BarbecueMan666 Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 Hi. This was my first long relationship, 1.5 years and I truly loved her. FB/twitter stalking initially I was, with no updates - then came one or two pictures of her with brand new hair (cut to shoulder length from being half way down her back) and looking extremely happy. I was very upset. After her roommate and her were posting pictures and being all so happy, I blocked their news feeds and their faces on the chat windows, and removed them from twitter. My ex is studying to be an Opera singer in LA in Grad school, she strives to be famous in anyway she can, and in one way was Youtube. She used to be very popular - but dropped off the face of the planet due to her BF at the time thinking her youtube videos were dumb. Since then she's looked at that as the biggest mistake of her life and has been very unhappy with it, and always wanted to get it back, the same level of fame and admiration to no true avail. I have roughly 30k twitter followers which was much more of an outlet than she had. I tweeted all her videos, got her plenty of views on her videos and made her some money from sponsorship videos, not tons but definitely within the low 1000's. I gave her lots of money besides the helping with making her videos reach out and just wanted to support her. I enjoyed her videos mainly because she was in them, and I loved her, and I loved the fact she enjoyed them so much. We broke up new years day for her reasons: Me being too Frugal, Her not seeing things working due to prior breakups, Distance. (but that one never stopped us before). I never really explained my reasons for breaking up before, and quite honestly - given my first relationship I guess I was slightly blinded by things that I didn't like. I know certainly I grew stronger towards the end of the relationship, refused to buy absolutely everything, refused to bend over absolutely backwards everytime without her really doing much in return and just in general stopped being the doormat I guess I was. Among my peers I'm known as a good looking and popular guy, which she latched onto the idea immediately. Our friend actually set us up, who I currently live with. During the relationship I was admittedly head over heels in love. This woman told me she wanted to get married, kids - the whole shibang. She was 25 when we first met, I was 21. Her youtube career at this point was not so big, maybe 15-25k views per video and not really releasing many of them due to lack of idea. Since meeting me, her video views stayed roughly the same, a few hit 50k, and 1 hit almost 100k. - She joined a grad school and that was when she moved, and within a few months she distanced herself greatly from me. To say she was evil would be harsh, but I definitely want to go into detail about a few things and talk about them publicly, as I feel it's pretty healthy to actually start removing the love goggles. 1. She was very attractive. She used this to her fullest potential during her whole life I believe. I don't think it's a bad thing being attractive at all, but using it to get what you want, when you want it reminds me of a spider man quote "with great power, comes great responsibility" - Her prior line of part time work involved pretending that you really like guys, to make money from them. She was very successful at it, but said it was exhausting and didn't enjoy doing it. 2. Selfish. She always complained about having a lack of friends, and I always wondered why as she was so flamboyant, pretty, smart and wore a smile all the time. She told me stories about friends "breaking up with her" for reasons that didn't really make sense at the time. What I've learnt was she only kept people around for reasons that could benefit her. Be it they could make money from them, they could help her advertise herself or something of equal value. Obviously this can be looked at in different ways - And hey, you don't want to always be a "giver" in every relationship with everyone, but flat out being a "taker" was something I only started to clue into towards the end. 3. Cruel. I don't really need to go into this one, but a definite disregard for peoples feelings on her actions was something that came highly into play multiple times with multiple people, including her family, friends and even me. 4. Unsupportive. Initially with my line of work she was very interested. I didn't realize it initially, but this was a way of trying to further her own brand, and do things that could eventually help her out. Towards the end of the relationship I asked her to partake in my line of work in which she would be shown to my viewers and fans. (She was acting very depressed before hand, so I decided to take a little experiment of my own) - Within seconds of being put infront of a camera there we had it, a brand new person who suddenly wanted to be center of attention within every regard. - People found her embarrassing, and I have to admit, I found her annoying. 5. Attention seeker. Her profession in the making - An Opera singer. I found this mightily impressive, and unusual. I admired the fact she took on this role and could do it so well. I was proud of her. Her other role was youtube, in which initially consisted in making funny/silly videos in which the main plot was - Attractive girl says silly/does silly things and people find it amusing. Later on she met a new roommate who's a writer. This writer now writes songs for her youtube clips, and they go hand in hand. - I was no longer of benefit besides actually widening her audience rather than anything else. The attention she craved would make her go happy crazy. Good comments, or people recognizing her or anything like that would make her ecstatic, as soon as she was out of the limelight, or saw people with more followers/subscribers than herself she would sink into depression. I had to deal with this on a daily basis and try and make her feel elated. 6. Hot/cold fiasco. If things were going well, wow - I couldn't wish for a better day! But ... On the pretty common chance that things were not to her liking wow. I would find her being silent, not talking to me, me left assuming what is wrong. She'd eventually tell me that her nose is too big, she's not happy with her looks, something would crop up - or that she's sad about youtube stuff, or she's not a good enough singer - Everytime it would be a chore to get it out of her or try cheer her up. Often I'd take her places or give her money or treat her. I was trying to buy the nice Version out of the bad one. Turned into a bad situation. 7. Wasn't good at opening up. Initially we were both the most open people ever, within a week I knew more about this girl than anyone before her. Towards the latter stages of our relationship that wasn't the case at all, and I started to lack a lot of trust towards her. I'll probably think more to the list and add onto it eventually, but for now I think that's something pretty solid for me to go on. This was my first serious relationship, and was the first time I told a girl I loved her, or even had her as my "SO" on facebook (omg so official!) I've learnt a lot since being with her and for that I'm more than thankful. I've learnt a lot about myself, a lot to be wary for, but a lot about what I love in people. While with me, despite me only listing her rather undesirable qualities, she was overall a decent person, and one that I'm sadly still trying to get over, but it's definitely getting better. I'm at least in a position where I can look at these things and see them for what they are, without lining up a solid defense for her. She's going to be successful at what ever she does, and this is an idea that kinda hurts me a little and I'm not sure if it's normal. I kind of found her in a position where she was 25, just finished college and was about to start auditioning for grad schools. Her youtube career was not doing that good compared to 5 years prior where she'd get 300k + views for each video, and and be pretty widely known as very popular and famous. But I liked her a lot, and found her very attractive. Since then, her views went up from 20k per video, to anything up to 100k, being with me and me advertising them and getting her known more. She recently released a couple videos with her new "team" - Writer, producer, some actors, a music guy and such. Her latest set of videos hit 1500 views and 4000 views. I'm pretty happy they aren't shooting through the roof, One of the videos was a "breakup ballad" in which she messaged me the day prior to tell me "this might be sensitive for you but it's nothing about you or us at all so don't worry or wonder about it!" I ended up watching it, and it wasn't cool at all. I was in some of her vlogs, but never one of her official videos on her main channel, then there's this random dude who she's being very close to in the video, and breaking up with him on valentines day. I'm wondering, How do you people cope with the idea of your partner being successful or famous? - We share mutual friends, and I saw these videos through retweets. I'm happy they aren't doing that well, but honestly, if one of them does so happy to make it big - I'm finding the idea hard, considering where we came from. All in all, I'm not happier than when I was with her, but I'm much happier than I was 3 weeks ago. I liked the idea of having her in my life, and her as an addition to me, or rather me as an addition to her almost. But I realized a lot being with her, and I've definitely grown more in the last few weeks than I have ever done. Obviously I still have moments where I have no idea what to really think or do, But I'm getting better . Thank you for reading.
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