bluefairy812 Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 (edited) hey guys, so i need to vent here. first, i want to say that loveshack is a great place, it really has helped me with my break up, especially the no contact rule. (thanks to taramaiden and everyone else!) it's difficult but well worth it. not knowing a damn thing about my ex has helped me tremendously. so although its not easy, it's something that you absolutely must do! no doubt about it... i have come such a long way from where i was 7 1/2 months ago. i went from not eating and laying in bed all day to going to the gym (never ever went before) working another job, networking, traveling, etc. it's been a rough ride but i'm almost glad this break up happened, it has opened many doors for me. like many of you, i fell into one too many traps with speaking to my ex after i initiated no contact and never really executed it. i would start NC, then have a chat with the ex after he complained i ignored him and asked why i didn't want to talk. then i would start again, wait a few weeks, and i would give into him calling or texting me for no reason... it was the most insane and hurtful thing ever, because all you do is hurt yourself and set yourself back worse than before. i always thought "oh wow maybe THIS TIME he will tell me he wants to work it out." BS!!! this includes snooping on social media websites. one day, after being hurt really bad (read my last posts) i just stopped everything. i told him for the 1000th time to leave me alone and that we couldn't be friends... i went and blocked him on everything i have (phone #, fb, etc.) and i haven't looked back. i mentally CANNOT bring myself to that point anymore because i refuse to keep being hurt over and over. well, it's been a good 4 months since my last contact with the ex. but now, he's messaging me. (a few weeks ago i bumped into his sister and she told him i'm sure, since he wrote me an email asking to be his friend later that night) AND as i have been doing, i ignored the message. today, i wake up with an e-mail from him saying he "couldn't believe" i blocked his number and was asking wha he did to deserve this. he went as far as asking my cousin if i changed it. i don't wish him anything bad nor do i hate him, i simply have no interest in being friends. i just refuse to feel pain. i'm at a really good point in my life and just can't bring myself low again. it's crazy because all i ever wanted before was to hear from him. and now that i do, i'm convinced he's either a) crazy or b) looking for an ego stroke. it's funny because he has a girlfriend, so why the hell does he want to hear from me? i'm sure she doesn't know he's doing this. after all that pain, i can finally just shake my head at these messages and keep moving along. i don't even think i would want to get back with him, i don't see him on that pedestal that i used to, and to go through everything again? risk him pulling this crap of "i don't see you in my future and have felt this way about you for a year"? no thanks! i can't help but feel good about the power i have here, lol. and feel good to know i am doing what i need to do for myself to get better. i do feel bad in a way, but i told him way too many times to leave me alone. so it does get better, there is light at the end of the tunnel. keep moving forward and don't look back!! Edited February 20, 2013 by bluefairy812
mwhitneyvi Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 I still creep my ex, but it doesn't bother me as much. It's also only been 7 weeks for me and I'm a pregnant hormonal mess. I'm still trying to stop responding when he gets in touch with me, as it's never anything than him being bored and wanting someone to joke around with I guess. I can still tell that I'm healing faster than the last time I felt this strongly about someone who broke my heart. Plus, every time he contacts me all hyped up being a dumbass it really just makes me more annoyed with him. So honestly... I hope he keeps it up lol
Author bluefairy812 Posted February 20, 2013 Author Posted February 20, 2013 are you pregnant with his baby? it's hard, i know you have to def cut it off at some point. it's like a drug, feels good at the moment but def bad for you in the long run.
mwhitneyvi Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 No, it isn't his. The baby was an accident and I met him early on in the pregnancy. I just moved here before I met him, know nobody but my church, and my car isn't even on the road. So boredom is a lot of the reason I keep it going in my mind I'm sure. But I can tell my perspective is changing. I believe my mind is much more over it than I'd like to admit for some reason.. probably only because I haven't known anything else here.
Author bluefairy812 Posted February 20, 2013 Author Posted February 20, 2013 thats tough i'm sorry, have you thought of joining any groups clubs or a maybe a yoga class? you need something to keep your mind occupied. i like to go to the bookstore and grab a coffee and just relax. makes you forget all the crap thats going on. 1
mwhitneyvi Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 I haven't found anything, but that's my own fault... I haven't looked. I hung out with one friend that I met but he was somewhat flirty with me so I felt uncomfortable and went home and freaked out because it wasn't my ex. I'll get there... I have a few personal training certifications I need to work on, I'm going to get started on those while I have all of the free time.
destroyed4sho Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 I am glad you went from crying in bed to new job and successes. I wish my life would turn around..i am still depressed and in bed alot. Maybe a good strategy is to tell.him you are blockig him from your email box too and that you may be ready to be friends sometime in the future.and that you will let him know.
Author bluefairy812 Posted February 20, 2013 Author Posted February 20, 2013 I haven't found anything, but that's my own fault... I haven't looked. I hung out with one friend that I met but he was somewhat flirty with me so I felt uncomfortable and went home and freaked out because it wasn't my ex. I'll get there... I have a few personal training certifications I need to work on, I'm going to get started on those while I have all of the free time. UGH i hated that feeling, the comparison, of how HE isnt like the ex. sucks. but you do get there slowly. i still compare my ex to the guy i am currently dating sometimes. it's normal. and thats awesome! accomplishments are always a PLUS! next time you need to let loose, write in a journal too! that always helps me and you're journal never ever will judge you lol
Author bluefairy812 Posted February 20, 2013 Author Posted February 20, 2013 I am glad you went from crying in bed to new job and successes. I wish my life would turn around..i am still depressed and in bed alot. Maybe a good strategy is to tell.him you are blockig him from your email box too and that you may be ready to be friends sometime in the future.and that you will let him know. i'm sorry it is part of the grieving process to feel hurt and depressed, but at some point you have to pick yourself up, if you don't do it, who will? the mind is a powerful tool, and your focus needs to be on getting better. thats why its best to occupy your mind with new fun things like dance, yoga, the gym, art classes, photography, travel, etc. i have also told him so many times i cant be his friend. it's so annoying that after a few weeks he "respects" my decision then decides to contact me pretending we never agreed on not talking for a while. i am sure we will be friends in the future, i just can't do it anytime soon. thats why i'm convinced hes crazy or needs an ego stroke. he's used to getting his way.
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