Why is it so important to a women for a man to lead?

[pbjbear]

I dont let a guy lead 100%. Sure, for the first few dates I do because that weeds out the ones that are interested. Otherwise, no, I dont expect a guy to lead all the time. Id find it annoying actually but then again Ive been called a strong independent woman. Perhaps you should go for them

[SJC2008]

I'm all about balance. I'll plan the first few/handfull of dates but after that she needs to come up with some ideas of her own. If she doesn't want to eat at xyz I'm 100% fine with that BUT she needs to come up with something; I'm not going to salvo ideas until I hit on a yes.

[hudson701]

The reason women don't like coming up with ideas and taking initiatives, in other words put in any effort. Is because women really don't care that much if you go out at all.

 

Women are not as intrested in men as men are in women. When it comes to finding a guy, women can take it or leave it. Alot of women prefer being single than in a relationship.

 

This, 100%. Especially the part about women not being as interested in men.

[SJC2008]

The reason women don't like coming up with ideas and taking initiatives, in other words put in any effort. Is because women really don't care that much if you go out at all.

 

Women are not as intrested in men as men are in women. When it comes to finding a guy, women can take it or leave it. Alot of women prefer being single than in a relationship.

 

I seriously dout it. There are WAY more women who "can't be alone" than men IMO. I don't know how a woman my age would handle my almost non existant dating history.

[Emilia]

Women just find it hot when men take initiative.

 

This is how we separate the men from the boys.

[SJC2008]

If women want "leaders" so bad why do so many married men hand their paychecks over to their wives? My brother doesn't even see his check. A man I met recently even use the term hand over when he was telling me about his job and stuff. If I get married I'm doing it ONE way with the mulah! We'll have a joint account for bills and our OWN accounts for our own money that's left over after bills.

[grkBoy]

I have to admit this will be confusing for today's male.

 

We grew up being told and pushed to treat women as equals. As adults more women are pushing to take on leadership roles, and we men are pushed to respect their lead.

 

In marriage, many women often want to take the lead in the household.

 

HOWEVER, when it comes to dating, many women seemingly want to temporarily go backwards. Now men are told to stop thinking of women as equals and instead treat them as subjugates...in a respectful manner.

 

Even then, we men are then expected to relinquish some or all of that power as the relationship becomes more serious. In many cases our personal opinions are dismissed as childish lunacy. We want to wait on marriage...we're not mature. We think having a family is too expensive...we're seen as childish and wanting to avoid commitment and responsibility.

 

Yet if we try to push to heavily compete or Victor over women in the workplace or the world...we're misogynists or chauvinists.

 

It's no wonder why men are so confused now.

[SJC2008]

Just as a woman wants a man and not a "boy" I want a woman. It's that simple. They say you should never ask a woman what she wants to do? Is it a crime to be indifferent every now and then as to what I want to do? If I like her it won't matter what the hell we do, I'll be enjoying her company.

[RedRobin]

I prefer reciprocation and communication. We both have skills, talents, and interests to share. He is going to be better at some things. I will be better in other things. Hopefully we can balance each other out in some way.

 

I'm not a fan of the one-up-one-down/leader/follower paradigm... nor am I a fan of putting people in gender based boxes.

[serial muse]

You see a lot of women here say they they want a man to take the lead some even question a guys manhood if he doesnt lead why is it such a big deal to a women?

 

Why is it important for the man to lead? I see what you mean but unfortunately many ballroom dances and Latin dances are simply designed that way - man takes step forward and woman mirrors that step backwards. She doesn't get to take the initiative. You may wish to take this up with ICBDA or some such organization but I wouldn't hold my breath for changes to competitions.

[pbjbear]

Women, as a rule, want to put in as little effort as they have to in a relationship. That is why they want the man to lead, make the decisions and take all the iniatives.

 

 

I find men to do this. In the relationships Ive observed around me, men are far more likely to become lazy and expect everything to be served to them in a relationship.

[pbjbear]

I have to admit this will be confusing for today's male.

 

We grew up being told and pushed to treat women as equals. As adults more women are pushing to take on leadership roles, and we men are pushed to respect their lead.

 

In marriage, many women often want to take the lead in the household.

 

HOWEVER, when it comes to dating, many women seemingly want to temporarily go backwards. Now men are told to stop thinking of women as equals and instead treat them as subjugates...in a respectful manner.

 

Even then, we men are then expected to relinquish some or all of that power as the relationship becomes more serious. In many cases our personal opinions are dismissed as childish lunacy. We want to wait on marriage...we're not mature. We think having a family is too expensive...we're seen as childish and wanting to avoid commitment and responsibility.

 

Yet if we try to push to heavily compete or Victor over women in the workplace or the world...we're misogynists or chauvinists.

 

It's no wonder why men are so confused now.

 

Thats because us women need to know if a guy is interested or not. Many men will just use women for sex or string them along without commitment. Men tend to be more anti-relationship and commitment phobic and are more likely to feign interest/lie about their motives. I dont boast about how many men hit on me or ask me out because probably only about 20% of them are actually interested in me. Men see us as disposable commodities. If you dont see us that way, then great, but most men in their 20's do

 

I have found that if a guy didnt do most of the work within the first 3 dates, he was never into me. Even the shyer ones I dated, if I had to chase them in the beginning later on it always turned out they werent into me. Many strung me along and pretended they were into me because they didnt have alot of options with other women

 

As to your paragraph after that, I dont agree or see that in relationships. When I say men are more commitmentphobic I mean that, I dont count women that are pushy and too demanding into that sentence. Those kind of women are ridiculous but men do take longer to emotionally mature thats for sure...there are brain studies that show a guy's frontal lobe doesnt fully mature until he is pushing 30 years old

[SteveC80]

This is how we separate the men from the boys.

 

So thne what is expected of a women? it seems women can cherry pick what gender roles suit them

 

Plus shaming men if they dont lead as "boys" or less of men.can you imagine the hissy fit women in here would throw if men said real women cook and stay barefoot and pregnant?

[Emilia]

So thne what is expected of a women? it seems women can cherry pick what gender roles suit them

 

You can have your own expecations of the women you date, no? You can pick feminine or masculine or a combination of the two. No-one is telling you what you should choose. Pick the kind of gender role for women that you prefer.

 

Plus shaming men if they dont lead as "boys" or less of men.can you imagine the hissy fit women in here would throw if men said real women cook and stay barefoot and pregnant?

 

It's not shaming, I just prefer men to boys. I'm entitled to preferences that same way as you are. Some women do like staying at home barefeet and pregnant. People come in different shapes and sizes. Some are conservative and want more traditional roles. Nothing wrong with that. Others are more liberal.

[grkBoy]

Thats because us women need to know if a guy is interested or not. Many men will just use women for sex or string them along without commitment. Men tend to be more anti-relationship and commitment phobic and are more likely to feign interest/lie about their motives. I dont boast about how many men hit on me or ask me out because probably only about 20% of them are actually interested in me. Men see us as disposable commodities. If you dont see us that way, then great, but most men in their 20's do

 

I don't know about that. I seem to see more occasions where the guy outright lied or got too general and the woman assumed. So he'll say how he wants to get married and have a family "one day", but the woman assumes he means with her...then finds out later he didn't mean with her.

 

Plus there are plenty of guys who simply tell a woman what she wants to hear, and then reneges on it all. I'm not denying or disagreeing that a guy who doesn't take charge of his life or the dating can equate to someone who isn't serious...but I also think many more men now are simply unsure on how to proceed with women. They want the girl, but they also are scared to death of offending her or messing up.

 

 

I have found that if a guy didnt do most of the work within the first 3 dates, he was never into me. Even the shyer ones I dated, if I had to chase them in the beginning later on it always turned out they werent into me. Many strung me along and pretended they were into me because they didnt have alot of options with other women

 

I'd agree. This has to be about as annoying as when a guy seemingly gets the girl out on dates but is pulling teeth to get a conversation out of her or even to see if there is any interest.

 

 

As to your paragraph after that, I dont agree or see that in relationships. When I say men are more commitmentphobic I mean that, I dont count women that are pushy and too demanding into that sentence. Those kind of women are ridiculous but men do take longer to emotionally mature thats for sure...there are brain studies that show a guy's frontal lobe doesnt fully mature until he is pushing 30 years old

 

I don't fully agree anymore. The problem is some still equate maturity with marriage/family. That you're not a "grown up" until you have a mortgage, spouse, and children.

 

The problem is the economy and divorce laws now make marriage, commitment, and children very unappealing to men. I wrote in a blog once on a male perspective on why men aren't "growing up" as journalists.

 

For men, marriage has been displayed to them as a dead end in life...not a new beginning. They are shown too many times of this wonderful woman who marries them and then later gains loads of weight, chops her hair off, and seemingly now acts more like his mom than his girlfriend. If they end up divorced the courts still favor her in the long run.

 

Even children have become more a problem than a miracle. Lord knows EVERY parent I know is struggling right now, and it seems their kids became time and money vacuums. So if men see marriage and children as liabilities, then why would they embark on it?

 

WOMEN will say men need to "grow up" and "get over it", but men I look at found a happier life with video games, beers with the bros, porn, and quick hookups with young naive girls.

 

GRANTED...I don't fully jump on all that. I am getting married in June after all. However, I can't blame men for deciding to redefine what they want in their lives. Lord knows before I met my fiancee, I lived life by my own rules. I was not going to be pushed or manipulated into anything I did not want in my life...and if it meant a girl leaving me, then so be it.

 

That to me is where men have gone.

 

Getting back on topic, I still think many men are just confused on how much to lead. How do you take the lead on a woman who is spending all day being in charge of a group, department, or company?

[pbjbear]

So thne what is expected of a women? it seems women can cherry pick what gender roles suit them

 

Plus shaming men if they dont lead as "boys" or less of men.can you imagine the hissy fit women in here would throw if men said real women cook and stay barefoot and pregnant?

 

 

I dont cherry pick what gender roles. I think both sexes should contribute to housework (that doesnt happen though. Did you know in over 80% of couples where BOTH the man and woman work full time, the woman does well over 50% of housework and childcare? Men have a long way to go on this. They think because they do slighter more than their traditional fathers did, they are 50% on this issue when the stats show they sure as hell arent)

I think both sexes should work and I think both sexes should contribute 50% (ideally) to a relationship. There is usually a more dominant person and a more selfless person but really both should contribute equally.

 

I have yet to find a guy who has this "give and take" approach. Ssually it starts off with them being interested and then once the novelty wears off, they become leeches and expect me to do most of the work and be satisfied with what little they give. Outgoing, shyer, passive, assertive men have all done this...Im sure women do this too but I aint a lesbian so I dont know.

 

If women read studies on marriage they wouldnt want to get married. Research shows married women tend to be unhappier than single men, but the reverse is true for men. Why is that? Women are taught to be the more nurturing caring sex, and we are supposed to "roll over" and deal with doing most of the work. Nowadays a woman has to be beautiful, smart, educated AND financially independent while men just need to be average looking and financially independent. Of course I live in NYC so that is just where I live but thats def true. Women that dont work here are seen as lazy!

[Emilia]

Getting back on topic, I still think many men are just confused on how much to lead. How do you take the lead on a woman who is spending all day being in charge of a group, department, or company?

 

'Leading' doesn't mean telling someone what to do, it just means being assertive with decisions: an example in a relationship can be sorting out the mortgage for the house, arrange jobs to get done around the house, etc. Or when dating, calling her, picking the restaurant, picking a fun activity. I thought guys liked doing this because it meant they were more in control.

[Emilia]

Women are conservative in that they want the man to put in all the effort, do the pursuing, take all the iniatives and jump trough hoops to get them.

 

But liberal in that they want to earn more, concentrate on their career instead of their family etc etc.

 

Women want all possible upper hands in a relationship.

 

Well with all fairness, this is the same thing that men want to. In my experience, a lot of them still enjoy being in control and 'get the woman' but they also enjoy having an earning partner and don't necessarily want kids.

 

Horses for courses

[pbjbear]

Women are conservative in that they want the man to put in all the effort, do the pursuing, take all the iniatives and jump trough hoops to get them.

 

But liberal in that they want to earn more, concentrate on their career instead of their family etc etc.

 

Women want all possible upper hands in a relationship.

 

Men want to do nothing to make a girl feel special and liked and expect a girl to put out early.

 

Men might have to do more work in the beginning of dating (thats changing though) but when it comes to relationships, they are lazy and self serving

 

Men nowadays dont have to pay for dates anymore or else the woman is a "golddigger" They also expect to get sex pretty early or they are gone because they are entitled to it. Good luck finding a guy who will wait months for sex, they are VERY rare. Women are a sexual commodity before being a human being

 

Men are expected to get it all nowadays. Women are not only supposed to be impeccably beautiful, but she also has to be financially independent AND very caring/nurturing and willing to take care of him. Men? They need to be average looking and financially independent...THATS IT

[pbjbear]

It's more that women like it. Women like it because it makes them feel desired and put on a pedestal if the man is the one who puts in all the effort.

 

Women love being chased far far far more than men like chasing.

 

Thats because if a man doesnt chase a woman hes not that into her.

 

Guys will take whatever ass and attention comes their way. All that matters to them is sex and their ego. They dont care about women other than their looks and sexual capacities

[Emilia]

It's more that women like it. Women like it because it makes them feel desired and put on a pedestal if the man is the one who puts in all the effort.

 

Women love being chased far far far more than men like chasing.

 

I think it's horses for courses as I said before. I think you will generally struggle in dating if you go down the 'women are like this' 'men are like that' route rather than see everyone as an individual. There are some commonalities, yes as we are socialised in a certain way but everyone is an individual.

[clia]

I think you are taking the term "leading" to extremes. In your world, "leading" means making every decision and doing all the work. The reality is that most women don't expect that out of men at all. However, a lot of women do like a man who isn't passive and sitting around going "I dunno" when it is time to make a decision or waiting until the last minute to even think about what he would like to do on a date, and is constantly throwing the ball into their court.

 

You see a lot of women here say they they want a man to take the lead some even question a guys manhood if he doesnt lead why is it such a big deal to a women?

 

Leading shows interest. Planning a date shows interest. These are signs women use to determine the man's interest level.

 

Children need to be led not adults..Why is it such a hinderance to you if i ask you where you want to eat? im not aksing you to split the atom..

 

I don't see how this has anything to do with leading. Most women won't mind if a man asks if she has a preference for a dinner location.

 

Here is the difference. Man asks Woman out on a date for Friday night.

 

Leading:

(Tuesday or Wednesday...Man calls Woman):

 

Man: I was thinking we could get dinner on Friday. How does that sound? (Note: He calls her with a plan in mind)

Woman: That sounds great.

Man: We can get in at 7 p.m. at restaurants A, B, or C. Do you have a preference? (Note: He has already checked to see what restaurants have availability and is giving her options)

Woman: Oh, I've been wanting to go to restaurant B. (Note: If she has no preference, then he would just choose one of the three.)

Man: Great. I'll pick you up at 6:30? (Note: He picks the time. He doesn't say "What time do you want me to pick you up?")

Woman: Great. (Note: He has made this all really easy and non-stressful for her.)

 

Non-Leading:

(Friday afternoon...Man calls (or texts) Woman):

 

Man: So, what do you want to do tonight? (Note: He calls her at the last minute and immediately puts the ball in her court.)

Woman: Um...I don't know. We could get a drink...or dinner? What were you thinking?

Man: I don't know. I guess dinner is okay. Where do you want to go? (Note: Again, he throws it back at her to decide.)

Woman: We could go to A? (Note: Her mind is racing; he's put her on the spot to think of a location. She has no idea how much he wants to spend or what kind of places he likes.)

Man: Eh, I just went to A the other night. (Note: He doesn't offer an alternative.)

Woman: Um...what about B? (Note: She is stressed and annoyed.)

Man: I guess that works.

Woman: What time? (Note: She has to ask him.)

Man: 8?

Woman: Okay...do you want me to meet you there?

Man: That's fine. See you then.

 

Now, the Non-Leading example might be a bit extreme, but I've actually had pre-first date phone calls that went like that. Do you see the difference? "Leading" doesn't mean being a dictator and making every decision. Can you see how much more attractive the "Leading" scenario is if you are a woman? How less stressful? How much more you might look forward to seeing that guy than the guy in the Non-Leading scenario?

 

Im a easy going guy in relationship and while i like to have my say at the same time theyrse times i dont care where we eat or where we go why does that mean to some women im not masculine enough?

 

Things change as the relationship progresses. Of course it's fine to sometimes not care where you go and eat when you've been dating someone for awhile. That's normal. But even if you don't care in the early stages of dating, you should at least act like you do.

 

Does a man have ot make every decison for you? or do you not have an opinion of your own at all as an adult?

 

See, now you are just totally extreme. Again, most women have no problem with a guy asking for their opinion -- provided the guy isn't just constantly throwing the ball in their court to think of everything.

 

I want a partnership i dont want a child i have to lead around and make most of the decisions for i dont understand women who want men to make most of their decisions in life i prefer a women with a backbone and an opinion of her own..

 

I think you've taken a really extreme position. Are you really meeting women who expect you to make every decision in their life? Are you really meeting women who have no opinion at all? Somehow I doubt it...

[Mme. Chaucer]

The reason women don't like coming up with ideas and taking initiatives, in other words put in any effort. Is because women really don't care that much if you go out at all.

 

Women are not as intrested in men as men are in women. When it comes to finding a guy, women can take it or leave it. Alot of women prefer being single than in a relationship.

 

Really? Back up your claims with examples, please. Also take into consideration that women you encounter not being interested in YOU does not mean that they are not interested in MEN.

 

A lot of PEOPLE prefer being single than in a relationship, especially during certain times of life. Also, sometimes people tell someone they don't want to go out with that they are not interested in a relationship; in this case it translates to "I'm not interested in a relationship with YOU."

 

I'm just trying to help you sort through your misguided, gross generalizations about a subject you clearly know nothing about.

[Emilia]

That's exactly how women are.

 

Can I ask how old you are? Just because your username is a Family Guy reference and your responses are copied off trolls from this forum. I think you are 14 or certainly under 18.

[Mme. Chaucer]

That's exactly how women are.

 

Have you ever known any?