I just want it over.

[KS11]

I know i posted yesterday but im not doing so good. I think the realisation that i'll never see or speak to her again is hitting home for real. I can't stop playing back the last time i saw her in my head and hearing her say 'sometimes people just arent meant to be together'. That hurst so much, when for me she's who i want to be with. Its the fact that theres nothing i can do except to accept it.

 

I wish I didnt leave as quickly, that i'd stayed just a little longer before i left. I have this image in my head of the look in her eyes when she asked whether, in time, we could be friends. Maybe i just imagined it, but I swear there was love there.

 

She always said that once you take a friendship to the next level, its not friendship anymore, you lose that and it becomes something else. I wish i understood that. To me, what makes a strong and lasting relationship is having that foundation of being such close friends. Obviously you need the attraction but its the connection that will keep you together. And we had that, even she said.

 

I keep hoping that i'll look out the window and see her car pull up and then like some movie she'll confess, again, that shes made a mistake. But who I am kidding.

 

I feel like for the last 3 years i've given everything and now I'm left with nothing. I've got so much work on, I should be graduating in a couple of months but I can't concentrate and I know im going to f**k it up. I just can't shift the memories and all the plans of the future we had. Now I have to accept that she's making plans with someone else.

 

Sorry for posting again!

[Exitleft]

I know it's not what you want to hear but it will pass. Fill your time up with other things. I am going through the same at the moment but plan to fill my day with as many activities as I can until I exhaust myself and have no time for thinking about what I shoulda, woulda, coulda when I can't.

 

You'll be alright, let off some steam and try your best to concentrate on your study. It is not going to be easy but it will be ok. Don't beat yourself up with what you wish you could have done. It's done now.

 

I agree with your idea of friendship and love btw. But I am not sure you can ever go backward from my experience.

 

You've done your best. Feel better. Now let me go take my own advice

[La Cha]

Hey man,

 

There are so many times I wished some of my life moments could play out like the movies. Its almost depressing watching movies today with how perfect the love stories end. However, its never that easy. The best advice I can give you is create more opportunities to be in a situation that is almost from the movies. Sometimes those scenes you see and wish you could be in take time to develop. It happens so fast on the big screen but in real life its about patience and opportunities. Whether it be finishing your degree or finding a new girlfriend, both take time, work ethic, and little luck to accomplish. Don't get caught up in something you can't control. Let's pick up the pieces and rebuild. Let's make our own movie and decide for ourselves how the ending plays out.

 

Let me know how the progression goes, Id like to see how you overcome your obstacles.

 

Best

[KS11]

Thanks for you replies, I really appreciate it.

 

I duno, i guess im having a low day. I can't seem to get past the thought of how compatible we were. It scares the sh*t out of me to think what if I dont find that again. Whatever happens I know its unlikely that i'll find someone who i share as much in common with as her. But i guess maybe there'll be something else they bring.

 

I just feel like an idiot. I dont even know that I have a right to be angry at her. I remember a year ago when I said this was too hard and we took a break. She was the one that came back saying 'there's something there etc', and so I was dragged back in. Then i went away for 3 months and unknown to be my friends again told her she should let me go as she doesnt know what shes doing etc. But she ignored it. And then it all happened again...and again. Until now, it feels like I was just there to make her feel good until she worked up the courage to call it quits for real. Knowing that all the time I was falling further and further in.

 

But then, like she said, i can't be angry because she tried to give it a go. And afterall, you can't make someone love you. I know you shouldnt have to try, but i just can't help but feel she didn't. It was almost like a way of just ticking the box in her own mind, so she doesnt look back herself and think what if.

 

Regardless of all that I just miss my friend. I miss what we had. I just keep forcing myself to imagine her with someone else now, kissing them etc...in the hope that after a while it might not hurt. Except it does. so much.

 

The worst thing is realising that, right now, I dont even feel tempted to contact her. I know theres nothing she can say, or i can that will bring her back. Before, i also used to say, ' ok well maybe after this is done, she'll see' or 'if i just do this it might be the thing that changes her mind.' But knowing now that theres nothing is so hard to take.

 

Ahh i just feel like i've been taken on a massive ride for the last 3 years. I don't understand how you can say and do all this stuff together, only to not feel anything. How did i get this so wrong? Why didnt i see this coming!

[esteem-jam]

You dont know ir yet, but you are coping. It has been 3 years, all this time you have known and felt that something isnt right. Your body, mind, brain, cells - knew all along, this isnt sudden, you have been prepared slowly to this.

[Coping Vortex]

Thanks for you replies, I really appreciate it.

 

I duno, i guess im having a low day. I can't seem to get past the thought of how compatible we were. It scares the sh*t out of me to think what if I dont find that again. Whatever happens I know its unlikely that i'll find someone who i share as much in common with as her. But i guess maybe there'll be something else they bring.

 

I just feel like an idiot. I dont even know that I have a right to be angry at her. I remember a year ago when I said this was too hard and we took a break. She was the one that came back saying 'there's something there etc', and so I was dragged back in. Then i went away for 3 months and unknown to be my friends again told her she should let me go as she doesnt know what shes doing etc. But she ignored it. And then it all happened again...and again. Until now, it feels like I was just there to make her feel good until she worked up the courage to call it quits for real. Knowing that all the time I was falling further and further in.

 

But then, like she said, i can't be angry because she tried to give it a go. And afterall, you can't make someone love you. I know you shouldnt have to try, but i just can't help but feel she didn't. It was almost like a way of just ticking the box in her own mind, so she doesnt look back herself and think what if.

 

Regardless of all that I just miss my friend. I miss what we had. I just keep forcing myself to imagine her with someone else now, kissing them etc...in the hope that after a while it might not hurt. Except it does. so much.

 

The worst thing is realising that, right now, I dont even feel tempted to contact her. I know theres nothing she can say, or i can that will bring her back. Before, i also used to say, ' ok well maybe after this is done, she'll see' or 'if i just do this it might be the thing that changes her mind.' But knowing now that theres nothing is so hard to take.

 

Ahh i just feel like i've been taken on a massive ride for the last 3 years. I don't understand how you can say and do all this stuff together, only to not feel anything. How did i get this so wrong? Why didnt i see this coming!

 

I am in the same place to a tee. This position is helpless. The worst feeling short of being physically ill.

[Kaza]

Hang in there... its hard but it will pass and you'll feel better.

 

I agree that a lasting relationship requires the close friendship and deep connection. Mine was extremely superficial and I've only just realised that. Sometimes it can be that only one partner is feeling like best friends and a close and deep friendship, but the other person has been behaving superficially.

[Kengne]

KS

 

Please remember in this relationship and future ones - NOTHING IN LIFE IS GUARANTEED or static. Time passes. Feelings Change. People Change.

 

Yes she no longer wants to be with you now. It doesn't mean she didn't want to be with you then. And just because she wanted to be with you THEN was no guarantee or that she would be with your forever.

 

KISSES are not life bonding contracts.

 

SEPARATE the two. Yesterday was yesterday, today is today and tomorrow you will make it to the morning light.

 

I'm glad you are following strict NC.

 

I think it is pointless to think about her with the other dude - it's only been a few months, it will likely eat at you for a while. Why put salt in the fresh wound?

 

It's pointless to think about her period. I would focus on finding the strength to ACCEPT that it's over, STOP reminiscing about the past and THINK ABOUT YOURSELF, in the present, today, future. Do things (spend time with friends, hang out etc..) to distract yourself. You may not enjoy it much but EVERY MINUTE that you save yourself from thinking about your ex you are taking one smaller step closer to being healed.

 

And oh yea - stop dramatizing how long it's gonna take you to get over her. If you keep telling yourself it will take you years - GUESS WHAT, IT WILL TAKE YOU YEARS. Whatever you put out to the Universe it will respond. Don't put out crazy shyt.

 

You can not put a timeline on healing.

 

Just focus on one day at a time and it will take as long or as short as it takes.

 

GOOD LUCK and stay the course w/ NC.

 

K.

Edited February 22, 2013 by Kengne

[KS11]

Kengne: I know you're right, its just hard to handle. I always held this belief that people don't infact change, in all the years i've know my closest friends, they've never changed. But on reflection with this relationship, the girl I met 3 years ago compared to who she is now are worlds apart. But it doesn't make it any easier. Like many, i think i spent a good deal of our time projecting this 'old image' of her, or tried to just believe she was still that person when the reality was quite different.

 

Its been just over a week of NC now, and initially, in my mind there was nothing else to say. But now more and more questions are floating around my head. I don't understand why she left 2 relationships because she wanted to be with me. I don't know why, after knowingly being told by my friends that she should let me move on, did she continue to keep me in her life, knowing what it is was doing. I hate that when we last spoke, and she proclaimed to 'have tried', i didnt bite. She didn't try. I let her have time over christmas to figure out what she wanted, she came back and said 'you have me etc etc'..I saw her twice in two days and then nothing for 2 weeks when we broke up. Thats not trying!

 

One of the hardest things im finding with this NC is I keep thinking, because its happened before, that its like we've put some sort of target on it. As in, after 8 weeks for example it'll be over and we'll see eachother again. So stupidly it feels like im kinda just 'counting down weeks'..its like ive just blocked out the fact that actually...this really is happening.

 

I know you say its pointless to reminisce, and it is, i know. There's just so much stuff that hurts. I can't get that last conversation out of my head...seeing the affection drain from her eyes and just hearing how unemotional she was hurt so much. Its the realization that actually, she probably gave up weeks ago and what she was feeling was just relief. F**k, i didnt actually believe that till i just wrote that down.

 

That's the other thing that keeps that sick feeling in your stomach. The knowing that she's fine. I feel like im stuck with these memories, little things about her, the things that made me fall for her that just wont go. I just want to see her. I went out over the weekend, and there was these two girls in the bar (couldnt see their faces)...but convinced myself, because they looked vaguely similar (brown hair) that one of them had to be her. Of course it wasnt..but still made me feel like sh*t. I feel like i've ruined my city..i hate going back to places where i took her.

 

I duno where im going with this. I just feel like reaching out to her. Its not right that shes not in my life. Its not right that we're throwing away what we had. I wish i could make her see that her views on what makes a relationship work, what matters in life are wrong. We have or had that. That connection is so rare..why doesnt she see it...

[KS11]

I always used to think the nights were the hardest, and they are pretty tough..but why are mornings the worst? The moment I wake up my first thought goes straight to her or the fact that she's gone, like its a programmed/ automatic response. I swear subconsciously the thought of her is actually the thing that does wake me up..such a horrible start to the day.

 

I feel like this NC thing is making it harder, I thought the idea is that by having no clue what the up to etc would make you forget them. But right now it just feels like this pressure building up inside, like with each day that goes by it becomes more real..that i've lost her. There are so many thoughts i can't shift from my head, chief among those being the conflict between being glad shes probably happy and doing fine and just that sick feeling that she doesnt care...

[Debbie2508]

I always used to think the nights were the hardest, and they are pretty tough..but why are mornings the worst? The moment I wake up my first thought goes straight to her or the fact that she's gone, like its a programmed/ automatic response. I swear subconsciously the thought of her is actually the thing that does wake me up..such a horrible start to the day.

 

I feel like this NC thing is making it harder, I thought the idea is that by having no clue what the up to etc would make you forget them. But right now it just feels like this pressure building up inside, like with each day that goes by it becomes more real..that i've lost her. There are so many thoughts i can't shift from my head, chief among those being the conflict between being glad shes probably happy and doing fine and just that sick feeling that she doesnt care...

 

Mornings are by far the worst time for me. I wake at least an hour before my alarm goes off, and just lie there, thinking about him,feeling upset,and not wanting to start another day of not having him in my life. As I've said on another thread, I read on here that our brain is still processing everything while we're asleep and that's why it's on our mind the minute we wake up.

 

I'm also finding NC tough.... and really finding it hard to accept that, after all we went through together, that he might no longer care.