Would you Take your Ex back RIGHT NOW if they wanted you back?

February 19, 2013

I've been thinking about this...all the time really. In between the thoughts of "why did this happen?" and "How could he love me and then just leave me?" questions. Today I came up with this...I love him so much still...it's only been 8 days since he dumped me, 10 days since he told me he loved me and missed me. Anyways...if he really wanted to get back with me and he seemed sorry about it, I would think about it, but I would demand us go to a therapist first. But I'm not 100% sure if I would take him back...I would just give it a try with the therapist. Many years ago there was a guy that dumped me and I had started dating a nice guy. The guy that dumped me came back and wanted to hook up and we did and then I dumped the nice guy because I was foolish and thought because me and the guy had hooked up that he wanted to get back together. He even asked me why would I be so stupid to think that. That guy tore my heart out and stomped it over and over and over again. It went on for about three years. I screwed over that nice guy and I still feel bad about it, all because of one bad guy. And I hurt myself over and over just because I wanted him to love me. It's pathetic really. He never thought I was good enough for him and I kept hoping he would see that I was instead of having the love for myself to just leave.

This time is very different from that one. This guy was wonderful with me....I mean we were engaged. We never had a fight until last Monday when he told me he didn't think we should date any longer....even though we were engaged. I have no idea how he could have done that, but he has. And I know it was because of another girl. I just don't want to spend another three years of my life feeling like crap...if he even gave me that option. I love him and what we had was amazing, but it apparently wasn't amazing enough for him to fight for. Even if there was something I had done to make him mad or something, he should of had the balls to talk to me about it instead of just giving up on us and going with the first girl that winked at him. He gave up on us. How could I ever think he wouldn't do it again? I never want to feel like this again. *shrug*

February 19, 2013

I would tell her no, and that she does not deserve to have me in her life. I was always kind, compassionate, caring... I bought her anything she ever wanted. I treated her like a princess. When we argued I never once called her any cruel or hurtful names. She doesn't deserve to have some one so committed, so loving, and so emotionally intelligent in her life.

She gets off on hurting me inside, then says "I said sorry so get over it ". As if the words I'm sorry nullify her behavior.

I would say no and then tell her I never wanted to see or hear from her again.

February 19, 2013

My head tells me no, that there's no point in getting back together. I would never trust him again and I would always be afraid of being hurt again. It would also be so much effort, after cutting him out of my life, to bring him back into it. Things would just never be the same.

My heart, on the other hand, wants him back so badly.

Ditto to this....almost exactly what i was gonna post.

It was our hearts that brought us here....so i think we should listen to our heads now.

February 19, 2013

I would take him back in an absolute HEARTBEAT, but that would be listening to my heart, because I'm head over heels for him, flaws and all, but he wouldn't have a bar of me, but every situation is different, another girl in my situation would probably say NO and would have moved on a long time ago, but my heart is his and I think it will be his forevermore, just can't shake him but I don't think I want to shake him either - been hurt too much to give my heart ever again, so I've resigned myself to being alone for the rest of my life and that's fine with me, I just can't take any more heartache, every guy I've ever been with has walked away without a second glance, I broke up with this guy, he did the very same thing, but I don't blame him for that, it's what you're supposed to do, if you have half a brain when someone breaks up with you and hurts you, but as I said everyone and every situation is different :love::love:

Edited February 19, 2013 by Jiggy1975
mispelling

February 19, 2013

I've been thinking about this...all the time really. In between the thoughts of "why did this happen?" and "How could he love me and then just leave me?" questions. Today I came up with this...I love him so much still...it's only been 8 days since he dumped me, 10 days since he told me he loved me and missed me. Anyways...if he really wanted to get back with me and he seemed sorry about it, I would think about it, but I would demand us go to a therapist first. But I'm not 100% sure if I would take him back...I would just give it a try with the therapist. Many years ago there was a guy that dumped me and I had started dating a nice guy. The guy that dumped me came back and wanted to hook up and we did and then I dumped the nice guy because I was foolish and thought because me and the guy had hooked up that he wanted to get back together. He even asked me why would I be so stupid to think that. That guy tore my heart out and stomped it over and over and over again. It went on for about three years. I screwed over that nice guy and I still feel bad about it, all because of one bad guy. And I hurt myself over and over just because I wanted him to love me. It's pathetic really. He never thought I was good enough for him and I kept hoping he would see that I was instead of having the love for myself to just leave.

This time is very different from that one. This guy was wonderful with me....I mean we were engaged. We never had a fight until last Monday when he told me he didn't think we should date any longer....even though we were engaged. I have no idea how he could have done that, but he has. And I know it was because of another girl. I just don't want to spend another three years of my life feeling like crap...if he even gave me that option. I love him and what we had was amazing, but it apparently wasn't amazing enough for him to fight for. Even if there was something I had done to make him mad or something, he should of had the balls to talk to me about it instead of just giving up on us and going with the first girl that winked at him. He gave up on us. How could I ever think he wouldn't do it again? I never want to feel like this again. *shrug*

Exactly, as soon as they break up with you, the relationship (or non-relationship) changes. They have more power, you resent them, they are no longer the person you thought they were, and the trust is broken. Even if they want you back, apologize for dumping you, etc.... those are still things that are hard to get over. What side of them is real? The side of them that dumped you? The side that wants you back? The side that you thought they were in the relationship?

I know that feeling change and all that, but I can't help but feel she is a different person when she dumped me and after. Its a disconnect from what I knew about her and the things she said (I love you so much, we are going to get married, have kids).....doesn't make sense. I didn't think the person I fell in love with and believed in could do that to me/us!!

I could not get back with her at this point. Its been too long. Maybe in the first 2-3 months I probably could of, because the pain was just too much for me to handle and I was not thinking logically and I was heavy in the shock/denial phase.

Now I am more logical but still emotional, and definitely not at the point of indifference. But at a point where I am starting to accept that there is NO CHANCE for us...like 0.000% and not .0425% chance...lol

February 19, 2013

I am 5 months BU. About 1.5 months NC. In the first 3 months of BU I would of definitely have taken my ex back at the blink of an eye....Then as time passed, I felt like I started to see the her as the person she really was (cold, narcissistic, cruel, a Liar, having a transient definition of Love) , rather than the person I fell in love with or the person that I thought she was while still in a relationship with her. I don't know which person is the real her....the person I fell in love with or now, in hindsight who I think she really is.
My gut feeling tells me that she is the person I see now.
If my ex were to want me back for real, I would be very hesitant. Yes, I would give her a chance to show me who she really is...but in the end I do not think I can take her back. Even if she convinced me she isn't this person that I think she is now, even if she apologized, there is still this element of lack of trust. How can I trust a person who had dumped me? Just left me so easily? How can I trust this won't happen again?

Just wanted everyone else's thoughts....I think a big part of healing and moving on is accepting that even if they were to come back..you would not take them back.

I'd prefer not to see my last ex ever again. I don't hate her though. I think of her as very immature and selfcentered. I understand why she did what she did and I understand why I did what I did. There is no reason to hate her, but there is also no reason to ever have her in my life again.

February 19, 2013

Njeanne-

So, he left you because you were doing an activity for the 1st 2 weeks of October? Sounds like an extreme reaction....I don't know if I would dump someone because they had an activity going on...it doesn't sound right.

Would you of dumped him if he had an activity going on? How can you want to get back with a person that dumped you over a weak reason like this??

mutantswordfish-I know she never loved me because the one who loves wouldnt just leave in this way

Yes, agree. I think some people may thing we "love hard" I do, and I am proud of it.

amelie, mcdo, coping vortex- how can you trust them after dumping you??!!

Wouldn't you be afraid that they would do this AGAIN?

jiggy- did you break up with him or he dumped you?

Everyone else that said no, your awesome!, logic is taking over your emotions and your one step closer to the all desired indifference stage!

February 19, 2013

I don't mean this to sound the wrong way but how do you know it was easy for her to walk away? Did she give you reasons why?

As for your question... No my ex I couldn't take back because after being with him I got to see that he lied to me a lot and took pride in it. How can you be with someone you feel wants to hurt you even if you did enjoy times together. Not to say I was perfect because I wasn't but I'd never set out to hurt him no matter how upset I'd be.
No the damage has been done and if I did go back to being with him I'd always ne on pins and needles wondering when next I'd be hurt.

She gave me the reason that we fight too much. But, she would rage at the smallest arguments...she lacked empathy would not care about my needs or concerns and whenever I told her something that hurt me she would rage.It was very difficult to communicate with her because she couldn't empathize....a trait of a narcissist.

Why do I think it was easy for her? BECAUSE SHE ACTUALLY DID IT. PERIOD. If it wasn't easy, she wouldn't of done it.

I believe she checked out of the relationship more than a year before the breakup but kept me around to buffer her loneliness and the pain of an inevitable break up. All the while, telling me she still loved me and all that jazz. It was a LIE. It was easy because she took the easy route and did not want to save our relationship by growing or working on it...to her I was disposable. I believe, when you Real love someone there is Nothing out there that can cause a Schism between 2 people that really love each other. Love is as strong as its weakest link in a relationship and it was her link that was weak. I would of NEVER broken up with her, unfortunately.

February 19, 2013

amelie, mcdo, coping vortex- how can you trust them after dumping you??!!
Wouldn't you be afraid that they would do this AGAIN?

Me and my ex mutually broke up. Well, it was more like she couldn't pull the trigger so I did it for her. Then I worked on making changes to be a better person, however she enjoyed her new found freedom so much that she kept it that way. When I realised it was permanent I broke down. And that's when she assumed the role of dumper and I found myself as the dumpee.

If she was to come back to me maybe it would be a case of the new found freedom getting old and she would be missing everything about the relationship with me. It would be worth the risk. Also, if we broke up a 2nd time I'd know what to do next time to avoid wasting two months pining for her.

February 19, 2013

Njeanne-
So, he left you because you were doing an activity for the 1st 2 weeks of October? Sounds like an extreme reaction....I don't know if I would dump someone because they had an activity going on...it doesn't sound right.
Would you of dumped him if he had an activity going on? How can you want to get back with a person that dumped you over a weak reason like this??

mutantswordfish-I know she never loved me because the one who loves wouldnt just leave in this way
Yes, agree. I think some people may thing we "love hard" I do, and I am proud of it.

amelie, mcdo, coping vortex- how can you trust them after dumping you??!!
Wouldn't you be afraid that they would do this AGAIN?

jiggy- did you break up with him or he dumped you?

Everyone else that said no, your awesome!, logic is taking over your emotions and your one step closer to the all desired indifference stage!

In answer to your question....he had two family deaths, lost his job and then ended up sick in hospital for weeks. we had one silly fight and he went nuts on me and called it off.

.that was a unique set of circumstances and I can't see all of those things happening all at once again.

So I could trust him.

February 19, 2013

She left me 2 months ago.

The first 10 days, I would have taken her back in the blink of an eye, and returned to be the slave I was before (without noticing, of course.)

After a month, I would have taken her back if she came to me and begged me on her knees, telling me that she's changed, that she really wants to change things and be happy with me.

Now, after 2 month and going on, I wouldn't take her back for anything in the world. She is crazy and has serious issues... may God have mercy for her and her 5 years old mind.

February 19, 2013

She left me 2 months ago.
The first 10 days, I would have taken her back in the blink of an eye, and returned to be the slave I was before (without noticing, of course.)
After a month, I would have taken her back if she came to me and begged me on her knees, telling me that she's changed, that she really wants to change things and be happy with me.
Now, after 2 month and going on, I wouldn't take her back for anything in the world. She is crazy and has serious issues... may God have mercy for her and her 5 years old mind.

Yes, time apart makes you put things into perspective and clearly see the person you were in a relationship for so long. Wow, powerful stuff.

February 19, 2013

Old Turkish expression: "don't eat what you spit out". Ie: if it was disgusting the first time, it will be worse all chewed and spit on the second Time around.

That's how I feel about my exes too!

In the case of the dumpee....."don't eat what THEY spit out" ....haha...

February 19, 2013

In my case, I think it was circumstance. As my ex had only just got out of being bullied badly for years that made her emotionally fragile, she then got involved with a much older man who lead her on, groomed/manipulated her(she says it was just kissing/cuddling,) drank and did drugs in front of her while having a girlfriend on the side, then she met me, we go out and I treat her like a princess, 2 and a half months later she finds about her parents are getting divorced, my 'friend' (was actually a groomer/manipulator/something strange about him, I distanced myself from him) started making moves on her and then she left me for him a week later by email that he wrote. Ironically this guy had no experience of women, all of them recognised his manipulating nature and rejected him, his 'technique' only worked on my ex. I was heartbroken. 4 months NC, 5 months since BU, pretty sure shes still with him, shes either incredibly stupid or he's got her wrapped round his finger.

If she came back, she'd have to prove to me that I could trust her again, and trust for me is incredibly important, so it'd take her years for me to trust her fully. I'd be impressed if she managed to contact me anyway, I changed numbers, emails and I'm at Uni, I went literally off the radar.

February 23, 2013

Njeanne-
So, he left you because you were doing an activity for the 1st 2 weeks of October? Sounds like an extreme reaction....I don't know if I would dump someone because they had an activity going on...it doesn't sound right.
Would you of dumped him if he had an activity going on? How can you want to get back with a person that dumped you over a weak reason like this??

mutantswordfish-I know she never loved me because the one who loves wouldnt just leave in this way
Yes, agree. I think some people may thing we "love hard" I do, and I am proud of it.

amelie, mcdo, coping vortex- how can you trust them after dumping you??!!
Wouldn't you be afraid that they would do this AGAIN?

jiggy- did you break up with him or he dumped you?

Everyone else that said no, your awesome!, logic is taking over your emotions and your one step closer to the all desired indifference stage!

I broke up with him, but I'm just screwed up FULLSTOP !!!!:(:( Long winded story, not worth repeating anymore :( hope you find answers that will give your head a little peace

February 23, 2013

Njeanne-
So, he left you because you were doing an activity for the 1st 2 weeks of October? Sounds like an extreme reaction....I don't know if I would dump someone because they had an activity going on...it doesn't sound right.
Would you of dumped him if he had an activity going on? How can you want to get back with a person that dumped you over a weak reason like this??

mutantswordfish-I know she never loved me because the one who loves wouldnt just leave in this way
Yes, agree. I think some people may thing we "love hard" I do, and I am proud of it.

amelie, mcdo, coping vortex- how can you trust them after dumping you??!!
Wouldn't you be afraid that they would do this AGAIN?

jiggy- did you break up with him or he dumped you?

Everyone else that said no, your awesome!, logic is taking over your emotions and your one step closer to the all desired indifference stage!

Sorry for the late responds. He dumped me because his feeling gradually slipped away for two months. So I can only assume that activity that kept me busy 4evenings in week made him unhappy because I wasn't there on skype to talk with him and all he did was sit and wait for me to return after midnight. Nothing else in the relationship changed, and in the beginning of october we were so happy and talking from noon to early in morning.

So I assume less attention from me made him unhappy.

edit: he didn't dump me after one week. He dumped me after two months, I was doing the activity for two months. After break up I quit it, and six weeks after (through mutual friend) I realised it was because I wasn't there much for him anymore. I didn't knew, and he said his feelings gradually went but never gave me a reason so I assume he doesn't know why.

Edited February 23, 2013 by Njeanne

February 23, 2013

Sorry for the late responds. He dumped me because his feeling gradually slipped away for two months. So I can only assume that activity that kept me busy 4evenings in week made him unhappy because I wasn't there on skype to talk with him and all he did was sit and wait for me to return after midnight. Nothing else in the relationship changed, and in the beginning of october we were so happy and talking from noon to early in morning.

So I assume less attention from me made him unhappy.

edit: he didn't dump me after one week. He dumped me after two months, I was doing the activity for two months. After break up I quit it, and six weeks after (through mutual friend) I realised it was because I wasn't there much for him anymore. I didn't knew, and he said his feelings gradually went but never gave me a reason so I assume he doesn't know why.

But there was 3 other days of the week youcould of skyped. I think LDR are difficult to maintain in general.

Do you think his feeling were already someone changing before ou started the activity?

February 23, 2013

But there was 3 other days of the week youcould of skyped. I think LDR are difficult to maintain in general.
Do you think his feeling were already someone changing before ou started the activity?

I thought about this every day, and knowing him for a year I am 100% certain it's because of that activity. If I were in his shoes and know my bf would spend 4evenings in week doing something and not being there with me anymore I would most likely been unhappy too because the activity was for gonna be there forever and maybe he was afraid he was going to be second choice?

I just think less attention from me made him unhappy, I know he loved me more then anything and wanted nothing else but to spend time with me, we had arguement about that aswell. "You are always busy with that activity during week, and once I go out in weekend with my friends you're upset" In late november, his feelings must've been gone by then...he was getting distant. :'( Remember this hit me six weeks after break up, during relationship I even asked him if I should stop which he said "no, It makes you happy"

Being without him makes me unhappy! I don't care about that activity at all anymore! Rikard, I'm sorry... You're my first boyfriend, I'm inexperienced I didn't knew it would lead to this, I don't even know what to do at all!! It's my fault he's gone, my fault!

And no he didn't leave me for someone else, he said that, he would never leave his cath for someone else and he is hurting too for breaking up but saw no other way.

February 23, 2013

I absolutely would not. These past 3 months I have realized who he really is as a person and I miss how he used to be, not who he is now. He is an emotionally immature, selfish person and I am too good for him.

February 23, 2013

I ain't going to respond anymore, remember it all makes me cry again.

I'll live with the guilt, I know it is my fault. I know his feelings didn't go away naturally, something caused it. And that cause was me...

February 23, 2013

To be quite honest with you - No. Even after only 7 days after BU and NC I know I can probably never be with her again. She cheated on me and fell pregnant to the other guy in what she claimed was a one night stand. Personally, I'm becoming more and more convinced that there was more to it than she claimed.

Once the trust goes you will be constantly wondering 'will they do it again?'

March 19, 2013

As much as I loved him and cared for him (and still somewhat do)

I'd say no. Just because he's still young and I am still young.

He has hurt me too much, and in order for me to ever trust him again he woul have to prove EVERYTHING through his actions. No words. Even then I would still be a little suspicious of him.

Plus he got with a new girl extremely quickly after the BU. which shows me I wasn't valued enough and he showed me how easily he thinks he could replace me. How easily he could pick someone and call it love.

I can't be with someone who throws around claiming they love someone so fast and easily. Nope. Sorry.

March 19, 2013

We broke up just one and a half month ago and YES I would get back with her if she told me now she wants to try again. The bottom line is, I took her for granted when we were together. If she would gives me the golden ticket, I would take it in a heart beat.

Good luck to you all !

March 19, 2013

Yesterday I would have said yes to this question. Today, I'm not so sure. I'm only about a week and a half into NC, but I'm starting to realize that relationships can't be one-sided and I'm tired of being the one putting forth the effort. I would have to see some major changes in my ex, but I'd be willing to consider trying again.

March 19, 2013

For me, if she wanted me back, first I'd have to see improvements, or actual understanding of just how badly she handled the BU, and will do what she need to do to keep it from happening that way again. IF she can do all those things, and really prove it, absolutely, assuming I'm still single by then.

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Would you Take your Ex back RIGHT NOW if they wanted you back?

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