no contact sucks!

February 19, 2013

she asked me to text her after bumping into each other.. and her accusing me of a whole bunch of things.

I was the dumper but I didn't want to be. after returning stuff and a few other incidents she told me she doesn't want a relationship right now. she's not stable enough she's going through a bad time.

she did hold my hand hug me and told me she loves and misses me though.

I haven't text her back.. it's been like 4 days. it's depressing me. but it's for the best right ?

it drives me crazy, everytime I get a text I wonder if it's her. i'm going crazy. feel like im always hoping she'll be in touch rather than hoping I can get over her. I can't change this way of thinking no matter how much I tell myself she's been bad to me lately or how it won't ever work out. I still hope she'll call. I really do need to let this go but I just can't.

I went no contact in the beginning for 3 weeks. I deleted her from facebook, I struggled then and i'm struggling now i'm back at it. it feels so wrong.

just feel rough lately. I've been on the verge of tears all day. doing terrible at work. I have no ambition. it sucks having nobody to come home to and share my day with. sleeping alone. I just keep reminding myself, she's not getting in touch either.

am I doing the right thing here? really would like to fix things but I don't think I know how.. or anybody on here does. so I guess this is all I can do right ?

February 19, 2013

. after returning stuff and a few other incidents she told me she doesn't want a relationship right now.

am I doing the right thing here? really would like to fix things but I don't think I know how.. or anybody on here does. so I guess this is all I can do right ?

At this point, when someone says they don't want a relationship right now, what can you do? It's not your choice...you don't have options. Your only option is to go through the grieving stages like everyone else on here. As soon as they break up with you its OVER.

If you keep contact with her its going to be hard getting over her...it may take years. Cut contact now and see how you feeling in 3 months.

Its tough, I am going through it too, but I am glad I have been on NC.

February 19, 2013

Another day, another thread....I hope she contacts you and get back together. Maybe after she plays more mind games, behaves terribly towards you and hurts you even more, maybe then you might snap out of the trance she has you in. She is telling you she is not stable yet u still want to engage with her...

It's now come to the stage no one on this site can help you. Like the addict looking for a hit. You don't care if it's bad for you, you crave for that temporary high. Even though that temporary high is always followed by a devastating low..This will get worse before it gets better. U ar heading straight towards rock bottom, taking all the usual stops along the way.

Please buy the book "how to break your addiction to a person" and read it back to back..

Edited February 19, 2013 by Mack05

February 19, 2013

Another day, another thread....I hope she contacts you and get back together. Maybe after she plays more mind games, behaves terribly towards you and hurts you even more, maybe then you might snap out of the trance she has you in. She is telling you she is not stable yet u still want to engage with her...

It's now come to the stage no one on this site can help you. Like the addict looking for a hit. You don't care if it's bad for you, you crave for that temporary high. Even though that temporary high is always followed by a devastating low..This will get worse before it gets better. U ar heading straight towards rock bottom, taking all the usual stops along the way.

Please buy the book "how to break your addiction to a person" and read it back to back..

I am going no contact. i'm just venting and being honest with myself about how I feel, surely everybody feels this way or has felt this way before.

I admit i'm one of the weaker people here at loveshack. I already feel at rock bottom just by going no contact.

February 19, 2013

calgary - whenever you're feeling like you want to contact her, make a list of the reasons that you've gone no contact in the first place. I've had a weak day as well, I've been sick and have just wanted to reach out and speak to him, but I find the best way to stop myself from doing so is to go over in my head the things that he did or said that hurt me, why I am going no contact, and what I hope to gain from it.

February 19, 2013

yea exactly! and keep remembering they're also not making the effort with you as sad as it is ! no matter how many reasons I think up to dislike her and not contact her.. I still love and miss her! it's difficult.. I think I was just looking for a bit of strength and encouragement from this thread as I feel i'm pretty weak and i'll probably cave if i'm not careful. i'll take the first breadcrumb and I really don't want to now.

February 19, 2013

I am going no contact. i'm just venting and being honest with myself about how I feel, surely everybody feels this way or has felt this way before.

I admit i'm one of the weaker people here at loveshack. I already feel at rock bottom just by going no contact.

Calgary venting on LS is great IF it helps you keep NC. Venting here looking for support is pointless if you continue to engage her. Why try help someone who doesn't want to be helped? Read other LS stories look how may people regret breaking NC. What do you think makes you are any different?

The cycle with you is the same. You create a thread, vent. Weekend comes you meet her. U end up confused/frustrated. New thread created in response to meeting her, same advice from LS members, followed by an inability to absorb this advice/excuses.

U will still be doing this in 6 months. Is that what u want? Believe me the longer you delay dealing with your grief, the longer the road is back.

U need to go through this pain. By checking your phone 24/7, hoping for a reconciliation, obsessing on why she does the things she does, u are only postponing dealing with your grief. There is no easy fix here. The best thing u can go is avoid clubs for the near future and stay NC. Yes it's boring but it forces you to DEAL wih your emotions.

The advice u are getting are from people who had to deal wih similar scenarios. This girl is all over the place. IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO HAVE A HAPPY RELATIONSHIP WITH HER. IT'S IMPOSSIBLE FOR YOU NOT TO GET HURT. The fact u still want her means u are a mess too. You have lost emotional control and sensible logic has gone out the window. Believe me u haven't hit rock bottom but that is where u are headed..

Buy the book I recommended...

Edited February 20, 2013 by Mack05

February 21, 2013

i'm finding no contact unbearable i'm still at it. I can't take it at all. it doesn't feel right to not be fighting for this girl. i'm struggling and just looking for encouragement to stick at NC ! I had a good night last night! a few girls gave me attention, I wasn't interested but it was a bit of a confidence boost. I'm very sure though that my ex is what I want. I didn't dump her because of cheating or lies or anything.. it was just flirting with other guys infront of me. like it hardly seems worth giving up on what I had.. but I hurt her and now she doesn't want a relationship.

I'm really trying not to talk to her.. even though she asked me too. it's been 5 days. I just keep thinking ' she's not tried so why should I ? ' kind of thing ! i'm just struggling and need you to convince me not to text her telling her I understand why she said what she said. I know I shouldn't but it's like my mind is fighting my heart. can you link me to the book ?

February 21, 2013

Calgary the thing is you actually don't know what is best for you right now. You have lost emotional control. You are like an addict looking for a hit. Please buy the book I recommended to you. Its called "How to break you addiction to a person". Go to Amazon.com and type it in. LS mods get angry attaching links.

I think you two will actually get back together in the future. Just a feeling I have. BUT if this happens it will be so bad for you. It will fail again. I couldn't be surer. Except this time the pain will be so much worse. There is so much more going on with this girl then you understand. In your head you feel "if I change this and she changes that" then we would be perfect. If only life was that simple...There is soooooo much more going on under the surface then flirting.

I can tell you that this girl is very VERY clever and manipulative. She has you thinking all this is your fault. She has you like a puppet on a string. I know this type of girl so well. They put on a facade. They show you the best side of them. It's the side you don't see that is so so so dangerous.

Because you miss her so much logic has gone out the window. It's only a matter of time before you break NC. The urge will be too much. I have seen this movie a million times. I've been the star once or twice and the ending is ALWAYS the same. You are simply too emotional to think and see clearly. I remember my sister saying that to me awhile back and me thinking what the hell are you talking about. I get it now..

What you also don't get is you are incapable of being in a healthy relationship with ANY girl. Its not for me to tell you why. It's up to you to understand why and do something about it. A hint.. Go buy another book -> "Go suck a lemon"..

Edited February 21, 2013 by Mack05

February 21, 2013

appreciate your down to earth talks with me a lot thank you!

I think i'm just having a moment of weakness again.. and i'll have another tomorrow.

and the day after for the next 6 months like you said!

i'll go have a look for these books! I completely agree I am incapable of being in a healthy relationship with any girl at this moment in time! I couldn't agree more. i'm trying to take the time to improve myself, I'm struggling though, i'm eating a little better but i'm still struggling to fall asleep.

I think you're right i'll cave one day and make contact won't I ? I can already see it.

she is very clever. I don't see how we'd ever get back together, I guess like you said, it's pretty obvious i'm on a string and would go running back and the power is in her hands right now and she probably knows it.. she'll probably come back to me when she's had her fun elsewhere and I don't really want that do I ? nobody wants that.

I appreciate it mack05! I wish I didn't feel so desperate for a breadcrumb!

February 21, 2013

Calgary the thing is I've been there and ignored the advice. I ignored the advice cause I was going totally nuts like you are now. The feeling of 'helplessness' is one of the worst feelings around. No one could get through to me. I eventually learned the hardest of lessons.

If you make the same mistakes as me, you won't get criticised for doing so. After all we are human. In a way sometimes you have to put your hand on a hot stove, before you realise how hot it actually is.

I just don't want you to have to go through what I did. As tough as it is now, believe me it can get so much worse..

So now that you have decided to break NC, how are you going to do it? :-)

Edited February 21, 2013 by Mack05

February 21, 2013

it drives me crazy, everytime I get a text I wonder if it's her. i'm going crazy. feel like im always hoping she'll be in touch rather than hoping I can get over her. I can't change this way of thinking no matter how much I tell myself she's been bad to me lately or how it won't ever work out. I still hope she'll call. I really do need to let this go but I just can't.

It's funny, I'm like this too. But then when I do finally get a message from her I just think "ah crap what did she go and send that for?". I might read it but I won't respond. I'll go and do something else. Might respond hours later with something pointless and generic.

February 21, 2013

it's funny isn't it, but when you get a text you're fine! it's when you've sent a text and not got a reply you go mental.

February 21, 2013

Calgary the thing is I've been there and ignored the advice. I ignored the advice cause I was going totally nuts like you are now. The feeling of 'helplessness' is one of the worst feelings around. No one could get through to me. I eventually learned the hardest of lessons.

If you make the same mistakes as me, you won't get criticised for doing so. After all we are human. In a way sometimes you have to put your hand on a hot stove, before you realise how hot it actually is.

I just don't want you to have to go through what I did. As tough as it is now, believe me it can get so much worse..

So now that you have decided to break NC, how are you going to do it? :-)

yea I always learn the hardway! I find it so funny but so many people know exactly what i'm going through, because similar has happened to them! im just unsure if breaking contact is a good idea? I feel like I should keep at no contact don't you ?

I came here to stop myself messaging her. I wanted to say I understand why she said that I left her for somebody else even though she knew that was untrue.. basically she was just trying to get back at me for all the accusations I made towards her flirting with other guys she wasn't interested in, so that i'd feel the feelings I put her through and that I learnt from it ?

I don't know it was probably stupid? I wouldn't even known how write it. would have probably asked if she was feeling any better about things?

I didn't do it though. I don't think it's a good idea. like you said i'm going totally nuts!

February 21, 2013

"Move a muscle, change a thought." I think about contacting my ex all the time, especially now that he has stopped trying to get in touch with me (because for some reason, it feels as though he is slipping further and further away), but any time I feel as though I want to, I literally just get up and do something else. Even if it's just going into a different room and getting a snack, stepping out of the immediate place you're in can help to calm those feelings for a little while.

February 21, 2013

I feel like I should keep at no contact don't you ?

No good can come from contacting her...If you can drill this into your psyche and not budge, you will have won a HUGE battle.

February 21, 2013

No good can come from contacting her...If you can drill this into your psyche and not budge, you will have won a HUGE battle.

i'll try my best! i'll let you know if I hear anything from her, i'll avoid going out this weekend, i'll let you know if I cave ( which I hope I don't) i'm just having a moment of weakness and need to not get in touch with her.

February 21, 2013

"Move a muscle, change a thought." I think about contacting my ex all the time, especially now that he has stopped trying to get in touch with me (because for some reason, it feels as though he is slipping further and further away), but any time I feel as though I want to, I literally just get up and do something else. Even if it's just going into a different room and getting a snack, stepping out of the immediate place you're in can help to calm those feelings for a little while.

was he making intial contact all of the time ? or was you ? are you chasing him or him you ? I sometimes worry with no contact that both people want to talk to each other but it's just a game of stubbornness. I don't think i'll ever feel right about not getting her back. but it's something i'm going to have to do.

February 21, 2013

I don't think i'll ever feel right about not getting her back. but it's something i'm going to have to do.

You will. When you so some reflecting, healing and enough time passes (and her spell wears off) you will see, what the rest of us see..When you are emotionally healthy you automatically attract the right kind of girl. That's what you really need to focus on.

Sadly the heart has problems letting go. Whoever said "just follow your heart" must have been a very black and white person, as sometimes following your heart leads you straight into a world of trouble..

I prefer "follow your heart ONLY if you are truly happy inside and emotionally healthy"

Going to patent that quote. Mack05, 17:27 GMT Thursday, February 21st :-)

Edited February 21, 2013 by Mack05

February 21, 2013

yea thanks mack05! I don't see her coming back though and if i'm going no contact then she's gonna have to come to me, which do you ever see happening? you've read a lot of stuff I've written so you know my situation well! she's good at games, she's immature but clever.. she's an approval junkie. she's got me on a string but i'm working on that! probably a bad thing to ever take her back and I need to drill that into my brain along with the thought of ' no good will come from contacting her' as you said before!

have you ever got back with an ex ?

yea I need to use my mind instead of my heart and gut at a time like this! haha good quote!

February 21, 2013

Stick with it! The past few days have been tough and I've been thinking about calling but I'm doing my best to stop myself. I guess it's not supposed to be easy, right? lol

February 21, 2013

Stick with it! The past few days have been tough and I've been thinking about calling but I'm doing my best to stop myself. I guess it's not supposed to be easy, right? lol

probably because it's not natural. it's not who you are! you're just doing what people who've been here before you tell you to do! if you'd never gone on the internet and learnt all this you'd be doing something completely different probably, either way stings!

February 21, 2013

have you ever got back with an ex ?

Yeah. My first love. We were 3 years together and broke up. A year later got back together for another 4 years. Going back was such a bad decision.

Listen it's hard to know if she will come back. I have a feeling she will BUT as I have said, this wouldn't be good for you for so many reasons. This is an amazing opportunity for self improvement. Sadly its passing you by as ALL your focus is on her. Her behaviour, what she might do, etc etc.

The thing is I know what you are dealing with. We all do. My last relationship was very toxic. It was two emotionally immature people who were very wrong for each other, both rebounding. We both stayed WAY longer then we should have. Even though it was by far the worst relationship for both of us.

Now that I am detached I can see this clearly. So can she (these days she actually denies my existence haha ) but when she left for the last time I was hoping she would break no contact and give it another go. There is lots of reasons I wanted to give it another go. Who wants to be lonely? Also you want to believe in the good in the person.

Sadly too many people (especially emotionally unhealthy people) focus on the fantasy and not the actual reality. This is what you are doing right now. What you are not absorbing right now, is the image that is in your head about this girl is along way from the reality. She would be doing you a huge favour by not contacting you.

After my last breakup I vowed to learned from mistakes gone by. My ex dived straight into a new relationship. I took time for myself to go over my life, my mistakes. I tried various ways to self improve. I was sick of talking the talk and not walking the walk. Being alone is not easy. The fact I still struggle with it and I am sad sometimes means I know I am still not 'ready'.

All you can do is keep moving forward. Keep believing.

February 21, 2013

why was it so bad getting back together?

I do really need to improve myself ! i'm starting to get more of a social life and trying to do better for work and things. I made her my all so when I lost her I felt like I had nothing it was stupid really. i'm so grateful my friends took me back under their wing because I just flat out disappeared. i'm sure lots of people have done that before though?

I think it will probably be bad for me to get back together with her! who knows, i will try my hardest not to get in contact with her but i'll tell you whenever she drops me a breadcrumb if she does or if i cave in or anything. not going out this weekend like i said! i just wish that she would stay in so i could go out without bumping into her !

February 21, 2013

why was it so bad getting back together?
I do really need to improve myself ! i'm starting to get more of a social life and trying to do better for work and things. I made her my all so when I lost her I felt like I had nothing it was stupid really. i'm so grateful my friends took me back under their wing because I just flat out disappeared. i'm sure lots of people have done that before though?

I think it will probably be bad for me to get back together with her! who knows, i will try my hardest not to get in contact with her but i'll tell you whenever she drops me a breadcrumb if she does or if i cave in or anything. not going out this weekend like i said! i just wish that she would stay in so i could go out without bumping into her !

As I said the heart as difficulty letting go. It's ok. One way or another you will figure this out. Sometimes its actually not bad having to learn a lesson the hard way. Because you actually LEARN.

For me getting back with this girl was beyond dumb. This is the one relationship I was proud of my behaviour from start to finish. I treated her great, was always there for her. She on the other hand was a nightmare at times.

We broke up the first time cause one night she throw away every piece of jewellery I bought her and punched me in the face. All because I spoke with friends I hadn't seen in 4 years for too long in a bar one night, after I told her not to come in. (she was VERY high maintenance).

I never told my family what she did (idiot I am). She manipulated them and me very cleverly to get me back. Followed me out to Australia when I left. The start of my problems started after that decision to take her back and very slowly things got worse and worse in my life. The happy confident guy I was left. She eroded me down piece by piece, to what I look into the mirror each day. All my own fault because of my inability to 'deal'.

Either way mate. You'll get there

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