brokenbeaten Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 hello been trolling these boards for a few months to try and cope but it hits me so hard some days.. my ex broke up with me 5 months ago, didn't see it coming, hit me incredibly hard background: met him at 22, crushed on him and finally told him at 24, got rejected, did NC, got back in touch, he asked me out, started dating after i moved away - 3.5 yrs ago - all LDR. I'm 29 now, he's 31. he's my first everything (I'm his 2nd but longest r/s)....I'm deeply/insanely in love with him. he broke up stating that the distance was getting to be too much (fair enough). I accept blame for that - initially it was supposed to be 1-2 yrs but the lure of career progress and the barriers of finding a job to move back kept me away for 3 yrs instead but I was in the process of transitioning already but didn't have confirmation that i'd come back when he broke up. I got that confirmation 2 weeks after the BU and moved back 2 months later. Immediately post BU, I stayed LC with him. I was in a lot of pain and he did his best to try to help me...never contacted on his own, but talked to me when i reached out, let me be angry at him, said he cared about me and was hurting to see me hurting but knew he did the right thing and decided to stick to his decision even after he found out that I was moving back. I went NC just before moving back when i realized that the move wasn't going to change his mind. I tried to get over the hurt and move on after all my negotiating, pleading, promising failed to change his heart. He doesn't want to try again b/c he knows that I love him, and he doesn't love me back. He said he likes me, a lot...and that his feelings for me have grown over time but he's already broken my heart twice before and he knows how painful it's been for me and he just can't put me through that again. He doesn't love me yet and he's afraid to try again because of the possibility of having to break my heart again in a few years, if he doesn't fall in love/want to get married to me. He'd rather I move on and find someone who will love me. Is there really no possibility of him falling in love with me one day? He worries that it's been 3yrs and he still can't say he loves me and that he should have known by now. I disagree b/c our r/s was primarily long D (diff countries) but we still liked each other enough to keep seeing each other exclusively but it did slow the progress of the relationship. I feel that as long as his feelings for me were strengthening over time, we should see where things can go, now that we can have a normal relationship. Life's too short to live with regrets and he makes me so incredibly happy that I feel it deep in my bones that he's the one for me. I love him and I developed feelings for him a lot earlier than he did for me, while we were still friends. I haven't been interested in anyone else since I first met him. During the first rejection, I had tried to date several times, but each date just made me miss him more. He's perfect for me and when we're together, we mesh perfectly. We don't have any other issues between the two of us but he's decided to not give us a shot again. He's trying to move on and doesn't want to consider trying again with me. I've broken NC recently to beg, plead, reason with him. Isn't it worth trying again? Am I being unreasonable? Is there really no hope that he may love me one day b/c he hasn't in 3 yrs? Doesn't love take time? I don't even care that he doesn't love me yet - I'd be happy if he liked me more than any other girl and as long as his feelings were strengthening over time. I don't want to give up without trying....but i don't know what else i can do....except to just leave it be for now and hope he has a change of heart....
Apolodor Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 As Rod Stewart says in one of his songs, "the first cut is the deepest" ... I've read your post and it made me cringe. I understand your pain all too well, but you must know that love does not take time. You can't earn someone else's love and affection. It's either there right from the start or else it will never be. If after 3 years of knowing you this man tells you that he likes you but he can't love you back you'd be much better off moving on. You say you started dating him after you moved away.... That must have been very convenient for your bf, and I am not sure exactly what you mean when you say you had an exclusive LD relationship with him. Maybe now that you're back the whole love affair thing requires more commitment for which he is not prepared yet.
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