations like this through text, its always a bad idea. I dont know what im going to say to her tonight as its been silence from her all day again.

February 20, 2013

My ex could never deal with his insecurities and in the end there was nothing I could do. Sometimes it's the way. You can't fix another person's character or personality. I know it's not what you are suggesting OP but really, you can only work with what she has, not what you would like her to have. You are both young I think, strong insecurity is quite common in people in their early 20s.

February 20, 2013

I would be insecure if I were her too. The difference is, I wouldnt change my behavior so youd have no idea Id be feeling this way.

I once dated a hot guy (super hot body, average face) who was a really good tennis player. He told me before I stopped seeing him that every girl he dates starts working out and eating healthy though he never tells them to. He also told me that all the girls he date in generally start becoming more into their appearance though he never tells them to. I found it amusing he couldnt figure out why...he may never have told them to, but he was goodlooking and made it very apparent looks were the utmost importance to him.

That text was not a smart thing to send to her...

I also dont like to date men that go to clubs alot. Despite what anyone says, alot of people in who are very into clubs do things they think they wont do while in a relationship.

Men just like to call women insecure but I find most women arent (I have met a few who generally are though) and start acting more insecure FOR A REASON. When a girl says shes feeling insecure all of a sudden I dont look at her, I look at her man and what HE IS DOING.

You say you really like her and all, but youre young and Ive seen this situation so many times. Whether you want to admit it or not, once more attractive women without bad personalities start making serious passes at you, you will start thinking about leaving her...I find men are always looking to trade up whether they are willing to admit it or not

February 20, 2013

"Yeah but all anxiety 100% gone. Not a single care. I remember just talking to one of the girls for ages. It's amazing how the conversation just flows. It's like my brain doesn't even need to think. I don't know why I'm describing the obvious effects of alcohol haha"

After this text I noticed the quality of her replies dropped off alot.

Its annoying me, because I have my own insecurities. I wonder to myself, am I boring her? Is she interested in somebody else? I wish I was more exciting etc etc.

Ive given her zero reason to feel insecure, other than what she might have conducted in her head.

UMMM look at your text? Yet you say you have given her ZERO reason to be insecure....LOL

February 20, 2013

Do you actually need to post multiple threads on this one topic?

I hate to say it, but she's not the only one who seems insecure here...

Why don't you just accept the FWB situation, deal with it, and just relax until the day that you are obliged by circumstances, to call it a day?

February 20, 2013

I would be insecure if I were her too. The difference is, I wouldnt change my behavior so youd have no idea Id be feeling this way.

I once dated a hot guy (super hot body, average face) who was a really good tennis player. He told me before I stopped seeing him that every girl he dates starts working out and eating healthy though he never tells them to. He also told me that all the girls he date in generally start becoming more into their appearance though he never tells them to. I found it amusing he couldnt figure out why...he may never have told them to, but he was goodlooking and made it very apparent looks were the utmost importance to him.

That text was not a smart thing to send to her...
I also dont like to date men that go to clubs alot. Despite what anyone says, alot of people in who are very into clubs do things they think they wont do while in a relationship.

Men just like to call women insecure but I find most women arent (I have met a few who generally are though) and start acting more insecure FOR A REASON. When a girl says shes feeling insecure all of a sudden I dont look at her, I look at her man and what HE IS DOING.

You say you really like her and all, but youre young and Ive seen this situation so many times. Whether you want to admit it or not, once more attractive women without bad personalities start making serious passes at you, you will start thinking about leaving her...I find men are always looking to trade up whether they are willing to admit it or not

As usual, you are painting with a really broad brush there pbj. Unfairly so. And good job with the blame the man part... its always his fault.

I've.had the problem in bed too. And it pissed me off the way she would get really insecure whenever something actually took effort to get hard. Then she started telling ME how I felt and telling me what I am thinking. Not listening to what's really.causing the problem... but throwing her I securities at me. Talk about a low level of self confidence.

Edited February 20, 2013 by Keenly

February 20, 2013

As usual, you are painting with a really broad brush there pbj. Unfairly so. And good job with the blame the man part... its always his fault.

I've.had the problem in bed too. And it pissed me off the way she would get really insecure whenever something actually took effort to get hard. Then she started telling ME how I felt and telling me what I am thinking. Not listening to what's really.causing the problem... but throwing her I securities at me. Talk about a low level of self confidence.

OP, did you talk to her about your drinking and clubbing and how this new attention will go to your head? You should have a mature conversation about it. She said she wants to lose weight and you say you are super hot...there is prob a disparity between you two. relationships where the woman is not as attractive as the man rarely work

You also ignored my comment about the text, Keenly. That was NOT a smart thing to do. My alarm bells would be going off if a guy sent that to me

February 20, 2013

UMMM look at your text? Yet you say you have given her ZERO reason to be insecure....LOL

So that one text, which is all about how easy it is to talk to people when drunk and ive made her super insecure.

I probably shouldnt have mentioned that it was a girl, but it was, so what? Am I not allowed to talk to girls and tell my girlfriend that I did? Also we went to a gay bar that night!! A guy isnt allowed to go clubbing everyone once in a while? I rarely go.

February 20, 2013

I hate to say it, but she's not the only one who seems insecure here...

Why don't you just accept the FWB situation, deal with it, and just relax until the day that you are obliged by circumstances, to call it a day?

Am I a bit insecure? Sure. This is my first proper relationship with somebody.

Its not as simple as you make it, I dont know what all these feelings are inside me. I dont know the level of how much I care for her. Sometimes I feel great love for her.

The last time we were together, except for that one moment where I lost my erection, I loved being with her. We just talked for more than an hour on her bed and had great intimacy.

I just dont know what to feel.

February 20, 2013

OP, did you talk to her about your drinking and clubbing and how this new attention will go to your head? You should have a mature conversation about it. She said she wants to lose weight and you say you are super hot...there is prob a disparity between you two. relationships where the woman is not as attractive as the man rarely work

You also ignored my comment about the text, Keenly. That was NOT a smart thing to do. My alarm bells would be going off if a guy sent that to me

Absolutely the text was a stupid thing to send. But how long is the insecurity going to go on?

This topic is quite bear to my heart because my ex was insecure for two years. It snowballed from "you talked to that girl you ran into at the store when went on Tuesday... you're cheating on me" (all I said was hi how are you because I've known her for ten years) that behavior then turned into "WHY IS THAT GIRL LIKING YOUR FACEBOOK STATUS YOU NEED TO DELETE HER RIGHT NOW OR IM LEAVING YOU"

I don't tolerate behavior like that anymore.

February 20, 2013

Sometimes girls are insecure

I find 90% of the time its the boyfriend who is doing disrespectful, inappropriate things though. Not one or two instances either, repeated dsirepectful or inappropriate things. Then when they have a conversation about it, its "youre insecure" and always deflected back on the woman. Most men today arent respectful and dont act in a way that reflects showing concern for their S.O's feelings, thats just my observation. Sometimes women are just insecure, like Keenly's ex, but I find that doesnt happen as much

February 20, 2013

OP, did you talk to her about your drinking and clubbing and how this new attention will go to your head? You should have a mature conversation about it. She said she wants to lose weight and you say you are super hot...there is prob a disparity between you two. relationships where the woman is not as attractive as the man rarely work

Well I dont think im super hot. Ive put a lot of effort into my body and its probably better than 99% you will ever see. Recently ive been told by my GF and that girl at the club that im a pretty boy, so maybe I am, but I dont see it myself haha.

As ive already said, looking good is all new to me and its exciting, I like taking my shirt off and posing on the stage in clubs etc and dancing different that stands out. Ive been clear about this with her from the start.

I can understand why she would feel insecure. But I think she is very attractive!! Ive told her many times!!!

February 20, 2013

Well I dont think im super hot. Ive put a lot of effort into my body and its probably better than 99% you will ever see. Recently ive been told by my GF and that girl at the club that im a pretty boy, so maybe I am, but I dont see it myself haha.

As ive already said, looking good is all new to me and its exciting, I like taking my shirt off and posing on the stage in clubs etc and dancing different that stands out. Ive been clear about this with her from the start.

I can understand why she would feel insecure. But I think she is very attractive!! Ive told her many times!!!

Based on what you said about yourself I think youre going to need basically a female version of yourself as a girlfriend. Thats the only type of woman who wont be bothered by your behavior. So go find a woman who is into working out and standing out at clubs and stuff.

Most guys who all of a sudden become hot arent the type to be good boyfriends (because usually it goes to their head, you def seem to enjoy the attention).

You were upfront about it at least. Ive been in a situation like this and when a guy is upfront I run for the hills.

I believe you when you say you told her shes attractive, but actions speak louder than words. Guys will often say what you want to hear and dont match their actions otherwise. Just my .02

February 20, 2013

Based on what you said about yourself I think youre going to need basically a female version of yourself as a girlfriend. Thats the only type of woman who wont be bothered by your behavior. So go find a woman who is into working out and standing out at clubs and stuff.

Most guys who all of a sudden become hot arent the type to be good boyfriends (because usually it goes to their head, you def seem to enjoy the attention).

You were upfront about it at least. Ive been in a situation like this and when a guy is upfront I run for the hills.

I believe you when you say you told her shes attractive, but actions speak louder than words. Guys will often say what you want to hear and dont match their actions otherwise. Just my .02

So I'm no longer the pathetic, small and skinny nerd who doesn't have a life and can't get girls. Now I've turned that all around, I can't be with girls because they're worried I'll leave?

WHAT.

Also believe it or not, I'm actually both a mixture of shyness and standing out. I don't want a loud girl, I want a nice quiet girl exactly like her.

February 20, 2013

Anyway we were texting and I sent her this about being drunk and dancing:

"Yeah but all anxiety 100% gone. Not a single care. I remember just talking to one of the girls for ages. It's amazing how the conversation just flows. It's like my brain doesn't even need to think. I don't know why I'm describing the obvious effects of alcohol haha"

After this text I noticed the quality of her replies dropped off alot.

Ive given her zero reason to feel insecure, other than what she might have conducted in her head.

To a girl, a text like that is every reason to be insecure, especially if she's already wary of the situation. What'd you think was going to happen? Do you think she'd say "That's so cool, I'm glad you're drunk and making friends with other girls." What'd you have to gain by sending her that? You specifically highlighted your conversation with "one of the girls." It sounds trivial to a guy, but some girls read into this stuff like they're Sherlock Holmes. My guess is you were actually trying to make her jealous, and/or you subconsciously don't like her. That or you shouldn't be in a relationship at all because it sounds like you'd rather just run around being a "pretty boy."

We all know how girls can get insecure but in some cases, like this, it's completely justified. There's no excuse for you on this one if you had any inkling as to how she would react.

February 20, 2013

So I'm no longer the pathetic, small and skinny nerd who doesn't have a life and can't get girls. Now I've turned that all around, I can't be with girls because they're worried I'll leave?

WHAT.

Also believe it or not, I'm actually both a mixture of shyness and standing out. I don't want a loud girl, I want a nice quiet girl exactly like her.

Don't let her wind you up, she sees the bad in every guy.

That text was unfortunate but with everything else you said, I think she is excessively insecure. Do try to talk to her, it's great that you like nice girls as opposed to attention seekers (those chicks f**k guys up good and proper) but just be mindful that due to her age and disposition, you might not be able to fix this.

As you get older you will see more that sometimes people get scared when you excel at something ie in this case as your looks improved, it's possible that intimidated her. Some will worry that you leave them yes. Confidence is key and not everyone has it. Especially not when they are 20

February 20, 2013

So I'm no longer the pathetic, small and skinny nerd who doesn't have a life and can't get girls. Now I've turned that all around, I can't be with girls because they're worried I'll leave?

WHAT.

Also believe it or not, I'm actually both a mixture of shyness and standing out. I don't want a loud girl, I want a nice quiet girl exactly like her.

No not at all. But you like going to clubs and talking up women and doing attention-seeking behavior. There is actually nothing wrong with this either, but it is hard to do this stuff while being in a relationship. You are 22 and seem to be a bit immature (I honestly dont know how you can NOT think that text you sent would cause issues...seriously? If you think theres nothing wrong with that then youre unreasonable) so you prob wont listen to what I say, but believe me many women will not like this sort of stuff. Some will be more vocal about it that others. And if your body is better than over 90% of guys' out there like you say, you are VERY attractive whether or believe it or not.

See this is the thing, a loud super hot guy into clubbing and drinking is not really compatible with a quiet girl who doesnt like those things. I am not saying you are wrong, just that some women will NOT like this and you are not compatible with them.

February 20, 2013

Don't let her wind you up, she sees the bad in every guy.

That text was unfortunate but with everything else you said, I think she is excessively insecure. Do try to talk to her, it's great that you like nice girls as opposed to attention seekers (those chicks f**k guys up good and proper) but just be mindful that due to her age and disposition, you might not be able to fix this.

As you get older you will see more that sometimes people get scared when you excel at something ie in this case as your looks improved, it's possible that intimidated her. Some will worry that you leave them yes. Confidence is key and not everyone has it. Especially not when they are 20

This is so not true. If he wasnt doing ANYTHING to make her feel insecure I would be saying "she is insecure" but he is clearly doing stuff to make her feel insecure and then hes bitching about it. Yeah that text was "unfortunate" as you put, but guess what... he has control over his own actions. Also his attitude about the whole situation reeks of disrespect.

February 20, 2013

Based on what you said about yourself I think youre going to need basically a female version of yourself as a girlfriend. Thats the only type of woman who wont be bothered by your behavior. So go find a woman who is into working out and standing out at clubs and stuff.

Most guys who all of a sudden become hot arent the type to be good boyfriends (because usually it goes to their head, you def seem to enjoy the attention).

You were upfront about it at least. Ive been in a situation like this and when a guy is upfront I run for the hills.

I believe you when you say you told her shes attractive, but actions speak louder than words. Guys will often say what you want to hear and dont match their actions otherwise. Just my .02

To a girl, a text like that is every reason to be insecure, especially if she's already wary of the situation. What'd you think was going to happen? Do you think she'd say "That's so cool, I'm glad you're drunk and making friends with other girls." What'd you have to gain by sending her that? You specifically highlighted your conversation with "one of the girls." It sounds trivial to a guy, but some girls read into this stuff like they're Sherlock Holmes. My guess is you were actually trying to make her jealous, and/or you subconsciously don't like her. That or you shouldn't be in a relationship at all because it sounds like you'd rather just run around being a "pretty boy."

We all know how girls can get insecure but in some cases, like this, it's completely justified. There's no excuse for you on this one if you had any inkling as to how she would react.

Actually you don't know the full story. I'm actually very shy when it comes to conversations. I've told her this, which she was shocked, but when it comes to people I don't know, I'm really quiet and this has been one if the topics of conversation between us recently. I even went to a speech class a week ago. This is my one big insecurity and I told her in confidence. So me telling her "hey I spoke with a girl last night and alcohol makes conversation so easy!" was never meant to be a harmful comment...

February 20, 2013

Actually you don't know the full story. I'm actually very shy when it comes to conversations. I've told her this, which she was shocked, but when it comes to people I don't know, I'm really quiet and this has been one if the topics of conversation between us recently. I even went to a speech class a week ago. This is my one big insecurity and I told her in confidence. So me telling her "hey I spoke with a girl last night and alcohol makes conversation so easy!" was never meant to be a harmful comment...

Are you serious? Do you have any concept of the thought processes of an insecure girlfriend? If anything this is going to make her more insecure.

"Hey! I can talk to other girls and it's totally easy, I wasn't nervous at all. Maybe I'll start doing it more from now on."

"I met this other girl and it was so easy to talk to her. So much easier than talking to you."

You're digging your own grave here. Maybe you were doing it innocently, but you've got to realize how she's going to interpret it if she's already skeptical.

February 20, 2013

https://www.loveshack.org/forums/transitioning/friends-lovers/374881-relationship-turning-into-fwb#post4626431

You want to explain this?

You are a douche and everything I stated about you was right...

I hope she dumps your ass and never talks to you again

Normalperson- he doesnt have any concept of thoughts within his girlfriend because hes a selfish person who cannot fathom anything from another person's point of view.

I say it how it is. Get over yourself

Edited February 20, 2013 by pbjbear

February 20, 2013

Unfortunetly, that's what insecurity does. Insecurities always get on the way fo good relationships, especially when starting out. If she's got a weight issue, which most of us women have, then it's not surprise she's acting like that.

February 20, 2013

Don't let her wind you up, she sees the bad in every guy.

That text was unfortunate but with everything else you said, I think she is excessively insecure. Do try to talk to her, it's great that you like nice girls as opposed to attention seekers (those chicks f**k guys up good and proper) but just be mindful that due to her age and disposition, you might not be able to fix this.

As you get older you will see more that sometimes people get scared when you excel at something ie in this case as your looks improved, it's possible that intimidated her. Some will worry that you leave them yes. Confidence is key and not everyone has it. Especially not when they are 20

We only met 3 months ago, it's not like I got good looking while we were together. We met on OKC and my profile picture is with my shirt off in the gym and she contacted me first!

Yes, attention seeking girls scare the hell out of me. I remember a month ago a girl exactly like that who was very hot walked up to me poured a drink in my mouth without asking and kissed me on the lips and I wanted to run away haha.

I sent her this text: "We obviously need a talk Danni. Something changed between us and we've been distant since Sunday. I don't know if I've done something wrong or what it is, but I have different theories going on in my head and its not a nice feeling when your mind wanders like this. All I know is I still care about you a lot."

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