c57dood Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 Indeed. Most women actually want to be single. Most women would rather be single than in a relationship with a man. But for men it's different. Men want to be with women. Men desire women. Ridiculous. Have you ever actually dated a real, breathing woman? Sounds like you haven't.
ScienceGal Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 you are right most woman today just want a guy to be a sperm donor and want his money. They do not want a bf or a husband or a guy end of story. Whaaaat?! My ex works at a job he loves, but is broke! I've decided that I will live my life the way I want and if I meet a man (who is ready) that I want to have kids with, then great. If not, so be it. I do not want a sperm donor. All I wanted from ex was love and honesty. He blew it! So, please spare me the gold digging sperm hunter label.
apple OR orange Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 the only option i can think of is pay for sex, if your not happy with that idea, cant really help.... i spent years finding ways of not being reminded i was single, i never speak with women who are married (online), i now never bother to help others when out (like volunteering) as there are so many who arnt single who will fool around, it doesn’t help my state of mind. I just work now, and steer very clear of talking personal. Ive been asked by clients "are you single" (well are you married as in Canada), i say "no" when asked more questions i tend to say "i prefer not to talk about it", that works every time, i never get asked again. I tend to get some odd looks when they see what I drive, but I still never say anything
Krieger Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 (edited) Whaaaat?! My ex works at a job he loves, but is broke! I've decided that I will live my life the way I want and if I meet a man (who is ready) that I want to have kids with, then great. If not, so be it. I do not want a sperm donor. All I wanted from ex was love and honesty. He blew it! So, please spare me the gold digging sperm hunter label. I was not taking a shot at anyone just saying there are woman out there like that and just want to have a kid at all cost . Then they want the government to be the new daddy. Edited February 19, 2013 by Krieger
ScienceGal Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 I know what you're talking about. The generalizations and stereotypes around here just get to me sometimes. There are good people and there are less good people, it's not gender specific. The sooner people accept that, the more likely they'll be to meet one of the good ones. Until then, the bad attitude and blinders will keep them down and far away from finding happiness. 1
Titania22 Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 Go out with someone who is way unattractive with a really bad personality for as long as you can stand, and then being single will feel wonderful. 3
RebelWithoutACause Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 I have tried everything. I expanded my social circle and made new friends, I gained new hobbies, and I have spent more time with my older friends. But nothing has removed the pain of being single. I want to experience love and intimacy. No matter what I do, I cannot forget about women. What do I do? If you are unhappy alone, chances are you'll be unhappy in a relationship too. 1
candie13 Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 I obviously don't have a crystal ball, but I can use statistics and a little bit of common sense to predict the future. Past results almost always indicate future success. Compare two people: a jock who has had several hookups and girlfriends and a scrawny nerd that hasn't even had a kiss on the cheek by a girl. Which one of these two is more likely to get a girlfriend in the next two weeks? Duh, the jock of course. It's easy to get a ball rolling down a hill, it's harder to get that same ball over a hill and down another one. I don't know if you know this, but time is running out. There is no such thing as "plenty of time". The same people who say "I'll do it later" or "I'll leave it for tomorrow" are the same people that are found stone cold dead in their bed the following morning. Nobody has "plenty of time". We have finite time and finite resources to accomplish infinite tasks. Since it is impossible to complete an infinite number of task with x amount of resources, we must pick and choose what we decide to spend our time on. Some will decide to learn and master astrophysics, some will decide to learn and master piano, others will decide to learn and master seducing the opposite sex. Jack can know all the trades, but he will never be a master of them all. For all I know, Sun Devil could emerge in the next year as a lothario at ASU. But it's not likely, nor is it expected. If you do what you've always done - NOTHING in terms of efforts to date - you will always get what you've always gotten - NO WOMEN. Your choice. Insanity: doing the same things over and over again and expecting different results. You don't seem insane to me. You sound like a pupil who tries really really hard to convince the others that he'll never pass his chemistry exams because it's too hard. Well, if he doesn't open up that book and start studying, he shall fail, for sure!
Author Sun Devil Posted February 19, 2013 Author Posted February 19, 2013 Thats the problem. I am not doing the same thing over and over again. I have expanded my social circle, improved my social skills, and even tried online dating. Nothing worked. Either the girl has a boyfriend or is not interested in me. I am starting to believe that the single life is not worth living
ChessPieceFace Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 If you're miserable alone you will be miserable with someone else. Hate to say it but it's probably a chemical problem in your brain leading you to constantly be miserable and dwell on what you believe makes you miserable. Are you in the career you want to be in? Maybe that's a better thing to focus on.
candie13 Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 Hey, you think every other person has this easygoing, amazing life and don't have to work for it? Wrong! Persevere! That's the trick with women, you need to be consistent. If you are smart, you shall remember that thing. Girls get hit on all the time by guys, but most of them will only give it one try and... not that great at it either. After that, and after she says "no" - most likely because the guys acted all weird - the guys get lost, they move on, they go hit on another girl. It's just like in "enterprise": "space, the final frontier", haha. If you are smart, you need to not put yourself in a position where the girl directly says "No", flat to your face. How about just seeking a girl you find more interesting's company, trying to get to know her ... and even making her talk? Take an interest in her, ask questions, find out what she likes to do. No pressure. Everyone likes to talk about themselves. The more she talks, the more you know about her, the more comfortable you get near her and viceversa. The closer you get. And getting an insight into feminine psyche is priceless - knowledge is power. So don't go immediately for the "kill" - asking girls out. Settle for comfortable, relaxed conversation. A good laugh. They will seek you company, because you won't be one of those guys who immediately wants something from them. Patience, Rome was not built in one day.
Necris Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 You listen to . At least you'll be cool in your musical tastes... Speaking of music OP, remember you have 99 problems but a girl isn't one of them. Or at least that's what I tell myself.
outsidethebox Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 Thats the problem. I am not doing the same thing over and over again. I have expanded my social circle, improved my social skills, and even tried online dating. Nothing worked. Either the girl has a boyfriend or is not interested in me. I am starting to believe that the single life is not worth living If you're really that desperate then you need to expand enough to include the BBW's. There's a ton of them, so to speak.
apple OR orange Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 If you're miserable alone you will be miserable with someone else. I dont agree with this... I was not happy until i got the car i wanted. I now have the car i want and am happy Works for all things on the planet, if not happy being single, then its VERY likely will be happy when not single. Most things on the planet are best understood the simple way.
pteromom Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 My friend was in her early 30's and had no medical issue. In theory, any attempt of IVF should have worked, but they did not. Her theory was that she was anxious because of the pressure at work. My biggest fear in the whole wide universe is not that I will die an old, single woman, but it's that I will never have children. And I understand science and medical reasons, my parents - both of them - are doctors. Apologies if I stroke a nerve. No worries. I had my baby, so I am not offended. But it's a common topic of conversation on infertility sites, so I just wanted to make you aware so you don't end up just telling a friend to "relax and you'll get pregnant." You will have children if you want them. There are many paths to motherhood, and if it is something that is important to you, you'll make it happen.
candie13 Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 a new car, a new woman are nothing but mere distractions. no disrespect, but I call this the syndrome of immediate satisfaction. Not to be mistaken with happiness ,
Author Sun Devil Posted February 19, 2013 Author Posted February 19, 2013 I do not understand why people say that being in a relationship will not make me happy. Being in a relationship is exactly what I want. Most people are biologically driven to find someone. There are studies that show that being single shortens lifespan and increases suicide risk.
candie13 Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 No worries. I had my baby, so I am not offended. But it's a common topic of conversation on infertility sites, so I just wanted to make you aware so you don't end up just telling a friend to "relax and you'll get pregnant." You will have children if you want them. There are many paths to motherhood, and if it is something that is important to you, you'll make it happen. Nothing more horrible than to tell a person to "relax". As if they wouldn't do that, if that was something they could control, or in their power . The mind and the body are such complex structures that simple commands such as "relax" or my favorite "don't think about it" can prove to be very very challenging. Tell me to think about something else. Tell me to focus on something else, not "not think about" something.
MyPoutine Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 This seems a bit clingy to me, like the kind of person who centers their life around their partner. I always believe that it's best to learn to be content with yourself alone before jumping into a relationship. I'd ask, what is it about needing a relationship to feel whole that is lacking when you are single?
pteromom Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 I dont agree with this... I was not happy until i got the car i wanted. I now have the car i want and am happy Works for all things on the planet, if not happy being single, then its VERY likely will be happy when not single. Most things on the planet are best understood the simple way. A car does not have the ability to MAKE someone happy. You can be happy because you finally have the freedom to travel around. You can be happy because you accomplished saving up and building your credit to get a car. You can be happy driving around in your car with the radio blasting. But a car is just a piece of metal. It does not have power to MAKE you anything. I agree with the comment that if someone is unhappy single, they'll be unhappy in a relationship too. The thing is there are all these expectations. This picture in mind of what a relationship is. Fantasies of good sex and sweet cuddling and someone just holding you and feeling secure and loved. But reality is that it is unlikely someone will live up to the fantasies in your mind. Look around LS at all the people who were dumped. All the people in sexless relationships. All the people with cheating partners or who are cheating themselves. All the people being abused and used and manipulated. All the people asking US what their partners are thinking when they don't call or text back or disappear or talk to much with their opposite gender friends. The chance that you will just get LUCKY and find a woman who will be everything you want, who will love you the way you are, and who will stick around the first time is very very low. So if you go in already unhappy, you are set up to fail. You will go in co-dependent and clingy, desperately hoping she will stay and she will love you. This is NOT a healthy relationship model, and will be a big mess. The best chance for a happy healthy relationship is to be happy BEFORE entering a relationship. So that when you are there, you are calm and rational and accepting of her and all the ways you have to compromise to living with another human with different opinions and ideas of what a relationship should be.
carhill Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 What do you do if you cant be happy being single Try psychological therapy, especially if you're single and have difficulty with/lack of desire for friendships. The dynamics of healthy friendships are the building blocks of the skillset which grows relationships, plus they're enormously satisfying. If you are single and have close friends, ask the ones who are married/LTR'ed how they dealt with being single/unhappy being single, as appropriate, and listen. Dialogues can be helpful. Good luck.
pteromom Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 Tell me to think about something else. Tell me to focus on something else, not "not think about" something. Think about: - puppies! - goats yelling like humans: - your favorite childhood memories - what your fantasy life will be like 10 years from now - places you want to travel - your dream house, complete with Pinterist boards - what you would do in extreme situations, like being stranded on an island alone, or being in a building fire, or witnessing a robbery - what it would be like to try on different hobbies: running, painting, violin, skydiving, ice skating, mountain climbing - old songs you love that you haven't heard in a long time - what you'd do if you were king/queen of a country - what you'd do if you were President of THIS country - what TV series you want to watch in a few TV marathons. If you haven't seen Breaking Bad, that needs to be one of them. - cheesecake - starting a blog... what would you blog about? There you go. 1
Author Sun Devil Posted February 19, 2013 Author Posted February 19, 2013 Those only work for a short period of time. Eventually, the desire to be in a relationship keeps coming back. I am at the point where I would rather pay for escorts than be alone. It is not love, but it is better than nothing
pteromom Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 Those only work for a short period of time. Eventually, the desire to be in a relationship keeps coming back. I am at the point where I would rather pay for escorts than be alone. It is not love, but it is better than nothing So do it then. It's not a permanent decision, but it would be trying something different. If you do it and it doesn't feel good/right to you, you don't have to do it again.
Drseussgrrl Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 I agree that we did not evolve to go through this thing called life alone, and there is nothing wrong with wanting to have a relationship and start a family. I'm not sure what the answer is but I have always had the most luck when I was just busy going about my life and making myself happy doing the things I liked. It's an attractive vibe that people pick up on and want to have a part of.
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