SendHope Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 These last few days, I've been feeling like this. It's been a month of a relatively successful NC. I do still miss her and love her still but looking back I feel it was all a mistake. I should have been the one to pull the trigger but my persistence in working out through our issues left me in the position to be heartbroken. Don't get me wrong. I've learned my lesson and all that from the relationship but I feel like it should have been obvious from the start to me that it would not have worked out. Hindsight is 20/20
destroyed4sho Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 Give yourself some credit for taking a risk at love. It speaks to your character, that you are strong, not jaded by past relationships and you believe in the power of love. All good qualities that should of been recognized by your partner. You wanted to work on things because you loved your ex, really loved her. Your love wasn't the weak type of love that is transient and short. You wanted to improve on your relationship and grow as a couple. Your partner didn't. Her love was the weak, short, superficial and disposable. She did not want to grow as a couple. So she took the easy way out, she pulled the trigger. Like me, I had real love too for my ex. It is rare to find, I think (at least from my experiences) I feel sorry for her because she did find it in someone but chose to let it go. I want to find that someone that feels that for me too. 2
Author SendHope Posted February 19, 2013 Author Posted February 19, 2013 Thank you. This was actually my first relationship. The funny thing is I felt like I'm the one who was more insightful of the two of us when it comes to the relationship. She's been with several guys and the longest relationship she had was with an emotionally abusive, controlling jerk who she has come to hate (two years). She stopped trying and she didn't want to try. It's what hurts me. How does one who still says "I don't love you any less" pull that off? I feel like if it was another girl, she would see how much I truly love her and embrace it. Instead, she pushed the eject button. I saw the signs even at that moment but I ignored it. It's why I feel it was a mistake. I know I'm not perfect but who is.
destroyed4sho Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 How does one who still says "I don't love you any less" pull that off? Here is how, ....ITS A LIE. My ex said that to me too. They do love you less and maybe not at all anymore. They just say that because 1. They are not in touch with their own feelings 2. They feel so guilty they do not want to say that to you or even admit it to themselves 3. They want to let you down easy. She stopped trying and she didn't want to try. It's what hurts me Like I said above...Yes it hurts, she didn't love you like you loved her. I saw the signs even at that moment but I ignored it. It's why I feel it was a mistake. Not a mistake, it is what you needed to do at the time.
iamsamsamiam Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 I was in a 2.5 year relationship with my ex. She was an alcoholic. I was 21 and she was 23 at the time when we first go together. She was totally head over heels for me and was so smitten she couldn't talk to me (worked behind the bar at the local pub). I only got with her at the start for a bit of fun but i found myself liking her despite her flaws. By about 6-12 months i knew i wasn't 100% happy because of her alcohol and drugs but i stayed with her because i loved her. By 2 years i knew she had been switching (gut feeling) off but i stayed, i was totally depressed because her alcohol got worse but i was still totally in love with her. Just after 2.5 years she dumped me, i felt relief but was shattered. I instantly regretted the whole relationship. But after a month i didn't. I saw the positives. The whole relationship taught me so much. The main two things were to always go with my gut instinct and that if i'm not happy, to do something about it. To do what makes me happy. I knew for along time that i was never gonna be with this girl forever, and by the end it was harder on myself. If i feel that again i will be pulling the trigger and putting myself in a better place if that's whats best for me at the time or the long run.
KatZee Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 Oh yeah. I ignored all the red flags and proceeded like a stupid idiot. I learned very valuable lessons, but did I need to be with him 3 years to learn those lessons? No. I should have walked when I saw how he treated his ex-girlfriend. When he dumped her after 6 years together for me. I should have walked when I met his girl friends for the first time and they gave me dirty looks, talked about me to my face, sneered at me, and he did nothing. I should have walked when I saw him get black out drunk in our first months together. He almost fell in the subway tracks and was calling black people "N****s." I should have walked when he blew me off to hang out with his ex girlfriend. I should have walked when he confessed to cheating on me with his ex girlfriend. He's nothing but one big mistake in my life. Three years I wish I could get back. Three years I will never get back.
ak8o8 Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 I don't know if this well help, but it helps me to know that I put 110% into the relationship. She, on the other hand, did not. I was a fighter, never gave up. She, on the other hand, was a quitter. I can move on to the next relationship knowing that I did my best for my love and that's all we can really do is our best.
A n t h o n y Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 Yeppp I became her Rebound and I let it happen. even though I knew i was better than her garbage Ex I knew in the end I would get burned and of course I did. But life goes on and I know it's her loss because I'm a sexy beast with a heart of gold =P
RiceaRoni Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 These last few days, I've been feeling like this. It's been a month of a relatively successful NC. I do still miss her and love her still but looking back I feel it was all a mistake. I should have been the one to pull the trigger but my persistence in working out through our issues left me in the position to be heartbroken. Don't get me wrong. I've learned my lesson and all that from the relationship but I feel like it should have been obvious from the start to me that it would not have worked out. Hindsight is 20/20 I know what you mean. I have had friends tell me that I should have ended things with my ex instead of vice versa...because of the many things I did for him...I realized I was too mature for him. (I'm almost 2 years older), but I wanted to make us work because he was my first relationship and I grew to love him dearly. We spent 14 months together and although they were rocky I still loved him. He broke up with me and saw ME as the mistake...it hurt me very much, but I just told myself that this was his way of moving on.
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