Author joemax Posted February 19, 2013 Author Posted February 19, 2013 It's incredible for you or for both of you? Personally, I was giving my BPD ex orgasms right until a few days before we broke up. They are so sexualized that it is very, very difficult to tell with them. You can tell that she is cheating if she makes herself less available around you. Bring her in the presence of some guys that are about as attractive as you are. As I said earlier, relative attractiveness modulates all sociosexual behavior. If she starts emitting sociosexual cues to arousal in the presence of some guy (touching, big smiles, prolonged eye contact, etc), then the odds are strong that this chick is over you. Is she spending less time with you (hard to tell with BPD chicks, honestly - they are clingy)? Alternatively, you can just look through her phone. I have been through her phone, have found nothing. I don't know what to do, I didn't think BPD was this bad...
Cealabeala Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 Not all people with the same disorder behave in exactly the same way and no-one on this site knows anything about your girlfriend beyond what you've told them, irregardless of whether they have dated someone else with borderline personality disorder. All you can do in this situation is attempt to change what is under your own control. You cannot go back in time and change the fact that she's slept with other men but you can try to work on your trust issues and decide whether you're going to choose to be with this person or keep your values.
Author joemax Posted February 19, 2013 Author Posted February 19, 2013 Not all people with the same disorder behave in exactly the same way and no-one on this site knows anything about your girlfriend beyond what you've told them, irregardless of whether they have dated someone else with borderline personality disorder. All you can do in this situation is attempt to change what is under your own control. You cannot go back in time and change the fact that she's slept with other men but you can try to work on your trust issues and decide whether you're going to choose to be with this person or keep your values. Thank you. It is bad. Tell me about how she interacts with other men that are about as attractive as you are. Is she constantly hanging out with her Guy Friends? The best thing to do is dump her. She doesn't love you, she only loves your social attention. She is such a miserable creature that she cannot access social attention unless her crotch is being stuffed. Think about how inappropriate of a person we're dealing with here. Were these guys she slept with more attractive than you? She doesn't really have guy friends. She has one but he's gay.
Domr Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 I had a horrible experience with a BPD girl about 2 days ago. It's a long story but the important parts at that she hit me, kicked me, and scratched me, tried breaking into my house and convinced her friends that I punched her... then one of her friends told her ghetto brothers and they wanted to kick my ass, lucky they listened to me and I was able to defuse the situation. If your gf does has BDP you'll have no choice but to eventually break-up.... when she puts your life in danger.
Author joemax Posted February 19, 2013 Author Posted February 19, 2013 Is there no hope for people with BPD ? Is it not curable? So many different answers online, I don't know what to believe. I want to find out if she is cheating first though. Don't know how I can do that. She can easily lie.
Domr Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 (edited) Is there no hope for people with BPD ? Is it not curable? So many different answers online, I don't know what to believe. I want to find out if she is cheating first though. Don't know how I can do that. She can easily lie. People with BPD have terrible trust issues and the fix is denying them / blaming everything on others; thus why BDP/NPD are incurable. The first step is admitting you have a problem... which BPD/NPD won't do. http://shrink4men.wordpress.com/2009/08/03/what-makes-your-control-freak-wife-or-girlfriend-tick/ Edited February 19, 2013 by Domr
CptSaveAho Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 (edited) I want to find out if she is cheating first though. Don't know how I can do that. She can easily lie. As a man... this is the worst thing you can ever do. From your first post, you already know it. You just lie to yourself about it. The answer to this will be emotional murder. If she were to tell you, you wouldnt be able to trust another person fully for 2+ years. It has to do with more not trusting yourself and then learning to trust yourself. It doesnt matter if she cheated on you or not She has an incurable personality disorder. You can't fix it. You can't save her. Its not your job on this planet to save her. Its your job to look after yourself. When you do end the relationship, shes going to chase you like you have never been chased before, she's going to manipulate you and your friends. Edited February 19, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
TheGuard13 Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 Is there no hope for people with BPD ? Is it not curable? So many different answers online, I don't know what to believe. I want to find out if she is cheating first though. Don't know how I can do that. She can easily lie. Being borderline doesn't mean she will exhibit all the behaviors that someone with borderline personality does...however, some of those behaviors are used in diagnosing the disorder. Who diagnosed her? Is she seeing a therapist or counselor herself? I married a woman who was mildly borderline. Her mother was full on borderline, so I've seen the extremes, and I've seen what someone looks like when they're managing it fairly well. I saw good from my wife, and I saw awful things from her, too. You'll generally get extreme emotions from someone who is borderline, be they happy or angry ones. But ultimately, it's like anything else. Having a disorder isn't an excuse for treating people like crap. People with any disorder can live happy, full lives if they work at it and seek help. The question is, does she do that? Or does she engage in behaviors that make it difficult to communicate with her in a healthy way? It sounds like you have some other issues with her, and that you two may not be entirely compatible given your lifestyle choices. If you're that insecure about her past, and that worried about the possibility of her cheating, you should probably seek counseling, if only for yourself to be able to better understand her behavior.
todreaminblue Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 I agree. I'm not saying that normal people can't be promiscuous. But being promiscuous is practically in the definition of someone with BPD. That and massive manipulation. Once you've had a very close relationship with someone with BPD, you'll understand. The stuff I found out about this girl was truly surprising. Never in a million years would I have suspected it. i exhibit traits of masculinity doesnt make me a man or even make me masculine............i am a woman i understand your point of view.....i am sorry you had a rough time with a person with issues.....i havent really had knowledge of dealing with people with bpd....bi polar yeah......not borderline..or maybe i have....i just treat everyone equally and go on how they are,,,who they seem to be, not what they are diagnosed with....its bias....deb
outsidethebox Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 Maybe it's just me but the gf is the only one I find adorable in this thread. I go back to my first statement and will amend it. She'll make someone a very good gf, just not you or anyone else in this thread.
Dark Phoenix Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 (edited) Being borderline doesn't mean she will exhibit all the behaviors that someone with borderline personality does...however, some of those behaviors are used in diagnosing the disorder. Who diagnosed her? Is she seeing a therapist or counselor herself? I married a woman who was mildly borderline. Her mother was full on borderline, so I've seen the extremes, and I've seen what someone looks like when they're managing it fairly well. I saw good from my wife, and I saw awful things from her, too. You'll generally get extreme emotions from someone who is borderline, be they happy or angry ones. But ultimately, it's like anything else. Having a disorder isn't an excuse for treating people like crap. People with any disorder can live happy, full lives if they work at it and seek help. The question is, does she do that? Or does she engage in behaviors that make it difficult to communicate with her in a healthy way? It sounds like you have some other issues with her, and that you two may not be entirely compatible given your lifestyle choices. If you're that insecure about her past, and that worried about the possibility of her cheating, you should probably seek counseling, if only for yourself to be able to better understand her behavior. Right... another person lying to themselves thinking they are special and believing what they want to believe and that they can save the day. The problem isnt the OP. It will be if he doesnt break up with her. You married one... did it last forever? I have not seen 1 single couple that was "happy" dating or being with someone that is diagnosed BPD. Not a single one Toodream... quit projecting your mental illness onto something you have 0 experience with. Logically think about this It's a personality disorder. So you are dating someone that has an identity problem. I wouldnt want to date someone that doesnt know who they are, what their identity is, what makes them happy, what makes them sad. People with BPD have no conscious awareness of any of these things, they have no concept of happiness or self identity. They get that from their social settings, who they date. These people are emotional vacuums Edited February 19, 2013 by Dark Phoenix
Domr Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 (edited) Jank. is right. OP the biggest problem you have is that you don't have any women BETTER than this BPD girl in your life. Think about it like this. If you met a women who was identical to this women but not BPD, which would you choose? Furthermore you already lack trust, you believe she can lie to you, that alone (even without any BPD) makes the relationship unstable. Trust is the foundation of any good relationship. Enjoy the good sex while it lasts because eventually this situation will blow up in your face (like it did with my BPD women). The question is would you rather break up now and start the process of finding another women or wait later, and start the process of finding another women. Edited February 19, 2013 by Domr
RebelWithoutACause Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 Before we all gather at the town square and stone this girl to death for being a dirty, lying, cheating whore, MAYBE the OP can actually talk to her about this. You know, like with a human being. Just an idea..
Domr Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 Before we all gather at the town square and stone this girl to death for being a dirty, lying, cheating whore, MAYBE the OP can actually talk to her about this. You know, like with a human being. Just an idea.. If she has BPD it won't work. Trust me I tried. In the end the women will attack you and try to discredit your opinion because she is unable to admit that she is wrong. People with BPD can't take responsibility for their actions.... the real human being is locked away, trapped underneath a layer of crazy.
aliceb1987 Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 If things about her lifestyle (ie: smoking weed) bother you and after being told that she has not changed in a way that makes you completely satisfactory to you then move on as she probably never will. If things about her personality bother you...DEFINITELY move on. She is who she is,whether this is bad or good,and only she can make the changes to her life not you. I was with someone last year/year before who i loved more than i thought possible to love someone,but the warning signs were there from day one that we were not compatible.I ignored them and two years of hostility,arguments and torment ensued because by the time i realised our issues i loved him too much to let go.He was also into weed,and had personality traits that i found unsettling and undesirable.I thought i could 'mend his ways' and 'change him for the better' but i never could,even though we loved each other.Eventually it got too much,i pushed and pushed and he wouldn't give.I snapped,called him a waster,he ended things and went off with someone else.Of course it hurt alot,but i realised how much worry,stress and upset i had been battling with and it was like a weight had been lifted from my head. I know i am one to talk and it is way easier said than done if you are not the one in the situation but in my opinion you should end things now before you hurt yourself any more. I have learnt the hard way that love is not always enough.No matter how well you connect with someone mentally or physically in the outset,in a L/T relationship any issues and incompatibilities you have with their lifestyle,standards and values if not resolved will always catch up with you. People on here are just being honest with you mate,hard to hear i know but the candid approach of people on this site has got me through alot...best policy 1
Quiet Storm Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 (edited) I advise anyone in a relationship with someone with Borderline Personality Disorder to run like hell. My sister has it. There are some therapies that make it manageable for some people, but there is no cure. Many therapists refuse to see BPD patients because they are very difficult to treat. They rarely follow their treatment plan and often lie to the therapist. My sister was inpatient for months at one of the best psych hospitals in the country and is no better than she was at age 16 (she's 32). She has had DBT therapy, among countless other treatments and medications. Her marriage ended and she lost custody of her son. She cheated on her husband and falsely accused him of abuse. Please do not have kids with her. She is too self centered and is incapable of putting others first. My nephew has so many emotional issues because of her, it's heartbreaking. If she is truly BPD, then no doubt she is lying to you. She is probably lying about insignificant things that you wouldn't even care about, as well as lying about huge parts of her life. As for the "not remembering" the kiss. Some BPD's "dissociate" because many were sexually abused in childhood, and developed dissociation as a way to cope with the abuse. As a child, what was happening to them was so emotionally overwhelming that their brain "turned off" to protect them. This happened during the abuse, and over time it becomes automatic, even in non abusive situations. Some promiscous BPDs can't remember consensual acts because they dissociate. So you may never really get the truth from them about their sexual past because some truly do not remember due to dissociation. Edited February 19, 2013 by Quiet Storm 1
TheGuard13 Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 You married one... did it lastforever? No. But it wasn't just because of her disorder. It was because of personal choices she made in how to deal with/manage her life in general, and decisions she made about me and what I wanted out of a relationship. I have not seen 1 single couple that was "happy" dating or being withsomeone that is diagnosed BPD. Not a single one And you’ve seen that many borderlinepeople, have you? True "borderline" is not really that common, which is part of why it freaks so many people outwhen they have to deal with it. It's a personality disorder. So youare dating someone that has an identity problem. I wouldnt want to date someonethat doesnt know who they are, what their identity is, what makes them happy,what makes them sad. People with BPD have no conscious awareness of any of thesethings, they have no concept of happiness or self identity. They get that fromtheir social settings, who they date. These people are emotional vacuums That’s not true across the board. In the least. And what you said there in the last fewsentences, that holds true for LOTS of people, not just people with borderline. If shehas BPD it won't work. Trust me I tried. In the end the women will attackyou and try to discredit your opinion because she is unable to admit that sheis wrong. The bolded part is somewhat true. But the bolded isnot just a trait of “borderline personality disorder”. That is a trait you willfind in most women, and in most people in general, including many men. Mostpeople are very, very reluctant to be the bad guy in a given situation, toaccept blame, etc. Most people will deflect and project before they will admitthey are wrong about something. It takes relationship work to get to a pointwhere you can accept blame, constructive criticism, etc. Peoplewith BPD can't take responsibility for their actions.... the real human beingis locked away, trapped underneath a layer of crazy That’s simplynot true. Their first reaction is not to take blame, but they are capable ofdoing so. The real humanbeing is still there. Borderline personality disorder is a part of who theyare, not all they are. They are still capable of being very decent, very loving people. Before we all gather at the town square and stone this girl to death for being a dirty, lying, cheating whore, MAYBE the OP can actually talk to her about this. You know, like with a human being. Just an idea. Exactly. You guys have him panicking that she’s cheated/cheating on him just on principle. The larger issue here is their incompatabilities based on his thoughts about her actions, not her disorder itself. 2
Quiet Storm Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 The larger issue here is their incompatabilities based on his thoughts about her actions, not her disorder itself. I think the larger issue is that he does not truly understand Borderline Personality Disorder. Worrying about incompatibility when she has BPD is like worrying about a scratch on your leg when you are having a major heart attack. It pales in comparison.
TheGuard13 Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 Not really. If her Borderline isn't what's causing issues for him, and he's more concerned about her morals or their differences in other senses, then the latter is the more important issue. Could borderline be a potentially huge issue? Yes. But it's up to him to decide whether it is.
Author joemax Posted February 23, 2013 Author Posted February 23, 2013 I really appreciate everyone's input. When things are good, they're great. She makes me so happy and we have an amazing time together, you can't find that anywhere these days. And I know I have to look out for myself, but I can't just leave... What does that say about me as a person? I feel like I'd be running from the problem, instead of trying to fix it. I've been reading a lot about borderline the past couple of days but there's just so much different info online, it's confusing. And I don't understand why most people are assuming with such certainty that she's cheating on me.
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