sadpanda87 Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 been doing pretty well, but out of nowhere with no trigger (that i can see whatsoever) i starts to think about her and all the dumb things i did for her. all the awkward and embarrassing moments just making me cringe and well... think about her. is this normal? its been a while since (i thought) i've dealt with lingering feelings for her but this just reminds me of how attractive and loving she once was. i really dont want to be set back... its been rough making my way here already
Keddy Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 Its only been a week for me and yeah I guess its normal. Whatever I do, even hanging out with friends, she's always in the back of my head. I dropped a friend off the airport and suddenly the thoughts of her waiting for me coming home at the airport came haunting me. Whenever I'm alone I always thought about the really sweet loving things we did. How she loved me so much. And now I'm left here, still hurting deep down hoping we can get back together. Its such a painful process. Even when I'm out hoping to meet other women, none of them could reach the levels of my ex girlfriend. And I live in a pretty small town. I don't know how long this will last. Its destroying me inside but I keep trying to let it not.
TaraMaiden Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 What an amazing thing..... The word 'gosh' in the thread title.... Makes a pleasant change! The trick is to prevent the snowball effect..... Here is what I wrote for someone else who found themselves in your predicament: Basically it said that when you're in true distress, the distress lasts for 12 minutes or so. After that, it's self-inflicted. A stack of people came back with arguments against this fact: That drug addicts can take years to get over their pain, bereavement is permanent because someone is gone you can't replace them... They were missing the point. If a thought that provokes the pain comes into your head, that thought generates that pain for around 12 minutes at a time. Any prolongation of that pain, is something you are psychologically inflicting upon yourself, by perpetuating that pain. So the thing to do, is to not permit that pain to 'snowball.' I've said this before. Heck, I think I said as much yesterday, to someone.... Yeah... Here it is:This is the problem with situations like this: Those nursing a broken/healing heart, can't "just leave it there".... They begin the snowballing... that is, they have the grain of an embryonic thought, and instead of leaving it, they begin to roll it DOWN the hill, accumulating more 'snow' as they go, turning this fleeting little notion into a great big story complete with chapter, verse, footnotes and date references.... The trick is to not start rolling the snowball. Pick it up and throw it, and move on. It takes time to 'get over' a relationship of any kind. But in your healing process, learn to spot, to recognise, where the real 'pain' should stop, and where you begin with the self-inflicted 'pain'. Pain is valid. Emotions are valid. They deserve to be honoured. But if we self-inflict, we actually do those honourable feelings an injustice, because we coat them and embellish them with our own story, and blur the edges of their raw honesty. Hope it helps.
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