Necris Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 I know how its often said to men and women who struggle with dating that they should lower their standards particularly their physical standards, personally myself I have lowered my standards the girls I approach usually aren't all that attractive, and I still fail miserably to get a date, and when I do get a date it never goes anywhere. Lowering my standards doesn't seem to help at all, and I don't really feel like going lower. I thought by lowering standards I'll open myself up to additional opportunity but that doesn't seem to be the case. I've also been told that I should raise my standards and not chase after girls who I don't find all that attractive (my friends are even occasionally shocked when they see some of the girls I try to talk to (the girls I talk to aren't very attractive), guess they think I can do better) and go after only super attractive women, but the problem with that is there are fewer women that I'm super attracted to, and I'll potentially be competing against other men who are attracted to the same woman, and her standards could be possibly higher. Though at the same time approaching less attractive women has been highly unsuccessful, and it seems like her own attractiveness is irrelevant to how attracted she feels towards me. Regardless if she's a "4" or a "9" I'm still unattractive to her and not someone fit for dating. Anyway what do you think?
Lani Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 There should be no lowering or raising of standards when it comes to your love life. You should go for who you find attractive, and if they're not attracted back, then so be it. Everyone gets so caught up in leagues and all that crap, when they should just spend time being normal and not worrying about it. 3
animalover Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 I know how its often said to men and women who struggle with dating that they should lower their standards particularly their physical standards, personally myself I have lowered my standards the girls I approach usually aren't all that attractive, and I still fail miserably to get a date, and when I do get a date it never goes anywhere. Lowering my standards doesn't seem to help at all, and I don't really feel like going lower. I thought by lowering standards I'll open myself up to additional opportunity but that doesn't seem to be the case. I've also been told that I should raise my standards and not chase after girls who I don't find all that attractive (my friends are even occasionally shocked when they see some of the girls I try to talk to (the girls I talk to aren't very attractive), guess they think I can do better) and go after only super attractive women, but the problem with that is there are fewer women that I'm super attracted to, and I'll potentially be competing against other men who are attracted to the same woman, and her standards could be possibly higher. Though at the same time approaching less attractive women has been highly unsuccessful, and it seems like her own attractiveness is irrelevant to how attracted she feels towards me. Regardless if she's a "4" or a "9" I'm still unattractive to her and not someone fit for dating. Anyway what do you think? Without intending any offense... if I would be a girl I would also not date you... you are so busy trying to analyse dating to find the reason of why you are not successful dating that you are making dating not fun anymore... It is as easy as a man approaching a girl he finds attractive and getting reciprocated... I have seen guys with the social skills of a broken shoe getting dates because they were good looking ... I have seen ugly guys getting dates because they were fun and social... I have seen guys not getting any date... they are the ones that are not good looking and not fun at all... women need to be either stoned by the looks of a guy or amused by the less good looking guy... if you walk the world with the word loser in your forehead and crying because you don't get dates... you will not get dates... easy as that! 1
pbjbear Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 (edited) Alot of the men I see in relationships just get into them primarily for regular sex or because they cannot get anything better. They get into relationships because they cannot be alone either. Every girl wants to be her guy's dreamgirl. I have yet to date someone for longer than 3 months who remained seriously interested in me but Im sure I could have gotten into relationships with some of them if I wanted to be in an unfulfilling one. I dont think men should lower their standards...esp not their physical standards. Women tend to look past looks more and fall in love with someone based on their personality but I find men rarely do this- the girl has to FIRST meet his physical standards and THEN he looks at her personality. Her personality doesnt compensate for her looks. The men I know that act like women and look past their uglier gf's looks are really not that happy with them anyway and always think they can do better. Most men dont have the options and lower their standards, but those men are never really satisfied in their relationships anyway. I think this fact shows in their behavior and is one of the reasons why women complain so much. Alot of women that post about their man's behavior on this forum I think to myself, he is just not that into her/invested in her Edited February 19, 2013 by pbjbear 1
RebelWithoutACause Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 I know how its often said to men and women who struggle with dating that they should lower their standards particularly their physical standards, personally myself I have lowered my standards the girls I approach usually aren't all that attractive, and I still fail miserably to get a date, and when I do get a date it never goes anywhere. Lowering my standards doesn't seem to help at all, and I don't really feel like going lower. I thought by lowering standards I'll open myself up to additional opportunity but that doesn't seem to be the case. I've also been told that I should raise my standards and not chase after girls who I don't find all that attractive (my friends are even occasionally shocked when they see some of the girls I try to talk to (the girls I talk to aren't very attractive), guess they think I can do better) and go after only super attractive women, but the problem with that is there are fewer women that I'm super attracted, and I'll potentially be competing against other men who are attracted to the same woman, and her standards could be possibly higher. Though at the same time approaching less attractive women has been highly unsuccessful, and it seems like her own attractiveness is irrelevant to how attracted she feels towards me. Regardless if she's a "4" or a "9" I'm still unattractive to her and not someone fit for dating. Anyway what do you think? Don't look at it as lowering your standards, look at it as broadening your prospects. Sounds bettet, no? BTW somebody's attractiveness, or lack there of, is in no way relative to their attraction to you. In other words, go for the ones you like. If they bite, they bite. 2
normal person Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 I've also been told that I should raise my standards and not chase after girls who I don't find all that attractive (my friends are even occasionally shocked when they see some of the girls I try to talk to (the girls I talk to aren't very attractive), guess they think I can do better) and go after only super attractive women I agree that you shouldn't go after women that you aren't attracted to on a physical and mental level, there's no point and you'll be just as dissatisfied as you were before. You need to be with someone you want to be with, not just someone you have no connection with who's filling a a perceived void. but the problem with that is there are fewer women that I'm super attracted to, and I'll potentially be competing against other men who are attracted to the same woman, and her standards could be possibly higher. That's simply the way it is. You'll find most people on the planet to be unappealing from a dating standpoint. There are only so many girls out there who are smart, funny, nice, decent, good looking, etc. The ones that are are the most sought after, and yeah, you'll have to compete with other guys and demonstrate your worth and/or compatibility to her. If you can't or are unwilling to compete, then the real problem is the disparity between your standards and what you can offer. So there's no sense in lowering your standards, and you can't help it if you have high ones. You may need to raise yourself to meet the standards you've set for a corresponding girl. Otherwise there isn't much you can do. Control what you can control.
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