BLo7687 Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 Like I said in my other post, me and my ex broke up in Dec. We dated on and off for 2 years. It started going downhill in Oct/Nov. He broke up with me because I never gave me him a full commitment on the future. He's leaving to go to the Air Force in April. There were a lot of other factors why we didn't work out (I treated him like crap especially when we argued, never showed him to my parents, commitment issues, etc). He had other issues as well (insecure, jealousy, trust issues). He did treat me well and I'll admit I should of treated him better. He was really hurt on how I treated him and about everything in the past. He was honestly the best boyfriend I ever had. I never cheated. I cared and loved him a lot but I don't think I was ever in love with him. I would think if I wasn't in love with him in 2 years, what makes me think I'd be in love with him in the future? To be honest, throughout the whole relationship I treated him like I had the GIGS and he was just the next best thing. I did wanted to stay with him when he would leave to go to the Air Force and see how a long distance relationship would be like but "seeing where it goes" wasn't enough for him. Like I said, he wanted a full commitment on the future and I couldn't give it to him. I knew eventually there would be a dead end to this relationship. I would of just dragged it out and wouldn't have been able to break up with him. So when he broke up with me/lost him, obviously I fought for him especially last month (Jan). Don't think I wasn't sad/hurt because I was. He was so wishy washy about everything and told me it was too late and that I only do things when it's too late. And that's when I thought to myself do I want him back because I'm losing him/attachment/out of loneliness and not because I saw a future with him?? That's not really a good reason to get back with someone. It's hard but I had to get a reality check. Don't get me wrong, even though this is how I feel I do miss him but I know in the end it wouldn't have worked out. People say "you don't know what have until it's gone; truth is, you knew what you had, you just thought you'd never lose it". And this was the case for me. Honestly this probably karma striking me back. The last few weeks I tried to go NC but obviously he would hit me up and I would get sucked into talking to him again. The week before this I went NC for 6 days after we got into an argument. I had called him back last week just to tell him I was doing fine because he kept calling/texting me "I'm sorry and I hope your doing okay" and a bunch of other breadcrumbs. When I finally called, he was so mad that I was ignoring him for a week. He asked if I had thought about him and bunch of other things. That's when he finally told me he was talking to someone else. Can't say I'm surprise because he can't stay alone for more than 2 min. He's done this before. Pretty sure he was talking to this girl while we were still hanging out/messing around/him hitting me up. He's quick to fill the void with someone else and jumps from relationship to relationship. What pissed me off the most is how much he was bragging about this girl how she was so much better than me LOL. When he described her he said she had a kid, is divorced, and her ex husband physically abused her. Sounds like baggage to me. I got so pissed I told him to **** off and he deleted/blocked me from every social media (fb, twitter, instagram). Pretty sure he did that so he can start posting pics up of this girl. He said he was hiding pictures from me which I did give him the green light to put them up before I told him to **** off. I was honestly prepared to see it even though it would of hurt. So it's been 5 days since NC. Now that everything has settled in. I don't want to leave on bad terms. I know we're not getting back together after knowing how i felt about him. Honestly I want to leave on good terms before he leaves to go to the Air Force. I don't want to do this last min when he leaves in April. In the end, I just want him to be happy and hope he's doing okay. Even if he moves on with other people, I'm moving on myself. I don't want any bitterness between us. I hope that we can be friends eventually. I'm not going to feel better until were on good terms. I really want to reach out to him and tell him this. But I feel like he won't reply or he's blocked me through text/calls. I want to tell him this week or next week. Is it too soon? What do you guys think?
Chi townD Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 Hey! It's not a perfect world! Sometimes, relationships end badly. Sometimes it's just best to let sleeping dogs lie. The thing is, the two of you were in a relationship and I'm sure that it was a caring and loving relationship. Well, is hard to leave someone if you like them. So, subconiously, you two pick a fight. It's easier to leave if your pissed. But, it's what your brain had to do to allow you to walk away. Him telling you about the other girl is his way of ensuring that you stay away. It normal human nature. Now, that the dust settled, your brain reverts back to what you once had. That he isn't such a bad guy, wants to be friends again, maybe grab some coffee down the road......But, I'm sure you didn't feel that way right after the fight! I would say, just let it go. 1
flitzanu Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 Like I said in my other post, me and my ex broke up in Dec. We dated on and off for 2 years. It started going downhill in Oct/Nov. He broke up with me because I never gave me him a full commitment on the future. He's leaving to go to the Air Force in April. There were a lot of other factors why we didn't work out (I treated him like crap especially when we argued, never showed him to my parents, commitment issues, etc). He had other issues as well (insecure, jealousy, trust issues). He did treat me well and I'll admit I should of treated him better. He was really hurt on how I treated him and about everything in the past. He was honestly the best boyfriend I ever had. I never cheated. I cared and loved him a lot but I don't think I was ever in love with him. I would think if I wasn't in love with him in 2 years, what makes me think I'd be in love with him in the future? To be honest, throughout the whole relationship I treated him like I had the GIGS and he was just the next best thing. I did wanted to stay with him when he would leave to go to the Air Force and see how a long distance relationship would be like but "seeing where it goes" wasn't enough for him. Like I said, he wanted a full commitment on the future and I couldn't give it to him. I knew eventually there would be a dead end to this relationship. I would of just dragged it out and wouldn't have been able to break up with him. So when he broke up with me/lost him, obviously I fought for him especially last month (Jan). Don't think I wasn't sad/hurt because I was. He was so wishy washy about everything and told me it was too late and that I only do things when it's too late. And that's when I thought to myself do I want him back because I'm losing him/attachment/out of loneliness and not because I saw a future with him?? That's not really a good reason to get back with someone. It's hard but I had to get a reality check. Don't get me wrong, even though this is how I feel I do miss him but I know in the end it wouldn't have worked out. People say "you don't know what have until it's gone; truth is, you knew what you had, you just thought you'd never lose it". And this was the case for me. Honestly this probably karma striking me back. The last few weeks I tried to go NC but obviously he would hit me up and I would get sucked into talking to him again. The week before this I went NC for 6 days after we got into an argument. I had called him back last week just to tell him I was doing fine because he kept calling/texting me "I'm sorry and I hope your doing okay" and a bunch of other breadcrumbs. When I finally called, he was so mad that I was ignoring him for a week. He asked if I had thought about him and bunch of other things. That's when he finally told me he was talking to someone else. Can't say I'm surprise because he can't stay alone for more than 2 min. He's done this before. Pretty sure he was talking to this girl while we were still hanging out/messing around/him hitting me up. He's quick to fill the void with someone else and jumps from relationship to relationship. What pissed me off the most is how much he was bragging about this girl how she was so much better than me LOL. When he described her he said she had a kid, is divorced, and her ex husband physically abused her. Sounds like baggage to me. I got so pissed I told him to **** off and he deleted/blocked me from every social media (fb, twitter, instagram). Pretty sure he did that so he can start posting pics up of this girl. He said he was hiding pictures from me which I did give him the green light to put them up before I told him to **** off. I was honestly prepared to see it even though it would of hurt. So it's been 5 days since NC. Now that everything has settled in. I don't want to leave on bad terms. I know we're not getting back together after knowing how i felt about him. Honestly I want to leave on good terms before he leaves to go to the Air Force. I don't want to do this last min when he leaves in April. In the end, I just want him to be happy and hope he's doing okay. Even if he moves on with other people, I'm moving on myself. I don't want any bitterness between us. I hope that we can be friends eventually. I'm not going to feel better until were on good terms. I really want to reach out to him and tell him this. But I feel like he won't reply or he's blocked me through text/calls. I want to tell him this week or next week. Is it too soon? What do you guys think? what good terms? you're mistakenly believing that he actually cares that you snapped at him. he already broke up with you and he's banging other girls. that isn't the way a guy shows he cares about an ex. you trying to be nice is just giving him approval of his behavior anyway, and that he can go bang new girls and you'll be in the background apologizing and accepting what he's doing. you have a right to actually be angry at someone.
Author BLo7687 Posted February 20, 2013 Author Posted February 20, 2013 I'm no longer angry anymore. Just to make things clear, when we broke up the 1st time around, I broke up with him. I went and hooked up with other guys after. He did the same as well but he was heartbroken. Obviously the 2nd time around, he did the breaking up. I was NOT in love with him. I knew it wasn't going to work out. I just want to be on good terms with him before he leaves. I have not reach out to him yet and when I do, if I don't get a respond back then that's that. I guess he'll want to leave things on bad terms. I'll just have to accept that and life will go on.
flitzanu Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 I'm no longer angry anymore. Just to make things clear, when we broke up the 1st time around, I broke up with him. I went and hooked up with other guys after. He did the same as well but he was heartbroken. Obviously the 2nd time around, he did the breaking up. I was NOT in love with him. I knew it wasn't going to work out. I just want to be on good terms with him before he leaves. I have not reach out to him yet and when I do, if I don't get a respond back then that's that. I guess he'll want to leave things on bad terms. I'll just have to accept that and life will go on. the problem with your notion of "good terms" is that it is one-sided. you are wanting a specific reaction or response to what you're doing, but not considering that you may not get it if he does communicate. what if he doesn't care about your apologies and just yells at you? is that worth the effort? will you still feel relieved for doing it? if someone has dumped you and they are making zero effort to communicate with you for long periods of time, chances are very high they just don't care about communicating with you. don't start digging more holes that are unnecessary if this is just going to cause you more trouble.
H3Drvr Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 He did the dumping so it would appear that he does not need any communication from you to "set things straight". Could it be that your desire to set things straight with him has an ulterior motive? Like say, you secretly believe that if you contact him One...Last...Time, the response might be different and all of the sudden a light bulb will go off inside him and that he realizes that he wants to reconcile and be with you? If you don't love him then there shouldn't be anything more that needs to be said. And anyway, I'm sure both of you are running on emotional fuel right now and that's a fairly volatile and combustible mixture. Let the dust settle for a month then revisit and reconsider what you really want to do.
destroyed4sho Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 Don't want to be on bad terms with the ex Who cares if you do or you don't. They still won't want you back.
Simon Phoenix Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 Quoting the 80s movie Cocktail: Everything ends badly. If it didn't, it wouldn't end. 2
Author BLo7687 Posted February 21, 2013 Author Posted February 21, 2013 Could it be that your desire to set things straight with him has an ulterior motive? Like say, you secretly believe that if you contact him One...Last...Time, the response might be different and all of the sudden a light bulb will go off inside him and that he realizes that he wants to reconcile and be with you? Nope that's not what I'm expecting at all. Like I said we wouldn't have worked out and we weren't meant to be. I just want things to be cool and not have any bad blood before he leaves. If he doesn't respond, then that's my answer. I'm not going to die over it. No ulterior motives here.
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