frederickkk Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 yep , im a loser. i cant properly let go. the way i feel right now, crushed, wound up, torn apart inside. feels like it was yesterday she broke it off. she was in my home town on the weekend. i stayed at home, stayed well out of sight, was asked to do something at an event knowing she would be there, stayed away, knowing it would be far too painful if i saw her. knowing she was that close to me has set me off again. im 26, and im pretty fked from this. i dont want to move on. im denying the way i feel for her by doing so. im stuck until she changes her mind.
Sav Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 i dont want to move on. im denying the way i feel for her by doing so. im stuck until she changes her mind. N'uff said. No one can help you unless you want it first.
targaryen Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 Hey there fred...I completely understand where you're coming from.. I have breaking down and sending emails to the ex down to an art form. I don't think it makes you a loser...it just makes you an emotional human being with an attachment to the past...After all you managed to stay away from the event knowing she'd be there and it will be painful. Doesn't this show strenght and awareness of your own emotions? Regardless of the content of those emails, whether you offended her or pleaded her to come back doesn't really matter. You didn't screw up, because even if you hadn't sent them, your situation would be the same, her being out of your life! So just move on and live the next day. Don't think about your contact attempts. Just start from day 0 and this time the goal is to move on. Not to get her to miss you One last thing: what do you really want from her? I found it helpful to break it down in options by asking the question: what is the ideal situation for me? i am slowly realising that it's either no contact forever, her changing her mind and coming back, we say friends/occasional sackbuddies. In reality none of these is desirable...even if she came back, you'd be living in fear of losing her again right? So in short, you just have to accept that the past is the past, it's gone. So visualise your situation changed in all possible ways and you will see that there is probably no better alternative, really.
Njeanne Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 There, there it's going to be alright. Just think in your mind, if I contact her she'll run away further. Repeat this in your brain. Then think, if I don't contact her my heart will go beserk but atleast I keep my dignity. I wish I could give you my strength...I went nc automatically next day didn't even knew what it was, felt normal for me... (first break up) because I know contacting would prob make him be more annoyed at me. 1
geegirl Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 When giving advice to Fred, be sure to read his past threads first. 2
geegirl Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 im 26, and im pretty fked from this. i dont want to move on. im denying the way i feel for her by doing so. im stuck until she changes her mind. You know what's sad, it's that if you were getting some sort of crumb, then I can understand your difficulty in letting go. But she has disappeared from your life, essentially erased you and you still keep emailing 47 times a day since the break-up; clearly speaks about your emotional and mental health, Fred. A year from now, most would have moved on. But you'll still be here with the same titled posts. I emailed her 6 times today. Her birthday is coming up. I want to go to her house. Getting on the train...F*** it. You're the only one standing in your own way. If only you could believe in your worth. Your tunnel vision is clearly blinding you into giving your whole life away on one woman. And one that treated you horribly to begin with. Again, speaks of your utter lack of self-respect and value within yourself. Even if she got back with you, the R will fail. You are in no way able to be healthy for anyone, you can't even be that for yourself.
Author frederickkk Posted February 19, 2013 Author Posted February 19, 2013 Even if she got back with you, the R will fail. You are in no way able to be healthy for anyone, you can't even be that for yourself. i agree with the health comment. im not sleeping well, and im mega ****ing stressed because she has done this. she hasn't made any effort to contact me, but i feel this is more out of the way i handled things in October. If I was a real hazard or problem, she wouldn't have been in my hometown on the weekend and i would have a restraining order. I don't think the R would fail, she knows that if she comes back, its for the long run. i dont have a degree (yet) but im currently at home ,making music and enjoying that. get degree, get job, get mortgage...that jungle can wait, that is if i choose to want that jungle. no problem with a min wage job for the time being and focusing on a passion. only reason i went each time was to satisfy elders, not for my own pursuit. problem is, she is a singer exceptionally musical, and thats what i fell for, as i am too, and we were both deeply in love. a real close special relationship, my 3rd relationship, and my first real love. it took an incredible amount of willpower not to see her, she was 100 yards away at a party. could've gone there anytime. i find it amazing she even WENT to that party. i think its fair to say that if she was over me, she could at least initiate a conversation, she has rejected me multiple times, and for all i know, emails are filtered. i will be on this forum for years to come. i certainly wont get over her, but i do have a feeling that she will at some point get in touch, as we are from the same area, hundreds of mutual friends, same parties. and how do i react? i already know what im going to say, she has to want me back, use that phrase. if that isn't the case then she doesn't get my time, she doesn't get to talk to me, doesn't get to know about my life. that point of erasing her will come....if i hear she is in a relationship with someone else, i will clinically remove her from my life. in the meantime, im punching in the air, hoping she gets over herself, realises that bedhopping or wtf she is doing will temporarily excite her, and not get rid of the underlying problem, that she is deeply unhappy. the amount of times i had to drag her out in the fresh air to stop her from breaking down, times i've encouraged her to sing in public and overcome fear and caring. she has no idea, or maybe too young to realise. my nightmare is that she will get into a relationship with someone else. i really wont handle that. i have heard from a mutual friend she isn't in one, not out of probing for answers, but told randomly. im doing my best to keep away, but its ****ing nigh on impossible to not lay out my feelings all the time, and if we dont get back together, i can safely say that i wont be getting into another relationship again.
Author frederickkk Posted February 19, 2013 Author Posted February 19, 2013 and im very all or nothing. black and white. not healthy i guess, but...
drpepper1886 Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 frederickkk - you need to seek professional health.
Author frederickkk Posted February 19, 2013 Author Posted February 19, 2013 frederickkk - you need to seek professional health. just need to get over it mate. bury feelings. no professional help gonna facilitate that.
LostGirl11 Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 She is getiing on with life, not giving you a second thought. Here you are wasting your life away. Every second of the day you're coming up with all these silly scenario's.
geegirl Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 just need to get over it mate. bury feelings. no professional help gonna facilitate that. You CAN'T and HAVEN'T gotten over it because your mental and emotional state is down the tank. Hence, professional help needed. Besides that, your obsession is toxic. It's not about burying feelings but finding healthy coping skills to deal with it and overcome. Burying is what's keeping you stuck in the mud. You make too many excuses. People do that to hide rather than face their truth and pain.
geegirl Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 i think its fair to say that if she was over me, she could at least initiate a conversation, she has rejected me multiple times, and for all i know, emails are filtered. It's ludicrous to say that. When someone is emotionally detached from you, they don't care to initiate conversation. She doesn't initiate because she is living her life and the last thing on her mind is YOUR needs. When people are over you, you are far from their thoughts. Rejection means they want nothing to do with you. Filtering emails means they don't want to hear from you. You really need to come out of your delusion. 1
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