jf2good Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 So my wife came home from shopping today and said she no longer wants to wait on filing for a divorce. She says it is totally over, doesn't want to work on it. She says she doesn't hate me, but still wants a crap load of money. I feel happy, sad, angry, nervous, and ambivalent all at the same time. Called the lawyer, wish they would hurry up and call me back, tic-toc, tic-toc the process is about to officially start. I guess no going back.
Jstub Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 notice how you said "Happy", before "sad" and "angry"? Maybe it's a good thing? Don't know any details about your situation but wish you the best. 3
ver13 Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 Looks like it's time to give her what she thinks she needs. First of all cut off all joint holding's ie...Bank, C cards everything. Divide all the current bills up equally between you draft an agreement and get it noterized. Be respectful with her in all your conversations but limit them to family issues only if you have kid's. If not then the simple good morning etc... If she wants to talk about anything else ask her to email you unless it's about getting back together. Do not move out of the house, start focusing on your recovery ie...health Phy/Mental. Let all family members and joint friendships know that you are headed in this direction. But no matter what stay as calm as possible when dealing with your W. If you are open to reconcilation ley her know, if not let her go.
Author jf2good Posted February 21, 2013 Author Posted February 21, 2013 I have no clue what is going on with my wife. So tonight she says she wants us to go out to dinner or lunch this weekend. This is from the women who rarely ever wanted to go out, and then would find reasons to complain or get into a fight. She says she wants to change her first name when we get divorced. and she wants to quit her job now and stay home and clean and cook for me until the divorce is final. WTF is going on. She still ruined my mood by saying she wants to me keep her on all of my life insurance after we divorce. I would think another guy but she doesn't show any of the other symptoms yet. Maybe she has her eye on someone though LOL. That would save me paying spousal maintenance. The part I feel angry about this breakup is that in all the years that I loved her so much she destroyed it little by little until out of desperation I cheated. She can blame me, I can blame myself, but still feel angry about her killing my love with 10,000 cuts.
ver13 Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 I have no clue what is going on with my wife. So tonight she says she wants us to go out to dinner or lunch this weekend. This is from the women who rarely ever wanted to go out, and then would find reasons to complain or get into a fight. She says she wants to change her first name when we get divorced. and she wants to quit her job now and stay home and clean and cook for me until the divorce is final. WTF is going on. She still ruined my mood by saying she wants to me keep her on all of my life insurance after we divorce. I would think another guy but she doesn't show any of the other symptoms yet. Maybe she has her eye on someone though LOL. That would save me paying spousal maintenance. The part I feel angry about this breakup is that in all the years that I loved her so much she destroyed it little by little until out of desperation I cheated. She can blame me, I can blame myself, but still feel angry about her killing my love with 10,000 cuts. You can't be serious??? Of course she can blame you and whatever I posted before please amend. You need to be the one moving out not her as for the lack of remorse and the feelings of anger toward her, what did you expect would happen. I should have asked you in the first place why she wanted to dump your Butt. Now I realize that it all has to do with honesty and integrity of which you have very little or at least it appears this way. Your W has a whole array of emotions that she has to work through because of your short comings. You need to either man up or sit down and quite whinning. You started all the drama if you were so tired of what was happening in your M you could have told her then walked out. Yet you decided to cheat instead and then wonder why she is acting the way she is. I'm done with you and and I hope that she is too...
TaraMaiden Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 People really need to read your posting history before commenting. And both you and your wife need a good hard kick in the pants. Insufferable you may consider her to be, but you've been cheating on her in one way or another since 2005..... She's been difficult for you to deal with, but you, frankly - have been a jerk. You need to get this filed and over and done with. And suck it up flying-boy: She's your wife and has been dependent on you your married life. The judge is going to see it that way too. And give her half of what there is. She's had half up to now, and that's no reason to justify sudden change. You really are a piece of work.... Why she didn't dump your sorry cheating Azz in 2005, I will never figure out. But she didn't, which indicates a dysfunction. On both sides. 2
Author jf2good Posted February 23, 2013 Author Posted February 23, 2013 Yes Tara we both are to blame. My lawyer canceled today, so I could not file. Come to find out my wife is seeing her lawyer on Monday, maybe she will file, I don't know. She was trying to be nice to get more money, more than the 50% she is entitled too. Counting on support and me taking on all debts she will get much more than 50%, so enough is enough, but maybe never enough. I know it is not right to cheat, but to be in a verbally abusive and sometimes physically abuse is not good as well. So yes we are both ****ed up.
Author jf2good Posted February 23, 2013 Author Posted February 23, 2013 Since this is my post, I will complain if I want too. Maybe you will get a laugh or think I am a nut job. Just need to express what is going on. So yesterday the hopefully soon to be EX (if I can get a lawyer to start the process) decides to have sex with me. It wasn't that good for me, maybe I wasn't that good for her but she got better than she put out. She was questioning me during sex if I screwed around, and other crap that makes it hard to have sex. Not sure why after all these months she wanted sex but it wasn't to make me happy. Last night I couldn't sleep very well afterwards, I think I only did it with her because sex is sex and to prove to her it still gets up. So today we go out and eat, which we rarely ever do. So at the end of the meal she says she really enjoyed it, and mentioned she didn't complain once as she wasn't paying for it. So I had to bite my tongue and be nice instead of saying "You ***** sack of ****...... You never paid for it, or rarely did, why did you complain all these freaking years every time we went out to eat" So after lunch she indicates after we get divorced she wants to give guys head. Like in all the years of our marriage you never did it for me and complained you weren't a porn star and only they gave BJs. What sort of sick psychological joke is she trying to play on me. I really don't care that much what she does after our divorce, just don't bring it up and flaunt it b**** Okay hopefully that made you laugh instead of cry. Yes my marriage is wack, but the only bright side is there are ones that are more wack out there than mine and you have survived it. Have a happy weekend everyone. I feel better already letting this out.
Yasuandio Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 I'm providing this information for the general viewing audience. Sometimes adultry does make a difference in a divorce trial. In some states in the US, like Geogia (where I live), for instance, adultry can be used as a bar to alimony. I am not an attorney, but as I understand, in many other states, grounds such as "adultry" are no longer used in divorce filings, and adultry in non-issue legally. But I would never underestimate how certain facts and information might sway a Judge. Regarding OP: When she had sex with you, she forgave any affair you had that she was aware of, in the eyes of the law (and visa-versa). If adultry enters the legal proceedings, - it is mute (but don't forget you need proof - like a tape discussing the event - that time stamps the evening the intimacy occured). Tape recordings of the BJ discussion might be enlighting for a Judge to hear also. I'm sure there are two sides to every story. I do not know your backstory and am not affected by it. FYI
Recommended Posts