Getting My Mojo Back

[mcdo]

Like so many others here I didn't take the break-up well at all. And I spent the best part of two months trying to get her back, with no positive results. So two weeks ago after talking it all out with her again (and her telling me to let go) I implemented NC.

 

I did everything from deleting texts, emails, etc. but could not unfriend her on Facebook. On Friday (day after Valentines) I was very down and went to her page and unfriended. And I turned into an emotional mess for the rest of the day. I instantly regretted it and wished I hadn't done it. I started another thread on it here, where I genuinely believe I had taken a gigantic leap backwards.

 

I spent all of Saturday with friends but was still quite down. Went bowling and did laser tag and went out for drinks. You would imagine it would be ideal for getting your mind off your ex. But it wasn't. However, I did notice that for the first time in a very long time I was really out there and making an impression (specifically with the females I might add). Had them laughing and enjoying my company in a big way. It felt great, I really felt I was getting "back in the game" so to speak.

 

On Sunday (yesterday) I woke up down and out again. Despite being quite happy with my previous night, the Facebook thing still had me depressed. I went online and I messaged her. I completely broke NC and sent an apology message for doing something I felt was childish and juvenile. And the ex was pretty cool with it. We messaged a couple of times over the course of the day and it felt great. I have absolutely no hope of getting back with her but am very happy to just be in low contact. And for some reason that feels a lot more comfortable.

 

Yesterday evening I went out with a female friend and all of her work friends. And it was a great night, spent the entire night with young attractive women and there's one in particular that I've taken a liking to. I had everyone laughing and really enjoying their night, making all the best jokes and really just BEING impressive. The girl that I'm finding myself attracted to was having a great time with me. I didn't make a move or anything, but I sense that I will in the coming days/weeks.

 

I feel like I have my "mojo" back. And part of the reason why was down to fixing my regrets about the Facebook unfriending thing. Absolute NC will work for the majority, but only 90% NC works for me. Different strokes for different folks. I really feel I'm moving on now. All day today I've been thinking about this new girl, without thinking of the ex all that much. It feels fantastic.

 

I've been a long time waiting to get to this point. I hope it continues to feel this good.

[candie13]

relationships aren't like an on and off button that you can just switch as you please. It takes time for feelings to go away and completely denying them will only get you even more frustrated and make you act all irrational.

 

So don't. You are obviously making good progress, good! I think that when you unfriended her, you made that final step that means accepting, on a rational level, to let her go. You're not there 100% yet emotionally, hence the texting. It is fine!!! Learn to be more patient and more forgiving with yourself.

 

And you are obviously doing the right thing in going out, keeping busy with your friends and meeting women. It is important to get your confidence level back up, especially after a not-so-exciting break up.

 

My two cents: don't friend your ex again on fb - otherwise you keep going back and forth for no reason. And, definitely go out, meet people, flirt, even go on dates to have some fun, but don't start any relationship in the near future. You may think you're fine... you're not. You're quite vulnerable, especially since you may not realize it (after mine, I usually don't, so I assume you're the same) so you need to keep an eye on yourself.

 

Keep up the good work!

[mcdo]

Yes a new relationship is out of the question. Not that I wouldn't enjoy it, but it wouldn't be fair to the new partner. I'm obviously not 100% over my ex and I won't get into anything serious until I am 100% over her.

 

If I make any inroads with this new girl I will be completely open with her. She knows I'm recently out of a serious relationship anyway so I'm sure she wouldn't be expecting any serious commitment.

[creighton0123]

Mcdo, think about it this way:

 

In the grand scheme of things, is the fact that you unfriended someone on Facebook really an important event to merit all of this worry?

 

Unfriending someone on Facebook is the in person equivalent of telling someone you don't wish to be a part of their lives right now. It is neither childish or juvenile.

 

What I find childish and juvenile is the way people place so much emotional weight on an online service originally intended not as a replacement for social interaction, but as a tool to aid in social interaction.

 

Facebook is cool, but utterly shallow and meaningless.

[mcdo]

creighton don't get me wrong, Facebook isn't the be all and end all. I'm not one of these people that lives by "it's not official until it's on Facebook" or posting photos of my dinner or any of that nonsense.

 

I was shocked at my reaction afterwards. I mean, I spent all of Friday absolutely miserable. Most of Saturday too. I was back at square one. All because of Facebook? WTF?

 

I was getting by and on the road to recovery (or so I thought) just remaining as friends. I wasn't looking at her page anymore. And I had stopped responding to her messages. Clicking that unfriend button seemed childish and juvenile to me because it was like one last call for attention - "hey look at me, I'm doing fine without you and now you can't see my new awesome life". When in fact the best way of showing anybody I'm doing fine is to do nothing at all.

 

I think the point I was making in my original post was that absolute NC is necessary for some, but not for me. It's more like 90-95% NC for me. For some reason that's what works for me. And now since I cleared it up with her yesterday I'm back in the comfortable place I was in last week and beginning to make moves in the dating world. I've just been reading the threads in the "Dating" section of this site - a month or so ago I couldn't stomach it. Progress!