ElectricCherry02 Posted August 31, 2004 Posted August 31, 2004 [font=arial][/font][color=darkblue][/color] It is my first time on this website, and I'm hoping someone can help me. I am only 19 years old, and last year at this time, I fell in love for the first time. The problem was, he wasnt in love with me. He was 37...we dated for 5 months, but it never was serious to him at all. He dated other women, cancelled plans with me all the time, talked about other girls that he slept with, or would ignore me for a week or so. Even though he was ruining my life, I couldnt seem to break away from him. I felt that I was in love with him from the first day that I met him. So I spent those 5 months in emotional agony, crying all the time, going to a therapist, etc. I knew that it was a type of obsessive relationship, but I didnt know how to break away from it. He was the only thing ever on my mind. He constantly told me that we should just be friends, but I could NEVER do that. We would end up sleeping together, and I would become more and more emotionally attatched to him. Anyway, last Valentines Day was the last time I saw him. He told me to meet him at this bar and he didnt even show up. I became so angry and sad...he didnt call me for a month. I hated him. And I still do. I have moved on. I go out, I meet other guys, and my life is pretty much fine. But ever since V-day, I have thought about him every day, wishing that we were still together. Yesterday, I found out that he is now engaged. And while that is good for him, and it never would have worked out between us because of our age gap, it is eating away at me. I miss him so much. I feel that, besides the crappy things that he did to me,I will never find another guy like him, that I love so much. I dont know how to get over him. I dont know how to stop thinking about him, and wishing that he was with me. I want to be able to go out and not wish that he was out with me too. Can anyone help me?
doubledown Posted August 31, 2004 Posted August 31, 2004 None of us can help you, you have to help yourself. The only way you'll get over him is to find someone else that you love even more, and that loves and cares about you. That guy didn't respect you and it sounds like he used you for sex. You're not in love with him you're in love with the excitement that he brought when he would finally show up for a date. There's no easy way to move on, you just have to get back out there and date until you find someone who makes you feel that excitement again, but in a good way. You need to avoid certain types of guys, namely your EX, the badboy or player type. I know at your age it's really exciting, but do you want to be played again? In time you'll forget him, you're still very young when it comes to relationships. You have alot more to discover.
ECVegas Posted September 1, 2004 Posted September 1, 2004 Electric Doubledown is right. But to add to what he said, it doesn't sound like you were in love with you man, I think you were in love with the challenge of winning him over. You speak about how he saw other women, broke dates with you, etc. It was obvious that he didn't respect you. I'm sure he's not doing that with the woman he is with now, or she would leave him in a heartbeat. I don't see how you can "love" someone that doesn't respect you, or treats you the way he did. Being as young as you are, this was probably a unique experience for you--and your feelings aren't a surprise. I am 34, which I why I can relate to your "guy". I have friends his age who act like him. I don't mean to be blunt, but his level of care for you never reached yours. Don't beat yourself up over it. It's not your fault. You both were looking for different things. You are so young, and you have soo much to look forward to. Trust me.....and BELIEVE ME when I say...when you are a voluptuous 32 year old woman and he is a 50 year old man, he is going to wish he was back with you. But by then, you will only look back at this and laugh of how young and naive you were about it. Did you really think you were going to marry this guy? Introduce him to all your friends and family and ride happily ever after into the sunset? You were intriqued by a challenge and it didn't end on your terms. Let it go. This isn't the first time your heart will be broken, and you will break some of your own on the way to finding Mr. Perfect. And Mr. Perfect won't blow you off when you make plans, or treat you like your yesterday's newspaper. He will respect you and love you for who you are. And you will feel the same.
snilljente Posted September 1, 2004 Posted September 1, 2004 Damn ECVegas, you sound like a catch!! Great advice you gave her...as a 35 year old woman...I can vouch for you that this guy used you, used your vulnerability and the fact that you would "put up" with alot of his bad behavior that women his own age wouldn't have..no offense meant...but you were likely in love with who you wanted him to be...he never was that great person, a great guy doesn't treat someone like this...be greatful for the lesson you learned and the wisdom which you can now carry into meeting someone who deserves you...he doesn't and as ECVegas said, one day, you will be fighting these old men off and they won't stand a chance!!
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