rimshot Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 Hey everybody. Just wanted to get some stuff off my chest and hear your opinions. I'm in my late 30s and for the past 14 months I've been dating a woman 8 years younger than me. When we met we were living in separate cities and she was married but it was already falling apart. She waited until she got a separation from him first before we hooked up physically because she didn't want to cheat on him. She told me one of the reasons she left him, apart from not being in love, was that he was needy and clingy. It was a bad combination because she travels a lot for work and for fun. So when we started dating I made an effort to keep it casual and fun. I didn't know what she wanted and I assumed I was just a rebound. But things got pretty serious pretty quick. We got along great, had a lot of fun, the sex was great. She then moved to the city where I live and we became bf and gf. It was pretty great all of last year- we never fought, we have similar interests, we had a great time. I really fell in love with her and thought this could be the one. But I never once told her I loved her because I didn't want to scare her off. Then she dumped me over Xmas. Over a week of calls and emails and texts she explained that she thought I didn't love her and also at the same time that she felt like it was all too much for her, that she never had time to be alone after the marriage. I explained to her how much I loved her and after about 2 or 3 weeks of emailing we got back together. We both apologized and it felt great. I felt like our relationship was stronger now. And now she just dumped me again, this past Sunday. She came over and explained that yes she loves me, she's attracted to me, sex is great, but that she is having a crisis moment in her life and needs to get her sh*t together. On her own. When she saw how upset I was she changed it to "let's take a break" instead. Which I agreed to. She said that she is freaking out about her job, that she's not sure where she wants to live, that she never had time to become her own person again, that she had never planned on a serious relationship right after her separation. She also told me that she just got really bad health news about her dad, who I know. There was a lot of crying and cuddling and kissing. It was surreal and she said that she was totally confused. She mentioned seeing a shrink. Which was really surprising because she was (up to now) the most well adjusted gf I've ever had. She also mentioned that she doesn't think we are right together because she feels intimidated by me. She felt like the junior partner, like she didn't contribute. The problem is we never talked about what kind of break we were going on. I just agreed to give her some time, whatever that means. We didn't say if it was going to be NC or not, or if we could see other people. When she left my place it wasn't "goodbye it was nice knowing you" it was "ok I'll talk to you later." I know obviously that I should not get in touch but she is going to her hometown this week to see her dad. I want to know how he is and I want to let her know that I'm here for her if she needs to talk about it. I just want to email her telling her that and not mention anything about us or how I miss/love her. Of course I do miss her and that's one of the reasons I want to write to her. I know it's a bad reason, but I do feel like even though she basically dumped me she would probably appreciate some support during this difficult time. So… email or no email?
destroyed4sho Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 what will you email her about? Its OVER. She does not want you in her life. She said lets take a break bc she felt sorry for you.
Amelie1980 Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 Do me a favour.....search for my old posts regarding the same issue. With him a break was code for not having the guts to.break up with me. Call her bluff and.dump.her. See what she does. 1
flitzanu Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 break = breakup. it's the same thing. also in your post you said you waited until she's "separated" from her husband, but you didn't say "divorced". separated is still married, which means she's still married, which "needing to get her life together" could very well mean going back to her husband now that she got this out of her system. 1
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