expos Posted August 31, 2004 Posted August 31, 2004 OK...first off I'd to thank everyone beforehand that decides to reply and help me out with my situation. Here it goes: Back in 1999, I met my girlfriend and things were really good for about two years. Things started to get iffy in late 2001 after I graduated from college. She was being really mean and irritable with me, and I noticed an overall change in attitude. It turns out she was pregnant. I was completely devasted by this, because I made it very clear to her that I did not want children anytime soon. I felt that 22 was too young to be father and that our best days were still ahead of us. We thought about abortion, but both determined that this would too hard on us...and we both believed that our child deserved a chance at life. My son was born April 2002, premature (2 lbs. 4 oz). It was both the happiest and scariest day of my life. Happy, because I got to see a new soul enter this world before my own eyes, but scary because it's going to be a long hard road that I wasn't even prepared for. We are an unwed couple with a child. Those of you in this position know it isn't easy... I must first tell you a little bit about my girlfriend. I don't find her to be all that bright, and sometimes a little annoying. I don't claim to be the world's brightest bulb...but her intelligence is lacking (love is blind in the beginning of a relationship...and having fun is all that matters). My girlfriend's mother is a little mentally slow...and her father seems to be bitter man who hates his own life. Family functions are not fun with these people. Their way of life, beliefs, and personalities are not what I want out of my girlfriend and I'm afraid that she is on this path to chaos. It's very disturbing that my girlfriend finds her mother "the most talented and coolest person in the world" when obviously this women is a complete wack-job. I try to look past this. My girlfriend is an outstanding mother and worships our son. The fact that she is a excellent mother is seems to smother her shortcomings. Since then I've held down a really nice job and supported the both of them. My son is my pride and joy and I love him with all of my heart and I have provided 100%. I've never cheated on my girlfriend and have done the best I could. I see myself as a good father. My girlfriend hasn't worked a day since his birth...and is a stay-at-home mom. My son does not go to daycare because it's too expensive. So she basically stays home with everyday..all day. She does not own a vehicle...so they are trapped in the house all day until I get home. I think she lacks the motivation and drive that I want from a partner and I've discussed this with her. I'm afraid she won't change her ways. Well, now it's two years down the road and I've been miserable for the past year and a half. I realize that I no longer love my girlfriend but continue to be with her simply because I want to see my 2.5-year old son everyday. She continues to love me...but doesn't seem to sense my feelings towards her...which are NONE. We do not sleep in the same bed anymore, rarely hug or kiss eachother, or seem all that interested in sex and she seems fine with it! I have no longer have the sexual attraction to her that I once had. We are virtually roommates/friends raising a child together. We get along socially but still fight on occasions about little things. The sad thing is that I've basically got everyone fooled into thinking we are still in a happy relationship. It's not fair to anybody, especially my girlfriend. Now...the feelings are stronger than ever to break things off. I personally feel that we'd better off by ourselves...but I don't want my son to live in the father-less home structure...and especially with her wacko family. I'm completely torn on what to do. Money is not an issue. I don't care about child support...I can pay that without a problem. Everybody's well being is a concern...including my girlfriend's. But another problem has surfaced. I'm attracted to another girl who I've known since for a long time, but she does not know who I am. I'm tempted to set up a date to meet her just see what happens...just a friendly meeting. I'm not looking for sexual gratification or a one-night stand...but just a new person to share moments with. I'm disgusted by what I feel, but my heart is telling me that my time with girlfriend is over and that I should quit living the lie. I want to meet this new girl to figure out why I feel this way...and why I've been thinking about her for so long. The problem is, I don't want to be considered a cheater. I don't want to be a disgrace my son or my family. I want to prove my loyality to everybody else, but I'm too scared to break things off with current girlfriend because of all the drama involved. If it doesn't work out with this girl....fine....that's life. The best of luck to her. People say I should should seek relationship therapy for me and my girlfriend...but I'm stubborn guy who makes my makes my own desicions and choices about my own life. I don't see a justifiable reason to hear a formulated response from shrink who has dealt with these situations before. A shrink doesn't know my history...nor does he live in my world everyday. So...in any event...I'd like to hear your responses. A common human response if sometimes more truthful than anything else. So, what the heck should I do?
overseas2004 Posted September 2, 2004 Posted September 2, 2004 Honestly I could write a book about this. But the best thing to do is first extricate yourself from this situation in which you are no longer happy and then start worrying about other girls. That is if you really want to be that upstanding as you say in your e-mail. Good luck... but you shouldnt stay somewhere where you are not happy. That would mean wasting your life. Its not worth it. If you try hard you will still be a good father to your child.
Author expos Posted September 2, 2004 Author Posted September 2, 2004 Thank you for an honest response. Any advice is greatly appreciated. Sometimes I feel that it's better for my son to not live in an enviroment where the parents don't like each other. My son, doesn't know this now...but over time he'll realise that this is probably the best scenario. He'll always know that I love him. The hardest part will be breaking the news.
Jodi Posted September 2, 2004 Posted September 2, 2004 You are in a tough situation. I think you know that you are not into your girlfriend anymore and it's beyond the point of repair. If this is NOT the case, then work on it and rekindle what you once had, but otherwise, get out before you waste any more of your life. I stayed with a man for years after I realized he wasn't the one for me and now, I wish I had left when I knew. These feelings you have aren't going to change- if you don't think she is bright enough and that is something you need, you will never think she is bright enough. same with her family issues. It's better for your child for you to be a good father and separated than to grow up with loveless, stressed out parents. I think a big problem in our society is that we get into serious relationships while we are way too young and the things that matter to use when we are 20 are not the same things that matter when we are 25 or 30. Now, as for the other woman- DO NOT DO ANYTHING UNTIL YOU END THIS. seriously, it's going down a very bad path- you could get caught and that will tar your relationship with your child's mother and possibly your child forever- AND it won't look good to the woman you actually do like and she will always have major trust issues with you. If it is the real thing with the new chick, it can wait until you are at least moved out. good luck!
Author expos Posted September 2, 2004 Author Posted September 2, 2004 Actually initiating the breakup will be the toughest part. I also face possibility that the girl I currently want to meet won't like the idea of dating somebody who has a child from a previous relationship. Although this sounds petty, for some people this is a concern. However, I can live the fact that I really don't need to be in relationship for a while. I want to make it clear that I'm not leaving my current girlfriend for this new girl either. As I've stated before, my current relationship is just not a good thing for me to be in regardless.
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