Would you Take your Ex back RIGHT NOW if they wanted you back?

[destroyed4sho]

I am 5 months BU. About 1.5 months NC. In the first 3 months of BU I would of definitely have taken my ex back at the blink of an eye....Then as time passed, I felt like I started to see the her as the person she really was (cold, narcissistic, cruel, a Liar, having a transient definition of Love) , rather than the person I fell in love with or the person that I thought she was while still in a relationship with her. I don't know which person is the real her....the person I fell in love with or now, in hindsight who I think she really is.

My gut feeling tells me that she is the person I see now.

If my ex were to want me back for real, I would be very hesitant. Yes, I would give her a chance to show me who she really is...but in the end I do not think I can take her back. Even if she convinced me she isn't this person that I think she is now, even if she apologized, there is still this element of lack of trust. How can I trust a person who had dumped me? Just left me so easily? How can I trust this won't happen again?

 

Just wanted everyone else's thoughts....I think a big part of healing and moving on is accepting that even if they were to come back..you would not take them back.

[KatZee]

My ex wouldn't have a snowball's chance in hell in getting me back.

 

I too went through what you're going through. I thought I knew my ex, and then I started seeing him for what he really was. Liar, cheater, emotionally abusive, selfish, hands down the most self absorbed person I've ever known. Lacks empathy, immature, irresponsible, communication issues... and the list goes on and on.

 

When I was with him, the sun literally shone out of his a.ss. Being away really made me see clearly, and there's not one redeeming quality about him. As hard as I try, there's not one positive adjective I can give him.

[SendHope]

At this point in time, I would be torn. It's been approximately 1 month since the break up.

 

Love has a funny way of making things murky. My ex was a child mentally. She's 20 who is 16 years old inside. Lazy, has no goals, poor education and most likely will have to get lucky to go far in life unless she gets lucky. However, she was sweet, sexy and very loving (at first). I think being in-love just makes this positive qualities stand out more and push the bad ones into the background.

 

If my ex would come up to me and say she wants me back. I would ask her 'why?'. She essentially would have to sway me towards 'yes' with her reasoning.

[A n t h o n y]

Nothing would change so hell no. It would be another month of being happy and then her Ex showing up out of the blue making her have all these feelings blah blah blah. I've learned my lesson and like they say Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

[Love Bytes]

Yeah. I mean, we'd have a discussion first, but we also ended things on really good terms...never fully closing the door on the future. We both have things we need to work on, and we both realize them.

 

With that said, I'm not holding my breath.

[JourneyLady]

Because I'm pretty sure he knows what he needs to do, and unless he does it, the relationship would never work. After five years, he should have known better than to do what he did. Can't go into detail, but the conversation went like this...

 

ME: You knew it would upset me right?

Him: Yes

Me: But you chose to do it anyway...

Him: Yes

Me: And you didn't even wait to talk to me about it?

Him: Yes

Me: Even though you knew I might break up with you over it?

Him: Yes.

 

Yup - that's all I needed to know. He cared more about the action he wanted to take than keeping the relationship. In MB, that is "independent behavior" and something he has exhibited throughout the five years.

[adelia]

I don't mean this to sound the wrong way but how do you know it was easy for her to walk away? Did she give you reasons why?

 

As for your question... No my ex I couldn't take back because after being with him I got to see that he lied to me a lot and took pride in it. How can you be with someone you feel wants to hurt you even if you did enjoy times together. Not to say I was perfect because I wasn't but I'd never set out to hurt him no matter how upset I'd be.

No the damage has been done and if I did go back to being with him I'd always ne on pins and needles wondering when next I'd be hurt.

[Toddbt12y1]

Letme put it this way: no. Not even if I had a time machine to change what she did.

[Love4Pain]

It depends on the person.

 

No one is perfect and lot of people make mistakes for whatever reason. For some people there are certain things that will never allow them to forgive or take someone back. I would agree with that mostly but I've also made mistakes in a past relationship several years ago, however I know that I will never make that mistake again. I do not think of myself as someone who does not deserve a loving relationship because of a past mistake and maybe that makes it easier for me to forgive, or maybe I'm just plain crazy lol.

 

I still don't know if my recent ex is fully aware of the reasons he broke up with me, we were long distance and I think he tried to grasp for reasons saying that we wanted different things, and ultimately said it was the distance and amount of money involved in flying over that un-did him, but heck he spends more money on his new gf that only works one day a week and can't afford anything on her own /shrug.

 

If he came back and was able to show me that he was committed to me while we were still long distance and that he was truly sorry/remorseful for quitting out along with other things that he did at the end of the breakup, I think that I would give him another chance. Like I said, i'm not perfect but if you love someone and can work towards a better relationship the second time, why not give them a chance?

[lovelifexx]

It's beem three months since the BU. It would be hard to trust him since he broke up with me, but he treated me like a princess and we never fought so I think I would take him back.

 

But I don't understand, it seems like so many people here were with people who treated them really bad. Why didnt you break up with them?

[H3Drvr]

It would be interesting to see how much time has transpired since the last contact and if your the dumpee or dumper.

 

I'm thinking most people (dumpee's) who have had contact in the last 3 months would most likely take their ex's back in a heartbeat.

 

I'm hitting the first month and I honestly would take her back under certain conditions. Basically, I would need to see certain actions for me to be convinced that she is genuine in her intentions. I would also take my time to reconcile.

 

If she came running back with no legitimate explanation for the sudden change of heart, it would be be difficult for me to open my door to her again.

[todreaminblue]

I am 5 months BU. About 1.5 months NC. In the first 3 months of BU I would of definitely have taken my ex back at the blink of an eye....Then as time passed, I felt like I started to see the her as the person she really was (cold, narcissistic, cruel, a Liar, having a transient definition of Love) , rather than the person I fell in love with or the person that I thought she was while still in a relationship with her. I don't know which person is the real her....the person I fell in love with or now, in hindsight who I think she really is.

My gut feeling tells me that she is the person I see now.

If my ex were to want me back for real, I would be very hesitant. Yes, I would give her a chance to show me who she really is...but in the end I do not think I can take her back. Even if she convinced me she isn't this person that I think she is now, even if she apologized, there is still this element of lack of trust. How can I trust a person who had dumped me? Just left me so easily? How can I trust this won't happen again?

 

Just wanted everyone else's thoughts....I think a big part of healing and moving on is accepting that even if they were to come back..you would not take them back.

 

 

i think anger implies passion, extreme hurt can eb exhibited as anger....my ex waas a dick, but he wasnt always a dick to me........if he was i wouldnt have gone out with him in the first place he had some qualities that were good......qualities i believe to be good that i look for in guys i intend on dating...he was a trojan worker, he helped people for no apparent gain , he was a loyal friend, he was protective and would defend others , reliable in a career loved by his family and had family love even though they annoyed him....most of the time...he was always respectful of his mum...funnily enough every guy i have dated has worn black and white shirts with ties ....that has to be a coincidence.....now in saying that he wasnt a good boyfriend or fiancee because he cheated he lied he deceived he abused me a couple of times physically early years and verbally at the end, had issues with alcohol, drugs in the early years, commitment issues......so that was enough for our relationship to break...an affair did it......he participated he knows he stuffed up he has said it......we are not compatible as partners........i do not hate him......i would not go back with him....its over...i still talk to him and i have children to him...hate is something i dont want my kids to see me have in my heart...such a degrading emotion..i am on talking terms with both my exes.....will never be with them again though....friends they were before and are again............deb

Edited February 19, 2013 by todreaminblue

[crashvector]

If my ex would come up to me and say she wants me back. I would ask her 'why?'. She essentially would have to sway me towards 'yes' with her reasoning.

 

This is my answer as well.

 

I would be REALLY conflicted about it, but as everyone here knows, losing her was EXTREMELY hard on me...to the point that I had to seek serious help at one point.

 

I'd have to have a REALLY compelling reason to expose myself to being hurt by her again....moreso than I still am.

[stevie_23]

It would depend on many things. If things would be different with his situation. And if he could explain in ways I truly understood why he broke up with me the way he did. If those things were provided, then I’d think about it.

[supermanthatho]

I would take back my ex provided she makes up or owns up to all the pain she's caused me.

[Exitleft]

I don't think so. I asked her back twice and she refused, in the event she regrets the way things happened I would like to have moved on with my life instead of holding on to a dream.

[ses]

I've thought about it, but my ex was such a jerk to me that I couldn't accept another round of mistreatment. Occasionally the "what-if" scenarios pop in my mind but then I abandon the fantasies. I deserve much better than him. There's a reason we ended the relationship.

 

It's her loss, not yours. You deserve to be happy, and to be treated with dignity and respect as her partner. Don't put on those rose-colored shades.

 

[Njeanne]

Short answer; yes

 

Long answer; Because the break up was my fault to begin with... I didn't knew, and he didn't knew, but his feelings changed because I was spending less time with him. September - nonstop together / October - 3 evenings together So you can see what made him unhappy, I took his love for granted without realising it, because he didn't knew what caused his feelings to change...

 

Only thing I know from him saying that it gradually started two months before break up, which was in middle of October when I started to do that activity (which wasn't even important at all to me) for four evenings, he cheered me on happily knowing his feelings were changing.

[Amelie1980]

Yes in a heartbeat. My life is empty without him.

[mcdo]

Yup I certainly would. I loved life with her in it and we didn't end on bad terms so yeah why not? I wouldn't just take her back to plug an empty gap are anything, I genuinely love the girl.

 

Anywho, I'm not wasting my time with these dream scenarios anymore. I did that for 2 months. Real life is happening right now and the more I sit about dreaming of "what if she this? or what if she that?" the more my real life is passing me by. There's more happiness to be found out there.

 

Onwards and upwards.

[Mack05]

I am 5 months BU. About 1.5 months NC. In the first 3 months of BU I would of definitely have taken my ex back at the blink of an eye....Then as time passed, I felt like I started to see the her as the person she really was (cold, narcissistic, cruel, a Liar, having a transient definition of Love) , rather than the person I fell in love with or the person that I thought she was while still in a relationship with her. I don't know which person is the real her....the person I fell in love with or now, in hindsight who I think she really is.

My gut feeling tells me that she is the person I see now.

If my ex were to want me back for real, I would be very hesitant. Yes, I would give her a chance to show me who she really is...but in the end I do not think I can take her back. Even if she convinced me she isn't this person that I think she is now, even if she apologized, there is still this element of lack of trust. How can I trust a person who had dumped me? Just left me so easily? How can I trust this won't happen again?

 

Just wanted everyone else's thoughts....I think a big part of healing and moving on is accepting that even if they were to come back..you would not take them back.

 

For me trust is such a key part of a relationship. If someone leaves you once it means they can leave you again (for the same reasons, or maybe new one's). Therefore how can trust ever be the same?

 

Now i'm sure there are success stories, but for me it would never be the same. I would never go back to an old ex.

[KatZee]

redacted.

 

+10

[Coping Vortex]

Yes I would in a heartbeat. Provided she totally broke it off with the guy she is seeing now. I would not want to be in a loving triangle having her being torn back and forth.

[coastchic]

Tough question. Our break-up was an epic disaster and we had alot of problems the last year of our relationship. No cheating or abuse but alot of ugly nasty verbal fights and finger pointing. We loved eachother, this I know, and looking back I feel like we both acted very immaturely. I broke up with him out of frustration and then turned into the dumpee. I had done this before and I realize now it was because I don't know how to deal with my emotions appropriately. I'm pretty confident that he will not want to get back together but if he did, we would both have to let the past issues and resentment go if it were to work. Like others have said, people make mistakes. It's what they learn from their mistakes that's important.

[iouaname]

My head tells me no, that there's no point in getting back together. I would never trust him again and I would always be afraid of being hurt again. It would also be so much effort, after cutting him out of my life, to bring him back into it. Things would just never be the same.

 

My heart, on the other hand, wants him back so badly.