Generalizations be damned, preconceived notions be shattered

[kaylan]

Basically I took notice of a couple things today that smash some generalizations in the dating world.

 

1. Since most here are American, Ill assume mostly non-American will know who Im about to mention. Centerback for Barcelona football club (soccer), Gerard Pique has been in a long term relationship with Colombian pop sensation Shakira for quite some time. Hes 26, very tall, handsome and obviously rich seeing as he plays for one of the most successful sports franchises in the world, in the worlds most popular game.

 

This man is a superstar defender and could have any girl he wants, but hes with 36 year old Shakira and they just had a child last month. I only found out about this today because Im a Real Madrid fan (Barcelona rivals) and dont follow the personal lives of footballer...especially not Barcelona players. I saw part of a UEFA Champions League program that highlighted Piques personal life today.

 

So much for those who hate on older women or scoff at older gals dating younger guys.

 

2. Im currently talking to a very cool chick. Smart, funny, goofy, raunchy, unique, pretty, nice body...and guess what else? Three inches taller than me at almost 6 ft tall. Youd think we wouldnt talk to each other, or that an amazon-esque girl like her wouldnt go for me...but things seem on a good path and we are going out for drinks and dancing this weekend. Im not making grand expectations of the evening, but we have a good vibe at the present time.

 

So much for those who think their height will always keep them down.

 

3. Talking to another girl whos from a very different culture than mine. Im African American, and shes Jewish, yet we seem to get along well enough so far though things are in the early stages. For as much as I thought my race was a detriment to my dating success last week when I posted....a week later I have two decent prospects who dont seem to care that we are racially different. And I mentioned this third thing because of that race thread thats on the front page right now.

 

All and all, I just felt like sparking this convo to say that sometimes you gotta just be you, and not worry about generalizations and how they might dictate your dating life. I was bitching last week about some things out of my control, and I see other gals and guys do the same. And sometimes you just gotta put yourself out there...let go...and maybe youll run into some cool people.

Edited February 19, 2013 by kaylan

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

Basically I took notice of a couple things today that smash some generalizations in the dating world.

 

1. Since most here are American, Ill assume mostly non-American will know who Im about to mention. Centerback for Barcelona football club (soccer), Gerard Pique has been in a long term relationship with Colombian pop sensation Shakira for quite some time. Hes 26, very tall, handsome and obviously rich seeing as he plays for one of the most successful sports franchises in the world, in the worlds most popular game.

 

This man is a superstar defender and could have any girl he wants, but hes with 36 year old Shakira and they just had a child last month. I only found out about this today because Im a Real Madrid fan (Barcelona rivals) and dont follow the personal lives of footballer...especially not Barcelona players. I saw part of a UEFA Champions League program that highlighted Piques personal life today.

 

So much for those who hate on older women or scoff at older gals dating younger guys.

 

2. Im currently talking to a very cool chick. Smart, funny, goofy, raunchy, unique, pretty, nice body...and guess what else? Three inches taller than me at almost 6 ft tall. Youd think we wouldnt talk to each other, or that an amazon-esque girl like her wouldnt go for me...but things seem on a good path and we are going out for drinks and dancing this weekend. Im not making grand expectations of the evening, but we have a good vibe at the present time.

 

So much for those who think their height will always keep them down.

 

3. Talking to another girl whos from a very different culture than mine. Im African American, and shes Jewish, yet we seem to get along well enough so far though things are in the early stages. For as much as I thought my race was a detriment to my dating success last week when I posted....a week later I have two decent prospects who dont seem to care that we are racially different. And I mentioned this third thing because of that race thread thats on the front page right now.

 

All and all, I just felt like sparking this convo to say that sometimes you gotta just be you, and not worry about generalizations and how they might dictate your dating life. I was bitching last week about some things out of my control, and I see other gals and guys do the same. And sometimes you just gotta put yourself out there...let go...and maybe youll run into some cool people.

 

This is an isolated story. If she's 6 feet, then you must be 5'10 (average height). Try being 5'4 and 5'5 and see how much it holds you down.

 

It's the equivalent of being a severe deformity.

[kaylan]

Im 5'9. Still average height yes...but too many guys think a tall girl (5'8 and up) or girls in general wont give a guy a chance if hes at all shorter than her. Im saying thats not always true.

 

Obviously if I was 7 or 8 inches shorter than a girl, I couldnt realistically see either of us being into one another. But we arent talking about 5'5 guys with 6 ft tall women here. Im taking about a few inch height different

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

Im 5'9. Still average height yes...but too many guys think a tall girl (5'8 and up) or girls in general wont give a guy a chance if hes at all shorter than her. Im saying thats not always true.

 

Obviously if I was 7 or 8 inches shorter than a girl, I couldnt realistically see either of us being into one another. But we arent talking about 5'5 guys with 6 ft tall women here. Im taking about a few inch height different

 

Exactly. You aren't short, yet you are presenting this as a "height doesn't matter" thread, which it does.

 

As you can infer, I am short and, thus, I take offense to this posting.

[MrCastle]

5'7, I've had two girls interested in me that were 5'10 without heels.

 

Long, long ago, in my early teen years. I want to say 14. When I was even shorter, I think like 5'4 at the time, this hot (white) girl was interested in me. She told me she was 5'7 I believe. I was like "wait, but you're taller than me, isn't that a problem?" and she replied with "so, I don't understand--you want me to stop liking you?" and I was like "no!"

 

If you have game, you can overcome whatever real or imaginery shortcomings you feel you have.

[kaylan]

Exactly. You aren't short, yet you are presenting this as a "height doesn't matter" thread, which it does.

 

As you can infer, I am short and, thus, I take offense to this posting.

Omg. I never said it didnt matter. I was saying it doesnt have to mean everything. And for some girls closer to your height, it may not matter to them.

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

5'7, I've had two girls interested in me that were 5'10 without heels.

 

Long, long ago, in my early teen years. I want to say 14. When I was even shorter, I think like 5'4 at the time, this hot (white) girl was interested in me. She told me she was 5'7 I believe. I was like "wait, but you're taller than me, isn't that a problem?" and she replied with "so, I don't understand--you want me to stop liking you?" and I was like "no!"

 

If you have game, you can overcome whatever real or imaginery shortcomings you feel you have.

 

Those are examples of exceptions to the rule. In general, you will be rejected because of your height.

 

And you're 5'7. That's not THAT short. Try being 5'4 (my height) and get back to me.

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

Omg. I never said it didnt matter. I was saying it doesnt have to mean everything. And for some girls closer to your height, it may not matter to them.

 

For the vast majority, it's a HUGE factor and matters more than any other physical feature.

 

Yes, game can overcome it IF you can get your foot in the door. That's a big "if."

 

As a significantly short guy, you have to work extremely hard to get the girl and extremely hard to keep the girl, so much so that it's almost not even worth it.

 

Neither of you are as short as me. So you don't really understand.

[MrCastle]

Those are examples of exceptions to the rule. In general, you will be rejected because of your height.

 

And you're 5'7. That's not THAT short. Try being 5'4 (my height) and get back to me.

 

5'7 is short, man. Anything under average (5'8-5'9) by definition, is short.

 

Regardless--you can't let genetics prevent you from dating. There is nothing you can do to make you taller. You are who you are. What other choice do you have? Are you never going to date/attempt to date because of your height?

[MrCastle]

For the vast majority, it's a HUGE factor and matters more than any other physical feature.

 

Yes, game can overcome it IF you can get your foot in the door. That's a big "if."

 

As a significantly short guy, you have to work extremely hard to get the girl and extremely hard to keep the girl, so much so that it's almost not even worth it.

 

Neither of you are as short as me. So you don't really understand.

 

And read the last part of my post. I was 5'4, she was 5'7--she still wanted the D. And that was at 14 when I had zero game.

[mesmerized]

hmmm, the fact that Shakira is extremely sexy, rich and famous is compensating for her age for sure. I don't think the guy is "better" than her just because he is younger.

 

And Well obviously as a guy you can can easily find non-shallow girls. Women do not have the same privilage. Sad but true.

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

5'7 is short, man. Anything under average (5'8-5'9) by definition, is short.

 

Regardless--you can't let genetics prevent you from dating. There is nothing you can do to make you taller. You are who you are. What other choice do you have? Are you never going to date/attempt to date because of your height?

 

I'm considering leg lengthening surgery or, possibly, moving to a culture where height doesn't matter that much.

[MrCastle]

I'm considering leg lengthening surgery or, possibly, moving to a culture where height doesn't matter that much.

 

You don't have to do any of that bro. Be confident in who you are, develop game, you're done. The rest is beyond your control.

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

You don't have to do any of that bro. Be confident in who you are, develop game, you're done. The rest is beyond your control.

 

I doubt I'll do the leg lengthening. The complications are pretty severe. It doesn't make much sense to do that all for a society that rejected me for who I really am.

 

But it shows that the rest is NOT beyond my control. I'm hoping to move to an eastern culture that is naturally shorter and less concerned with height in general.

 

I'm just tired of being the shortest person around all the time and constantly getting rejected because of something I have no control over.

[Archgirl]

I doubt I'll do the leg lengthening. The complications are pretty severe. It doesn't make much sense to do that all for a society that rejected me for who I really am.

 

But it shows that the rest is NOT beyond my control. I'm hoping to move to an eastern culture that is naturally shorter and less concerned with height in general.

 

I'm just tired of being the shortest person around all the time and constantly getting rejected because of something I have no control over.

 

Just find a chick my height (5'1), every guy looks tall to me and I have no idea what it's like to have to worry about whether heels will make me taller than...well...like ANYONE!

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

Just find a chick my height (5'1), every guy looks tall to me and I have no idea what it's like to have to worry about whether heels will make me taller than...well...like ANYONE!

 

Many of them want taller guys too. I'm as limited in my dating options as ugly girls and fat people.

 

I can't wait to leave this society and I often wonder why others like me don't feel the same.

[Archgirl]

Many of them want taller guys too. I'm as limited in my dating options as ugly girls and fat people.

 

I can't wait to leave this society and I often wonder why others like me don't feel the same.

 

Aww babe, I'm so sorry. Hope things look up for you soon

[kaylan]

This is the last time Ill address the height thing as thats not the sole or main point of the thread.

For the vast majority, it's a HUGE factor and matters more than any other physical feature.

Screw the majority. Find a girl who doesnt care about it. They are out there. Sometimes you just gotta try. Normally I wouldnt try to kick game to a girl whos taller than me, but this chick said she hates that guys feel that way. And she doesnt seem to have much of an issue with height unless the guy is a lot shorter than her.

Yes, game can overcome it IF you can get your foot in the door. That's a big "if."

My situations have nothing to do with "game". I attribute it to these girls being attracted to me and liking my personality.

As a significantly short guy, you have to work extremely hard to get the girl and extremely hard to keep the girl, so much so that it's almost not even worth it.

Date short girls then dude. Plenty are out there. I worked with a girl who was 5'3 or 5'4 and her bf was only like 5'7 at most. And she said herself she likes short guys close to her height.

Neither of you are as short as me. So you don't really understand.

I cant understand you completely but I can tell you that defeating yourself holds you back. Just get out there and flirt.

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

I cant understand you completely

 

That about sums it up.

[Els]

I can't wait to leave this society and I often wonder why others like me don't feel the same.

 

So, what's stopping you? You wouldn't be the first to emigrate due to wanting a (perceived) increased quality of life, and you won't be the last.

 

Given your posts here, I doubt you'd survive a day in an eastern culture that typically has insane work hours and no welfare though.

 

I know several guys who are 5'3" to 5'5" and still get dates.

[Emilia]

All and all, I just felt like sparking this convo to say that sometimes you gotta just be you, and not worry about generalizations and how they might dictate your dating life. I was bitching last week about some things out of my control, and I see other gals and guys do the same. And sometimes you just gotta put yourself out there...let go...and maybe youll run into some cool people.

 

Back to the thread: I wholeheartedly agree! Talk to everyone you find likeable and interesting and see how it pans out. This is why I love living in a metropolis.

[ChessPieceFace]

SO MANY women post that they want a guy taller than them. They see it as a natural desire and don't believe there's anything shallow in that desire, even though it's just as shallow as a man posting "and she better have large boobs."

 

See if you can grasp this. The fact that many/most women want it, and the fact that you managed to overcome it / find a woman that doesn't -- those things aren't contradictory. The exception neither proves nor disproves the rule.

[pbjbear]

I want a guy my height or taller.

 

I am 5'3.5

 

Thats not much to ask for. Just like its not much to ask for a guy to not want an obese woman

 

Everybody contradicts themselves and everybody is shallow in some way.

 

All the men that post here about women being shallow do the same thing themselves. I have yet to see a man bitch about shallow women that doesnt try for the hottest girl when going out or give a prettier girl who is not that interested more attention than a less prettier one that likes him alot. Im pretty judgmental about certain personality traits and that could kind of be seen as shallow, but I do it for a reason (I know there are certain personality traits that make me super unhappy)

[serial muse]

Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but saying you want a tall guy is the same thing as a guy saying he wants a hot girl. It doesn't have any actual advantages. It's just something that society pushes for you to have.

 

Thus, it's a shallow desire.

 

So I find it very confusing that you complain about guys being shallow and only wanting hot girls. I'm a short guy too. Because of my propensity to date hot girls (and the obvious shallowness of that), I don't fault girls for turning me down because of my height. It's no big deal and understandable.

 

Also, the comparison between height and weight is invalid. Being fat is a choice (one chooses not to go to the gym, eat right, and work it off). There's nothing that one can do about their height, no matter how much effort they put into it.

 

Height is the most similar to looks: can't be changed, no matter how awesome you are on the inside.

 

Re: the bolded, I think that you guys are actually in agreement. She wasn't complaining about guys wanting hot girls, she was making the exact same comparison you were. That everyone is somewhat shallow.

 

Also, I wouldn't consider a guy who's 5' 3.5" tall.

 

As for kaylan's larger point, I think this was perfectly stated:

 

Screw the majority. Find a girl who doesnt care about it. They are out there. Sometimes you just gotta try.

 

Yes, gentlemen, we KNOW that being shorter for a guy can be a disadvantage. But judging from the posts on here you'd think that's the only factor that matters, and it isn't. A LOT of women have posted on LS over the years that they've dated what's considered "short" men, and that they don't care; in each case, those stories are dismissed as anecdotal.

 

Well, yes, they are anecdotal. So's the story about that time a girl wouldn't date you because you're short.

 

In the end, the anecdotes are only there to prove this small but fundamental point: Yes, you might have this one disadvantage, but it's not actually as impossible and dreary and hopeless as you're making it out to be. A lot of people are battling various disadvantages in the dating game, and we all have to deal with it. So deal with it. What, really, is the good of being angry about this? What good does it do you? Why not, instead, be open to those who are telling you that it doesn't matter to everyone? No one's saying your experience is invalid, they're simply advising you not to let it own you.

 

I get that it sucks to feel disadvantaged, but feeling like a victim is, in the long run, going to be more of a wall than the height itself.

Edited February 19, 2013 by serial muse

[pbjbear]

Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but saying you want a tall guy is the same thing as a guy saying he wants a hot girl. It doesn't have any actual advantages. It's just something that society pushes for you to have.

 

Thus, it's a shallow desire.

 

So I find it very confusing that you complain about guys being shallow and only wanting hot girls. I'm a short guy too. Because of my propensity to date hot girls (and the obvious shallowness of that), I don't fault girls for turning me down because of my height. It's no big deal and understandable.

 

Also, the comparison between height and weight is invalid. Being fat is a choice (one chooses not to go to the gym, eat right, and work it off). There's nothing that one can do about their height, no matter how much effort they put into it.

 

Height is the most similar to looks: can't be changed, no matter how awesome you are on the inside.

 

 

Dude, Im 5'3. How many men are there that are 5'2 and below???

Every man I see is MY HEIGHT OR TALLER.

I have NEVER turned down a man for his height because Im short and want someone at least the same height as me...men my age are taller than men 99% of the time. Many of the men that post on this forum that bitch about being 5'5...a guy I had a huuuuuuge crush on was barely 5'5. I dont choose a guy whose 5'8 over 5'4 because of his height- its usually due to personality differences. Alot of shorter guys have an overcompensation problem in their personality and are rude and negative