Alma Bella Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 I don't know where to begin. Me and my now ex were together for four years and friends for a year before that. We were best friends.(still are) We both have always had complete and total freedom we spent a lot of time doing our own things as well as a lot of time together. Don't think this is BS ....but we never fought .......really.....our fights were disagreements that always got sorted out. We have never called each other names and in four years we never broke up until now. She decided that she needs time to herself She said she still loves me and can't see her life without me. She still has hope for us and believes we will get back together. For the first month we did mostly no contact....a couple of sleepovers though....no sex. Then for the past month we have been hanging out again a bit and when we are its just like it was. We just spent Valentine's day together and had sex for the first time in two months. When we talked though she said she still wasn't ready and is unsure about getting back together. She said she has no reasons. She said she sill loves me and that I make her happy. She said she could get back with me right now and be happy bc our relationship is perfect, but she said she is confused and has questions and that something has changed . I don't know what to do. I have been doing nc with her again since the day after Valentine's day. She has texted me and sent me links on fb to things and commented on my posts. She has made a new guy friend that she told me about. They are going to go to Chicago together for six days. I'm so worried about it. She said its not like that for her that's he's just a chill dude. I hung out with her and him once he's okay.....nothing really like me.....and not to sound conceited but definitely not as attractive as I am. I was everything for her I gave her everything I had and did everything to show her that she was the one for me. She still tells me she thinks we are soulmates. I'm just scared about this dude and her in Chicago getting drunk, staying in hotes going to concerts. I know we aren't together so she can do what she wants but I just dont get It. I am an amazing person and so is she. Why does she need this space. I can't bear the the thougt of her with someone else. If she still feels all these ways.......Idk I'm just hurt and lost and confused. I am beyond in love with her. I would spend the rest of my life with her.....I would die for her.......she is everything to me. A little background......she was 17 and I was 20 when we got together. She is now 22 and I am 25. We live together for two years and lived separately for two years. We had complete trust. We were made for each other. I'm just scared. I need her back. Everyone thinks I'm all tough and am handling it well......but what they don't know is that inside I'm dying. I love her madly and miss her like crazy. What should I do? I have Plenty of girls interested in me but I have no time for them. They simply don't compare. I am so lost. I dont know what to do if we don't get back together. These two months have felt like two years. Please help......any advice or insight is more appreciated then you will ever know.......@losing my mind
CarrieT Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 she said she is confused and has questions and that something has changed She is 22 years old. She is maturing and changing. I'm sorry to say it, but you are better off going NC and becoming comfortable with yourself. You are young as well and for a four year relationship, you got her when she was just becoming a woman; now she needs time to become her own person. It happens all the time and is why those of us that went through it (I was married at 20 and divorced at 25), heartily recommend not even considering marriage until you are closer to 30. The change in mentality in that decade is staggering.
316 Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 Sounds like she likes you a lot but isn't quite ready to settle down (which is understandable at her age). She might want some time to herself to play the field a little bit before truly committing to someone. It happens a lot with people in this age group... But overall you need to sit down with her and find out if the single life is really what she wants, because if she chooses the single life then you have no choice but to go NC or else you'll be crushed when you find out about her hooking up/dating other guys. Don't drag this out... The longer you're strung along the worse you'll feel in the end. Good luck man.
Author Alma Bella Posted February 20, 2013 Author Posted February 20, 2013 (edited) But if what we have is so great....bc we literally make each other better......why can't there be an exception? Why is there this set of rules everyone thinks that exist that young people cant hold onto love. I am more than capable of never being with anyone else other than her ever again. I'm not rushing to get married. I have always let her be her own person. I am in college and work full time. She is a bartender and server has no responsibilities. So she always goes out has fun goes places. I'm in nursing school and work at a level one trauma center as a hospital clinical technician. I have no time to party. I just can't accept that we are over.....and for no real legit reason.......its just so hard because we are so in love. Edited February 20, 2013 by Alma Bella
Author Alma Bella Posted February 20, 2013 Author Posted February 20, 2013 Thanks for responding guys......
316 Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 But if what we have is so great....bc we literally make each other better......why can't there be an exception? Why is there this set of rules everyone thinks that exist that young people got hold onto love. I am moe than capable of never being with anyone else other than her ever again. I'm not rushing to get married. I have always let her be her own person. I am in college and work full time. She is a bartender and server has no responsibilities. So she always goes out has fun goes places. I'm in nursing school and work at a level one trauma center as a hospital clinical technician. I have no time to party. I just can't accept that we are over.....and for no real legit reason.......its just so hard because we are so in love. I know you're currently in a very emotional state at the moment (which is understandable) but you've got to look at the facts. Whatever is going on through her head she simply isn't on the same page as you right now. You need to find out exactly WHY she isn't on the same page as you. Does she want to explore her sexuality more? Does she feel tied down with you? Is she interested in seeing new guys? Whatever her reasoning for not wanting to be with you anymore you need to find out why or else you'll never get anywhere. Ask her what you can do to help her and save the relationship. Then based on her answer you either change the dynamics of the relationship or go NC if she's still confused. Sometimes people take their SO's for granted so she might come back to her senses if you're absent from her life for a little while. If she truly feels like you're the one then she'll come back to you. We're here for you though man don't forget that. Any time you're feeling down or any time you need to resist contacting her you can always post here instead. 1
Author Alma Bella Posted February 20, 2013 Author Posted February 20, 2013 @ 316......that's the worst part. She is just as confused as me. She has no answers....for me or herself.......we have had talks.....its looking like its time for another one. Full nc will be so hard on both of us....her biggest thing has been that I'm her best friend........and to be honest she is mine........I'm gonna give your advice a shot. I really appreciate your input. This place has really helped me a lot reading through the posts.....that's why I joined.
jovan Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 I think you should go completely NC, and if she wants you back she will find a way to contact you. Am sry for what happened to you, but there's no easy way around it. NC and slowly start healing gl to you mate
bluefairy812 Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 please go NC. i was with my ex for 4 years, same thing, best friends, my first love, we met while we were young as well (19 and 21) and people change unfortunately. it's going to be hard for a while but you need to grieve and deal with this process bc its going to get worse before it gets better.
316 Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 @ 316......that's the worst part. She is just as confused as me. She has no answers....for me or herself.......we have had talks.....its looking like its time for another one. Full nc will be so hard on both of us....her biggest thing has been that I'm her best friend........and to be honest she is mine........I'm gonna give your advice a shot. I really appreciate your input. This place has really helped me a lot reading through the posts.....that's why I joined. No problem at all. This website can be a very powerful tool in the road to recovering from heartbreak. No matter what happens always remember this: love is a beautiful and powerful emotion. Our ability to love and care about someone as strongly as we do while we're in love is incredible in my opinion. It's what makes us human. But unfortunately our love for another person isn't always reciprocated, but even then that's okay! It just means we haven't met the right person yet. Imagine if you two were already married and she was having these confusing thoughts. It's better that this happened now than later. So instead of being hateful that the relationship didn't work out in the end, be THANKFUL that you were able to experience this beautiful thing we call love. I know you don't think this now but I guarantee you it won't be the last time you do! Both you and I are so young and have so much life to live... So many people we have yet to meet. So if things don't work out remember to cherish the time you two had together... Learn from it... Grow from it... So by the time you're fully healed, you'll come out stronger, happier, and ready to love once again.
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