powerofnow Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 Hi been reading this site for a week or so now so thought it best to join in! This might be a long one so thanks in advance for anyone reading it or kind enough to offer any advice. Dont know where to start ! Ive read some of the posts on here about the horrible feelings your having post break up and its all so familiar and i was feeling every word ! - and i would say to anyone at that stage, even though you dont believe it , with time things do get better, you feel like you will never be happy again, but you will, believe me. I had a horrible break up with my ex of 6 years, loosing a baby, a house and everyone i knew and when people said i would again be happy i didnt believe it. But it wasnt easy, but i started again, moved away, made a couple of new friends, had no interest in finding another boyfriend tho - until this certain boy caught my eye ( this was about a year after break up) he , in my eyes could not of been more perfect, anyway we started "hanging out" - he had said he wasnt wanting a girlfriend as he had been hurt and i was saying the same - we spent more and more time together (point here is i was very happy - so you can find interest in another eventually) This hanging out had basically been going on for about 9 months both saying we were not together ever, even when other people said we were. I was very in love but pretending not to be now i think about it. anyway at new year he was away and didnt ring or text for 3 days which is very strange for him , when we did speak and i sort of pulled him up on his lack of contact, he said we had been getting too close etc etc and he couldnt give me what i wanted as he is selfish etc etc - i was gutted as it seemed we were both into us getting closer/ spending more time etc but obviously not. the hard bit was after finally trusting someone and letting them into my life after the hurt i had been through before i could quite believe i was back to square one, it affected me loads more than i thought it would. i am doing not bad now, eating at least and not sleeping on the couch! BUT i wont go out. we live in a small village, he lives down the road. for 6 weeks i have not been to the shop or anything, in the village. I ask other people to get me things i need and the thought of going local pub or anything scares me to death. I dont want to speak to anyone i know from around here incase they mention him. so i basically am just in isollation. I know this is terrible but i cant fix it. He has been ringing me / texting and i have not been replying or answering phone, he rang valentines day and night too which was i thought very unthoughtful and just made me feel angry to be honest. his last text (sunday) said - is this really happening, are we really not speaking? I dont know if i spoke to him and told him what was going on if it might help? and do you think like the way other feelings get better with time , that if i dont worry about the whole scared to go thing, that eventually i will get a bit braver. thanks for reading guys, sorry its so long.
Chloe1980 Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 Uhmmm sorry, some will get mad at me for writing this, but...you just started NC after he said he couldnt give you what he wanted? And then he called you several times, and you even dont know what was he wanting to say to you? Could it be possible that he wants to go back with you and you are just ignoring him? I dont know, it seems that you too still have much to talk before you block him from your life, unless you dont want him anymore. what do you want?
Author powerofnow Posted February 18, 2013 Author Posted February 18, 2013 Mmm yes i see your point i been thinking the same. But we did speak , dunno about 2 weeks ago and he was saying we are friends and should "hang out" soon but i know i want more - think he would just like us to have a casual thing but my heart cant really take that anymore. so after reading on here i got the impression its better to just not speak to him. but if he knew what i was doing/thinking - well i wouldnt want him to know cause its embarrasing. dont think he got any clue on how i feel or how much this thing has affected me.
creighton0123 Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 Chloe, I would dispute that. Many of us who are the dumpees are in a place now where we know we would not take our ex's back even if they wanted to get back together wish us, especially so fresh after the breakup. No contact is for those who want to move on completely, including but not limited to casual contact, "let's be friends" contact, "let's get back together" contact, or "OMG, I'M BLEEDING OUT IN THE ER AND NEED YOUR HELP!!" contact. PoN, if you've decided to move on and no longer want to pursue things with him, there is no long term harm to yourself (or to him) by maintaining no contact. I might suggest that very few people have ever experienced long term damage as a result of removing someone from their lives.
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