Dazed_Confused1989 Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 Hi everyone, As you may know, my 5-year relationship ended in October. I've been doing really well, working out, keeping busy at work etc. To sum it up, I feel good and more than ready to move on with my life. I feel more confident and trust myself more than ever now! I often do think about my ex, accept that I am, and then move on to thinking about something else. This weekend however, I had some deeply emotional feelings, mostly related to someone supporting me and being there for me. I still feel like I won't find anyone as compatible with me as she was. To be honest, if she came back tomorrow asking me to take her back, I would have a very hard time saying yes. But I feel like there might always be something missing in my life - her moral support and bubbly friendship. I also read up on meeting up with your ex after you both are over the relationship, if you are comfortable continuing a friendship. Are there any ground-rules per se around this? Does the dumpee contact the dumper first [i've heard this is a big no-no!]. Anyways, I would love a chance in the near future to catch-up as friends (and also to show-case my changes!...indirectly of course). How do I go about this?
AlexfromBoston Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 I'd give it more time until you are 100% over your ex...and chances are, you will be over her when you meet and connect with a new girl. Now, I wouldn't think it would be very fair to your current girl by establishing a friendship with your former flame of 5 years. After all, would you like it if she was contacting her ex? Short and sweet...no, you shouldn't be friends with your ex.
SER Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 I'm going to have to agree with Alex - you need some more time to get over your ex completely. I know that right now it feels like you won't ever find anyone else, that your connection was so special, and that she's the only one that knows everything about you, etc... but someone else will come along and fill that emptiness. It may not be soon, but there is surely someone out there who can do the same if not better. I wasn't friends with my first ex until about 6 years later. My most recent ex I don't think I will be able to be friends with for a couple of years and at that point I'm not entirely certain that I'd want to be. I am the dumper in my most recent BU, so if you are going to try to be friends against advice, do not contact her first. If my ex tried to get in contact with me (we also broke up around the same time), I would ignore him and it would hurt him more. The last thing you want is more pain, especially when you've made this much progress! Showcasing your changes is just for you - even if they are positive changes, for her it is too little too late. You won't impress her as you think you might. She might get a little feeling of "maybe he's changed" but I can tell you, there will always be that doubt for her that you haven't and she will remember why she broke up with you in the first place. She wants to move on too. Don't try to be friends in the near future, you need more time. Continue focusing on you and move on! Wait until you find someone that interests you, date them for awhile, and only then ask yourself if you want to be friends with your ex.
Recommended Posts