Dazed_Confused1989 Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 Hi everyone, As you may know, my 5-year relationship ended in October. I've been doing really well, working out, keeping busy at work etc. To sum it up, I feel good and more than ready to move on with my life. I generally think about my ex, accept that I am, and then move on to thinking about something else. This weekend however, I had some deeply emotional feelings, mostly related to someone supporting me and being there for me. I still feel like I won't find anyone as compatible with me as she was. To be honest, if she came back tomorrow asking me to take her back, I would have a very hard time saying yes. But I feel like there might always be something missing in my life - her moral support and bubbly friendship. I also read up on meeting up with your ex after you both are over the relationship, if you are comfortable continuing a friendship. Are there any ground-rules per se around this? Does the dumpee contact the dumper first [i've heard this is a big no-no!]. Anyways, I would love a chance in the near future to catch-up as friends (and also to show-case my changes!...indirectly of course). How do I go about this?
denxnis Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 (edited) You don't. People don't go from lovers to friends, it's not natural. You are only fooling yourself when you say you want to be friends with your ex. That relationship is in your past and it was a learning experience. Use your new found knowledge to progress and not digress. Not to be rude but judging by your past posts and most recent one you haven't let go of this woman and are still crossing your fingers hoping that she comes back to you, this isn't moving on. Edited February 19, 2013 by denxnis
Author Dazed_Confused1989 Posted February 19, 2013 Author Posted February 19, 2013 Not to be rude but judging by your past posts and most recent one you haven't let go of this woman and are still crossing your fingers hoping that she comes back to you, this isn't moving on. Hmm.. Ok. Thanks for your post, but you don't actually know me, or my feelings.
SharkTooth Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 Man, you sound like your doing so well, with the one little hiccup, wanting to catch up with your ex. It will happen naturally so don't rush it Trust me on this one, they all come back! I am friends with 3 of my ex's. I don't mean hang out every weekend, talk on the phone everyday type of friends. I mean when they reached out and contacted me, we met up and caught up. We laughed at the fun and stupid stuff. Talked about what had been happening in our lives. Good stuff. I still run into them here and there, and could call all of them right now, but we all landed in different places and the feelings that were incredible at those times were gone. In a way, I think they kind of thought how it would have been if we stayed together. But you know, I don't think I would have become the person I am today if we had stayed together. Hell I know I wouldn't have. My favorite ex (wow) when she dumped me, I told her that it was just a matter of time before I would became successful. Yep, happened within a year. We laugh about that one and I see her probably 4 or 5 times a year. So that's my experience. I can tell you one thing, I wasn't sitting around wondering when or if I ever saw them again. I got busy living when I healed from the pain of the BU and never looked back. I know you think you'll probably never meet anyone like her, but you will and it's amazing! Cheers! 3
destroyed4sho Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 I am 5 months post BU too, but I guess I have not been progressing as well as you have.( I still have meltdowns and in a deep depression). I have never done the friend thing with exes....but I imagine you would need more than 5 months to get to this stage? I would push it to at least a year after BU..... Are you seeking moral support from her or something that you had with her that filled a void within you? It is not a good idea to seek that from someone that dumped you, because since they have already rejected you they may not have anything more to give you.
lovelifexx Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 I am friends with most of my exes, the ones who broke up with me and the ones I broke up with. WhenI was in a relationship with them we were best friends so it seems natural to me to be friends again. But I only became friends with them when I didnt want them back and didnt have any feelings for them. But it sounds like you still have feelings for her even if you don't want her back. Why do care that she sees how much you've changed? I didn't care at all if they would think they lost out on me etc. It means you still care too much to be friends in my opinion. You will just get hurt again.
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