thrownaway909 Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 Basically, i was in a 2 yr+ relationship with my (now former?) fiancee. We were ldr the entire time, but met before we started the relationship and visited each other often, multiple times a month. The entire relationship was perfect, with our families even meeting, and we ended up getting engaged. After about 4 months of wedding planning, she started to get cold feet, after crumbling from the pressure of it all. in december i vitied her for about a month, and it was perfect. She told me then she recognized she was folding under pressure and that she wanted to get us back on track, that we were too good together to let anything happen. however, a couple of weeks after i left, the distnce and pressure got to her again, and she expressed to me that she loves me more than anything, misses me, misses us, but that she cant take the distance anymore and did not want to be in a relationship. I talked with her calmly, told her it was extremely sad, but i want her to be happy. i also told her that i couldnt just be friends with her, and if this is her decision, not to contact me any longer. She told me she felt like she cant give me what i want, and that teh past month of confusion has been killing her, because she loves me so much, wtv that means. That very same night(3 nights ago), her mother emailed me(who loves me), and told me the family misses me, and that shes been thinking about me and talking to my gf's father about how great i am for her, and then asks me how everything is going with her. the strange thing is, my gf and i had been in some limbo for about 2 weeks, and she told me she told her family about it, and that we may not marry, but from talking with her mother(which she doesnt know about), its obvious that the family is clueless to the situation, and thinks were still making plans. However, i, in an effort to move on, told the mother what happened, thanked her for her time, told her i loved and missed the family, but i had to move on. The following day(yesterday), my now ex texted me after one day of nc, askign how i was. after waiting sometime to reply, i text back, and she immediately started flirting, and is super nice over text. She told me she thought i looked great when we talked, mentioned how i looked like i did when we first met, said she loves it when i work out so much, kept asked who i was with over the wknd, and would bring up different things we did together, and ask if i remembered or liked certain things. throughout the conversation, which took place all day, i made a point to just answer her questions, and she kept asking new ones. today comes around, and she texts me again, flirty again, but not as often, so i stopped responding for now, because i feel like im getting mixed signals. is she genuinely missing me or is just trying to string me along? i dearly love her, and want to make it work, but i dont know the right move here. tldr; ex fiancee breaks up with me because of cold feet, tells me she loves me and wants a future together, but cant be in a relationship right now. after not speaking with her for one day, she contacts me with confusing signals and flirting.
SendHope Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 Initiate NC mode and do your best to stick to it. My ex said the same thing (I don't want to be in relationship). I kept in touch initially the first few days. We even hung out for her birthday. It was a total mind screw for me. She held my hand the entire movie and snuggled me at her apartment. It set me back quite a bit on my resolve to move on. My point is, you can't afford to worry about these mixed signals. It will just mess with you. If she really wants you, she'd be straightforward and break through your enforced (hopefully) NC.
Mack05 Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 The girls that "fold under pressure" are not the one's you marry. There is a lot more going on with this girl that meets the eye. Trust me on that. Right now you can't trust her and if you can't trust her you would be made to get involved with this again (no matter how much you miss her). Tell her that she has made the decision to break up and that you can't be her emotional crutch. Tell her very clearly you will no longer respond to her. This will probably lead to a few days/weeks NC followed by her pleading and saying she made a mistake. You will buy into it and get back together. She then gets cold feet again. This is classic pull/push behaviour from an emotionally immature woman. She doesn't appear to have much depth to her. Because you are emotionally invested you can't separate the forrest from the trees. I had to learn the hard way too. If I were you, I would acknowledge all the red flags and disappear from her life. Temporary short term pain is a lot better then long term devastation. Will you disappear from her life? No. The heart wants what the heart wants and some forum stranger ain't gonna get through to you. Sadly I've seen this movie a million times and it never has a good ending..
Author thrownaway909 Posted February 19, 2013 Author Posted February 19, 2013 honestly, if she came back, i believe it would all work out. its an ldr, so i know the situation cant be judged exactly the same as a normal relationship. however, i do agree about going full contact, i think ill try and skype with her soon and tell her. idk. anybody else have any input on the whole situation?
Mack05 Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 (edited) honestly, if she came back, i believe it would all work out. its an ldr, so i know the situation cant be judged exactly the same as a normal relationship. however, i do agree about going full contact, i think ill try and skype with her soon and tell her. idk. anybody else have any input on the whole situation? Sorry mate but you are in complete and utter denial. This is WAY more than a LDR issue. That's just hiding behind excuses.. And full contact? NO!!!you need to do the complete opposite and go NO contact. I get the impression you didn't absorb a single thing I said to you.. Edited February 19, 2013 by Mack05
Author thrownaway909 Posted February 19, 2013 Author Posted February 19, 2013 oh, i actually meant FULL NO contact, lol. was a typo. as for what you said before that, im not so sure, but time will tell. crappy situation to be in.
Mack05 Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 oh, i actually meant FULL NO contact, lol. was a typo. as for what you said before that, im not so sure, but time will tell. crappy situation to be in. I am sure...This has train wreck written all over it. She is too emotionally immature at present and this doesn't change over night. This pull/push behaviour won't suddenly stop if you ever got back together. Now getting married is stressful but what happens when life's REAL problems come? High stress? Bad health? Financial?Family Illness? Will she fold under pressure again? What do you think? This girl clearly has poor coping skills. She has shown herself to be unreliable time and time again. You don't want to accept the reality of the situation, so you continue to make excuses for her. What you do not understand is if there was no LDR it would be something else. You are heading down a dangerous path if you engage this girl going forward.
Recommended Posts