Sososad Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 Ok we all know no contact is for getting over your ex and not Bring them back but has anyone had there ex come back to them After you decided it was time or full no contact. If so did it take long .. I actually read someone on here saying they nearly Always come back but your too far gone to care .. Or usually when you meet the right person this time .. Anyone have any stories ..
Mack05 Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 This hope that your ex will come back whilst you are on NC will only hold you back. The sooner you accept that your ex is not coming back, the sooner you will move on to something better. 6
destroyed4sho Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 Ok we all know no contact is for getting over your ex and not Bring them back but has anyone had there ex come back to them After you decided it was time or full no contact. If so did it take long .. I actually read someone on here saying they nearly Always come back but your too far gone to care .. Or usually when you meet the right person this time .. Anyone have any stories .. My story is that they always try to contact you back, but they don't want you back as their partner. All my exes have gotten back to me, one of them for 5 years straight on V-day saying "hi, how are you?" or "happy vday". Another came to my door asking for relationship advice lol ....then made me his friend on fb 2 years later for 2 days, my recent ex sent me a "happy v-day" with a smiley face. Yes, they all contact back but.....they don't want YOU back!! 1
headsashed Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 This hope that your ex will come back whilst you are on NC will only hold you back. The sooner you accept that your ex is not coming back, the sooner you will move on to something better. exactly what i was going to say. It sounds to me that your hoping your ex will come back, dont hope, just move on with life and if they do eventually come back you will be a stronger person with a clear mind and you will kno whats best for you.
AlexfromBoston Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 To be honest, I got back with my ex twice in the past after a breakup. I didn't maintain NC, rather I maintained limited contact and sort of inserted myself back into her life. I basically acted like the guy she first me and fell in love with. She just broke it off the third time and I am confident I could get her back, but I think it's time for me to understand that we just aren't working out and let her heal and move on.
destroyed4sho Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 Hi Alexfromboston, Your thread on "how you got your ex back' was actually one of the first threads I read on LS.....and thus getting me interested to join. ha...I guess it didn't work out again Was that the latino girl?
AlexfromBoston Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 Hi Alexfromboston, Your thread on "how you got your ex back' was actually one of the first threads I read on LS.....and thus getting me interested to join. ha...I guess it didn't work out again Was that the latino girl? Yea man...wow good memory. Yea, it's her and she's finally had enough i think. I won't push it because at this point, I am just making it tough on her. Basically I resorted to all the same behavior that ended our relationship twice before. To be honest, I don't deserve her. But if you're truly ready to change and have a strong desire to be with your girl, fight for her. My ex flatly said, "if you never called me, I wouldn't have called you". She wants a man to fight for her and my method has worked several times in the past. 2
SuperSad09 Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 Yes. I believe they will come back, and you may even get them back. BUT, inevitably, it will end again. And this time it will be worse, because how ever unhealthy it was the first time, it will be even more unhealthy the next time around (and the next, and the next, etc). I believe if it was bad enough to break up, one of you probably isn't going to be fully invested in the realtiosnhip. That, or by the time s/he is, YOU will have moved on and it won't matter anymore. I know it's all so much easier said than done. I am going through a rough break up too. But, I remind myself, I have done it before and moved on and while this one feels 10X stronger than the other ones, we will get through this!!! Hugs to you! 1
Simon Phoenix Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 Yea man...wow good memory. Yea, it's her and she's finally had enough i think. I won't push it because at this point, I am just making it tough on her. Basically I resorted to all the same behavior that ended our relationship twice before. To be honest, I don't deserve her. But if you're truly ready to change and have a strong desire to be with your girl, fight for her. My ex flatly said, "if you never called me, I wouldn't have called you". She wants a man to fight for her and my method has worked several times in the past. So basically you got her back after a short time then went right back to the pattern which caused the breakup in the first place? Seems like a waste of time to me. That's where NC would probably have served you, so instead of just trying to get the ex back you could have stepped back, worked on whatever character flaw you had that kept causing the conflict and might have had a better chance of ultimate success. I mean, it's nice that you can scramble and get the ex back, but all you did with your method was just drag out the first breakup. I'm sorry, it just seems that your "method" is more of a temporary solution than an overall evolution of either a) yourself or b) your relationship. While I agree that you have to remind your ex of why they wanted you in the first place, it seems pointless to do that if you are just going to settle back into the same thing that caused your relationship to die in the first place.
Author Sososad Posted February 19, 2013 Author Posted February 19, 2013 So giving the person some time apart straight after a breakup can help? Ok it's a risk that they see life without you as a happier place . But texting/calling will do you no good anyway . So giving space and no contact may not entirely be the same . If your with someone day in/out nearly 3 years time outside that relationship may bring clarity . I'm hopeful she loves me still and wants me back but showing her I'm not bombarding her and respecting her space shows some maturity too . And lastly she could already be so far gone . I could write I love you in the stars and she wouldn't care but I'm still hopeful . If it takes a month apart maybe two even ill wait before I walk away . Call me crazy but those 3 years meant something to me and I believe to her to despite how she tries to hide it.
Mack05 Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 (edited) So giving the person some time apart straight after a breakup can help? Ok it's a risk that they see life without you as a happier place . But texting/calling will do you no good anyway . So giving space and no contact may not entirely be the same . If your with someone day in/out nearly 3 years time outside that relationship may bring clarity . I'm hopeful she loves me still and wants me back but showing her I'm not bombarding her and respecting her space shows some maturity too . And lastly she could already be so far gone . I could write I love you in the stars and she wouldn't care but I'm still hopeful . If it takes a month apart maybe two even ill wait before I walk away . Call me crazy but those 3 years meant something to me and I believe to her to despite how she tries to hide it. You are projecting. Just because you feel one way about the relationship doesn't mean she does. I'm not saying those years weren't special to her, I'm sure they were. BUT she has decided to move forward with her life. She doesn't view the relationship the same way that you do. You need to STOP hoping that she will come back. Realistically 99% says she doesn't. You need to focus on resolving your depression issues. Your ex clearly realised that its very hard to make a relationship work with someone who suffers from depression. She has reached breaking point and when a girl reaches that point, they look forward not back. They no longer care about promises of change or declarations of love. Look at your posts. You even called your first one 'Pathetic ramblings'. Emotionally you are all over the place. Believe me, no girl worth her salt is going to come back to that. You have lost this girl and you need to start coming to terms with that. Sadly you are in denial like many others on this board. If you don't resolve your depression issues you will lose the next girl too. Its over..The longer you fight that fact, the longer and harder the road back..Two suggestions. 1) Buy a book called "go suck a lemon". It helps with emotional maturity. 2) Focus on your depression, books, articles, therapy. St Johns wort is a good herbal remedy for depression.. I was you. You making the EXACT same mistakes...Let her go, stop hoping and help yourself. Sadly right now you are incapable of absorbing proper logic. Emotion has completely blinded you. This is going to get a whole lot worse before it gets better... Edited February 19, 2013 by Mack05 1
Author Sososad Posted February 19, 2013 Author Posted February 19, 2013 Your probably right if 2 weeks hasn't had bothered to care enough to call nothing will change. Thanks
Mack05 Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 Will you follow my advice? No. You are way too emotionally compromised to accept the harsh reality that's staring you right in the face. All solid logic has gone out the window. I feel for you. This is one if the most horrible parts of a breakup. Because you are in the denial phase, you are still hopeful. You look for inspiration. You hear about other couples breaking up and then getting back together and even getting married. Sadly this is the exception and not the rule. Still though you both were different. You had a special connection that others don't. Hate the denial phase...(Look up the stages of grief). Let me tell you what's going to happen next, so that none of this comes as a total shock to you..You maintain NC for few days/weeks/months. Then the shock and denial wear off and the realisation that she is not coming back hits you hard. You snoop on her facebook and/or she hear something about her that you don't want to hear. The urge to break NC becomes too much. You lose total emotional control. You try to rationalize in your own head why you need to break NC. "If she hears this it will change her mind" or "I can't give her up without a fight" or "I need to remind her how special we were". NC is broken. Before NC is broken you are almost hopeful. You build things up to a crescendo in your mind. Right now you are on the edge... Her response leaves you devastated. This was meant to go a different way. You feel her slipping so you 'fight' harder. You get emotional. You promise her the world. She feels for you, but her decision is final. If you continue to push her after this, she will become more and more cold and distant. This will lead you to become more and more desperate. Eventually you will hit rock bottom. Hard enough to lose a girl you love, but when you suffer from depression this pain is multiplied even more... Is this a path you really want to go down? I went down that path. I completely lost it. I loved her, still do. Felt the same way you did. She become cold and distant. She contacted my family and asked to try get through to me. She contacted the police. Now I was never threatening or anything like that, but she had just had enough of the emails and texts. 2 years later I'm still coming to terms with the fallout. I had a LDR rebound relationship which was a disaster. Coming back from Rock bottom is a LONG hard road. I post here to try stop people going down that route.. Please please believe me you have to stop hoping she will be back. You need to let her go. She deserves that. Once you let her go resolve to beat this depression. Once you win that battle opportunities will come..That is the right path. Please take it.. 1
AlexfromBoston Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 So basically you got her back after a short time then went right back to the pattern which caused the breakup in the first place? Seems like a waste of time to me. That's where NC would probably have served you, so instead of just trying to get the ex back you could have stepped back, worked on whatever character flaw you had that kept causing the conflict and might have had a better chance of ultimate success. I mean, it's nice that you can scramble and get the ex back, but all you did with your method was just drag out the first breakup. I'm sorry, it just seems that your "method" is more of a temporary solution than an overall evolution of either a) yourself or b) your relationship. While I agree that you have to remind your ex of why they wanted you in the first place, it seems pointless to do that if you are just going to settle back into the same thing that caused your relationship to die in the first place. It was a waste, but if i truly changed then it would have been a good method.
Toddbt12y1 Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 I gave my ex incalculable chances. She never changed; was unfortunate ...she was a sweetheart. Of course she says she still is, LOL. She didn't change; even cheated. A lot. I found out and ended it. She contacted me 3 weeks later to get no answer. No, they rarely change. They usually do whatthey did before. Unfortunately she has not contacted me in a year and three months(two years by Nov. 14.) I'd like to ignore it but meh...four years and that's that folks!
marklarsson Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 It was a waste, but if i truly changed then it would have been a good method. in relation to your past thread on how you won your ex back. what if she got with someone else weeks after the break up. will you have to wait till those two break up if they do before making the same moves you did?
Debbie2508 Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 I was with my ex for 10 weeks,then he went back to the wife he'd left me for,due to being unable to cope with the guilt of leaving his family. We didn't go NC,we both tried but neither could stick to it,and he returned to me after 5 weeks apart,saying how sorry he was, how much he loved me and how he realised he couldn't live without me. That was 18 months ago,and he's just left me again. He's not returned to his,now, ex-wife but has rented a room in a house near where he works. The thing is,the fundamental problem was never resolved. His children never forgave him for leaving him in the first place and he couldn't deal with the guilt he felt,coupled with the lack of having a relationship with them. At the end of the day,it all came between us and "poisoned "what we had,I guess. We're NC now....I've weakened twice and texted to ask if we could talk,both times he's agreed,and both times I've regretted it.He sounds so cold and distant, and I'm not sure if its an act to convince himself as much as me,that it has to be over,or it's true. Either way,I have to stay NC and accept it's over. If you were to ask me if I wish we'd never got back together,my heart would say we should have, as there were so many amazing times together and we really were so in love,but my head knows it was doomed from the start. Would I do it again...............NO (fingers crossed behind my back!)
destroyed4sho Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 (edited) Yea man...wow good memory. Yea, it's her and she's finally had enough i think. I won't push it because at this point, I am just making it tough on her. Basically I resorted to all the same behavior that ended our relationship twice before. To be honest, I don't deserve her. But if you're truly ready to change and have a strong desire to be with your girl, fight for her. My ex flatly said, "if you never called me, I wouldn't have called you". She wants a man to fight for her and my method has worked several times in the past. Yes, i wanted to get her back the first 3 months of break up..but i did all the wrong things..you know, t he usual..begging, pleading,groveling...etc. Pretty much humiliating stuff. But now, i guess bc time has passed and using Nc made me see the relationship clearly, how abusive she was and narcisstic....i dont want her back. I felt abused and she would rage at the smallest things. Yes, I miss her and fantasize about her and how the relationship could of turned out...but i dont trust that she is the person i thought she was. I was blinding by love or infatuation. Im happy you tried and got this girl back 2x. It gives those that want to use this method some hope. I am all for NC but also feel your method used in the right situation works too. Particularly, (in my opinion, maybe im wrong) if you are male? , and you did something to cause her breaking up with you. In my case, i didnt do anything specific....we had arguments but she lacked empathy and blamed me for everything instead of looking at her own rageful acions. She checked out of the relationship more than a year ago..so it is pretty much a done deal. Even if i somehow managed ti get her back, i just couldnt forgive her and i would be resentful. I rather just heal and get her outta my head. Sounds like you are done with the Latino girl. Dont blame yourself for it going wrong..its usually a 50/50 deal. There are reasons why you did what you did. Edited February 19, 2013 by destroyed4sho
AlexfromBoston Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 in relation to your past thread on how you won your ex back. what if she got with someone else weeks after the break up. will you have to wait till those two break up if they do before making the same moves you did? No, basically you will want to "accept" her decision to find a new guy and let her know that you will respect whatever she decides to do. In the interim, you are gonna want to get "friend zoned" and be there for her when she needs you. But don't be an emotional crutch, just help her out if she needs it. Also, sound like you are completely over her when talking with her. Eventually you are gonna want to "run into her" or ask her to meet you and then you basically resort to the kind of behavior that attracted her to begin with. Also bring up all the good memories as if it was just two friends catching up.
AlexfromBoston Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 Yes, i wanted to get her back the first 3 months of break up..but i did all the wrong things..you know, t he usual..begging, pleading,groveling...etc. Pretty much humiliating stuff. But now, i guess bc time has passed and using Nc made me see the relationship clearly, how abusive she was and narcisstic....i dont want her back. I felt abused and she would rage at the smallest things. Yes, I miss her and fantasize about her and how the relationship could of turned out...but i dont trust that she is the person i thought she was. I was blinding by love or infatuation. Im happy you tried and got this girl back 2x. It gives those that want to use this method some hope. I am all for NC but also feel your method used in the right situation works too. Particularly, (in my opinion, maybe im wrong) if you are male? , and you did something to cause her breaking up with you. In my case, i didnt do anything specific....we had arguments but she lacked empathy and blamed me for everything instead of looking at her own rageful acions. She checked out of the relationship more than a year ago..so it is pretty much a done deal. Even if i somehow managed ti get her back, i just couldnt forgive her and i would be resentful. I rather just heal and get her outta my head. Sounds like you are done with the Latino girl. Dont blame yourself for it going wrong..its usually a 50/50 deal. There are reasons why you did what you did. I mean, I don't know what the future holds, but as of now I am going to give her space and let her meet new people. The method works, but it truly is all about fighting for what you love. With some girls, they will respond better to NC. My girl, for instance, wanted me to fight for her. Basically if your relationship ended because you were too clingy...then go NC and be very very cold if you decide to speak with her. If you were very distant and placed your girl as a second, sometimes third priority(my case), then you need to amp it up and fight for her.
robaday Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 Every single one Ive had (although thats only 3!). Normally id say if you havent heard from them in 3 months after a breakup, theyre pretty much gone for good. One I just rejected. This is same one who told me to move on and never contact her again. I have been hooking up with my first love again though recently - we didnt talk for 3 years, and ya know what? it was the best thing for both of us we get along really well now and I could actually see it working out. Basically in both cases I moved on, in terms of accepting they were never coming back. Wasnt easy, but it is possible ya know to be ahead of them, just block em outta your life, suck it up and force yourself to live in the present. And when they do get in touch, youll get a chance to realise theyre only human too, they suffer too, and they dont forget you.
Simon Phoenix Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 It was a waste, but if i truly changed then it would have been a good method. But your method didn't really allow you to change, which was my point. You were more concerned about just getting her back than improving yourself so if you got her back, you could keep her. I mean, it just sounds like you are persuasive, which can be a very good thing, but it doesn't really sound like you had any goals besides not being broken up. Not trying to be a prick or bag on you too much, but it seems like your method just pushes the problems under the rug instead of actually evolving.
AlexfromBoston Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 But your method didn't really allow you to change, which was my point. You were more concerned about just getting her back than improving yourself so if you got her back, you could keep her. I mean, it just sounds like you are persuasive, which can be a very good thing, but it doesn't really sound like you had any goals besides not being broken up. Not trying to be a prick or bag on you too much, but it seems like your method just pushes the problems under the rug instead of actually evolving. Simon, I didn't say the method was sufficient in improving on my faults. The method was successful in the sense that I got my foot in the door...I just couldn't adjust to being tied down.
destroyed4sho Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 Simon, I didn't say the method was sufficient in improving on my faults. The method was successful in the sense that I got my foot in the door...I just couldn't adjust to being tied down. FYI, one of my friends had issues with being "tied down", he was 42. He went to a psychologist that used CBT on him. Soon enough he married his gf, now has 2 kids and couldn't be happier!! He says that marriage is the best thing that happened to him. Just some info, in case you want to change in the future.
marklarsson Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 No, basically you will want to "accept" her decision to find a new guy and let her know that you will respect whatever she decides to do. In the interim, you are gonna want to get "friend zoned" and be there for her when she needs you. But don't be an emotional crutch, just help her out if she needs it. Also, sound like you are completely over her when talking with her. Eventually you are gonna want to "run into her" or ask her to meet you and then you basically resort to the kind of behavior that attracted her to begin with. Also bring up all the good memories as if it was just two friends catching up. what if she is the sort to never be friends with ex's or had never got back with an ex before? does that mean there is no chance then. or there is a first time for everything.
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