Miss1122 Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 I told myself that I would just stay single for now. I'm tired of dating. I'm tired meeting guys who I don't even find interesting in the beginning but pursue me and convince me they are different from the ones I've dated before. Treat me well, calls and texts everday, very persistent to get a date with me. After dating them for a few weeks or months, I find out they're the same as the other ones. I wont hear from them as often anymore, dates rarely happens, leaving me lonely and heart broken. Im not sure if I scare them somehow. But what's interesting is, a month or couple months later, I would hear back from them. They say things " I really like you, we should start dating again" . But the thing is I lost interest already. I lost my trust on them. Because im scared that they will vanish and hurt me again, I never thought of giving them another chance. I reject them nicely. But ofcourse, rejection hurts so they always come back and try again. I just don't like this cycle. It keeps happening to me. All the guys that I dated who left me, came back wanted to try again. Some even wanted to be in a relationship if I take them back. Why can't guys make up their mind. If they really like a girl, stay, do not leave.
5anta Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 LoL, I wish I could find women that are actually ready to pursue a relationship. I am in limbo with this one girl because I am showed enough interest to scare her to death. She tells me to give her some time and space. I am waiting for her. I know what I want and I see it in her so much that I'll wait for a very very long time if I have too... guess its a risk I am willing to take.
todreaminblue Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 I told myself that I would just stay single for now. I'm tired of dating. I'm tired meeting guys who I don't even find interesting in the beginning but pursue me and convince me they are different from the ones I've dated before. Treat me well, calls and texts everday, very persistent to get a date with me. After dating them for a few weeks or months, I find out they're the same as the other ones. I wont hear from them as often anymore, dates rarely happens, leaving me lonely and heart broken. Im not sure if I scare them somehow. But what's interesting is, a month or couple months later, I would hear back from them. They say things " I really like you, we should start dating again" . But the thing is I lost interest already. I lost my trust on them. Because im scared that they will vanish and hurt me again, I never thought of giving them another chance. I reject them nicely. But ofcourse, rejection hurts so they always come back and try again. I just don't like this cycle. It keeps happening to me. All the guys that I dated who left me, came back wanted to try again. Some even wanted to be in a relationship if I take them back. Why can't guys make up their mind. If they really like a girl, stay, do not leave. luckily for me, there isnt much i havent heard, comes with age,i dont lose interest in guys i am attracted to because it happens rarely,eventually it fades out normally when i am interested in someone else, i have more interest in me than i am interested in, maybe thats why i give second chances because it is so rare for me to find someone who captures my attention......and when i do feel for someone it is long lasting, thats why i hav eonly had two long term relationships, which chances were given,adn i went from one straight into the next after my last ex asked for consent from my previous ex before we started a relationship.........even though he knew that my ex was seeing another woman .......he still asked for consent to hav e relationship with me ....because he was friends with him...they remian friends....as i remain friends with them even though we didnt work out....that i respected ...i am the one who told him to ask for consent and he respected me enough to do it..........i am strange.........archaic i guess and not archaic in so many ways.......i dont fall in love easily ...its hard for m e...so when i am attracted to soemoen its out of the eblue.....they are however normally friends i have gotten to know.....they have special qualities.that capture my heart...so i am not one, not to give chances.....i think giving chances is what you are meant to do ...within reason.........deb 1
soccerrprp Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 luckily for me, there isnt much i havent heard, comes with age,i dont lose interest in guys i am attracted to because it happens rarely,eventually it fades out normally when i am interested in someone else, i have more interest in me than i am interested in, maybe thats why i give second chances because it is so rare for me to find someone who captures my attention......and when i do feel for someone it is long lasting, thats why i hav eonly had two long term relationships, which chances were given,adn i went from one straight into the next after my last ex asked for consent from my previous ex before we started a relationship.........even though he knew that my ex was seeing another woman .......he still asked for consent to hav e relationship with me ....because he was friends with him...they remian friends....as i remain friends with them even though we didnt work out....that i respected ...i am the one who told him to ask for consent and he respected me enough to do it..........i am strange.........archaic i guess and not archaic in so many ways.......i dont fall in love easily ...its hard for m e...so when i am attracted to soemoen its out of the eblue.....they are however normally friends i have gotten to know.....they have special qualities.that capture my heart...so i am not one, not to give chances.....i think giving chances is what you are meant to do ...within reason.........deb Interesting, Deb, on a multiple levels. Why do you think you find it difficult to get attached? Just wondering...
Ninjainpajamas Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 You know how when you go out shopping for something "perfect", and you get to the first store...and you find..kinda what you're looking for but it's not really "perfect"...and you you'd like to keep looking. So you leave it there and go look at another store, then the same thing kinda happens. You're really not satisfied enough to make your purchase. After you've collected enough "options" you've ran out of places and energy to keep looking, but now you're kind tired and worn out, plus you've been busy...soooo, you've decided to "settle" on one of the previous models you've seen earlier. Well sometimes when you go back...that thing isn't there, sometimes it's sold out or "unavailable" so you go to the next store and pick your next "backup" option to the already second choice of your "option" even though it isn't "perfect". Then 30 days later you take it back and start looking again because even though you liked it well enough, it really wasn't perfect. Or you just put to the side on the shelf and keep looking, after all you need something to use in the meantime. If you can understand that....you'll understand many, many, many men. Especially those you will drool over or that may just give you that "unavailable" vibe, as many of these are the "desirable" men...those who don't have to settle for the first, second, or third, 10th store item because they know how many stores there are, and they may love shopping...and they're lucky if they can afford it. If they can't, they'll stick to a much smaller pool, recirculating the same women. Once you're emotionally attached as a woman, you're usually easily and readily available...even if you give a little hissy fit and a fight over it, coming in with some strong rhetoric, but that's not a problem if you always fold for your emotions anyway in the end. You've got to be able to say what you mean for men to take you seriously and respect you. 2
Author Miss1122 Posted February 18, 2013 Author Posted February 18, 2013 Can someone please share why guys come back after leaving a girl. It happens to me all the time. They left me broken hearted then comeback wanting to start again or continue where we left off. I don't want to date them again but they still around trying. Maybe if I have some ideas why they come back, maybe I would consider giving it a chance. But for now, I'm scared to try again.
MissLY Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 (edited) Can someone please share why guys come back after leaving a girl. It happens to me all the time. They left me broken hearted then comeback wanting to start again or continue where we left off. I don't want to date them again but they still around trying. Maybe if I have some ideas why they come back, maybe I would consider giving it a chance. But for now, I'm scared to try again. It's either: 1) To get laid OR 2) They've dated their "options" and have come to realize that the grass isn't necessarily greener on the other side. They also sense that you've moved on with your life and start to miss you. They think "damn, I could be missing out on something good with this girl afterall", so they come back. This is from my past experience. Edited February 19, 2013 by MissLili 3
RedRobin Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 Who cares why they try to come back? I find it a little humorous and frankly, sad, for them. Especially since I did zero to let them believe I'm the type that can be put on the shelf to come back to. Hope springs eternal, I guess. They get lonely and their fingers start skimming through the digits. Try not to worry about it... roll your eyes and hit 'delete'. Seriously.
Jefezen Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 (edited) It's the "grass is greener on the other side" mentality. Some men and some women are easily lured by what appears to be the bigger, shinier object. Maybe it really is, maybe upon closer inspection, it isn't. Either way, Person #1 gets put on hold for pursuit of Person #2, and if/when it doesn't work out with Person #2, some will genuinely realize that Person #1 was the better option, some will figure that Person #1 is a good enough fallback, some will decide that a return to Person #1 would be easier than looking for Person #3. Whatever the reason, unless you're someone like me who is desperate for opposite sex attention from any reasonably attractive and interesting person, you probably won't appreciate being the fallback option, a position which arrogantly assumes that you're perpetually available for the party that sought the alleged upgrade. But there are people like me out there, and we actually hope for such an outcome because at least it means we won't be alone. At this stage of my life, I'd rather be put on the shelf and eventually retrieved than boxed and banished to a dusty basement with all the other used and tattered books. Edited February 19, 2013 by Jefezen
apple OR orange Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 grass is greener. They shopped around, no new ones comming up, re-visit old ones that didnt get a "your a creep, never see me again".
candie13 Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 pfffff, why they come back? who cares? if it was meant to be, he - and not "they", to avoid generalizations - would have never left, would have not treated you poorly, would have not lost interest. Focus on you: why do you like them and not why they only like you after dumping you? 1
candie13 Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 It is not fate that made them treat her poorly in the first place. It was their free will. They chose to do that, because they could get away with it. Only when they realize that they could not, they came back. The only moment fate intervenes is that first time - when the Gods actually decide to give you one. I believe you only get one chance at getting things right. Not twice. Not three times. You can try as much as you can, but if you screw it up majorly that first time and let the relationship die off, chances are you will screw it up a second and a third time. "Fate" is what happens before "free will". When one decides to go to bar A and bumps into the stranger wearing a blue shirt. From that moment onwards, a lot of rational decisions follow, most of them based on "do I like that person / is that person the one for me". Apparently, so far, for Miss1122, the answer was NO. 1
coltsfan1 Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 Sometimes a person of all genders returns because they realize that you are their best option. This IS why you should date often when you are younger (notice I didn't say sleep around) but dating is how you decide what you do and don't like. I have dated a girl for a few months then moved on to another girl just to realize, wow the previous girl was a much better match for me. Then I would per sue her again, if/when we got serious I told her that I realized the truth. The truth being she was a better match & she appreciated my honesty. On the other had MissLili hit the nail on the head!! For you ladies it's a roll of the dice at times. But believe me men experience the same confusion and dating habits from women as well. In the end love is a high risk/high reward venture, you either go broke or strike it rich!
Jefezen Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 Say this happens 10 years down the road and you're married. Then you're REALLY screwed. At least I would have been "screwed" which would be nice for a change. In all seriousness, though, some people would prefer imperfect companionship to no companionship at all, and I do think it's possible for some of the people who lay someone on the shelf to experience a true epiphany and appreciate what they had before with the intent of never leaving a second time. We all make mistakes. We'd all like opportunities to correct them. Barring extreme circumstances, I think people deserve second chances. I know I'd want a second chance, so I'd be inclined to offer someone else the same.
Krieger Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 The main cause is the relationship gets boring after a few years and the man becomes used to the girl and takes her for granted. Then starts to think maybe we should see other people. He starts flirting with girls at work . Then tells himself the hot bartender with tattoos and a tongue stud wants him. Then works up the guts to tell his girl he needs his space ,but right when he is about to do it she dumps him and he is miserable consumed by the idea she the only woman form him. funny how that works you do not know what you have until it is gone. if woman wear smart they dump there guy every 3 months to keep it fresh. men do not know them self's well enough to see that leaving one woman for the next does nothing to prevent boredom from setting in. The only solution is for woman not to let a man get comfortable . for comfort breeds a listless ambivalence the backbone of all the suffering. Men should never have the time or the opportunity to consider other options for those options lead nowhere. Pick a girl , one girl ,and imagine the world without her. And you"ll probably never leave. This why guy leave a girl then come back IMO.
candie13 Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 some guys deserve a second chance. others don't. Some will go and get that second chance themselves. Facts speak louder than words. Sometimes, asking for a second chance the right way, can make all the difference in the world. In the end, it is a matter of settling, but also a matter of how you think you deserve to be treated. How good versus how bad... People don't get what they deserve, they get what they ask for.
Nyla Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 It's either: 1) To get laid OR 2) They've dated their "options" and have come to realize that the grass isn't necessarily greener on the other side. They also sense that you've moved on with your life and start to miss you. They think "damn, I could be missing out on something good with this girl afterall", so they come back. This is from my past experience. I agree with this. When I was single, I had men dump me because I wasn't interested in FWB or I had too many other things going on. They would always call within three months, hoping to "date me again". One dude even called me a year later I rejected his FWB idea, hoping that I would give him another chance. I laughed as I hung up on him. My husband and I broke up several times while we were dating because he had commitmentphobia, yet he loved me very much. It was a confusing time and I finally told him never to contact me again, so that I could meet a man who wanted a commitment. He called me soon after but I refused to rekindle anything until months later, when I was sure that my then boyfriend wanted to move forward. I moved in with him and he proposed two months later.
truth_seeker Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 Men who do this are all about sex. They come back to you because they think A) You might be available. B) They are out of options. Women also do this but most are not about sex. For them its about testing the waters and realizing the person they passed on was the best option long term.
Jefezen Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 Truth seeker, are you a woman? You seem to be making the most favorable assumption for women and the most unfavorable for men. I don't claim to be very experienced at much of anything in the dating realm, but I do know from what I've witnessed with friends and others that there are plenty of superficial nymphomaniac women and plenty of sensitive, well-intentioned men. There's a broad range on both sides.
pbjbear Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 -got lonely -dont like being by themselves -figured out being single isnt as great as it seemed -wanted to screw others for a bit -couldnt get anybody else most guys I have dated have tried to come back for a FWB. I seriously could write a long book on all the things they did or said to try to convince me...pathetic creatures
RebelWithoutACause Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 Can someone please share why guys come back after leaving a girl. It happens to me all the time. They left me broken hearted then comeback wanting to start again or continue where we left off. I don't want to date them again but they still around trying. Maybe if I have some ideas why they come back, maybe I would consider giving it a chance. But for now, I'm scared to try again. It's because many people treat dating like an amusement park. They try to get on as many rides as possible. When they get bored, they move on to the next one. Until they end up back at your ride, thinking, "this one was kinda fun, maybe I'll give it another go". Unless you wanna be treated like an amusement park ride, don't let them get back on so to speak.
Recommended Posts