atalossAG Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 (edited) Hello fellow LS-ers! Been reading this forum for about a month trying to get insight into my break-up. First time posting! I am 22, he is 21. I won't go into much detail about how great we were together/how much we connected and were in love. My ex-bf and I only dated 9 months, but was very serious in terms of pretty close with each other's families. We both had never opened up to another person this much & never allowed a s.o. into our families lives. We both are very very comfortable (can be our true selves with each other), but maybe too comfortable... The problem: Me. I always got angry over stupid small stuff that I can't even remember now. I would be overly dramatic and have temper tantrums - always wanting to break up. It hurt him a lot and stressed him out emotionally, but he always held on. The day we broke up, we had another fight. I confronted him about being so unhappy lately and whether or not we were still in love/happy together. He felt like it was best if we took a break because he needs space(and at that point, I woke up and realized, WTF am I doing? I'm losing him). All of this happened through Whatsapp because he was still in another country for winter break. My world had crashed, but I didn't go crazy and beg and plead him to be with me. I gave him space until he came back a few days later. He wanted to talk, but at that point he had already made up his mind to be apart. I agreed that we needed some time apart (I did my research!! haha) and I tried to act happy and be strong. Throughout this, we never called each other once. My feelings for him are still very very strong - and I understand my mistakes fully. The days before the breakup, he would still tell me he loves me and misses me so much. Even when we talked, he said for us to love eachother as friends. It's hard to have NC because we are in the same group of friends. But I have been keeping myself busy with school & hanging out with other friends so I have not been contacting him. However, when I do contact him, he responds with very few words. When I do see him, I try to keep my distance and we usually just talk to other friends. He still wears our couples bracelet (I know guys don't really put much thought into these small trivial things) and I notice that sometimes he stares/glances at me. ...but he doesn't try to get me back, doesn't initiate contact, doesn't try anything! He is the shy type when it comes to relationships and initiating things. I have been trying to figure out everything by myself - trying to fix myself first. Haven't really talked to anyone about what to do and would really like to gain some insight from you guys! Please be harsh - I do accept the reality that he has moved on and doesn't want me anymore. Thank you!! EDIT: It has been about a month since we decided to "break up". At this point i'm still confused on whether its a permanent breakup or just a break. I have talked with him once after the breakup, and he just says he lost himself in the relationship. He spent too much energy fighting and worrying about me. He just wants to be alone now. Makes me so confused ugh. Edited February 19, 2013 by atalossAG
czen Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 You sound a lot like my ex-girlfriend. If your ex is like me, then he still loves you, but he realized that it just won't work out between you two in your current state. He realized that love just wasn't enough. I think you should make the effort on getting him back, but only when you're sure you've changed enough that this time you will not make him miserable. If you're not there yet you could tell him that you are trying to change. But if you think you can't change sufficiently, then leave him be and let him go.
Chi townD Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 I don't fully agree. He made the choice to end it. He stated that he values the single life more than being in a relationship with you (well, not in so many words) Sorry to say this, but I think you need to distance yourself a little more from him. Remember, he decided that he didn't want a relationship with you. So, I think that you need to remove yourself as much as poosible. Look, it may sound like a punishment and that you didn't do anything wrong. But, you need to heal and move on. That's going to be incredibly hard to do if you're always close to him.
Author atalossAG Posted February 19, 2013 Author Posted February 19, 2013 You sound a lot like my ex-girlfriend. If your ex is like me, then he still loves you, but he realized that it just won't work out between you two in your current state. He realized that love just wasn't enough. I think you should make the effort on getting him back, but only when you're sure you've changed enough that this time you will not make him miserable. If you're not there yet you could tell him that you are trying to change. But if you think you can't change sufficiently, then leave him be and let him go. how do you recommend I make this effort? send him an email? call? text? i have a gut feeling that I should be doing something because sitting here and moving on is just not working. i really want him back!
Author atalossAG Posted February 19, 2013 Author Posted February 19, 2013 I don't fully agree. He made the choice to end it. He stated that he values the single life more than being in a relationship with you (well, not in so many words) Sorry to say this, but I think you need to distance yourself a little more from him. Remember, he decided that he didn't want a relationship with you. So, I think that you need to remove yourself as much as poosible. Look, it may sound like a punishment and that you didn't do anything wrong. But, you need to heal and move on. That's going to be incredibly hard to do if you're always close to him. yes!! if he want space, wants to be alone, i'll give him the galaxy hahaha. but I also feel like since he tried so hard to keep me when I broke up with him during my tantrums, i should be doing something too no? But I don't think that's how male psychology works. I'll just be pushing him away. I really want to get him back though. More advice please!!
drpepper1886 Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 yes!! if he want space, wants to be alone, i'll give him the galaxy hahaha. but I also feel like since he tried so hard to keep me when I broke up with him during my tantrums, i should be doing something too no? But I don't think that's how male psychology works. I'll just be pushing him away. I really want to get him back though. More advice please!! If I've learned anything through my break up and from the hours upon hours of reading about them on the internet. If you want him back, you'll have to learn to not want him back. You'll have to move on with your life as if you'll never get him back. Because likely that is what is going to happen, you are NOT going to get him back. Bottom line is, he's an adult and made a decision to not be with you anymore for whatever reason. You as an adult you would best respect and accept his decision and that you have NO CONTROL over how he feels or his decisions in the future. He would have to change his mind himself without any influence by you in order to make it last a second time. Move on with your life, admit and really think about yours and his faults and issues in the relationship and learn from them for the next one. Such is life. Keep positive, your head up and your heart open.
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