na49 Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 Giving into my urges yesterday had me doing a little snooping on her friends pages and I saw what I think was a comment (by someone else. she's blocked so I don't see anything she posts) about her and her "boyfriend". I'm not really sure, but I think it's better to assume the worst right? Well I have no idea who the new knight in shining armor is and I'd rather not find out. If it's the guy she cheated on me with I'll be hurt. If it's a new guy, I'll be hurt. If it's an ex of hers, I'll be hurt. Am I curious? You bet your ass! I just don't know how finding out anything about her will help me. Does anyone else know their ex is with someone but not know who exactly? I feel like finding that out will hurt me even more because I'll compare myself to him and drive myself mad. It's been 4 freaking months. She can date whoever the heck she wants. I'm not upset about that. I just don't want to know about it! :mad: I always run the risk of seeing her around campus though. Bleh it makes me want to transfer to a different school. Just so I never have to see or hear about her again.
thekarmacist Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 wait...you say you 'don't want to know', but you went looking for trouble? don't complain now that you've found it.
todreaminblue Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 Giving into my urges yesterday had me doing a little snooping on her friends pages and I saw what I think was a comment (by someone else. she's blocked so I don't see anything she posts) about her and her "boyfriend". I'm not really sure, but I think it's better to assume the worst right? Well I have no idea who the new knight in shining armor is and I'd rather not find out. If it's the guy she cheated on me with I'll be hurt. If it's a new guy, I'll be hurt. If it's an ex of hers, I'll be hurt. Am I curious? You bet your ass! I just don't know how finding out anything about her will help me. Does anyone else know their ex is with someone but not know who exactly? I feel like finding that out will hurt me even more because I'll compare myself to him and drive myself mad. It's been 4 freaking months. She can date whoever the heck she wants. I'm not upset about that. I just don't want to know about it! :mad: I always run the risk of seeing her around campus though. Bleh it makes me want to transfer to a different school. Just so I never have to see or hear about her again. Checking up is never a good thing........i dont think seeing visual images or physically in person is a thing to do either unless you are over them completely, i am a runner, when soemone i like is with someone else, and that someone i have feelings for, ill avoid any visuals diligently......i have enough in my head to deal with as far as photographic memory goes, so seeing them is hurtful........i can deal with the memory....i would suggest avoidance until when you are with them you dont feel your heart speed up.......as soon as i find out someone i like is with another....i do what i have to to move on.......its not fair on anyone, yourself the person or the new love interest to continue to check up on or see that person and hold feelings for them that cause resentment or sadness or a broken heart....completely cut off and avoidance is my suggestion to you...deb 1
Love Bytes Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 Sucks man...I know it's easy to say "JUST DON'T LOOK!!!" but temptation is always lurking, and sometimes you can't help yourself. Just remind yourself that anyone that would cheat on you, isn't worth having in your life. As hard as that may be to process, deep down, you know it's the truth. 100%.
cavalier99 Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 (edited) Well NA. Im not for snooping. But you just found out what you should already know so if that is what it takes to get this in your brain so be it. She cheated. Probably didnt work out with that guy. She probably hooked up with a few guys. Then she probably met somebody new and now has a BF. What this should tell you is that your are ANCIENT ANCIENT history. Barley a passing thought. This is good because you need to realize how ridiculous your fantasies of missing her, and what does she think are. Time to purge her form your system. Like i said mourn the loss of your RS. But please stop the constant pining for somebody you knew who doesn't exist anymore. EVERYTHING you do now needs to be you and has nothing to do with her. This is the hurdle you need to get over i think. The girl you dated isn't the same person anymore. And neither are you. Make new memories. My ex by now could have been dumped by new guy. Be NC with him. Dated others. Had sex. And be dating somebody else. I just don't know. But i do know I'm nothing but a memory so my focus inst on her present because it is so obvious she doesn't want me in it. So i need to reconcile my past and mourn it and getting on with the present without her. She is nothing now. Edited February 19, 2013 by cavalier99
iouaname Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 I have no idea whether my ex is seeing someone new or not, but I've decided that he IS and I've decided they are also a supermodel. Now, I deal as if it's true. This way, I don't WORRY about whether they're seeing someone or not because I've already dealt with it as if they are. 3
cavalier99 Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 I have no idea whether my ex is seeing someone new or not, but I've decided that he IS and I've decided they are also a supermodel. Now, I deal as if it's true. This way, I don't WORRY about whether they're seeing someone or not because I've already dealt with it as if they are. I do that exact same thing. My EX as far as I'm concerned (don't know) is LIVING THE DREAM! She is madly in love with new guy. They are engaged or married and she is pregnant and happy as hell. Id much rather think this than that she is single and thinking of calling me..that would be pure hell.. thank god i don't know. This way i get on with my own life the best i can and minimise any worry about her wanting back etcetera. It is tough enough recovering from this without adding unrealistic reconciliation scenarios.
AlexfromBoston Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 Well, if you insist on checking her profile and who she may be "involved" with then get prepared to deal with the pain. Take comfort in understanding that most "rebound relationships" are doomed to failure and typically, this new man may actually assist her decision to come running back to you. If the new guy is your polar opposite...chances are its a temp rebound relationship and she will more or less contact you in the near future. If the new guy is similar to you in appearance, profession, etc...then she may become comfortable with him and it may become more serious. Regardless, your only true chance of winning her back is moving on and enjoying yourself. When she starts hearing about the fun you are having, it'll make her insecure and uncomfortable and she may come running back. Just look at your breakup as a temporary break...a break in which you can play the field, have fun and enjoy your freedom. Just convince yourself that she's on a little vacation and deal with at such. Trust me, in time you WILL move on. If you feel the need to contact her or look at her profile, just drop down and complete 50 pushups and 50 crunches. Not only will it improve your appearance and health, but the slight adrenaline rush will diminish a modicum of stress or anxiety you have.
Coping Vortex Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 Giving into my urges yesterday had me doing a little snooping on her friends pages and I saw what I think was a comment (by someone else. she's blocked so I don't see anything she posts) about her and her "boyfriend". I'm not really sure, but I think it's better to assume the worst right? Well I have no idea who the new knight in shining armor is and I'd rather not find out. If it's the guy she cheated on me with I'll be hurt. If it's a new guy, I'll be hurt. If it's an ex of hers, I'll be hurt. Am I curious? You bet your ass! I just don't know how finding out anything about her will help me. Does anyone else know their ex is with someone but not know who exactly? I feel like finding that out will hurt me even more because I'll compare myself to him and drive myself mad. It's been 4 freaking months. She can date whoever the heck she wants. I'm not upset about that. I just don't want to know about it! :mad: I always run the risk of seeing her around campus though. Bleh it makes me want to transfer to a different school. Just so I never have to see or hear about her again. There was a new guy in the picture before you BU. Most people leave for another person (unless its a really toxic relationship) not to be alone. She might have been texting or talking to someone else way before she BU with you. My ex told me she just needed to end our relationship because of our living situation. She said she met the new guy 2 weeks after the BU. I found our later she slipped and mentioned when she saw him in the bar she hadn't talked to him in awhile. Busted!!! She already knew the guy. He was in the same friends circles as her GF's. He must have been pursuing her for awhile when he convinced her to go out with her and leave me. 1
Author na49 Posted February 19, 2013 Author Posted February 19, 2013 As pissed off as I am that the douche rocket came in and snatched my girl from me. I'm more pissed that she wasn't loyal to me and took someone she just met over someone she'd been dating for a long time.
Gingerxr2 Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 As pissed off as I am that the douche rocket came in and snatched my girl from me. I'm more pissed that she wasn't loyal to me and took someone she just met over someone she'd been dating for a long time. GiGs sucks , but now you have to see that it's time to move on and learn from your mistakes , understand that there is always 2 sides to every story and look at what parts you both played to cause this to happen , I guess that's what we have to do in the end to move on .
cincinnatikid Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 Good for her. She's moved on. So should you. I have no desire to raise your hopes. However, if you are holding out for some chance to get back with her the odds are working highly against. The only slim chance you have is to do what I said above. MOVE ON! It's a win, win proposition for you. Either you find someone completely new who's even better than before OR your ex sees you as not a love sick puppy and actually worth talking to again. Granted I went through the same feelings you are having. I think we all have at one point or another. That's why people come here. I hold a little bit of sympathy for you because I stood once where you were. However, I gotta tell you, time is fleeting. Do you really want to wake up a year or even 6 months from now and still pining over ONE woman?? Let that rattle through your head for a while. If it doesn't leave a bad taste in your mouth then I don't see how anyone can get through to you. 1
Author na49 Posted February 19, 2013 Author Posted February 19, 2013 Do you really want to wake up a year or even 6 months from now and still pining over ONE woman?? Let that rattle through your head for a while. If it doesn't leave a bad taste in your mouth then I don't see how anyone can get through to you. It leaves a horrible taste in my mouth actually. I feel pathetic that I'm hung up over someone who cheated on me and wants nothing to do with me. I want to move on with my life. At times I feel like I am. Then I have a few negative thoughts and it snowballs into me doing something stupid like snooping on people she may be involved with. I definitely was codependent on her and need to find a way to be happy being single again. 1
H3Drvr Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 Spying on your ex? NOT a very attractive quality in a man or anyone for the matter. Why not expend your time on endeavors that are more creative and advantageous to you. Online stalking is akin to hiding in the in the bushes to see what your ex is up to. If your ex cheated on you, maybe you're better of without her. Taking some dignity back. 2
Author na49 Posted February 19, 2013 Author Posted February 19, 2013 Definitely not an attractive quality, sometimes my curiosity just gets the best of me though. Now that I think she's dating someone, I'm hoping for her relationship to fail and for her to come crying back to me. I know how ridiculous that is though. She hasn't wanted me since she broke up with me. Why is that so hard for me to grasp and just hold on to?
thekarmacist Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 you claim to love her, but yet, you wish her relationship to fail? that's so loving AND mature of you. you do not love her; your ego is just bruised. don't you recognize that you say one thing and then do the exact opposite? c'mon.
Author na49 Posted February 20, 2013 Author Posted February 20, 2013 you claim to love her, but yet, you wish her relationship to fail? that's so loving AND mature of you. you do not love her; your ego is just bruised. don't you recognize that you say one thing and then do the exact opposite? c'mon. Okay you got me. I don't love her. I hate her for what she did to me. I want her to feel hurt because she got off easy. Don't give me the "she was already checked out and mourning the loss while she was with you". If she didn't want to be with me. She shouldn't have been with me. Why do I have to be kept dangling on a string and be lied to until she feels "okay! now I'll dump him!" It's all irrelevant now of course.
thekarmacist Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 look here, little punk rocker- i never coughed up any bs about 'she mourned while she was still with you'. don't get me mixed up with someone else. i'm trying to show you that this is merely your troublesome ego causing you pain here. if you really didn't want to know about what she's up to, you wouldn't spy. if you really loved her, you'd let her go. all these actions and all the spinning you're doing is just your ego stinging you because you were rejected by a cheating two-dollar tartlet who doesn't deserve you anyway. your ego is best kept in check. remember that you aren't defective just because you were treated poorly and rejected. i respect your anger at her, and it is obviously justified. but what good does it do you? your anger is like drinking poison and expecting her to die. hang in there, she'll get hers served up soon enough. you may not get to see it happen, but mark my words. 1
Author na49 Posted February 20, 2013 Author Posted February 20, 2013 Just what I needed to hear. Anger towards her actually does nothing for me. I tell myself "Why does it pay to be angry over something like this?" I never have a good answer to that question and I usually stop/calm down afterwards. It's just hard getting into that mindset. I've actually been pretty good on the snooping. I haven't checked her facebook in over 3 months. I've blocked her actually. I slipped up a few days ago. Had a slip up last month. but I don't make it a habit. I need to find something else to do when I have urges to know what she's doing.
thekarmacist Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 anger is a hard one. it gives us a sense of empowerment when we feel abused, weak and out of control. letting anger go is hard for many of us because we feel as though if we were to let it go, wew would be letting that person 'get away' with something. they have no need nor desire to 'get away' with anything. she sucks, and deserves your pity, not your anger. she's not worth it.
marklarsson Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 Definitely not an attractive quality, sometimes my curiosity just gets the best of me though. Now that I think she's dating someone, I'm hoping for her relationship to fail and for her to come crying back to me. I know how ridiculous that is though. She hasn't wanted me since she broke up with me. Why is that so hard for me to grasp and just hold on to? She may but the important thing is that you don't not live solely for this day to arrive. just get on with your life.
Author na49 Posted February 20, 2013 Author Posted February 20, 2013 She may but the important thing is that you don't not live solely for this day to arrive. just get on with your life. I don't like that "she may" part of it that though. It's what keeps these stupid thoughts alive. It's what keeps me holding onto something that hasn't been there since she left me. It makes me think that somewhere, the girl who was super into me and wanted to spend the rest of her life with me still exists somewhere and that person will come back eventually. It's all horsesh*t though. she's changed. Now I need to change.
marklarsson Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 I don't like that "she may" part of it that though. It's what keeps these stupid thoughts alive. It's what keeps me holding onto something that hasn't been there since she left me. It makes me think that somewhere, the girl who was super into me and wanted to spend the rest of her life with me still exists somewhere and that person will come back eventually. It's all horsesh*t though. she's changed. Now I need to change. Im saying he may because whether she does or not yoi have no control over. of corse live your life from now as though she will never return. Do you think she's changed for the better or for the worse?
Author na49 Posted February 21, 2013 Author Posted February 21, 2013 You'd think that the fact she's f*cking someone new now would make it easier to move on. It isn't though. I'm really trying to move on with my life, and I think I'm taking steps in the right direction. It just feels weird moving on without her. I'm making these changes for the better, and she'll never know about them. but that doesn't mean I won't find someone else who will appreciate me more than she did. right? Sometimes I wish I never got in a relationship. I have too big of a heart and get way too attached for my own good. I don't know if I could handle a casual relationship honestly.
iouaname Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 I know what you mean - sometimes I wonder if the pain that I'm feeling now was worth the relationship at all. I know that I'm probably being ridiculous, but I can sympathize with the feeling!
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