Daisyjameson Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 Saw a horrible man for 2.5 years...took me to strip clubs , verbal abuse , everything horrible. He is now seeing someone new.anyway I've been on nc for a month ... Still hurt about it.. Can anyone tell me how long were they on nc before feeling better?plus will he treat her better? Xx
Chi townD Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 Hard to say when you'll start to feel better. Different strokes for different folks. Some people adjust easily while some people have a hard time of it. But, given your discription of your Ex, it shouldn't take you too long I suspect. The one thing that you're going to go on is called the Roller Coaster of Emotions. It's completely normal and everyone that suffers a loss gets to ride on it. Right now, you're sad and hurt. Then, the next day, you'll be angry as hell. Then the next day you'll be happy and content. Then, back to sad. Then, maybe you'll feel indifferent to everything, then back to angry as hell.. All these ups and downs, ups and downs.....and it's COMPLETELY NORMAL. It's probably going to happen and it's just part of the healing process. You just have to roll with it. But, stay NC, I promise you (that it may suck right now) it does get better. 1
131313 Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 I can't say how long NC takes to work, but don't worry yourself with if he is treating the new girl better. He is not. It may seem like it at first, because in a new relationship people are on their best behavior. But as soon as the newness wears off he will be right back to his old ways with the new girl. If anything feel sorry for her, because she doesn't yet know what abuse she is in for. Keep up the good work with nc, a month is a good start! I'm in week 1 of nc, and I've gotten emotional and broke it a few times, but this is a new week and I am determined to stick to it. I am proud of you for making it this far, keep on going, I can't wait to be as far along as you! Hang in there, it will get better
Inviv_girl Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 Saw a horrible man for 2.5 years...took me to strip clubs , verbal abuse , everything horrible. He is now seeing someone new.anyway I've been on nc for a month ... Still hurt about it.. Can anyone tell me how long were they on nc before feeling better?plus will he treat her better? Xx He sounds like a total *********! how lucky you are got out from that abusive relationship. This kind of person has mental problem and wont easily change. Why do you even care how he would treat her?? focus on yourself and be happy. I know it is hurt when someone we love left us. But look back at what you wrote, it described how horrible you were with him, would you want to think about someone who abused you or just rather to forget him and move the f*ck on? Nobody knows how long we can be healed, everybody has their own stage of recovery. Just do NC, keep busy, spending more time with family and friends and do not even think about this abusive and horrible person, you'll be fine and maybe healed quickly.
destroyed4sho Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 No, he won't treat her better unless he goes through years of therapy. I heard 3 months of NC, you start to feel better if not cured from this disease.
Chloe1980 Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 IT is a rollercoaster indeed. today day 4 NC, and I feel weak, about to text him because I cannot cope, so I am here, writing, and trying not to contact him. mornings are the worst for me, I just cannot function, but nights are better
Author Daisyjameson Posted February 18, 2013 Author Posted February 18, 2013 Yeh thanks guys this site helps me! You know he was so horrible to me from constant lying , ditching me for friends,, texting other girls in my house telling justifying it with,"she's okay looking". And he put my confidence big time, saying I'm childish and stuff. He was always unsure about me even then he'd ask me for help for little things here and tere I was so nice to him with bray presents xmas gifts everything! He bought me nothing. Just lied he did. ... Pushed me away in bed and kicked me away from him. God he put me through he'll and I eventually dropped out from my education and have been given the chance to improve it now(now at my second year of university). I hope that I get over this xx thanks for your support everyone
creighton0123 Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 Reading through the forums here, some people can bounce back quickly. Some can never be tempted to break NC. Some are tempted persistently. Some go 2 weeks before feeling back to their normal selves. Some go 2 years. I guess it all comes down to how one handles emotion and how one handles breaking down attachment.
SendHope Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 1 month and I'm feeling relatively better. It wasn't a total NC. I slipped a text or two but I feel like I've made progress. I no longer feel extremely anxious or stressed when it comes to the thought of her. Am I cured? No. But I feel in control of myself again.
cavalier99 Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 (edited) How long does it take is a relative question. Im 4.5 months NC and not fully recovered and haven't reached indifference. BUT to feel better...like your aren't going to die took like 1 month and time went back to normal. Then over the next couple months I did a lot better. Tons of self improvement etcetera. But still a lot of this was in response to the BU and still sorta for her in a weird way to show i was improved even though i knew id never see her or talk to her. Also there was a lot of roller coaster of emotions and fighting thoughts. Exhausting sometimes. Recently things have been a little depressing but somewhat more stable. It is tough because as this point it is obvious they are never coming back and your brain has finally figured out this is my life and they are TRULY GONE. No more fantasies. At the same time it is progress. And what I'm going thru now is nothing like the searing pain of early on or the exhausting thoughts that happened the first couple months. Just struggling now to find direction in my life and motivation to adjust to being alone, this part at times seems to be tougher than not being with her.. Cav Edited February 19, 2013 by cavalier99 2
iouaname Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 I don't think that it's NC alone that makes you feel better, it's what you do with that time. You need to work on how YOU feel and you need to start doing things that make you happy. For me, I've been spending a lot of time with myself trying to work through the issues of why I have been so unhappy since the breakup, and I've been trying to figure out what things make me happy. 2
adelia Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 It really depends on how close you felt to him and you as an individual. How well you accept change and bounce back from difficult situations. One thing I do know is it will! And when you reach that day you feel a sense of strength and freedom and you've gained added experience
MyAngel Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 Cav is right. By around the 3 month mark of NC, you pretty much know they've gone. I think that maybe this is why I've been a bit set back lately. I am 2.5 months complete NC. I am not over it and still have moments when I cry and I be honest I am still depressed. But there is a glimmer of hope, you know? You can kinda see it, although not touch it just yet. It does get easier with time. Time is all we can do to fix our hearts.
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