Ever feel like you get nothing from dating

[Necris]

I noticed I get absolutely nothing out of dating, I rarely ever go on dates, but when I do its always with a woman who already isn't interested in me (I guess they just get bored and feel like getting out of the house). I've never had a second date, the girl always says she had fun and then just fades away from my life after the first date.

 

I don't really enjoy going on dates since the pressure does kind of make it uncomfortable, and dates cost me money and time that can be spent elsewhere.

 

The only thing that really motivates me to go on a date is that slight glimmer of hope that it will turn into something else.

[apple OR orange]

if you never get second dates AND you dont like being on the date, this is why they wont see you again.

 

top 20 of guys get dates from looks THEN they act nice.

 

Bad guys get dates, if you hear how they talk, they make women there top priority, hence women like this.... most "normal" guys have the "best" bits of both, however women just aren’t looking for this.

 

"nice guy" means there’s nothing she can fix or feel good about"

"not telling her she’s nice every day" means you don’t like her.

 

she wont go out with you.... and the "god" effect, you may be one who just doesn’t pull women, normally a good idea to use this to your advantage, work more, make more money and buy more toys = self-happy.

[MissLY]

I do. That's why I don't do it. Waste of time.

 

 

Dating is a waste of time, honestly.

 

 

Ok, so I have a question.

 

If you feel that dating leads nowhere and is a complete waste of time, how do you expect to meet your future BF/GF/Fiance/Hubby/Wife or whatever? Do you ever intend on getting into a relationship/married in the future?

 

I'd just like to know/hear what your plans are in potentially meeting someone. Are you hoping that the right individual will just fall into your lap one day and that the whole "dating process" won't be necessary?

 

I'm genuinely curious. Please share.

[Necris]

I do. That's why I don't do it. Waste of time.

 

Okay, but there really isn't any alternatives for me I don't think.

 

if you never get second dates AND you dont like being on the date, this is why they wont see you again.

 

top 20 of guys get dates from looks THEN they act nice.

 

Bad guys get dates, if you hear how they talk, they make women there top priority, hence women like this.... most "normal" guys have the "best" bits of both, however women just aren’t looking for this.

 

"nice guy" means there’s nothing she can fix or feel good about"

"not telling her she’s nice every day" means you don’t like her.

 

she wont go out with you.... and the "god" effect, you may be one who just doesn’t pull women, normally a good idea to use this to your advantage, work more, make more money and buy more toys = self-happy.

 

Now this post has me confused what are you saying here?

 

And what do you mean by the bolded part?

[hppr]

I noticed I get absolutely nothing out of dating, I rarely ever go on dates, but when I do its always with a woman who already isn't interested in me (I guess they just get bored and feel like getting out of the house). I've never had a second date, the girl always says she had fun and then just fades away from my life after the first date.

 

I don't really enjoy going on dates since the pressure does kind of make it uncomfortable, and dates cost me money and time that can be spent elsewhere.

 

The only thing that really motivates me to go on a date is that slight glimmer of hope that it will turn into something else.

 

You've got the wrong attitude and are going for the wrong girls.

 

1) try harder - take a bit more time with your appearance, try out different looks/styles/colognes that sort of stuff. hit up the gym, get a tattoo, go to a concert/nightclub. Do things you normally wouldn't. grow as a person.

 

2) set your sights higher - don't think 'this girl is average looking, maybe I have a shot' you want it to be 'this girl is hot, she's funny, this is who I would like to date'.

 

A good date with a girl you won't feel that much pressure because you'll be having a good time. Have a few drinks, play some pool, talk, flirt, if she's into you you'll know. If the date is boring or you just aren't feeling attracted to her, she's looking at her phone instead of talking to you, leave.

 

This is the short version of what I do and I went from boring dates and no sex to fun dates and sex.

[pbjbear]

Dating is a waste of time for me.

 

Men today are too focused on looks and not on qualities underneath. They usually are out for sex and view women as sexual commodities first, then as a human being. We also exist to purely stroke their egos and make them feel good about themselves.

 

I find men to be leeches...every guy I have had an exclusive rel with or dated for a long time, it was not close to 50/50. Women are taught to be the more caring nurturing sex and most men will take advantage of that and justify their behavior

 

I find boys in their 20's to be too shallow and selfish for me and are a huge headache and waste of time. Ive stopped dating for the past 6 months and I have been so much happier. If I ever get a boyfriend hes gonna have to be pretty damn amazing

 

Guys care about getting dates and sex, girls are more meaningful

[kaylan]

^dude...youre such a lost cause it seems. O wells. I said it before and Ill say it again. Plenty of guys are the opposite of all those things you said. Just gotta find them is all.

[Eggplant]

set your sights higher - don't think 'this girl is average looking, maybe I have a shot' you want it to be 'this girl is hot, she's funny, this is who I would like to date'.

 

Women can tell whether you're excited about them. I, a female, don't want to be with somebody who is settling for me. If I get so-so vibes from the guy, I shut down in response.

 

If a girl really likes you, you'll be able to tell by the way she smiles at you. You'll know it when you see it.

 

Hope this helps.

[apple OR orange]

Okay, but there really isn't any alternatives for me I don't think.

Now this post has me confused what are you saying here?

And what do you mean by the bolded part?

 

If you dont like dating, this will show on the first date = they wont call for a second date, they can "smell" you dont like dating.

 

When i sell something second hand, i can smell in 30 seconds if there going to buy it, most will "yep, will collect it tomorrow" who never turn up.

 

The ones who want something arnt negative about it = seems normal, they turn up to buy it.

 

Same with women, they can see a mile of if there sleep with you in 10 seconds, if you dont like dating, this will come over, this will be the tip of a HUGE iceberg.

 

I really dont like talking with people, which is interesting as i have never had sex without begging for it and i certainly never had a first date let alone second, so i dont bother anymore (easier to pay for sex, however that isnt my thing so i dont do it).

[Fatdrifter]

I noticed I get absolutely nothing out of dating, I rarely ever go on dates, but when I do its always with a woman who already isn't interested in me (I guess they just get bored and feel like getting out of the house). I've never had a second date, the girl always says she had fun and then just fades away from my life after the first date.

 

I don't really enjoy going on dates since the pressure does kind of make it uncomfortable, and dates cost me money and time that can be spent elsewhere.

 

The only thing that really motivates me to go on a date is that slight glimmer of hope that it will turn into something else.

 

It's the whole point; case closed.

[carhill]

Looking back, a few good memories and some interesting adventures and a lot of life lessons. I would opine, as I have in the past, that the actual dating part was pretty enjoyable overall; it was the years of rejection that wore away a lot of the genuine love and care that was socialized into me. Hence, now, dating is a non-event and generally doesn't sway me emotionally one way or another. I'd sooner be spending time with my close friends. YMMV.

[pbjbear]

I do agree that men are shallow and looks come first.

 

But by "leeches," do you mean financially?

 

I'm wondering what your experiences have been. We've all had bad experiences in dating. People are different. Just have to stay positive.

 

Leeches meaning they expect me to put in 80% of the effort, the world revolves around them and Im supposed to be satisfied with the 20%. I have had prob over 5 men do this, and no, they werent all the same type of man. Lets face it, women are still supposed to be the caring, nurturing sex. Men arent. This is why its more acceptable for a man to be selfish in a relationship. I see men excuse this behavior all the time and society gives them all sorts of outs. There are so many versions of "boys will be boys" but none that ARENT derogatory for females.

 

I have dated around alot and have dated so many different personality types! Women must be bitches or else men will walk all over them and milk them for whatever they are worth. Alot of my female friends have started to see this after a few relationships...its kinda enlightening hearing them make comments related to this in their conversations. I know a few females who are super selfish but far more men that are than women

 

Men are shallow most def and looks are of the utmost importance to them. Did you know in the top traits for a potential marriage partner, looks is in the top 3 for men but in the top 10 for women? Men say they are wired to be this way...well women are wired to prefer men with more income, but heaven help us if women say that because we get shamed and called names. Its our wiring too but men want it both ways: they want to be shallow and focused on looks but expect women to get past their "wirings" as well. We still live in a world today that caters to men. Women are expected to evolve past their evolutionary tendencies but men are encouraged not to.

 

Get over it, cant have it both ways

Edited February 19, 2013 by pbjbear

[2.50 a gallon]

For the most part I very much enjoyed dating. Getting to know a woman over dinner. Dinner and a movie, yeah lots of fun, talking and especially listening and getting to know her.

 

But on the other hand most of my dates were fun dates, like taking her to the races, or fishing, or a nature hike, or go-karting, picnics where I taught them how to climb trees and hang by their knees, and believe it or not inviting them over to bake halloween or Christmas cookies. Over the years I must have had close to 50 cookie baking dates.

 

Last week it would have been Valentine cookies

 

And in the next couple of weeks, taking them out to fly kites. I was amazed at how few women had ever learned how to fly a kite, and how much they enjoyed the experience.

 

How good of a kite flyer are you?

 

Hint: Baking cut out cookies, nature hikes, climbing trees, brings the little girl out in them and they have a blast and want to see you again.

 

As for bad dates that are going nowhere. I did experience some, that last time the first date was so bad, that I counted my lucky star when she agreed to go on a second date, and the second date was so bad that half way thru the date I took her home early, but still now wanting to give up, gave it one last try. We have now been together for over 17 years.

[JennaMax]

it depends. what kind of guy are you? if girls go out with you in the fist place then, it can't be looks. what it it you want to get out of dating?

[RedRobin]

I stopped 'dating' a long time ago.

 

Most of the men I've come across the past few years seem to be spending a lot of time working out their angst about life, aging, finances, whatever thinking lots of sex with random women will cure them of whatever it is.

 

... or they think that having someone like me as a partner will somehow redeem them in the eyes of the world or help them climb some kind of dating ladder to who knows what??... lots of outward thinking and comparing.

 

I understand at some level... I do... and I sympathize.... but I can't help them.

 

They all seem very scattered an unsettled to me. Not a good risk or investment.

 

So no, I don't date anymore. I do miss intimacy a lot... but there is no intimacy in 'dating'.

[Cutiepie1976]

I wonder if some of your choices are impacting your success, Necris?

 

You're picking women who don't really excite you. Women you feel will say yes because they have no options...at last that's been true of the few you've described in the posts I've read. You're planning dates you feel will be unenjoyable and a waste of time. In other threads, you've stated that you don't flirt, wouldn't know if a woman were flirting with you, and are overly analytical on the date, to the point that it's somewhat challenging to stay in the moment and focus on the conversation. Some of these things will improve with experience. Nervousness, for example. Others will not.

 

Honestly, if you're that unenthused about your date and the planned experience, why would you expect things to progress to a second date? Why are you even bothering to have the first date under such circumstances? I'm not trying to give you a hard time. Just trying to understand how you see any of this leading to success.

 

Let me ask you this: What do you think needs to change for you to get to a second date? What do you think is happening between the time a new woman shows up on your radar and your date fading away after an initial date? You've gotten thread after thread of advice at this point. Not to put you on the spot, but what are you doing differently after a year-plus of LS advice? You don't have to answer publicly, but please give these questions some serious thought. A lot of us are rooting for you, but that's insufficient. All the warm, fuzzy thoughts won't change anything. If you don't want to be here posting the same things in 2014, what do you plan to do differently?

 

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome. What changes?

Edited February 19, 2013 by Cutiepie1976

[crude]

Women have no investment in a date. The man pays, he expects some physical contact, so she fades away to a new guy. If a woman goes on 60 dates a year and saves $40 on food, tickets to something, and presents, that's $2400/year, or about $35,000 cash. With that money, she can buy a new car, big screen tv, etc. I'd tell men to do the math, but men don't seem to very good at it anymore.

[Necris]

I wonder if some of your choices are impacting your success, Necris?

 

You're picking women who don't really excite you. Women you feel will say yes because they have no options...at last that's been true of the few you've described in the posts I've read.

 

I don't know about no options, but so far I've been picking women based not on how really attractive they are but if I feel like I have a chance, unfortunately my intuition has been working terribly in that regard.

 

You're planning dates you feel will be unenjoyable and a waste of time. In other threads, you've stated that you don't flirt, wouldn't know if a woman were flirting with you, and are overly analytical on the date, to the point that it's somewhat challenging to stay in the moment and focus on the conversation. Some of these things will improve with experience. Nervousness, for example. Others will not.

 

Honestly, if you're that unenthused about your date and the planned experience, why would you expect things to progress to a second date? Why are you even bothering to have the first date under such circumstances? I'm not trying to give you a hard time. Just trying to understand how you see any of this leading to success.

 

Well they are unenjoyable because it takes alot of work and energy to make sure everything goes smoothly, and to make a good impression making sure I am as attractive as possible. Really the only slightly enjoyable part about a date is the slight slight possibility she may be attracted to me.

 

Also I'm super analytical about everything its just who I am, I can't stop thinking like some people can. And no I don't have problems paying attention on a date, if anything my attention is more focused than usual, I can analyze and pay attention at the same time it comes naturally.

 

As for flirting, I approach women, talk to them, and such but I keep my hands to myself. As for the women I meet no I don't get any IOIs I can detect from them, at best I get friendliness.

 

As for why I continue to date even though I know its going to fail, its probably because of that slight glimmer of hope I have that one day I'll meet someone attracted to me, but honestly I doubt it and that's not all that realistic.

 

Let me ask you this: What do you think needs to change for you to get to a second date? What do you think is happening between the time a new woman shows up on your radar and your date fading away after an initial date? You've gotten thread after thread of advice at this point. Not to put you on the spot, but what are you doing differently after a year-plus of LS advice? You don't have to answer publicly, but please give these questions some serious thought. A lot of us are rooting for you, but that's insufficient. All the warm, fuzzy thoughts won't change anything. If you don't want to be here posting the same things in 2014, what do you plan to do differently?

 

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome. What changes?

 

As for what I think is happening with the rare dates I do have, and the fact I can't get a 2nd date, honestly I think they aren't interested in me in the beginning they probably just want to get out of the house or something besides dates with me are absolutely free for her. I have never really met any women interested at all in me.

 

As for what I've done differently, not much, besides lowering my standards, attempting to look more attractive, and being more proactive in approaching women.

[johnnyk]

I don't really enjoy going on dates since the pressure does kind of make it uncomfortable, and dates cost me money and time that can be spent elsewhere.

 

I don't know man, I think going into a date with that kind of attitude, it just might make it look like you're not really into it.

 

Secondly, if you're feeling uncomfortable because of some perceived pressure, you're probably coming off as such and shouldn't be dating until you gain some self-confidence.

[ChessPieceFace]

I noticed I get absolutely nothing out of dating, I rarely ever go on dates, but when I do its always with a woman who already isn't interested in me (I guess they just get bored and feel like getting out of the house). I've never had a second date, the girl always says she had fun and then just fades away from my life after the first date.

 

Are you interested in any of them? If so, you need to improve yourself somehow. If not, you need to weed out women you aren't interested in BEFORE you waste time on a date with them.

 

(Also: pbj hilariously-negative-about-men post #1726786)

[Necris]

I don't know man, I think going into a date with that kind of attitude, it just might make it look like you're not really into it.

 

Secondly, if you're feeling uncomfortable because of some perceived pressure, you're probably coming off as such and shouldn't be dating until you gain some self-confidence.

 

Why is that? When I'm on dates, I smile, try to act funny, engage her in conversation, and try to act like a gentleman.

 

Also even with confidence you need to still make sure you do things right, to hopefully make yourself seem more attractive, and this can be quite stressful.

 

I could simply stop caring and just dress like whatever and do whatever not caring about how she feels, but that probably won't make it any better.

 

Anyway while dates are super rare for me, of the ones I do get I'm pretty sure the reason I never get a second date is because the women I do end up dating aren't actually interested in me to begin with. If they were interested I would probably at least get a 2nd date.

[Mr_Flay]

Women have no investment in a date. The man pays, he expects some physical contact, so she fades away to a new guy. If a woman goes on 60 dates a year and saves $40 on food, tickets to something, and presents, that's $2400/year, or about $35,000 cash. With that money, she can buy a new car, big screen tv, etc. I'd tell men to do the math, but men don't seem to very good at it anymore.

 

Then why do you spend $40 on her? You could as easily choose a cheap date/meet-up. Here are some suggestions: a cup of coffee, a scoop of ice-cream, a walk in the park or along the river (costs nothing, that one), cycling,... The only limit is your imagination. If you continue to shower women you don't really know with money and presents, you won't feel any less resentful.

 

Seriously, what is it with spending lots of money on dates? The best dates I've been on cost me only $2 per person.

[Necris]

Then why do you spend $40 on her? You could as easily choose a cheap date/meet-up. Here are some suggestions: a cup of coffee, a scoop of ice-cream, a walk in the park or along the river (costs nothing, that one), cycling,... The only limit is your imagination. If you continue to shower women you don't really know with money and presents, you won't feel any less resentful.

 

Seriously, what is it with spending lots of money on dates? The best dates I've been on cost me only $2 per person.

 

Yeah I agree, having a cheap but creative date, would be more cost-effective.

 

That's something I should start doing though I need to actually come up with fun activities to do that women will enjoy.

[Fatdrifter]

Women have no investment in a date. The man pays, he expects some physical contact, so she fades away to a new guy. If a woman goes on 60 dates a year and saves $40 on food, tickets to something, and presents, that's $2400/year, or about $35,000 cash. With that money, she can buy a new car, big screen tv, etc. I'd tell men to do the math, but men don't seem to very good at it anymore.

 

No wonder. Oh well

[clia]

I don't know about no options, but so far I've been picking women based not on how really attractive they are but if I feel like I have a chance, unfortunately my intuition has been working terribly in that regard.

 

I think you should go for women you find attractive. You will likely be more excited about the date, which will translate into a better date overall. I wonder if some of the women you are approaching and asking out can "feel" that you aren't all that into it?

 

Also I'm super analytical about everything its just who I am, I can't stop thinking like some people can. And no I don't have problems paying attention on a date, if anything my attention is more focused than usual, I can analyze and pay attention at the same time it comes naturally.

 

I think you should try to find a woman who is super analytical like you. She'll "get" you, and it will make the process a lot easier.

 

As for why I continue to date even though I know its going to fail, its probably because of that slight glimmer of hope I have that one day I'll meet someone attracted to me, but honestly I doubt it and that's not all that realistic.

 

You will meet someone attracted to you. I know you will!