Jayman Posted September 1, 2004 Posted September 1, 2004 I'll make this as short as I can . At the end of last year the girlfriend told me a 16 year old bagger at her store liked her. She's 29 and He is now 17 they have been chating on line and at first I took her word that he was just a friend . Then she would hide her chat box as soon as I would come up stairs . She would tell me it's nothing and I don't alway's want you to read what I type . The bells were ringing so being I'v been burned so many times I peeked . Well on august 1st I got a phone call from some one she worked with she didn't give me her name . But she asked for the girlfriend I said no she's not home then I was told she's might be out with that guy she like's ??? When she got home with in a few minutes I confrounted her the only thing she admitted was I kissed him once at work and I saw a movie with him wich she told me after and they went with a friend of our's to another movie . She dosen't get it this is cheating. And I'v seen some of her chat's peeking around the corner she talked about sneeking out to hang out with him . He asked if she would like to see him in the shower her responce was yes but not as much as me if she didn't have problem's with me . We had a big talk shortly after and some problem's got taled about and worked on . But she can't understand why I don't like her talking to him . And she can't seem to understand why my trust for her is so low . We have lived together over two year's . Thing's were fine untill this kid came into the seen . I'm 35 I'm sick of this teenage game I'm too old for this crap. I love her and really want to be with her for life . But I have to watch out for me to . I'm lucky enough to have a job on a growing childrens TV show how long could she think I would be single how many single mother's would dig having a boyfriend who has my job ???? should I look at it this way ????
Bryanp Posted September 1, 2004 Posted September 1, 2004 Hello, Here is a thought. Do you really think your girlfriend would be putting up with this crap if the roles were reversed? She is playing you for a fool. You do not do this to a boyfriend you live with and are in a commited relationship with. She has already lied to you and been somewhat physical with this other guy. These are signs you should watch for before you even think about getting married. If she does this now what do you think she would be doing after she is married to you. Hello she is living with you and doing this? She is playing you for a fool and it seems you are accepting this. If you wish to be a doormat it is your business. I wish you luck because you will need it.
anon Posted September 1, 2004 Posted September 1, 2004 Well, speaking from experience, she either isn't ready for a committed relationship with you or may be needing to feel some adventure. I can relate. I am 34, married with 3 kids. I was way too young when I got married, and thought that because my husband was a good, stable, committed man, that I would be 'safe' and have a story book life. But what I didn't count on was the loneliness that I felt when the everyday life sets in, and that my sense of adventure would be stronger than my sense of commitment. I've been involved with a man who's 13 years younger than me for more than a year now. It's the adventure and the no strings attached kind of relationship that I'd been craving. But it started innocently enough, talking on line, and gradually progressed to sex (I've known him since he was a little kid). He makes me feel wonderful. You didn't mention it in your post, but maybe if you do something adventurous with her, it may snap her back and make her realize that this kid isn't the only way she can have some fun. My husband is finally making an effort to try to be more involved with me now, but that's after 8 years of very little effort on his part. Even though he's trying now, the desire is really gone from me. Make sure you put the effort in before she looses her desire for you.
snilljente Posted September 1, 2004 Posted September 1, 2004 She sounds very immature for her age....Let your actions back your words that you are not going to put up with this....You deserve better and if she doesn't understand your feelings about it...she is either 1)not very smart, 2)not a very caring person....either way, let her hang with the 17 year old and she can join the ranks of Mary Kay Letourneau.....sounds like a loser to me...sorry, but I have to be honest!!
Papillon Posted September 1, 2004 Posted September 1, 2004 She wants some puppy love. You just have to have more energy and adoration for her than the young guy.
VivianLee Posted September 1, 2004 Posted September 1, 2004 Sorry Jayman, I know betrayal hurts....don't live that way....plus.... Ummm there seems to be a couple of things people are missing.... In the US and in the state of Alabama (I think this applies to most states)....your girlfriend is on the fringe of doing something illegal. This kid is not an adult and she is, in fact she's an ALMOST 30 yr old adult. Secondly, this is just wrong because of the age difference. What in the world would a 29 yr old woman have with a 17 yr old kid other than lust (and ewwwww)....if this were a 29 yr old guy with a 17 yr old girl, y'all would be having fits!! Your girlfriend sounds like a loser and is about to go to jail, if you have think you can have single mother's digging you, then dump her and find someone that is classy and not into "jail bait"....
Girlie Posted September 1, 2004 Posted September 1, 2004 I know you must love your gf to put up with this crap, but, sorry, if I were you, I'd lose her. She's dating a child behind your back. This isn't an "adventure", it's a freakin' HS student. Ugh. But really, that's not even the point. Whether he's 17 or 35, the point is that she's sneaking around with another guy behind your back. You don't deserve that. If you really want to keep her around, you can give her a chance to lose the kid. Period. But I'd just heave her. I hate to sound harsh, but she's fooling around on you. You deserve better than that.
tiki Posted September 1, 2004 Posted September 1, 2004 Step 1: Dump her Step 2: Run like a mother f*cker
Author Jayman Posted September 1, 2004 Author Posted September 1, 2004 Thank's to everyone for your input . I hope I get more in the coming day's I have a lot to think about . I know it's cheating no matter how you put it . And I know the first kiss is the hardest the rest is easy . And it's really hard when people she work's with and one of his teenage friend's has told me this kid is very smart and he is playing a game with her . I'v been told he's beting his friend's he could brake us up and have sex with her by the end of the year .
faux Posted September 1, 2004 Posted September 1, 2004 Originally posted by Jayman I'll make this as short as I can . At the end of last year the girlfriend told me a 16 year old bagger at her store liked her. She's 29 and He is now 17 they have been chating on line and at first I took her word that he was just a friend . A woman that age has absolutely no business speaking with a child of that age. I don't think that a man her age should have any business speaking to a young girl, either. ...the only thing she admitted was I kissed him once at work and I saw a movie with him wich she told me after and they went with a friend of our's to another movie . She dosen't get it this is cheating. And I'v seen some of her chat's peeking around the corner she talked about sneeking out to hang out with him . Your girlfriend just admitted to criminal sexual misconduct with a minor. Open mouthed kissing is, in many states, considered a form of sexual penetration. Just from this situation alone, I think your girlfriend isn't all too right in the head, and I wouldn't want to deal with her any longer if I were you. She's already cheated on you, and with a minor no less! She does not even feel she has done anything wrong. Why do you want to remain in a relationship with someone who thinks like this? I know I wouldn't keep my girlfriend around if she thought she could kiss anybody she wanted. We had a big talk shortly after and some problem's got taled about and worked on . But she can't understand why I don't like her talking to him . And she can't seem to understand why my trust for her is so low . She does not understand the law? The law is very clear. If she wants to go messing around with a minor, then she should realize what consequences are involved. Even if she wasn't messing around with him, I'd still find the idea rather creepy. If she can't understand why you have a problem with it, given what has happened, given the principle of things, she must have a few screws loose. If she can't understand your lack of trust for her, there's definitely something the matter here. All I know is that, she's probably thinking "Oh goodie! I bagged a guy who is going to put up with anything I throw at him!" We have lived together over two year's . If this were my girlfriend, she'd be moving back in with her parents, or anywhere else away from me. Thing's were fine untill this kid came into the seen . I'm 35 I'm sick of this teenage game I'm too old for this crap. I love her and really want to be with her for life . But I have to watch out for me to . I'm lucky enough to have a job on a growing childrens TV show how long could she think I would be single how many single mother's would dig having a boyfriend who has my job ???? should I look at it this way ???? I think you should lose the nutso who is into minors and find someone who will respect your love and trust. You might do better to find someone who won't do anything to break your committment, and who has common sense enough to know when she does wrong. If I were in this position, I'd have ended the relationship, and had her move out. I might also have tried to gather enough solid evidence to report her crime to the police. That's just me, however. Originally posted by VivianLee Ummm there seems to be a couple of things people are missing.... In the US and in the state of Alabama (I think this applies to most states)....your girlfriend is on the fringe of doing something illegal. This kid is not an adult and she is, in fact she's an ALMOST 30 yr old adult. Her behavior is not on the fringe. In the United States, a person who is aged 18 or over may NOT be involved with a person under the age of 18. All of this "age of consent" bull is a common misconception of the law. Even worse are the websites which claim to be sources of "age of consent" laws in the United States. If a person has any question as to the laws of his locality, he should write the District Attorney, or speak with a licensed Attorney. Oddly enough, in many states, the term "age of consent" does not even appear in the Criminal Code of Conduct.
Girlie Posted September 1, 2004 Posted September 1, 2004 Nice post, faux. If I remember correctly from law school, I think there were three states where statutory rape did not apply to persons unless they were under the age of 16. I think. It's been a while since I studied that. And I think if that's true, those states need to revise the law to 18. I think it should always be 18.
Author Jayman Posted September 7, 2004 Author Posted September 7, 2004 Thank's to everyone who posted . The new twist is she want's to work thing's out . But she has told me that yes there was open mouth kissing . And lot's of sex talk on line . I told her sex talk is not a good thing . So this has stoped . And I talked to the kid and he liked her but could never see him self with he .( when I'm 30 she'll be 42 no way man ) he want's to be like his father have a woman that's 20 years yonger . Little devil Well that's all for now . I'm laying low for now
holdingon Posted September 13, 2004 Posted September 13, 2004 Hey, I got you beat.........I just told my husband to leave.........he is 33 and having an affair with a 17 year old girl. The big one, her parents know about it and are okay with this. What is the world coming to!
Author Jayman Posted September 13, 2004 Author Posted September 13, 2004 I'm sorry this as happend to you too . There's just some thing wrong with how they think . In my case his family knows to and made it clear that they wanted no sex going on . I also found out that the girlfriend was told that if she had any contact with him at work that he would be fired . Yes several of the manager's were sickened by the prospect It's funny how when I started to seek some one for a relationship a few year's ago I stayed clear of anyone under 25 just for the reason that we do a lot of growing up from 17 to 25 . But I picked a real jem , she still think's she's 17 18 or something ? What the hell I will fess up when I was 23 I dated just dated a wonderful person who was 17 nothing physical happened at all . I can honestly say I felt more for her (jen)then to try to push some thing on her that she was not ready for . And that it could be illegal I was not going to cross that line . I think very highly of her (jen) and we stayed friends long after we no longer had a romantic intrest . Being after her (jen) I was not going to date another person 17 the maturity thing was just too much . AND I"M SURE AS HELL AM NOT EVEN THINKING OF THAT NOW . Some people are F up . But the truth is that I would expect a guy to do that ( MOST GUYS ARE WALKING BONERS ) that still is wrong . Peace out Jayman
netrie Posted September 16, 2004 Posted September 16, 2004 Originally posted by holdingon Hey, I got you beat.........I just told my husband to leave.........he is 33 and having an affair with a 17 year old girl. The big one, her parents know about it and are okay with this. What is the world coming to! How are you handling this honestly? When did it happen? Any kids? How long married?
holdingon Posted September 17, 2004 Posted September 17, 2004 It has been horrible.........I have been with my husband for 13 years, married 7. I caught him in May and we, well I should say I, tried my hardest to keep our marriage together but he was not committed and could not stop seeing her so I made him leave. We have a one year old and that has been the hardest part. He is so attached to his Dad and even at this young age, feels the separation. He sees him almost everyday for a short visit but the goodbyes are tough on all of us. I am devastated but am at peace with myself because I could not have done more for this man, even after I found out. Having a child is stressful and we just did not take time out for ourselves when he was born and forgot about our relationship. I fault him, because instead of communicating this with me first, he cheated. I never sensed his unhappiness and was totally blindsided. Both of our famililes and friends were totally shocked and so hurt. No one saw this coming! Now of course he says that he thought it would just be a fling but now hes in love with her. It is sickening! If you ask me, it is the excitement of sneaking around and the newness of it all. Right now, I just take it day by day. I have gone through so many levels of emotion. It has only been 9 days since he left and I can't wait until this smacks him in the face. He is so used to me being his best friend and his biggest supporter. I hope that after the excitement is over, he realizes he made the biggest mistake of his life. Who knows!
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