Estate Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 Hey folks, So I'm all up in the air over one particular girl. I've been dating a lot but this one has caught my eye and I want to take it further... but she's confusing me. We've been out a few times, we've slept together... but sometimes she's distant and other times not. When we meet, she's not distant, she's actually pretty flirty and laughs a lot and seems to have fun. But in between there tends to be a lot of "radio silence" at times unless I initiate contact. This part is where I may mess up though... If there is a long silence I start feeling like I should text her or something to keep things alive. But it's hard to tell... If she's REALLY interested she'd probably appreciate it right? But if she's not interested it will come off as chasing her too much... so whats a guy to do? I can't really tell. I know she has a family thing on which is taking up a bit of her time, she's waiting on something so hasn't wanted to make definite plans too far ahead of time. I know that situation is true, not just an excuse but could also be used as one... So, I don't know... it's hard to tell if I should or how much to pursue her because I can't gauge her genuine interest level. In some ways I think she's backed off a little since we slept together, but we've still gone out since then. So I can't figure it out, is she not wanting to come off too easy by limiting the contact now and it's on ME to put the effort in to show I'm not just looking for sex... or is the distance a way of saying I should back off? I've looked this up loads of places but 99% of the time, it's the about the guy backing off after sex and the girl asking this question, but I can't find anyone's opinion of the opposite. What do folks here think? Keep pursuing her or let it go cold?
MissLY Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 Hey folks, So I'm all up in the air over one particular girl. I've been dating a lot but this one has caught my eye and I want to take it further... but she's confusing me. We've been out a few times, we've slept together... but sometimes she's distant and other times not. When we meet, she's not distant, she's actually pretty flirty and laughs a lot and seems to have fun. But in between there tends to be a lot of "radio silence" at times unless I initiate contact. This part is where I may mess up though... If there is a long silence I start feeling like I should text her or something to keep things alive. But it's hard to tell... If she's REALLY interested she'd probably appreciate it right? But if she's not interested it will come off as chasing her too much... so whats a guy to do? I can't really tell. I know she has a family thing on which is taking up a bit of her time, she's waiting on something so hasn't wanted to make definite plans too far ahead of time. I know that situation is true, not just an excuse but could also be used as one... So, I don't know... it's hard to tell if I should or how much to pursue her because I can't gauge her genuine interest level. In some ways I think she's backed off a little since we slept together, but we've still gone out since then. So I can't figure it out, is she not wanting to come off too easy by limiting the contact now and it's on ME to put the effort in to show I'm not just looking for sex... or is the distance a way of saying I should back off? I've looked this up loads of places but 99% of the time, it's the about the guy backing off after sex and the girl asking this question, but I can't find anyone's opinion of the opposite. What do folks here think? Keep pursuing her or let it go cold? When it comes to a man I REALLY like, I usually let him do the chasing at first. And once we sleep together, I intentionally pull pack to see how interested he really is, or if he's in it just for sex. That's what your girl could be doing. She could be testing to see how interested you truly are. Have you made it clear to her that you're very interested? If so, you should pull back a bit and see what SHE does. Give her some space and don't reach out for a few days. See what happens. (A guy once did this to me and I freaked out a little bit, so I reached out and told him that I missed him and wanted to hang out soon). Hope this helps!
316 Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 (edited) From what you've told us it sounds like this girl likes hanging out with you since you've gone out with her a few times. She's also physically attracted to you since you've had sex. In my opinion it sounds like one of those situations where she's interested in you but not really into the idea of getting serious for whatever reason. As long as she's not flat out rejecting your advances I say you continue initiating, but after a while if she's still acting hot/cold and the timing is right you should be forward with her and ask her where you see this relationship going and make it clear that you're genuinely interested in her. Or if you're afraid of being that forward then you can pull back and wait for her to initiate for once. Either scenario works it's just a matter of preference. Edited February 19, 2013 by 316
pbjbear Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 Its hard to tell if shes not interested or if shes pulling back after sex on what you wrote. Only time will tell I have found alot of guys that show a lot of interest in me for whatever length of time back off after we have sex...that is prob the worst thing you can do (backing off). You know how many men out there lie about their motives and stop becoming interested after sex? If shes dated before this has prob happened to her. Many men they want something real but then their behavior afterwards says otherwise so its all an act. As much as I like sex, I dont put out early because of this headache. IMO, you should be contacting her first (but not ALL the time) If I slept with a guy and he stopped contacting me afterwards Id assume hes not so into me (and that has usually been the case) Thats just me though and I dont know if thats the case here. Just some insight Why do you think she doesnt appreciate your contact?....
Author Estate Posted February 19, 2013 Author Posted February 19, 2013 Thanks, Yeah, that's how it feels. Like she's pulled back a little because we slept together so fast. I think I did make it known I like her but I'm not sure if she bought it or not, she might be holding out to wait and see. It's awkward. I'm afraid of being "too cold" since she might just think that yeah, this guy just wanted the sex and went cold when I didn't get more. But I also don't want to be "clingy" by being in too much contact. Usually if a girl starts to go cold, I'll cut her loose, but in this case I'm actually really into her and want to see if it could go anywhere so I feel like "chasing her" assuming that's what she's looking for me to do, I just don't want to come off like the guy who doesn't know when to give up if she's not interested. We'll see.
Author Estate Posted February 19, 2013 Author Posted February 19, 2013 Its hard to tell if shes not interested or if shes pulling back after sex on what you wrote. Only time will tell I have found alot of guys that show a lot of interest in me for whatever length of time back off after we have sex...that is prob the worst thing you can do (backing off). You know how many men out there lie about their motives and stop becoming interested after sex? If shes dated before this has prob happened to her. Many men they want something real but then their behavior afterwards says otherwise so its all an act. As much as I like sex, I dont put out early because of this headache. IMO, you should be contacting her first (but not ALL the time) If I slept with a guy and he stopped contacting me afterwards Id assume hes not so into me (and that has usually been the case) Thats just me though and I dont know if thats the case here. Just some insight Why do you think she doesnt appreciate your contact?.... Thanks PBJ... I'm not sure if she doesn't appreciate the contact... but I'm afraid to be the one to always initiate or do it too much. If she's not "really" into it, it might turn her away. I'm sort of bad at reading this part of seeing girls, like when you are a few dates in, gauging if/when/how much you should push it forward. Initially she would start the contact a bit. Lately she's been a bit slower. Even this weekend it took a whole day to respond to asking her to meet up, but when she did she actually wanted to meet... usually she always responded pretty quickly.... ... so it's hard to know if it's a "genuinely busy" because she DID meet up with me or if the slower responces and lack of initiating are to see what I do, or if it's a case of "I'll stop resoinding so easily, he'll get the hint."
Ruby Slippers Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 I'm likely more conservative than most on this point, but I always let the guy contact me, for at least the first month. In my experience, if he really likes me, he'll contact me daily from the outset. And if he's not that into me, he'll contact less. I naturally lose interest in the guys who don't contact me much. 2
Cutiepie1976 Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 Personally, I don't understand the hesitancy to communicate with someone when you were comfortable enough to swap body fluids and have sex. An internet forum of strangers will have even less insight into what is going on than you do. Why don't you talk to her? 2
316 Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 Personally, I don't understand the hesitancy to communicate with someone when you were comfortable enough to swap body fluids and have sex. An internet forum of strangers will have even less insight into what is going on than you do. Why don't you talk to her? Because as men it's important for us to come across as confident/interested without looking needy. It's a balancing act that's hard to maintain when the girl is giving you mixed signals. 1
Ruby Slippers Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 Because as men it's important for us to come across as confident/interested without looking needy. It's a balancing act that's hard to maintain when the girl is giving you mixed signals. If she really likes you, she won't view you as "needy" for showing interest in her. If she does, she just didn't like you that much - not a bad thing to find that out early. Saves you from wasting time on women who have low interest in you. 1
Author Estate Posted February 20, 2013 Author Posted February 20, 2013 Makes no difference now. She told me tonight she's not interested. Funny, guys usually get the rap for "just being out for one thing".
charlietheginger Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 Women read alot of the same psychology books. The games they play are this. Tease Hard to get Hot n cold Mouse Cat in mouse This is common for women in their 20 in the hunt for A man they feel they have to test a man , make him chase Keep his interest. In reality it just makes the women look wish washy mentally Unstable. 1
pbjbear Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 Women read alot of the same psychology books. The games they play are this. Tease Hard to get Hot n cold Mouse Cat in mouse This is common for women in their 20 in the hunt for A man they feel they have to test a man , make him chase Keep his interest. In reality it just makes the women look wish washy mentally Unstable. I see what you are saying and I wish women did not have to do this sort of thing but there are too many men out there that feign interest when they are really after one thing or just want to string you along in general.
laaddict Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 Makes no difference now. She told me tonight she's not interested. Funny, guys usually get the rap for "just being out for one thing". It doesnt matter, and you shouldnt feel bad. Think what would have happened if you had gotten with her, gotten married, had kids and everything else. You would be stuck with someone who sucks the life out of you and makes you miserable. You clearly have higher standards, and there are literally billions of people out there. You should not waste even 1 second of your precious valuable time thinking of her ever again (If you are a smart man). There are lots of girls begging for a guy like you, you should go and find them and do them the favor of fulfilling a good girl. This girl is clearly insane, would have cheated on you, treated you kids badly and taken you on emotional rollercoaster rides (not the fun kind, the scary I want to die and get this over with kind)
Casablanca Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 I'm likely more conservative than most on this point, but I always let the guy contact me, for at least the first month. In my experience, if he really likes me, he'll contact me daily from the outset. And if he's not that into me, he'll contact less. I naturally lose interest in the guys who don't contact me much. When it comes to a man I REALLY like, I usually let him do the chasing at first. And once we sleep together, I intentionally pull pack to see how interested he really is, or if he's in it just for sex. Sounds more like playing games to me...if a woman doesn't show interest, I'm done with her. If I slept with someone and she "pulled black" I'd be really confused and think she was just in it for sex or didn't like me anymore.
ChatroomHero Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 Sounds more like playing games to me...if a woman doesn't show interest, I'm done with her. If I slept with someone and she "pulled black" I'd be really confused and think she was just in it for sex or didn't like me anymore. yeah this completely. It'd make me feel she didn't like the sex or thought she made a mistake. Usually when you play games someone ends up the loser.
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