LILLY_LOUISE Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 Ok so most of you would of read my last thread, but in short.. I had an affair about 4 years ago now, but ended up having the OM child, and went on to marry my husband. Let me make myself clear here: at the time of pregnancy i didnt know who's baby i was carrying, so instead of telling my fiancee i went ahead and told him the baby was his. after we split he got a dna test done and well the rest is history. Ok so here is my new issue...: we have been talking latley (nothing like we used to talk though). he texts me sometimes just to see what im up to. i have told him time and time again that i cant do friends with him cause it hurts me too much to know i will never be able to have him in my arms. He knows how sorry i am, and that i want to reconcile with him. now he has no problem seeing me through the week, however once the weekend comes he goes cold on me! i dont hear from him, and if i text his excuse all the time is "my phone went flat". !!! i have told him im willing to give him as much time as needed to help him sort out his mind and heart as too what he want to do eg: devorce or reconcile. im just at a witts end, im trying so hard with my husband, i'm giving him space, im here when he wants too see me (no sex), i answer his calls. i've tried to play hard to get, but he just doesnt care,. its been almost 7m now... im hanging by a thread here, i dont know what he wants and im affraid to ask. he is coming here this arv! tell me loveshack, should i do the whole desperate thing and try to talk to him? or show him how happy i am with my daughter and life, but show some kindness to him?(just so he knows i still love him). Like i said i told him i couldnt do friends, but why is he still willing to see me and talk to me if he doesnt still want me?... HELP!
Jstub Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 I don't know... your situation is a real mess. I think he may be torn, but the severity of the situation will come to bite you in the ass. I don't want to be negative, but in my opinion, even if he did come back and wanted to reconcile, he will have so much resentment against you that things will just go south pretty quickly. I guess, if he really wanted it (doesn't seem like it), he could bring himself to forgive you.... Sorry can't say much more. It's just a very tough situation to be in. This is betrayal to the fullest I guess. I know you probably thought it's a "white" lie, but it's not even close. It's simply wrong to lie to someone about such a thing.
Yasuandio Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 He's coming there to try to get the sex. He will try harder, especially if you make it a challenge. You didn't need a new thread to address that issue. And sex or no sex, as Jstub noted, what you mistakenly cast as a bizarre little white lie is actually 'betrayal to it's fullest extent.'
tojaz Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 Quit being so available Lilly, quit answering his calls/texts etc. If you want to see him on the weekend, don't see him during the week. Put it on your terms (without words). If he's just looking for sex, it sends a clear message, if he is riding the fence, it sends a clear message. TOJAZ 1
ver13 Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 I have posted on one of your forms in the past and I see that you still are trying to make sense of what this is all about. IMO as I stated before you need to focus on you and your D period. Stop the H drama and look at what needs to happen to secure a better life for you and your D. You can give him all the time in the world but only he can decide when and or if he is ready to sit down and work this out. If he wants too the situation that you got yourself into is way to much for him to handle and thats ok. You stated that it has been 7 months since he walked out well if he plans to walk back in it won't be from anything that you are trying to do it will be because he wants to. If you had been up front about your relationship with OM while seperated you might have had a chance to work this out. But it was his friends that put you out there instead. Trust is a hard thing to come by and once broken may not be put back together. So learn from your mistake focus on your D and let the man focus on what he wants to do. You need to go NC with him for a while and see what happens. Let him really be free and if he flies back to the nest then you will know that he wants to be there. 1
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