laaddict Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 (edited) I have no idea whats going on, maybe someone can provide me with clarity. I want a woman in the traditional sense, like I want to take care of her, and she take care of me. I think this girl can do that. Shes a few years older than me, 3. We've known each other for 20 years. But on and off, shes a close family friend, my parents know her parents. Anyways, just a a couple of weeks ago she moved close to where I am from a foreign country. Ive always gotten along with her and until recently I didnt actually think of her as someone I would end up with, and I have no idea why, Ive always been attracted to her, emotionally and physically. I have always felt so comfortable with her. I know I would give the following advice in this situation is, give it time / only time can tell. At the same time, I wouldnt want to be with her if it wasnt right for BOTH of us. And I do want to find someone who is compatible with me, I feel like we are compatible, big time, but at the same time I feel like she can be so distant or something. I, without a doubt in my mind, believe, with all my heart and soul, that she is amazing in so many ways. A part of me wishes we could just get married and live a perfect life (I know that doesnt happen, and it takes work and yap yap yap). I was fine until she showed up, started staring into my eyes, making me feel all lovey dovey and whatever. Inviting me to a concert with her, telling me shes going to come over to my place and sleep over (remember family friend). In fact, I think maybe my parents might even be happy that we would get together, but thats totally unrelated. I just want to find out whats going on with my emotions, they are all over the place. I was fine at school, making lots of friends, girls hit on me a lot, Im very confident, I smile all the time, Im handsome, not to be full of myself or anything. Actually I think I just have too much time on my hands, but even last week, before the mid term break, I was thinking about her non stop, we are talking to each other regularly. SHE invites me to a concert. I feel like she likes me, but at the same time, theres something about her personality that is reserved and holding back. Ive read through this post a couple times before posting and I know its cluttered and weird. Its actually how I feel in my head, and it has taken a lot of psychological work on myself to be able to get to this point where I can be honest with myself and say I feel messed up in the brain. I feel like I should add a few more things, Im an intj, shes entj. Maybe this might help. I used to be really shy, not anymore, not even a little anymore, I talk with everyone and anyone now. I used to have little confidence, and now its like big time confidence, in my mind Im sure if I wanted to I could go to a club and leave with a 10, I dont have trouble talking to them at school. But what I want is a smart, girl with a big heart. Im pretty sure she is her. I have no idea what the hell is going on. Just please dont waste time typing, "give it time", if you read through it again, youll see I say it twice. Edited February 20, 2013 by laaddict
Author laaddict Posted February 20, 2013 Author Posted February 20, 2013 If I wanted to I could get dates at school, theres lots of girls that I could ask out. But it feels like, it wouldnt be a good thing to do, especially because if I had a choice between all the women in the world, and this one, I know I would pick her, not the ones in my classes, not the girls I used to know. Theres 2 girls in just 1 of my classes, and I see them 3 times a week. That is just 1 class though, theres more in biology who makes googley eyes at me and keeps asking me about my girlfriend, I didnt meet her until after the main girl came here. Initially, before SHE got here, I was talking with 1 of these girls in my class, and getting close. Then she gets here a few weeks ago and I totally stopped moving forward. Am I out of my mind?
clia Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 I don't know what you are asking. You like her. She seems to like you. Ask her out on a date. Problem solved. 5
Author laaddict Posted February 20, 2013 Author Posted February 20, 2013 (edited) Thank you clia. you made me feel a lot better btw we generally chat online, and she always takes a long time to respond to me I hate that. I wish she would talk to me when I send a message rather than at her very specific time, which has been like 2-5 hours after I send a message. I always reply instantly, the few times she has sent a message first. In fact, for like 2 months my phone has been weird because it is low on memory, and it doesnt tell me when someone sends me a message, so I emptied 90% of my apps so that I would never miss a message SHE sends. Edited February 20, 2013 by laaddict
Author laaddict Posted February 21, 2013 Author Posted February 21, 2013 (edited) Weve been talking to each other every day for the last week or so. Everytime we talk it takes her at least an hour to reply to me, even though it says she is on her cellphone and should therefor instantly see the message. Anyways, sunday night we talked for a really long time. As usual I send her a message early, 9pm, she replies at 11pm and we talk until 1230am and she left because I asked her if she had things to do, because the last time she left early also because she had stuff to get done (I was actually mad and wanted to tell her I dont want her to go, I want her to stay, I didnt know how to tell her this). It is sort of a delicate situation because she is a close family friend, I dont want to make it weird or anything, I actually care about her even if there was no possibility of getting married with her. I would always want to be on good terms with her, like a very close friend/family. Then last night I sent her a message at 11pm, and she didnt respon, she did see the message at 230am. I think what I need is for someone to help me see some light in the situation. EVERY day we have talked I have on clouds and the next day Im smiley and happy and so much goodness. But when she doesnt talk to me I feel like complete and utter garbage. I know well enough not to become needy and possesive but I wish I could get her to talk to me more often. Ideally we would talk the whole day, not all 24 hours, but we could just leave the chat open and talk to each other. The last time we talked she translated a really nice song/poem by a very old artist so that I could understand. This song is sung by the guy SHE invited me to go with her to a concert of. Argh my brain feels weird. And why wouldnt she at least say anything when seeing my message. I think I shouldnt send her a message and just wait for her to make the next move. But a real man, like a really real man, I think, doesnt do that. If someone could relate to me or something I would really appreciate it. Edited February 21, 2013 by laaddict
Author laaddict Posted February 21, 2013 Author Posted February 21, 2013 because it feels like she doesnt feel comfortable around me, or maybe im just miss reading the situation, and obsessing over it too.
clia Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 You are completely obsessing over her. There is no reason to spin yourself in circles over this. Just ask her out. If she says no, you have your answer. If she says yes, then you go out with her. 1
Author laaddict Posted February 23, 2013 Author Posted February 23, 2013 I guess Im obsessing for two reasons 1 she and her family is very close to me and mine 2 I could be mistaking her "signs" that she likes, maybe she feels like she has to talk to me or something.
iKING Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 You're seriously falling for this girl, how long that'll last, not sure. She seems interested as well to some extent. Ask her out, problem solved. And don't worry about the details, sound more like excuses. 1
Author laaddict Posted February 23, 2013 Author Posted February 23, 2013 You're seriously falling for this girl, how long that'll last, not sure. She seems interested as well to some extent. Ask her out, problem solved. And don't worry about the details, sound more like excuses. What do you mean by "how long that'll last, not sure"
iKING Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 What do you mean by "how long that'll last, not sure" New love interests tend to fade with time. Not always the case, just usually. 1
Author laaddict Posted February 23, 2013 Author Posted February 23, 2013 Im curious to know what makes you think shes interested? Sometimes she does things that makes me think she is not interested. And others its the opposite. Ive told her 2 or 3 times, the next time she wants to come that I will drive to her and pick her up (3 hours each way) and usually she says my name, then says its ok. I asked her last night and she did the same thing, said my name, "Ill come and pick you up next time you want to come" We were talking about her home, and I wanted to see it, but I forgot to write that that is the reason I would want to come, there are a lot of other reasons too... She says MY NAME followed by, "no, Ill come with the train, itll be a new experience" me "so next time? cause thisll be a new experience too" "Im making food, cant type with dirty fingers" me: "Its too bad you dont come online sooner in the day, anyways Im gonna go brush, you make your food" "ok, typed with oniony fingers" AAAAAAAAAAAAAH I love this girl.... *bashing head against wall*
Author laaddict Posted February 23, 2013 Author Posted February 23, 2013 (edited) BTW she sort of set up a date herself a while ago, so this is why I wasnt sure. I dont know if its a hang out date, or a love date. Not that it matters, I love spending time with her and I love seeing her. Maybe a little too much... This is the reason I was asking for clarification. She asked me to go to a concert with her, but this was a while ago, like 9 days ago or something. The concert isnt for another month though. Edited February 23, 2013 by laaddict
crude Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 People sure over think things. If a family friend asked me out to a concert, the first thing I'd ask is if it's a date, so I'd know whether to shower or not (joke). Why wonder when all you have to do is ask. This happens to women all the time, and they never say a word. 1
mortensorchid Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 You like her, ask her out. What's the problem here? If she says no she says no, if yes then you will see what you see. Whatever you do, don't sit here and not take a chance because you will always wonder "what if" if you don't.
Author laaddict Posted February 24, 2013 Author Posted February 24, 2013 People sure over think things. If a family friend asked me out to a concert, the first thing I'd ask is if it's a date, so I'd know whether to shower or not (joke). Why wonder when all you have to do is ask. This happens to women all the time, and they never say a word. If she finds me attractive its because of my behavior. My behavior is generally very confident. Recently its been way down, I like this girl A LOT, and I dont want to change my behavior. Asking "So is this like a romantic date?" Would be highly unusual behavior. Can you be more specific on how this happens to women? It seems like all the responses are along the lines of, "We dont know, we cant help, but you should definitely ask and get your answer so you stop over thinking" But this seems like a cop out because now I have to introduce her to a weird situation that SHE will have to deal with, this is pathetic and unmanly. I want to be a man who takes care of her. People seem to want me to think that, oh well if you are suffering, just barf your emotions all over her and you will feel better instantly, I strongly disagree. I am a man, I will not make her feel uncomfortable, I think she is an exceptional person, I want her to take care of me and me her. Emotionally "barfing" on her, is not taking care of her, although, it is being selfish in my point of view. Im not as "physically sick" as before, Ive come to the conclusion that there is no way in hell Im going to ask her. If anything, I will continue to show her I who I am, and if she comes to like me awesome. My confusion is, does she like me? I dont believe she has made any overt gestures of love, or if she has I have been completely oblivious to them. I think the only way to know for sure is to wait and see if she brings up the concert again. But once more, more confusion, if she does bring up the concert it could be because she doesnt want to go alone but wants to see this artist she likes. If she does not bring up the concert, it could be because she is shy but really likes me and feels uncomfortable asking me. I dont think she has ever had a boyfriend (Im not sure though). I will definitely have to bring up this subject soon, but only when we are face to face. I will escalate from something meaningless, for example, maybe a touching game, where I will test her willingness and openness to touching me, like telling her "give me your hand" if she instantly gives it to me this is a good sign, then putting my hands on hers, if she squeezes my hand this is another good sign. Im trying to be delicate because I genuinely care about this girl deeply, I would want her around me even as just a friend. If you really want to help, and please do... try to relate this to an experience you have had. One with an extremely close family friend. One where someone was sending mixed signals and it did/didn't succeed. I think of her as a relatively shy person, but extroverted at the same time. She is very organized, which is the complete opposite of me. When she invited me to the concert is when we started talking more. After she said lets go, that is when I started feeling comfortable enough to talk to her on a regular basis.
Author laaddict Posted February 24, 2013 Author Posted February 24, 2013 BTW Im not trying to sound obnoxious. I will ask her out on a romantic date when I feel comfortable that it wont in ANY way bother her. Im not saying the advice you guys gave isnt good. It still feels like I wouldnt be treating her right, because I am not even 50% sure if she likes me. We have only been talking on a regular basis since 9 days ago, except for 1 day which I guess she had to wake up early or something. "The basic fallacy that you are carrying within you is that you always loved somebody. This is one of the most significant things about all human beings; their love is always for somebody, it is addressed -- and the moment you address your love, you destroy it. It is as if you are saying, "I will breathe only for you -- and when you are not there, then how can I breathe?"
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