DollWelch Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 I was at a social event recently, and happen to bump into someone I used to date. I certainly won't go into the details, but his behaviour that night was unusual to say the least. I didn't know what to make of it, to be honest. In any case, he and I proceeded to catch-up with each other on what we had been up to so to speak. At one point he even pulled out his smartphone to share pictures of his adventures, which happen to include a picture of his ex-girlfriend (I don't know if this woman was before he and I were an item or after). But that lasted a couple of minutes, and we each went our separate way. As the night progressed, I noticed he'd gravitate towards me and next thing I knew he and I were conversing again. A mutual friend noticed him glancing several times in my direction most of the night; I only learned about this after the fact. By the end, once again, he and I happened to be conversing and he mentioned about how it would be nice to see me attend another social event that was happening later on that week. But here is the kicker. The reason (his explicit words, not mine) he didn't pursue dating was because he "didn't feel it (connection?)". So the question becomes: Why bother conversing and behaving in that manner? Was this his way of being friendly? What was he thinking? I felt uncomfortable and definitely threw me for a tailspin. Thoughts and/or feedback would be appreciated.
todreaminblue Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 (edited) I was at a social event recently, and happen to bump into someone I used to date. I certainly won't go into the details, but his behaviour that night was unusual to say the least. I didn't know what to make of it, to be honest. In any case, he and I proceeded to catch-up with each other on what we had been up to so to speak. At one point he even pulled out his smartphone to share pictures of his adventures, which happen to include a picture of his ex-girlfriend (I don't know if this woman was before he and I were an item or after). But that lasted a couple of minutes, and we each went our separate way. As the night progressed, I noticed he'd gravitate towards me and next thing I knew he and I were conversing again. A mutual friend noticed him glancing several times in my direction most of the night; I only learned about this after the fact. By the end, once again, he and I happened to be conversing and he mentioned about how it would be nice to see me attend another social event that was happening later on that week. But here is the kicker. The reason (his explicit words, not mine) he didn't pursue dating was because he "didn't feel it (connection?)". So the question becomes: Why bother conversing and behaving in that manner? Was this his way of being friendly? What was he thinking? I felt uncomfortable and definitely threw me for a tailspin. Thoughts and/or feedback would be appreciated. he has changed his mind for whatever reason....maybe it was soemthing in your attitude or whatever, have you ever warmed up to someone or something, been friends with a person and that friendship develops into a closer friendship you cant define why...it just happens.....that is fact it happens......he has warmed up to you and obviously is looking at ways he can continue to spend time with you ...no what are your feelings on this that is more important to you ......i am assuming that you were the one to be hurt as the guy said he didnt feel a connection with you that is what you posted...so i then assume, you were hurt by his rejection because now you feel uncomfortable and insecure about that adn are unsure of his intentions but interested enough to post here to ask others what they think his intentions are so you care right? or not?........ i dont blame people or situations when i get rejected..i look at em and me alone............i got rejected by the navy the first time, in an in school career seminar........he said to m e....come back when you have lost twenty kilos you are too big to even consider a career in the forces.......so three months later i went again twenty five kilos lighter......and i am now ex military..so yes i passed with distinction.......and went totally wild got bullied and learned soem amazing things.....but thats another story.....so now i can dance in combat boots and fatigues ......while carrying an slr 45 with bayonet attachment pretty cool...who can say they hav edone that...yep me....;0) if had given up on rejection and gone woe is me.......they dont want m e...i wouldnt be who i am now....everything has a place and a reason but most of all ....a time to happen...what do you want and can you let rejection go to give it your best shot...I have taken my rejection like medication and used it .in whatever way feels right....and to grow somehow.....what do you want from this and from this guy...not saying marriage tomorrow, but are you interested in getting to know him any more?..deb Edited February 20, 2013 by todreaminblue 1
Clockwork Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 I guess the question is do you WANT to date this guy again? It sounds like there is still chemistry between the two of you. Him showing you pictures of an ex to another ex is a strange thing to do but it could be his way of showing you that he can get another girl even if he wants you. He could totally want you and try to make it look like he doesn't. It could be a ploy. I've been there when I saw an ex I wasn't quite finished with yet. We were at the bar, I was with a group of friends and she came with a group. We talked briefly and I thought she looked stunning. I was interested the whole night in what she was doing. She was dancing with this guy for a long time and getting close and I found myself extremely jealous. I wanted her. I don't know when it was but she left the bar and I wasn't sure if she left with a guy or not. Eventually I came home and I couldn't sleep. I HAD to know if she hooked up with a guy. So I called her at 3am because it was bothering me and she was alone so I told her to come over, and she did. I guess what I am saying is that you really don't know how you'll feel about that person until you see them in the flesh for the first time. 1
Author DollWelch Posted February 20, 2013 Author Posted February 20, 2013 I've been there when I saw an ex I wasn't quite finished with yet. We were at the bar, I was with a group of friends and she came with a group. We talked briefly and I thought she looked stunning. I was interested the whole night in what she was doing. She was dancing with this guy for a long time and getting close and I found myself extremely jealous. I wanted her. I don't know when it was but she left the bar and I wasn't sure if she left with a guy or not. Eventually I came home and I couldn't sleep. I HAD to know if she hooked up with a guy. So I called her at 3am because it was bothering me and she was alone so I told her to come over, and she did. I guess what I am saying is that you really don't know how you'll feel about that person until you see them in the flesh for the first time. Mhhm. That's how it was. I was enjoying myself with friends, laughing and having a good time. I had quite a few men approach and converse with me; I was definitely flirting with men, and I think that must have stung him (seeing me with other people). But I'll never know if that was truly the case with him. I don't know, though, if I should attend the upcoming social event simply because I would feel uncomfortable having him around, and the fact that a part of me perhaps doesn't want to get involved again. What to do? Sigh.
miss_jaclynrae Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 AHhhhhh! People seriously think too much. Who cares? The real question is why do YOU care so much. You are so obviously WANTING us to tell you that he is totally interested, which he may or may not be. None of us are him, so none of us will ever REALLY know why.
FitChick Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 If you don't want to start anything with him again, don't attend the event.
ja123 Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 So tell us some more details ... how long ago did you date him? What were the frequency of dates? How long did you date? You had sex, right? Was it good? How did you first meet? etc. How did he dump you? How did you feel? Do you want to start things up with him again?
Recommended Posts