I don't mind Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 (edited) I'm 20, my girlfriend left me a month ago for a guy she worked with, she was the absolute love of my life, so I thought at the time, we were together for a year, things went downhill she got greedy and selfish, left me on impulse when she found out an older guy wanted her. I was so distraught, it ruined me, I didn't know what to do. What she did was terrible, it was ****ed up, with no explanation, just kicked me out of her life. I went through all the internet searching of, will she regret it, will she want me back, grass is greener syndrome. And my hate for what she did kept me connected to her. Well today, a month and a few days later, I can honestly say, while I'm not completely over it, I feel an incredible amount better. As hard as it is there's a few things you need to do, you need to be the bigger person. Look back on your relationship, think of the good, appreciate it, take it as something you enjoyed that wasn't a waste, at the same time remember the bad. The bad isn't something to dwell on, it fuels hatred, and keeps you thinking of him/her, yet obviously you'll be, and need to be aware of it. I know what they did was selfish and ****ed up, but people make mistakes, good people do bad things sometimes, so forgive them, just let go and forgive. Above all you're probably looking for a hefty apology, well don't count on it, but I bet you didn't handle it well, or were perfect either, neither was I. So swallow that pride and apologize for all the mistakes and **** you did, that is respectable. Don't blame the other person for everything, use this as a learning experience to understand your own faults. And above all, after that apology, NO CONTACT, move on without them. I don't sit here and expect her to come back to me, I go hang out with my friends nearly every night, don't just jump to another relationship like they did. Be mature, be smart, learn, and you'll come out so so so much better. The pain, it felt like it would never go away, like I'd never recover, but it's been a month now, and I promise you this has almost brought me back to normal. Be the best person possible. Edited February 18, 2013 by I don't mind 6
aliceinthebox Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 I went through a very similar process. It works wonders. 1
TaraMaiden Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 Good post. Commented just to make it part of my 'subscribed' list of threads, in order to point people to it when they feel there is no hope..... 1
destroyed4sho Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 I'm 20, my girlfriend left me a month ago for a guy she worked with, she was the absolute love of my life, so I thought at the time, we were together for a year, things went downhill she got greedy and selfish, left me on impulse when she found out an older guy wanted her. I was so distraught, it ruined me, I didn't know what to do. What she did was terrible, it was ****ed up, with no explanation, just kicked me out of her life. I went through all the internet searching of, will she regret it, will she want me back, grass is greener syndrome. And my hate for what she did kept me connected to her. Well today, a month and a few days later, I can honestly say, while I'm not completely over it, I feel an incredible amount better. As hard as it is there's a few things you need to do, you need to be the bigger person. Look back on your relationship, think of the good, appreciate it, take it as something you enjoyed that wasn't a waste, at the same time remember the bad. The bad isn't something to dwell on, it fuels hatred, and keeps you thinking of him/her, yet obviously you'll be, and need to be aware of it. I know what they did was selfish and ****ed up, but people make mistakes, good people do bad things sometimes, so forgive them, just let go and forgive. Above all you're probably looking for a hefty apology, well don't count on it, but I bet you didn't handle it well, or were perfect either, neither was I. So swallow that pride and apologize for all the mistakes and **** you did, that is respectable. Don't blame the other person for everything, use this as a learning experience to understand your own faults. And above all, after that apology, NO CONTACT, move on without them. I don't sit here and expect her to come back to me, I go hang out with my friends nearly every night, don't just jump to another relationship like they did. Be mature, be smart, learn, and you'll come out so so so much better. The pain, it felt like it would never go away, like I'd never recover, but it's been a month now, and I promise you this has almost brought me back to normal. Be the best person possible. Yes, forgiveness is the route to getting over them. However, for me, in order to forgive someone I need to have CLOSURE and understand why they did the things they did/said. I do not understand the things she did and why she dumped me....it doesn't make any sense. I guess that is why I am on LS, so I can read other peoples stories and try to make sense out of my own situation by gaining some insight. That is why I ask a lot of questions on here, in hopes I can get some answers. Most people on here have not gotten closure that is why they are stuck in the depression phase and can't move on.
aliceinthebox Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 Yes, forgiveness is the route to getting over them. However, for me, in order to forgive someone I need to have CLOSURE and understand why they did the things they did/said. I do not understand the things she did and why she dumped me....it doesn't make any sense. I guess that is why I am on LS, so I can read other peoples stories and try to make sense out of my own situation by gaining some insight. That is why I ask a lot of questions on here, in hopes I can get some answers. Most people on here have not gotten closure that is why they are stuck in the depression phase and can't move on. No offense, but I've read your posts and isn't the reason your ex left you because she didn't feel as strongly as you? She cared about you in that she said those contradictory things to lessen the blow.... I think you understand but you are trying to hold on. Closure isn't always understanding why you broke up, but why you need to move on. Sorry if my comments are a bit presumptuous... 1
Mr Reptile Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 What you are saying makes sense, it's "Love, forgive and forget". Your situation is Exactly like mine. She left me for an older guy at her work, we had been dating for a year and I was 21 when I got dumped. I apologized for my mistakes and then walked away (NC, since June). However, I wanna talk with her more about what went wrong so I can learn in the future, she's the only one who can know that, but I can't right now 'cause she is still dating him. Is it a bad idea to do this if her current relationship ends?
Author I don't mind Posted February 20, 2013 Author Posted February 20, 2013 What you are saying makes sense, it's "Love, forgive and forget". Your situation is Exactly like mine. She left me for an older guy at her work, we had been dating for a year and I was 21 when I got dumped. I apologized for my mistakes and then walked away (NC, since June). However, I wanna talk with her more about what went wrong so I can learn in the future, she's the only one who can know that, but I can't right now 'cause she is still dating him. Is it a bad idea to do this if her current relationship ends? It's been 7 months man, she was probably just impulsive, but maybe her new relationship won't end, who knows. I wouldn't even think about it anymore, it probably wasn't your fault, sometimes we just want to live and explore options when were young, especially girls who have older guys hitting on them. Find better
crashvector Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 The best revenge...is a life well-lived. 2
stevie_23 Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 This is precisely what I've been blabbing on about myself for a while now. Trying to gain a deeper understanding and thus acceptance and tolerance of other people's actions (the person you love(d) specifically), and forgive them and yourself for the downfalls, appreciate what you had in the good times, don't assign blame for feelings, and acknowledge that we're all only human.
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